When love dies….

This is a topic I have for a while wanted to blog about but never felt the time was right.

So I was on nairaland earlier and saw a post of this topic and pronto I knew I had to blog about it.

What happens when love dies. When that man/woman you used to love, you no longer love. When you “suddenly” don’t love that person. When all you do is maybe care for that person but LOVE? Heck no. The feeling is no longer there. Maybe you start to snap at the person. Seeing him/her starts to at times irritate you. Other things start to take the place of that loved one. What do you do?

I would share some replies to the original nairaland post. Replies I totally agree with. For a while you would notice I have been blogging about love and things that have to do with love. I am at a stage whereby I have started seeing “this love thing” as some people call it in a different light. My “love struck” point of view is kinda jaded. Am just an incurable sucker for love. And events in recent times have made me realize that head knowledge and reality are very different (I would talk about these events sometimes soon). You would also notice in most of my posts that I always talk about nurturing love; ensuring that the love you have for your father/mother/brother/sister/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/fiancee/husband/wife/friend doesn’t die. Love is all about nuturing.

Anyways back to the comments. The post was

“When u don’t feel like loving ur wife anymore, nothing she does pleases u, u even tell her to her face that she can’t arouse u,that u determine when to be excited,u love chatting on ur bb more than u love talking to her, u prefer reading NL comments n laughing hysterically alone instead of chatting with her, she tries all she can to please u,yet u can’t be pleased,her very presence irritates u even when she’s done nothing wrong…..what next? Meanwhile u r supposed to be wedding in church in less than 3months,do u call off d wedding or simply go back to d court where u were wedded n annul it? Or just continue to hope dt u will eventually change ur attitude towards her n love her again d way u used to? Sincere advice needed pls!”

I can completely relate with this poster.

My advise first and foremost would be “find out what it was about him/her that made you love the person in the first instance. What was it he/she did? What was it about him/her that you love(d)? Secondly, if it has progressed to the point both parties are planning on getting married (engaged, date fixed, wedding in a few months), please see a counsellor. Get an older couple you both trust and talk to them. Hold nothing back.

Someone made this comment which I would love to share.

Hey, you do need to be very honest with yourself by asking yourself some essential questions like; what went wrong between this woman & I, If I was in this woman shoes, how would I feel among others.
Let’s learn to treat women with some measures of dignity and respect. Assuming She is your daughter, would you be happy if a man throws her out of his house the way you are planning to annul your union with your woman?
I can feel that you are already seeing another woman behind the scene but I’d advice that you let go of that jezebel and get back to your wife.
Get back to those things that bonded you two together, avoiding things that separates you and if there’s anything She is done/doing wrong (or unpleasant to you), correct her in a loving way.
We can begin to make our marriages to work by showing sincere love and affection to our partners.

MoreGrace!

I agree with the bolded part. I dunno about the Jezebel part though from experience I have discovered that is the first assumption when a guy breaks up/stops loving a woman. The first question the woman is asked is “is/was there another woman”?

Another comment

Those things u mentioned have taken the place of ur wife in ur heart..what u need do is to simply reverse the order….stop doing those thing, or reduce the rate and spend more time with ur wife.

Love dies when it is not nurtured or watered….nurture/water it and u will see it resurrecting!

We all know how to water love…its simple!

And yet another

When love dies…it doesn’t really die. Feed yourself more with what made you fall in love at first(Company,Communication & Committment),and love will come alive.

I disagree with those who think once love dies, it dies, nothing can be done. However, I do realize that that might be true in some cases. At such times, especially if no wedding has taken place, please please and please, break it off. It is better a broken engagement than a broken marriage. If you are married though, I say pray about it and let God lead the way. Marriage takes more than love.

Gracias.

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7 thoughts on “When love dies….

  1. Love dies when you lose respect for the person and cannot get it back – too much hurt, lies, broken promises, loss of trust, loss of honesty, you find yourself with a stranger you would have never wished to be with – nothing is felt for them, nothing is left – it’s broken and over.

