Tag Archives: People

Weddings, wickedness and other things

Ok, this post has no head or tail, so ya all should bear with me. And my editors (you know yourselves), feel free to buzz ehn..

Tis wedding season. Yayyest…. I dunno what people mean by wedding season but I am assuming it is the period between March and December as there aint that much weddings in January and February (I think I prefer to wed either in January, April, September or December though; why, I dunno). So the wedding I have been raving about is a week away and am freaking excited. I dunno o. No bi me ku dey wed. I guess maybe because she is the first amongst my friends from Uni getting married. At least we finally have someone to bell the cat.. I dey wait all my childhood friends. Taking their sweet time yeah? I guess the fact that I get to see people I haven’t seen in almost 5 years also adds to the excitement. I know tis gonna be a very busy and stressful day. Engagement, church and reception all on the same day. I hate being stressed yet I am so looking forward to it. Plus I get to launch my fascinator… Waiting patiently for tomorrow (when I get to pick up my fascinator or facilitator as a dear friend called it; I am sowie, I just had to put that up)… Would put up pictures sha…

And like everybody was waiting for L to lead, got a wedding 2 weeks after that (my cousin), another in May and then a break till August… I mustu buy aso-ebi utunu (not like I like them or would do aso-ebi for mine). I am just all so excited yo!!! The sad part though is the when would you marry?, what happened? questions. *sigh*. I was at L’s bridal shower yesterday (twas very lovely, thanks for asking; lol). The highlight? The screaming. Wow, we have all grown. Low point. The what happened questions. Fortunately, nobody asked me anything till it was over. Tried not to feel too sad sha considering what date it was. Well till I got back home and laid on my bed. *sigh*. Moving on.

Why do we delight in being mean to others? To make life hard especially for the less privileged? We have this lovely lady who cleans the office. Mid-March, she is yet to be paid for February. Meanwhile, the company has been paid since 26th February. We later find out that the money was given to her supervisor and she “decided” to keep it with her. Why? Why?? Why??? To think this lady earns less than 20k. Wickedness. Be nice people. BE NICE.

In other news, I made ugwu today. It has been over 5 months I cooked. I miss living alone yo!!!! I miss having someone to cook for. I hope to continue sha… BBC recipes has become my favourite site now. Wish I found egusi and panla to use. Well, next time. By the way, this is strike 2. You know yourself. Food war. Game on!!!!!

Lagos-20130318-03561 Lagos-20130318-03563

Waiting patiently for my hair ish. You know yourself o. Come and enjoy this heat with us. Am I the only one who finds myself drinking as much as 4 bottles of water in a day? For someone who usually never finished even 1 bottle? This weather is killing me. I gas return to my town. Manchester. I am Mancunian you know? *tongue out*. Heat wave wey no get part 2.

Oh and I have finally passed the “I can’t leave my hair undone for more than a week stage”. I never *tears* thought I would *tears* survive *tears* but here I am, *tears* 3 weeks after *tears* and the saloon no longer appeals to me *big smile* … I hope my weaves won’t waste sha. Should make my wigs this weekend. I pray baby sis doesn’t see this. She thinks I am falling her hand and that I am not “positioning” myself. What does she know?

We live in a very small world. The rate at which I meet someone who knows someone I know these days is getting out of hand biko. I fear I might have been rude to one of my boo’s relatives in the past and it would haunt me. Biko, I apologize to those I have been nasty to in the past o. Took only a picture of L and her boo for me to find out a few other friends knew our in-law.

Like I said, this post no get head or tail. Still have a lot more I wanna post about but I should end here. When would all these bombings stop though?

Oya, over to my editors….

Quick one, Adele or Emeli Sande? Who do you prefer?

Rant 101

Took me 2 weeks to decide whether to rant here.

Wetin she wan rant about you ask. Customer service is our dear own country Nigeria. It has reached an all time high and frankly something needs to be done.

Where do I start from? Is it the banks? I was at GTB Lekki sometimes in December to apply for a new debit card as my old card would expire January ending. My conversation with the CS lady was something of this sort. I explained all the card is expiring, I need a new one ish. She gives me a form to fill, requesting that my card be transferred to the Lekki branch (as my account is domiciled) in another branch. I asked how long it would take and she said before the end of the month (citing Christmas and New Year holidays as possible reasons for a delay). Alrighty no problem. I also asked to open a dollar account and specifically requested a debit card, filled the form and all and asked again when that would be ready. End of the month I hear. And I left.

