Tag Archives: Singles

Perfect or Permissive Will?

This is just going to be a mix of different things….

I was at a Singles programme in Church on Saturday and whilst the guest minister was talking, he said something I have heard and I am sure a lot of people have heard over time; is that thing, that job, that husband, that wife, good for you? Even if it/job/she/he is good, is it acceptable to God? And it hit me. Many times I pray for God’s will to be done. And I am thinking and disecting and “deciding” how I want it to play out, what I want to happen just because it is good. And because it is good, it must likely must be acceptable afterall? So even when I pray let your will be done, am I asking for His perfect will or His permissive will? Am I asking God to grant His permission because that is what I want? I began to feel praying “let your will be done” was really vague; ambigious. It could be either His perfect will or His permissive will.

Sometimes last week during the morning family devotion, we touched on the subject forgiveness and my uncle said something very instructive: forgiveness isn’t forgiving someone you can’t hurt (someone bigger/stronger than you) i.e. Lagos State took your land and you are forming I have forgiven Fashola. He said forgiveness is forgiving someone you have the power, authority, resource to hurt YET you refuse to. Funny Open Heavens yesterday touched on the same subject as meekness: having the power to do damage and not doing it.

Which takes me to my next point. Do you choose to forgive/make peace/make amends because we are instructed to “as much as possible, as long as it lies within your power live at peace with all men”? Or to show that you are the “bigger/more mature” person? I have a colleague who is “mad” at me (for a very silly reason). So I tell our mutual friend. And he goes “go apologise”- which I understood and was going to do. He then adds “and show that you are the bigger person”. I paused and frankly I made up my mind I wasn’t going to apologise. At least not at that point. Because it dawned on me I won’t be apologising because I offended her (more so it isn’t even something you would count as an offense) but because I wanted to show I was more mature or the first to apologise.

I see angelsbeauty‘s birthday in the horizon. Yeah she is a few days older. Happy birthday in advance sis. Reminds me of the time Just Joxy thought we were sisters.

And yeah, it is a few weeks to the end of the giveaway so if you haven’t commented, you still got 2 weeks to comment.

You must have noticed no #Scandal talk in a couple of posts. Lets just keep it that way till I catch up with the outstanding 2 episodes I haven’t watched. And why do I have to wait till next year for #Suits?

I actually have a lot more to blog about. Maybe I would break the rule and post once more this week.

Side note: Perfection is attainable. Grace is getting admission into the Christian race; fees paid by Christ. You as the student now have to do the work, study, attend tutorials, read e.t.c to get a distinction/first class (perfection). Nothing less than a distinction. Merit aint allowed. Moreover, we have the teacher (the Holy Spirit) to help us when the examiner (the devil) comes with the tests and examinations. And don’t we have people who graduate from school with a first class/distinction? So who says perfection is unattainable?

Have a beautiful week people.

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Musings and lessons learnt?

So here I am, putting down things that occurred to me during the week (some I already knew but they never hit me the way they did during the course of the week).

1. It matters what people say about you when you are gone. This Baroness Thatcher issue again. My knowledge of her for long was just that I knew she was once Prime Minister, the first female and yada yana. Well, asides the fact that I grew up being called Thatcher or Iron Lady. I just wonder, if she wasn’t firm/strict/unshaken (put your preferred English), would people talk about her the way they do? We are usually told, it doesn’t matter what people say/think about you. I think it does. That said, be rest assured, you cannot satisfy everybody. And not all people would say nice/good/positive (again if this doesn’t do you, put what your prefer) things about you. Above all, what matters is what heaven says about you.

2. I had a conversation with a friend some months back about singlehood (is there a word like that? Ok I have added it to the dictionary) and I asked if it ever occurred to her maybe she wasn’t meant to get married. As I expected, she got all so Christianise with the God forbid, Olorun maje, not my portion ish. Not like I blame her though. I completely forgot that conversation. Till worshipandswag’s post on destined to be single. And I just smiled. I am of the opinion that not everybody would get married (same way not everybody would have children). I believe the African culture places so much “importance” (note the quotes, marriage is important but not overtly important, at least not the way most people take it like their lives depend on it and if they don’t get married, their world aint ok) on marriage. Unnecessary importance and as such for a lot of people (especially women) it is inconceivable to think they would NEVER get married. A lot of us cannot just fathom it. Don’t get me wrong, it is completely and absolutely legitimate for any man or woman to desire to get married. Even God realised that man shouldn’t be alone and decided to give him a help, meet for him. I still believe though that contrary to what a lot of people believe, not everybody was created to get married.