    1. To my humble view, I think these are serious reasons that kill love instantly with lesser hope for resurrection: dishonesty, lack of trust, ignorance, status quo, no recognition of someone mistake…

      1. I agree… How people get to that point though – of being dishonest with someone you claim you love…. Trust is a very critical in any relationship. I think that’s even the number 1 killer of any relationship.

        Thanks for stopping by…

  2. These few simple honest attempts to explain the tragedy suffice as a starting point for the impossible task of understanding and coping and perhaps surviving THAT CHAOS.Each and every moment of time is unique and different at the exact moment it occurs.
    IF EACH MOMENT IS DIFFERENT WHAT CAN WE DO?
    Love is our continuum – it is inescapable – AND it is unstable – it is in constant flux – IT IS CHANGE.
    WHAT IT WAS WILL NEVER BE AGAIN.ITS JUST TOO BUSY TO STOP AND DIE.
    ITS ALWAYS NEW – IT IS ALIVE – ITS LIFE.
    ITS LIVING.
    IT NEVER IS – WAS – OR WILL BE THE SAME AS IT HAPPENED TO BE A SECOND AGO – LET ALONE A THOUSAND YEARS AGO.
    ITS THE PRODUCTION – THE GRAND ILLUSION – OF SPIRIT.
    WE ARE PARTICIPANTS – PLAYERS – PERFORMERS – IN A GREAT SHOW.
    HELPLESSLY PLAYING OUR ROLES AS HAPPY OR SAD.
    AND THE PAY- THE REWARD – CAN BE HEAVENLY OR HELLISH.
    FEW EVER GET TO BE THE STAR OF THIS SHOW AND VERY FEW ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO EARN AN ACADEMY AWARD.

    WE FACE A MYSTERY – A MAGIC – UNGRASPABLE.NOT ONLY DO WE FACE IT – WE ARE IN ITS EMBRACE.WE ARE NOTHING MORE THAN TINY DROPS OF WATER IN AN ETERNAL CHURNING SEA OF ENERGY OF LOVE AND TRUTH.

    WE LIVE IN A CONSTANTLY MOVING LIQUID REALM AND ARE LIQUID.ITS NOTHING BUT LIVING ENERGY – ACTING LIKE WATER.BUT WE BELIEVE IT SOLID.SO WE TRY TO GRASP AND HOLD ALL THIS LIQUID AND EVEN CONVINCE OURSELVES – TRICK OURSELVES – THAT WE’VE GOT IT.

    INSTEAD WE DON’T “get it” AT ALL.
    IT SLIPS RIGHT THROUGH OUR FINGERS.
    NO ONE HAS EVER UNDERSTOOD.ANY ONE WHO HAS CLAIMED THEY HAVE— HAS —-MIS-UNDERSTOOD —-SO PROFOUNDLY – THEY ARE FOOLS. CLEVER FOOLS WHO HAVE DECEIVED THEMSELVES – FALLEN IN LOVE WITH A DECEITFUL TRICK OF THEIR INVENTION.THEIR ALCHEMICAL FORMULAS – INSTEAD OF TURNING LEAD INTO GOLD- ALLOW THEM TO DO THE OPPOSITE-MAKE NONSENSE APPEAR TRUTH.
    WE ARE LIKE WATER SWIMMING IN A SEA OF WATER TRYING TO HOLD IT – STOP IT FROM BEING ALIVE THINKING IT IS A SOLID CONCRETE THINGY.

    LOVE CAN DIE.AND FOR US IT DOES.BUT THAT is our only tiny imaginations depth of understanding of the end of a love affair.

    IT CAN BE LET GO OF EASILY OR IT CAN BECOME A DIFFICULT MESSY PAINFUL EXPERIENCE TO PART WITH.