Fast forward January 11, 2013. Not a call or a mail asking me to pick up either cards. So I head to the bank. And the young lady tells my cards are not ready. If you know me, I hate being kept on cruise. So I asked what the issue was and why I was given a December ending it would be ready assurance and why nobody thought to inform me that my naira card wasn’t ready. Ok, we move on to the dollar account and card issues and she says I didn’t fill a form requesting for card. And am just there staring at her like so all the forms I filled that day and all the ticking dollar mastercard was for fun? The rest of the conversation was something like this.

CS: The account doesn’t come with a card usually. You need to fill another form to request for the card.
Me: I filled more than five forms the last time I came. And I mentioned that I needed a card for the account. Yet in your wisdom, you decided not to include the required form when passing a zillion of forms for filling.

Where do they get these people from?

Or when I went to their Chevron branch to cash a cheque. 150k o and am still there in a near empty banking hall 30 minutes after. So I tell the teller “don’t you think it is pretty bad that it is taking this long to cash a cheque for this amount”? His reply “no it isn’t”. And am like seriously? You actually opened your mouth to reply me?

Or should I talk about a more recent incident. Cakes and cream VI office. This just made me end an almost 8 years relationship. I order, do a transfer into your account and everyday I called to confirm if you have received payment you tell me you haven’t. So I am on GTB and Zenith banks case trying to trace where the money is. Meanwhile, the money had actually been transferred into your account. You wake me up at past 7 (note they don’t resume until 9) the day before the cake was needed, made me run to the bank to pay (2nd payment) and the 1st payment was actually in your account. Fast forward 2 days after (I spent the whole of the day before calling and they didn’t pick my calls), I was kept on hold for almost 30 minutes because “they were trying to trace it”. I then tell them I would call later in the day, only for the lady attending to me to reply “sorry ma, we would get back to you. Wait, my colleague just informed me that she has seen the first payment”. Really? The said colleague was where when I was kept on hold that long? Ok, please transfer my money back into my account abi? We spent another week plus almost 3k credit trying to get the money back. And all they kept saying was sorry. Oh I forget, the Friday, they finally “found” the money, I was told I would get my money back latest COB on Monday. Tuesday afternoon, I call and am told “ma, it is not yet COB on Tuesday na. Wait a bit more”.

I am giving a watered down version of these incidences. If I did a post when they happened, well I doubt I would have sha….

Anywayz, rant over….

In more beautiful news, met Angelsbeauty yesterday. Finally. Yayyyest. 😘😍. Twas great seeing you….

And I know I haf carry last but I finally heard Brymo’s Good morning song last week. Great song yo…. Question though. Was it ayonge or a young girl he said?

N.B: not sure I mentioned that I dyed my hair red (mid length to the end). Twas meant to be brown but as that part of my hair was already some shade of brown, it come out red. Now am doing the castor oil challenge, I just want my hair to grow and breathe. Have some body. Taking a break from fixing and all (I wonder how long I would survive without weaves). Need good wigs sha… Any ideas on where to buy? Already got a place to make. Just wanna compare prices. Oh and am def making a wig in Olivia’s style…..

Change of name

This is a kinda funny but serious post.

I was on facebook some minutes ago looking for someone (know the first name but not the last name). So had to go through a mutual friend’s friends list till I found the person. When I saw the surname I laughed.

Let me backtrack. This mutual friend is engaged to the acquittance and I just thought to check what her married name would be and couldn’t help but think “so you would leave this fine name and settle for this?” “How do these two names go? (her first name and what her married name would be)” My brain was trying to put both names together and it just didn’t gel.

I laughed, then become somewhat horrified and then thought “what is in a name sef?” Why do some people place an emphasis on the kind of family (name) they marry into? I had a discussion with a friend some weeks back and we got into the married name issue when she asked what YB’s surname was. And she goes “fair enough (in fact she said something like “not bad”) but why would you leave A (the first letter of my surname) and go to O”? Aint there better surnames, she asked. “For me (that my friend speaking), I won’t leave S and take up a K or L or even A surname, that is too far plus it has to be a better surname. I would settle for an O after all my mum left R for S. Or max, I use a compound name”. I fear I fell into that school of thought this night. Just because two names didn’t seem to gel in my head, I was already thinking “dang it, aint there better surnames?” Why would you leave this surname for this kain surname”?