3. A few of us were discussing before our church’s single fellowship yesterday (and somehow everybody else was what we term a matured single, asides me and the single fellowship leader who is very married) and this woman (the leader) was gisting us about when she had her marriage counselling. She said their counsellor told her that for a lot of people (once again, women especially), we go into marriages with a preconceived idea of what we want our marriages to be like (not that it is bad, but we all know the danger of unmet expectations right? I don’t need to dwell on that). She said we build towers, block on block, brick on brick and then make the man the roof. And then the shaking starts. He rocks it once, small cracks appear, we patch it. He rocks it the second time (now the cracks widen). We patch and glue and do all sorts. And then one day, the whole tower comes crumbling down, with the weight of the man (the roof) on the woman (or man, depends on who built the tower). Whatever happens after then, na only God fit save the pesin. Lesson is make God the roof. Your husband/wife would disappoint. There would be rocking but with Him at the top, all is well. The person you are most sensitive to is the easiest to disappoint you.

4. Never cease to appreciate your friends and family. I felt for so long I have stopped appreciating and thanking family members and friends. Like I always felt I needed to have a reason to say thank you to them. Well, I do know now, I don’t need a reason. For just putting up with me alone, it is enough to be thankful for. iJoke. I am the nicest person to be around. In my head. You don’t need a reason to appreciate people. So a VERY BIG THANK YOU to everybody who reads this blog, to friends, to family, to friends who are more than friends, to friends who have become family, to everybody. Thank you. E se pupo. And no, I am not dying.

5. I had a hair mishap this night. I was told mixing egg with some many tinz helps hair growth, strengthens your hair and all. And as I am on a hair growth journey, I decided to try it out. Got out of the bathroom to discover my hair was “glued” together. This wasn’t a “it is tangled” level. It was like someone poured glue on my head. After 30 seconds of freaking out (and having my sisters laugh their lives out), I rushed back in and started washing the life out of it. Well, lost quite a lot of hair sadly but not that bad. Lesson: when you wanna try such stunts, go to a salon and get someone to make the mix for you, that way, you have someone to sue if anything goes wrong. iKid. The main lesson is, it worked for Mimi no mean say e go work for Deronk. Ik does it that way no mean say the day Kc do am, e no go get K-leg. That said, I am scared I would wake up later in the day with no hair on my head. And no, I won’t upload pictures of me bald (if that ever happens). I love the egg mix smell though. Just doubt I am gonna try it again.

In other more interesting news, we have a gown. Lols. One of my “brides” has picked her gown. Really excited. Can’t put up pictures yet. You shall see it in a few months. However, how do I get bride B to get more serious about this planning.

In other other news, I see some people owe us some posts. If you owe us (blogsville, a few posts, raise your hands). Ok I see a couple of hands. One male, one female. Did I mention names? Be guided o.

In unrelated news (well, indulge me, no be news), you can never tell a person’s true character until you work (or walk) with them.

Happy Sunday people.

Let us pray

Almighty Father we are eternally grateful for your grace and faithfulness. For your loving kindness and tender mercies that are new every morning. We thank you for you are our God and there is none other. Indescribable God accept our thanks and praises.

We pray for your mercies this and everyday.

We pray for your guidance this and everyday.

We pray for our nation Nigeria. We lift up our Jerusalem and pray for her peace. Forgive us our sins in this nation. From the East to the West to the North to the South, dear Lord, let your peace reign. We pray for our leaders. Dear Lord, from the President even to the very least public civil servant, you who holds the hands of kings and princes in your hands, turn their hearts towards you. Give us leaders who fear and love you. Have mercy on each and everyone of us. Help us the followers to search our hearts. We get the kind of leaders we deserve. Help that there be a change in our hearts. Help that we wait not for the government to change but to realize that the change begins with us. Help that in our own little ways, we do the right things. Help us to vote the right people into power. Stem the tide of insecurity and corruption in our land and let there be a cleansing from top to bottom and bottom up. Help us to live peacefully with each other.