I know women who didn’t change their surnames when they got married, perhaps because their maiden names sound tusher or some add both maiden and husband’s surname. I had been in a discussion with friends at another time and this issue came up. One of the ladies comes from a popular Lagos and partly Ogun family and has one of those “big” names and when she said the name of one of the guys on her case who she seemed to like, almost everybody else got on her case. “Ha, don’t tell me you want to leave that fine surname for this one”. “You better add both names and put your maiden name first”. “Do you know the kind of doors your surname (her current surname) would still open for you years to come?” “You better find a surname better than yours”. Someone actually said that a woman should aspire to marry into a family with a better surname. And that day I felt, “when did we women become so superficial? Couldn’t help but think, what if my mum continued using her father’s surname (which is way tusher; if am allowed to use that word, than my dad’s) or she used a compound name, how would I have felt? When those thoughts came to my head this night I was horrified. When did I become shallow? Attaching importance to an insignificant issue. When did marrying an Ade become bad because his surname isn’t Aderemi or Lawanson or Adenuga or Dangote. Where did this idea of better surnames or tusher surnames come from? Now am not advocating marrying someone whose surname is Esupofo or any of that sort (names you need to pray about) but because my surname is say Akinade, must I be looking for an Adenuga or Bucknor such that when people hear Aderonke Adenuga or Aderonke Bucknor, they know I have “arrived” or “stepped up” as against Aderonke Abayomi or Aderonke Shola? These names might not emphasis the point I am trying to make but I can’t use some specific surnames.

Ball is in your court ladies. Why do some people attach so much importance to their husbands last names to the extent they either don’t change or use compound names? What is in a name sef? Must a woman’s first name and her married name gel? Is it just younger women who think that way? The 20-30 year olds “my husband’s name must be tusher/better?” When people hear both names, wan ma gba (them go take)

Life in the UK

I dunno what the title of this post should be. Am sure before am done, I would figure out a title.

Ok, I didn’t post for about two months so trying to make up for that especially since I no get work. Have to find any and everything to get me out of the house now, before I lose my mind. Feels strange to just be home doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Except shop for my sisters. Thank God for them. There were times I almost could beg them not to ask me to shop for them but at the moment? Am glad I had something to do, even if it means shopping. It is as bad or is it as good as me saying thank you to them for going to shop for them. Don’t get me wrong, I do like shopping but at my own convenience and most times online as I would most likely get what I want than get into the store and discover they don’t have in store and save myself hours of walking round malls. It is that bad/good. Bored out of my mind and am just counting days at the moment. Well, since I no get job, I thought I should blog about the last abi na past one year. English is getting hard mehn. Ok, back to the post. What did I say I wanted to blog about again? Yes. Schooling here.

I have lived all my life in Nigeria. 20 something plus years and schooled in Ibadan and Ilishan, lived in Ibadan and Lagos and asides trips to the UK and Ghana, I can’t remember travelling anywhere else. None the least, not for this long. Maximiun 2 weeks. So it was a whole new experience coming here to school. Can you blame me? From Taiwo’s playgroup to Staff School to ISI to Babcock. A bitter-sweet experience though. This would be the first time I would be leaving home literally. And be alone. So I thought sha. In the bid to form Miss Independent, I found a school in a city I thought I knew no one. Only for me to pay my fees and an uncle goes “you know XYZ, ABC and DKM live there?” 3 of my mum’s cousins (all sisters). Whew. So much for running from family. Ok, not running in that sense. I am just not the keeping in touch, family family, calling, texting, visiting person. Plus I always feel I might be inconveniencing people. So I would rather just keep off. Then to make matters worse, mumsie decided to follow me. *side eye*. I become the source of jokes for my friends and uncles. The one whose mum came with her. So much for forming Miss Independent. Strike one.

Landed o and found out that not only does mumsie have cousins here, popsie too get them plenty, family friends friends (figure that out) I didn’t even know about and they all just kept calling. Like someone called them and told them I was in town. Now I had no choice than to keep in touch with people even if na to dey text. Even the ones living outside Manchester. Well, I guess it made me a better person. At least the fear of calling my aunty or mum or grandma and they ask after LMN and I don’t have an answer made me keep in touch. And it was fun sha. At least I knew I couldn’t go hungry even if I tried. Especially during exams. And I had fun babysitting though for the love of God, 2 kids maximum. Chasing my aunty’s brood wasn’t an easy something especially on days when they are just ready for you. Threatening to report them to their dad worked sha. Got them quiet for a while.

I met a lot of interesting people. Interesting on both sides, good and bad interesting. Funny characters. Some I blogged about. And really nice people. Like a senior of mine at school I met on the bus, funny am sure he doesn’t remember but he dropped me and my bestie off (well with her elder brother; his friend) for our graduating class dinner at ISI. And some other really nice people from church and in class. And some very annoying and irritating characters, mostly Nigerians. Horrible, horrible people. They had me on the verge of pulling my hair out on some days. As in if na my natural hair dey my head on those days am sure I would have. Or maybe hit my head on the wall.

Attended a very lovely church. I dunno why people always complained about “white churches”. What exactly is a “white church” sef? If anything, asides the people I met here and school, I am so gonna miss church. This post seems pretty disjointed ba? No flow? I dunno. Just writing as it came to mind biko. The effect of boredom. I should/would post more on my experiences as time goes on.

Tada

Oh, haven’t found a title yet. Guess my experience would do or something of that sort, since more stories would come.

Tada once again.

The Change we desire

This post was inspired by Justjoxy. We had this “discussion” on twitter and I ended up sending this mail to her. Some parts of the mail has been edited.

When I started this blog it was to talk about issues in Nigeria especially and in the world. Political issues to be precise. Somewhere along the line, the way things were going and all made me stop blogging on issues. I couldn’t really take it any longer and decided, rather than get worked up and get my blood pressure high, I better not think or write about political issues. And just write about life and other things.

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I completely agree with you. We are the leaders. They came out from amongst us. And that is what scares me.

Like I said, my generation isn’t any different from these leaders we have so how that change is gonna happen, I don’t know.

A generation focused on quick money? A generation that never had it easy so all they think of is NOW? A generation that watched those before them ruin the country? They really don’t care about others, all most of us think about is ourselves. A generation that never knew how good things can be and should be? Who never have seen anything work?

A generation quick to point fingers at the others but never thinking what they can do?

My fiance got into an argument with a friend of his during the subsidy issue. What was the problem? The guy kept blaming the government and he (my fiance) was trying to make him realize that yes, the government is bad and we need a change but change starts from us. If the leaders say die (as the revolution proponents are suggesting), there is no proof that those coming behind (my generation) would be any better.

We are basically focused on making it now. Everything must happen in an instant. The SUDDENLY generation. So most of us would get in to such positions and even do worse.

Quick examples. I worked at a Nigerian owned firm before coming here. Fortunately for me, I did an internship at a bank while in school. Now the bank isn’t a perfect organization but at that place I learnt how things should work. That company is run like a proper company. Going in after school to where I worked, I was shocked. They way people there work. No structure. Everybody working on making it quickly. I was talking to the former Chief Accountant who was in her late 30s and she said something that shocked me. She said  “I am not ready to leave this position in the next 10 years”. And I thought to myself, do you have an idea where your mates would be in the next 10 years? How much they would have achieved? Of course, she was sitting on top of money and was chopping it well so leaving wasn’t on her mind. To God be the glory some months after, she was removed and moved to a Business Unit where she now has to make money.  She hasn’t till date been able to do anything tangible.

I entered as a graduate trainee. I saw colleagues who when they talk, you start to question your sanity. They have no regard for processes, for doing things right. “Common” sending a mail ahead of time to inform people on things, was hard for a lot of them to do. They way they reasoned on some issues, you would be scared. And I kept wondering, these same people would want to contest and be in government.

And if I spoke, I heard things like you are from a privileged family, you don’t know how it is. You are exposed so you don’t know how it feels.

I went to school with children whose parents were in government. I saw how they behaved. One of the elections, while at school, we weren’t allowed to vote but INEC had votes from my school. How did that happen? When children of those in government see how their parents behaved, how do we expect them behave?  What have they learnt from their parents? How do we expect them to do things differently if they get into power or even in their offices? So how do we expect the change to come?

I talk to a lot of people in my generation and seriously I don’t see anything different. Truly, there are a lot of us who desire change howbeit our ways of thinking about the change is different. For a lot of young people, yes they want change BUT they are not looking at change starting from us. Our leaders have failed us and like Yorubas would say u can’t break dried fish. So why not start with ourselves? No. Most of us are looking at the leaders as those who should change. We would rather something happens and gets all of them killed. If they all die, would things change? I doubt it.

I see adverts like an Airtel ad which say “Millionaire at 29, 5 years late” and nobody, NOBODY asked that the ad be taken off air. I asked what message they were trying to pass on. We shout yahoo yahoo and all d scams and all yet we are encouraging people to be millionaires at 29. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t a bad thing to be a millionaire at 29 but if you are saying someone who is a millionaire at that age is 5 years late? Making millions at 24 is the new thing. I get you can look at the ad from the angle of the Mark Zuckerberg and the Sillicon Valley gurus who made it big in their late teens and early 20s but considering the Nigerian mentality, little wonder why people would steal the country blind so as to be rich early. To think that this ad was put together by young people.

Until people get it in their mindsets that the change begins from US, and work to ensure that those who are going to ruin the country blind don’t get into power, the cycle is just gonna continue. Am scared for my children.