We pray for the church. We pray for forgiveness. Father forgive us our sins and heal your church. Let your fire as in the days of old burn afresh and anew within the church. Let our church leaders do your will. Let your love be spread abroad afresh within the church. Let there be a revival in the church. Give a change of heart to each one and help us to love each other as Christ loves the church. We pray that our old men (and women) would dream dreams and our young men (women) would see visions. Help us to stop playing church. To stop being religious.

We pray for those looking up to you for children. Father grant them their heart desires. It is your will that none be without child. Cause them to be fruitful and glorify your name in their lives.

We pray for those seeking fruitfulness in other areas of their lives. Cause them to multiply and do so abundantly.

For job seekers, we pray your grant them jobs. For those in jobs they don’t like, give them the courage and boldness to seek and get the jobs they want. For those who should be in businesses and not seek 9-5 employment, Father push them. Take the fear that keeps people bound to jobs they shouldn’t be in away.

For the widows and widowers, comfort them. Strengthen them. For the fatherless and motherless, be a father and mother to them.

For those of us who know you, help us to stand firm and not depart from the way. For those who don’t, draw them close with your saving arms, wrap your arms around them and do not let them go. Help that those of us who know you would do all we need do to bring them to you.

We pray for the newly-weds, lead them in this journey they have began. For all married couples that you strengthen their union. May the oil of their love never run dry. May the wine of their relationship never go sour. Renew their love for each other everyday. We come against every wandering eye. We come against little foxes that destroy the vine. May they never break the hedge. We pray our families won’t fall victim to the devil’s war against marriages.

We pray for those who desire to be married. Answer them at your own time.

We pray for our men. That they may find good wives and obtain favour from the Lord. We pray for our women that in being found, their husbands would find favour.

We pray for our children. They would be for signs and wonders.

Above all we pray that we fulfil your purpose and forever live to praise your name.

We ask this and everyday.

Book Club

Once upon a time, I used to read lots and lots of books. Sadly, for a couple of years, I didn’t read as much as I would have loved. Work then school and all sorts came up to keep me from reading. Excuses right? Yeah I know.

However, I have decided to pick up books again. Have a number of books I bought but not found the time to read them. So, here is to reading them. I would not just read them but share my thoughts on the books I read. Books would range from relationships (single, married), gender related books (male and female), religion,  business, and a bit of motivational books (not a fan of such books but I do have some I was given and haven’t read). Anyways, I hope to start a book club where I would write my thoughts as well as things I learn from them.

So in case you don’t see me for a while, I am busy. WITH MY BOOKS. Lol.

I would start with a book called The Five Love Languages (Singles Edition) by Gary Chapman. Is there anybody who has read it? Or the married edition? First heard about the married edition some couple of years back but never got round to buying it. When I finally decided to buy it two months ago, it was out of stock. So picked the singles edition instead. Trust it would be fun reading it. Next book which I am desperately searching for is “The Point Man: How a man can lead his family” by Steve Farrar. Heard about it in church and it comes highly recommended (in fact, I heard Pastor Adefarasin asked all the men in his church to buy it) for men. Who says women can’t read them too. One of the books I love so much and would recommend is “He-motions” by T.D Jakes. Written for men but even as a woman, I really enjoyed it. Hope to get The Point Man by weekend. Else, would do He-motions instead. Doing away with the “junk” I have on iBooks and going back to the days of hard copies *straight face*. I see someone looking at me.

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Cheers friends.

Have a lovely weekend and a great December.

Tada

The times we live in

The war against Christian marriages is getting fiercer. The devil isn’t resting. And we shouldn’t either.

Some few months back, maybe about 4/5 months, I was with a married friend who decided to educate and advise me on what and what I should and shouldn’t do as a married woman. He also spoke to me about thinking deeply before getting married and gave me a lot of reasons why marriage shouldn’t be rushed. Anywayz, the talk ended with him telling me a trend he noticed in his generation. Women seem to get married these days either for the name (I am a Mrs not Miss), for the children (I want to have children, all my friends do) or both. Another group won’t even bother with getting married. Just find a willing man and have a kid or two. And that stayed with me. If there was really anything I really really remembered, it was these statements he made.

On Sunday, I was talking to a few friends in church and of all of us, there was someone we would call a matured single (over 35) and she made a statement “I just want to have a child. I don’t see anything wrong. I asked at the church office and they said it was wrong”. At first, I thought, “is there really anything wrong with wanting a child”. Then I remembered the conversation above. Started reading a book my mum asked me to read this after and this issue was raised again. While reading, I went on twitter and saw a friend’s tweet “Just heard a woman say this on the radio ‘it is 2012, who waits to get married to have a baby’. My question: is this what we have become?” She thought it was pure insanity for people to be thinking like this.  That got me thinking. It was like God was saying something. Same issue 3 times in 6 days.