I read an article on BellaNaija recently and I just laughed.
Parenting in Nigeria is for lack of a better word crap.
You need to enter places like galleria and shoprite and see 12-16 years old on brazillian or peruvian weaves with Blackberries and Iphones, designer bags, at times at late hours of the day.
I remember a day my fiance and I went for lunch at shoprite and we just looked around and saw these definitely less than 15 year old girls and he goes “when I have my daughter she is definitely going to be home schooled. She isn’t going to see this kind of girls around and learn from them”. And we laughed about it but really it was disgusting.
What kind of adults would they be?

It looks very bleak on a serious note. I can go on and on. God help us. We need to start mixing prayers with actions.

Until we realize that the change starts from us; from even as little as when you drive and not leaving one end of the road to another end without using your pointers.

 The CHANGE STARTS FROM US.

God help us

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I do sincerely hope the Government would actually probe this crash and all those found culpable would be brought to book. Above all, I hope steps would be taking to avert such. Declaring 10 days or 3 days of mourning isn’t going to change anything. How do we ensure this doesn’t happen again? Truly, accidents and crashes would always happen. Even with new aircrafts. But when accidents that can be avoided do happen, it says a lot about our regulatory agencies. Social media has been awash with all sorts of posts on the age of most aircrafts in Nigeria. I hope the FG looks into it. And start putting the right people in the right positions. Seriously, we need to let go of this federal character/quota ish (I think that is what it is called) and put the right people in the right positions no matter where they are from.

Also, I hope this Dana Air official who says the aircraft was faulty is ready to come out of hiding (and stop hiding behind being anonymous) and face her bosses if a probe panel is constituted with FACTS.

Birthday series (3)

Stayed up late to put this up and almost forgot to. Was about turning off my PC. *sigh*

Entering 100 level, I was between 50 and 52kg and giving my mum serious headache. I had dropped to about 46kg at some point before then and started picking up. So somehow I think she just had a plan to feed me till I got fat. My birthday was a day after my Matric. She had bought enough food instead of listening to my suggestion that she shouldn’t bring food. Ate full breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner and still had enough to give out. Went home on my birthday (which was a Friday) and popsie decides we eat out. *bbm smile smiley*. See me grinning…. Knowing BU, going back to school on Sunday, mumsie packs food to feed my whole block again… Ok, I exaggerated. To feed my room again.

She won…. Got back home about 3 weeks after and was weighing almost 60kg. She saw me and smiled. Unfortunately for her, I did lose all that weight again before my 4 years was up and haven’t quite been able to reach 60kg again.

Then 200 level. I think that was my best birthday ever. It was a Saturday… I didn’t pay for lunch so as it was Sabbath, and it was my birthday, my roommates decided they all collected their food and we share. On our way to cafe, mumsie calls that she is coming to school and I thought, ok she would bring small food. So I asked my roommates to still collect their food. We do that for lunch and whatever mumsie brings for dinner. I was so wrong. We had barely gotten back to our room when she called that she was downstairs and I should call some of my roommates to help me bring coolers upstairs. WHAT!!! Got downstairs and saw orisisrisi rice; jollof rice, fried rice, pounded yam, efo elegusi and ila alasepo (God bless my grandma), and a cooler of drinks and cake. I wanted to run mad.

Had 2 Osun roommates and an Ondo (well, her mum is Ondo) roommate. You should see my room that afternoon. My roommates went round our block looking for those who didn’t have food for lunch so they could give out their lunch… as there was better lunch in the room. We ate and had extra even after doing dinner. Trust, we settled down with the pounded yam first (so it didn’t spoil), gave out much of the fried rice and ate jollof rice for dinner.

And you should hear my roommates pray for my mum. It was just funny. BU suffered us small sha… Chai…

300 level was a Sunday. Trust, my roommates were waiting expectantly and mumsie didn’t disappoint.

400 level, Monday, though mumsie couldn’t bring food (they refused to let her take her leave for like 2 years; kept saying change in oga yada yada), she sent money, had some friends over for lunch at guest cafe and and somehow my aunty ended up sending cake and drinks. So that night again, it was drinks a plenty.

Then I entered the league of those who invited friends out for dinner. Had a mild 21st @ Soul Lounge. About 25 guests with bouncers. Seriously. Though I didn’t pay for them. A friend organized them and they did bounce people. Had a milder party the next year. Had a big headache trying to get a place and since I was seriously craving pizza then decided to do Debonairs. Booked the place o. Then get a call some 3 days before. FG declared that day as Public Holiday and they usually get so many customers on such days, they can’t afford to keep space for me and yada yada. So party shifted to Cactus… Much cooler location… Pizza not as fantastic but I had fun all the same. I remember being giving an ultimatum that I must not celebrate my next birthday without a boyfriend. *sigh*.

Last year was a time for me and God. People were so on my case expecting another party but alas, it wasn’t going to happen. Decided to spend it in God’s presence instead. And I did have fun from YB calling me that morning to sing for me *muah*, he did try to be the first caller that morning but someone else was faster; I just had fun all day without having a party. Ok, well I had a “Private Party” me, myself and I; played that song all day long thanks to YB… And got cakes ehn…. Not had that much cake on my birthday since my 10th. From work, my aunty, and YB… Ended the day in a vigil… and went to the cinema the next day with my immediate younger sister (don’t mind me, have 2 of them after me so 1 is immediate younger sister and the baby is my kid sister).

And so that ends my birthday series.

Not sure what this year would be like…. Might put up something later that day sha.

Tada

Birthday Series (2)

My birthdays in Primary School were fun. Never during exams. Secondary School? Heck no. Always during exams. Even if it was a weekend, I sure had a paper the day the Monday after.

So didn’t do much celebrating. First, the era of going to school in mufti on my birthday was so OVER. Gosh, how would a chic like me do such? That’s so childish.

JSS1, I had like 3 papers that day. Think it was the first day of exams sef so omo, nobody send me o. Called some friends together after sha and shared the cake I brought to school. And drinks.

The JSS2. I think that’s one birthday I always want to forget. My mum always took her annual leave November/December and with all the holidays in between, resumed in January. For some strange reason I assumed it was because of me she took her leave then.

So JSS2, my birthday is a Friday and all through I was thinking she would ask me to invite friends over. Especially considering that the year before, she practically forgot it was my birthday till my father reminded her (by buying my cake *smh*). In my mind, I thought she would make it up to me but alas, she “didn’t”.

Monday, she didn’t say nada. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday morning, nothing. So I go to school as usual, already asked a friend to bake for me and shared the cake with my friends. School closed 12.30 on Fridays. 1pm, mumsie is nowhere to be found. 2pm. 3pm. 4pm. On my birthday, am still in School. Ok o. School was practically empty by then except for a few seniors and some of us juniors (my elder sister and I inclusive and some classmate of mine and his girlfriend who was my sister’s classmate; who was the basis of the gist I got to school on Monday morning to hear). Story for another time.

Mumsie finally shows up at about 5pm and starts apologizing about being called to work (remember she was on leave) for some meeting and goes on about telling someone to make food and she had to buy chicken, she didn’t know the meeting would take that long and on and on… Me, I was just fuming. And she ends with “shey your friends are coming?” Ha! I told her no o and she is like why? Told her I didn’t invite them na, how would I invite people and there won’t be food for them to eat. If she could slap me that day, she would have. So she starts going on and on about what kind of mother I thought she was; even if she didn’t ask me to invite people, did I think my friends would come and they won’t have food to eat? Well, it was too late to invite people. Fortunately, this family friend of mine was in the car. He came over with a couple of other friends and well, they all packed food home o…

As Ayefele said, they ate till they were full and had enough to take away. Then mumsie started packing food for neighbours and other family friends. And made me go with a cousin to drop the food at each person’s house and explain that it was my birthday and I brought food for them. *sigh*. Like that wasn’t enough, I get to school on Monday to hear stories.

JSS3. Same thing. Twas a Saturday or Sunday. One of those days sha. And omo, the house was full. Couldn’t read and I had exams, so quickly packed my load to our Ghanaian hairdresser’s house. Her husband is a teacher and they had this place in their house you could read. No distractions. You people can like to enjoy yourselves ehn. Me, I no dey dia.

SS1. The days of Further Maths and Yoruba exams on the same day. My friends FORGOT… yes.. they forgot my birthday (years after am still very burnt they forgot). All because we had 2 major papers on the same day… (Yoruba was a major paper for most of us o… never mind that most of us were Yorubas; didn’t matter). Not even Happy Birthday dropped from their mouths that morning. After exams nko? Mba. Nofin. Then the day after I start hearing Happy Birthday in arrears. Sorry, we didn’t remember cause of the exams. I made a promise to myself that day to forget each and everyone’s birthday for the next year. Sadly I couldn’t. Got a gift though from one of them after and still have it with me 9 years after. A keyholder with my name on it. Have guarded it with my life. Lol.

SS2 and SS3. No party too. Exams overshadowed my birthday. My friends had no choice than to remember sha….

Then came Uni… Or College….

Friends with Benefits

So I finally watch Friends with Benefits. Same old story… Comes with different titles. No strings attached. Just go with it. Brown Sugar. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy; they become friends; then one starts to like the other (could be either the guy or the girl) and the story goes on and on.. Till the other person realizes that “Oh, I really do like this person”; “I think have messed it up”. Yeah, typical movie story ba? It isn’t really as abstract as we think. It really does happen.