Let me state that growing up, I guess because of the kind of mother I have, marriage has always been something she doesn’t joke with. She is so into praying for your marriage years before it ever happens. And one thing she once told me was “there is a battle against Christian marriages”. And in those days, divorce rate wasn’t this high. Divorce was mostly “a thing of the world”. You never hear Christians divorce.

These days however, when you hear of divorce it is mostly within the Church. What went wrong? I think we allowed the devil a lot of space. While we slept and became complacent about marriage, he was busy working and putting finishing touches to destroying marriages and not even allowing marriages that would cause him issues take place. I notice that a lot of people don’t even pray as singles about their marriages. Trust me, I know at times it doesn’t make sense. There are days I don’t even pray about mine or  just say some half-hearted prayer and move on. I think it is just a sad reality of the times we live in. We have gotten so relaxed with everything, not just our marital lives and have given the devil a chance. Churches have become something else. There is really no focus any longer in most churches.

Back to the book I am reading (as I am currently not yet done). Some of the things that struck me I list below. Some are things we already know. Some might be new to people.

1. Asides our salvation and Christian life, who we marry is the next most important decision we make. It can make or mar us.

2. God doesn’t want any Christian to marry an unbeliever. See Abraham where Abraham made his servant swear. Genesis 25:1-14.

3. Any parent worth their salt would show interest in their children’s journey to marriage. See same passage above i.e. Abraham.

4. Prayer plays a crucial role when it comes to the issue of a successful marriage. One thing my mum always says is “marriage requires a lot of prayers”. Yorubas would say marriage is oja okunkun (night market). You don’t know what you have bought until you enter. I don’t subscribe to that though.

5. The greatest foundation you can establish for your marriage is the foundation of prayer.

6. God may decide to give you a test before He leads you to your appointed partner e.g. Rebecca. She didn’t even know she was being tested.

7. Prepare yourself as you pray for a suitable partner.

8. There are battles to fight for everyone planning to get married.

9. God instituted marriage and He has a reason for doing so (maybe this should have been the first point sef).

I however find it depressing that most times when books talk about marriages and “preparation for marriage”, they seem to focus on the woman. How to be submissive. How to be humble. How to, how to, how to. Even in books they start off talking about both end up focusing on the woman. *sigh*. Are we saying men don’t need to be spoken to? I hope I don’t fall into the same category with the musing below (maybe I got them because am female).

Woman: womb-man. Because of God’s plan for redemption (He knew man would fall), He had to create a womb-man through whom Christ would come into the world. Man (male specie) wasn’t created with a womb and as such couldn’t get impregnated by the Holy Spirit (got this while reading the book. Funny I have heard a lot of talk on the womb-man, just never struck me this way).

Purpose before marriage: a woman is called to be first a wife then a mother. You had a life before entering into a relationship, don’t lose it. If you don’t know your purpose before you enter a relationship, you would not only get bored, your expectation would be cut short.  You are called to be a wife first then a mother. Balance your roles. Don’t neglect your husband because of your children. Know your purpose in life before marriage. After marriage and kids, WHAT NEXT?  Knowing your purpose helps you fill the void. Being a sister, child, mother, wife is part of your purpose. It isn’t your purpose. Find your purpose, use your skills, talents, gifts. Do what you love doing and love what you do (this I wrote down around May/June).

Finally, found a very lovely blog I would love to share.

*music*…. Presenting coralandcarameldrapings.

Happy birthday Angelsbeauty. 2* years o easy mehn….

Tada.

Side note: I do understand where matured singles come from when they talk about wanting children especially as it seems they are getting older and the probability of them getting married is almost zero. It is understandable. I also believe that especially in Christendom, there really isn’t a support system for matured singles. With pressure from family members and friends (who mean well but the way they go about it at times leaves much to be desired), I think the church should do more to keep such people from straying. And in our own little way, let’s support them. Not putting unnecessary pressure on such people. They already have a lot on their minds. We shouldn’t add to that.

Side side note: Nearing 5,000 hits. What do I do? Thinking of doing a give-away but have no idea what the competition should be. Any thoughts?