Brings me back to an old post. When I wrote that post truth be told I was a firm believer in friendship with no strings attached. We are just friends. Simple. Kapish. No long thing. But events after that seriously proved me wrong. Yes, YB freaking proved me wrong.

I wanna ask again, though now from a biased point of view, is it possible that two people can just be friends? No strings attached? Just friends? Without either thinking of moving it past that stage? Or as in the case of the typical Hollywood movie, just sex partners without any additions? I really don’t think it’s possible. At some point one person must have feelings for the other. Whether it is a mutual feeling or not remains to be found out but it just CAN’T happen. You start getting close, you buzz the person like everyday, just wanna tell the other person how your day went, vent, he/she becomes your best friend… Feelings gas dey…. Now don’t get me wrong. I know you must marry your friend yeah, am talking about both of you being best friends and then suddenly the feelings start to come.

Can two people just be friends?

Love or Suffocation?

So I got YB to write me an article and here you are. He thinks they might be controversial statements. Oh well, you decide. Hope you enjoy it.

*Read the first point and my brain kept seeing can’t. *smh*

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I recently read an article that got me thinking about love and all its little clichés. Being an analyst by profession, I decided to do some more reading and research based on several other articles about the subject of love and relationships. I found a lot of interesting stuff and I have collated them into one collective blog post.

The writer started out with a folktale. In the tale, an elderly king asks his three daughters how much they love him. The two older sisters deliver flowery speeches of filial adoration, but the youngest says only “I love you as meat loves salt.” The king was so insulted by this statement that he banished the youngest daughter and divided his kingdom between the older two, who promptly kicked him out of his Kingdom. He then sought refuge in the very house where his third daughter was working as a scullery maid. Recognizing her father, the daughter asked the cook to prepare his meal without salt. The king ate a few tasteless mouthfuls, then that all along it was my youngest daughter who really loved him.

The king chose style over substance and it led to disastrous results. This is a mistake that our generation still makes when it comes to the issue of love. Salt is unique in that its taste doesn’t cover up the food it seasons but enhances whatever flavor was there to begin with. Real love, real commitment, does the same thing. 

I will now proceed to make five statements which will probably get most readers wondering if I know what I’m talking about and will most likely spark some controversial comments. If this happens, then I know that I have made my point. Each of the statements is the opposite of what most of us see as loving commitment. But these are “meat loves salt” commitments, as necessary as they are unconventional. I believe that if I can say these to my Pookie Bear, then our relationship is likely to thrive.

Mind you, I can be the “mushiest” of lovers when the mood comes over me o! I am not saying people should not make romantic statements to their loved ones. All I am saying is you shouldn’t let them become the basis of your relationship because the fact is most of them are just word. Words that make us feel good (which is a good thing) but don’t build strong, lasting and viable relationships. I will now proceed and hope I don’t get crucified in the process.

I can live without you, no problem.

“Living without you is not living at all”. A statement which has probably been made (in many different variations) by many a love struck hopeless romantic. It sounds so tragically deep to say that losing your lover’s affections would make life unlivable. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone whose survival truly seemed to depend on your love? Someone who sat around waiting for you to make life bearable, who threatened to commit suicide if you ever broke up? Or have you found yourself on the grasping side of the equation, needing your partner the way you need oxygen? The emotion that fuels this kind of relationship isn’t love; it’s desperation. It can feel romantic at first, but over time it invariably fails to meet either partner’s needs. The statement “I can’t survive without you” reflects not adult attraction but infancy, a phase when we really would have died if our caretakers hadn’t stayed close by, continuously anticipating our needs. 

My love for you will definitely change.

My love for you will definitely change.

Most human beings seem instinctively averse to change. Once we’ve established some measure of comfort or stability, we want to nail it in place so that there’s no possibility of loss. It’s understandable, then, that the promise “My love for you will never change” is a hot seller. Unfortunately, this is another promise that is more likely to ruin a relationship than strengthen it.

The reason is that everything and everyone is constantly changing. We age, grow, learn, get sick, get well, gain weight, lose weight, find new interests, and drop old ones. And when two individuals are constantly changing, their relationship must adapt to survive. Many people fear that if their love is free to change, it will vanish. I believe the opposite is true. A love that is allowed to adapt to new circumstances will most likely be virtually indestructible. Passion relaxes into calm companionship, then flares again as we see new things to love about each other. In times of trouble and illness, obligation may become stronger than attraction until one day we realize that hanging in there through troubled times has bonded us more deeply than ever before. Like running water, changing love finds its way past obstacles. Freezing it in place makes it fragile, rigid, and all too likely to shatter.

You’re not everything I need.

Lovers claim that their romantic partner is the only person they need in their lives or that time together is the only activity necessary for emotional fulfillment. Humans are designed to live in groups, explore ideas, and constantly learn new skills. Trying to get all this input from one person is like trying to get a full range of vitamins by eating only ice cream.

People often feel threatened when their lovers develop passions for things other than romance or take up new hobbies. The statement “How come you have to spend three hours a week playing tennis (or gardening or painting)? Are you saying I’m not enough to keep you happy?” is often used. The fact is relationships aren’t enough to make us completely happy and yet we are inclined to pretend they are. I believe this is akin to poisoning relationships. Everybody has things they would like to do by themselves. Sacrificing all our individual needs doesn’t strengthen our relationships. Mutually supporting each other’s personal growth does.

I won’t always hold you close.

There’s a thin line between a romantic statement like “I love you so much, I want to share my life with you until death do us part” and “I love you so much that if you try to leave me, I’ll kill you.” People who don’t let their lover have their space love them the way spiders love flies; they love to capture them, wrap them in immobilizing webbing, and drain nourishment out of them gradually. I don’t know about you but that is not the kind of love I want.

You and I aren’t one.

I would like to say that I don’t totally agree with this statement because I strongly believe like the Bible tells me that I will leave my parents and cleave to my Pookie and become one with her. I simply used it for lack of a better idea of what to use.

Some people are chameleons who morph to match the ones they love. Some date chameleons, choosing partners who conform to their personality. Either way, those relationships cannot be healthy. In fact, they should not be classified as relationships at all. Denial of self in order to conform to out lovers’ needs will ultimately turn into resentment, poisoning the relationship.

Well, those are my thoughts on this particular subject. Feel free to crucify me if you so wish but bear in mind that the name of my blog is “My 2 Kobo” not yours. I hope Pookie won’t start wondering if I’m “The One” after all. Stay blessed and thanks for reading what has become my longest post ever.

Like he said, these statements are not in themselves bad, but when you make it d “basis”of your relationship…. Oh well….

Tada

I Want a Guy

Once again, I am experiencing a “writer’s block”. I just don’t have anything to write.

Well, so am reproducing a note my sister put up on facebook which generated 71 comments and 16 likes (and on her blog). Okay, am jealous. Not sure any of my notes have gotten that much comments. Anywayz, hope a guy gets to put up what he wants someday. Would be fun to read the male side to this. Seems like a fairy tale… Some are very realistic and some…. *shrugs* would be nice to have. Wonder if it is possible to have a guy who has most of all these qualities… I know ONE.. Do you?

JUST SO YOU KNOW, THIS IS NOT A LIST…ABEG!!!

 I want a guy…

…who would think I was beautiful, if I dressed trashy it was classy      

…who would move my hair away from my eyes and then kiss me, 

…hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous, 

…who’s very smart, intelligent and compassionate

…who would sing to me at random moments

 …who buys me the littlest gifts over every achievement

…who doesn’t feel anyway inferior because of me or what I’ve achieved

…who encourages me to work

…who stands his ground for what is right

…who corrects me so lovingly when I do wrong

…who tells me he’s sorry when he upsets me 

…who’s not egoistic

…who’s ready to drop his pride for the sake of our love

…who is very confident of himself but definitely not proud

…who’s very principled

…who wouldn’t look at any other girl because I’m all he wants

…who would let me sleep on his chest

…who would get mad at someone if they called me ugly or was mean to me,

…who would call me 3 times a day if he went away, 

…who would let me gossip to him and would just smile and agree with everything I said.

…who would get along with all my friends

…who would make fun of me

…who would look me in the eye and tell me something serious that was also funny and makes me promise not to laugh

…who would stop having dogs because i don’t like them

….who’s just like my dad 

…who would make me laugh like no one else could. 

…who I smile about every time I think of him

…who would still want to listen to me even though I sing really off-key

…who, when I’m really sleepy, would wake me up and go with me to vigil

…who goes to church without any coercion because he enjoys worship with other people

…who respects me and is not afraid to show it

…who is not afraid to show his emotions

…who pulls his own weight

…who opens the door for me when we go out

…who listens to everything I say and is very sensitive to what I’ve not said

…who tells me everything that’s going on with him

….who trusts me so much

…who is committed to me

…who tells me exactly where he is at any point in time

…who enjoys reading the Bible with me

…who would never be afraid to say  “I love you” in front of his friends 

…who would count the stars with me at night and make me laugh like no one else could and 

Most importantly, I want someone who would be my best friend and would never break my heart.

[***NB: It’s NOT my list for checking guys out o, its more like fantasy but seriously i want a guy who at least has some of these qualities ***]