    BUT IT NEVER REALLY DIES.
    ITS A PROCESS OF CHANGE.
    NOTHING NEW CAN GROW IF YOU ARE FILLED WITH SOMETHING -ANYTHING – JUST NO ROOM.
    WE NEED TO BE EMPTIED OF NEEDLESS WORN OUT UNNECESSARY STUFF THAT WE AE FULL OF – JUST TAKING UP SPACE – NEVER NEEDED AGAIN – TO MAKE SOME SPACE – SOME ROOM – FOR NEW DIFFERENT THINGS THAT WILL COME INTO OUR LIVES.
    TO CARRY ALL THE BAGGAGE OF THE PAST IS CARRYING THE DEAD.
    YOU ARE SO BUSY WITH THE PAST – YOU LIVE THERE.
    YOU DRAG IT AROUND WITH YOU AND DWELL IN THERE.
    YOU NO LONGER SEE – NOR LIVE – YOU DREAM – YOU DREAM THE DEAD PAST.NOT LETTING IT GO YOU BECOME LOST – THE GHOST OF THAT DREAM NO LONGER LIVING TODAY.TRAPPED IN MEMORIES LIFE PASSES YOU BY.

    LIFE NEEDS ROOM.IT CANNOT GROW WHERE THERE IS NO ROOM FOR IT TO TAKE HOLD.
    IF YOU HAVE NO ROOM IN YOUR HEAD OR YOUR HEART WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT TO GROW THERE?
    SOMETIMES ITS EASY TO MAKE ROOM BUT MANY TIMES ITS HARD TO DO.
    SOMETIMES ITS HEAVENLY TO LET GO.
    SOMETIMES IT RIPS US APART.
    THAT JUST SEEMS TO BE HOW THE SPIRIT HAS DECIDED TO OPERATE THIS PRODUCTION.
    WE DO NOT RUN THIS SHOW.
    TRY THAT – THINK THAT – BELIEVE THAT – DO THAT.
    DENY THE TRUTH AND OPPOSE THE FORCE – THE DREAMER OF THIS ILLUSION – THIS SHOW – AND WATCH THE AFFECT ON THE EXPERIENCE OF YOUR EXISTENCE.

    WE CAN SAY YES OR WE CAN SAY NO.
    WE CAN MAKE OUR LIVES A BATTLE OR CO OPERATE AS BEST WE CAN.
    THAT IS OUR FREEDOM.OUR OPTIONS.
    THE THING IS REALLY OUT OF OUR CONTROL.
    WE CAN BE THANKFUL AND APPRECIATE THE EXPERIENCE OF LIVING THIS ODYSSEY OR WE CAN CHOSE TO HATE IT.

    WE CAN USE IT TO LEARN AND GROW OR NOT.
    We are in a mad rapture – a divine impossible conundrum beyond our mental capabilities to grasp completely.We understand little pieces of the puzzle OCCASIONALLY.
    We catch glimpses of this magic if we are lucky as WE EXPERIENCE THE PAIN AND PLEASURE IT DELIVERS US THROUGH.
    HOW MUCH IT GIFTS DEPENDS ON OUR LEVEL OF ACCEPTANCE.
    THE DIFFERING HEIGHTS AND DEPTHS WE CAN ENDURE IT OFFERS TO THE ONES PREPARED.
    EACH OF US TRAVELS THROUGH THIS LABYRINTH DEALING WITH THE SAME BUT DIFFERING VERSIONS OF HEAVEN AND HELL.
    LOVE IS EVERYTHING.
    THERE IS NOTHING BUT LOVE.
    IT IS BOTH BLISS AND SUFFERING.SOMETIMES ONE SOMETIMES THE OTHER SOMETIMES ITS BOTH.AND THAT ONE IS AN ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE CONUNDRUM FOR THE MIND AND HEART TO SURVIVE.
    ITS ALL OF ONE BUT DIFFERING VERSIONS.
    WHEN ITS NICE AND COMFY ITS SO EASY TO LOVE.
    NO ONE EVER CARES OR THINKS TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND IT THEN.YOU JUST LET GO AND ENJOY THE RIDE.
    ITS ALL SO DIFFERENT WHEN ITS SO DIFFERENT THAN THAT.
    WE ARE NOT STUPID JUST LIMITED.
    BECAUSE WE CANNOT NOR EVER WILL BE ABLE TO GRASP THE WHOLE OF IT —-WHY ONE MOMENT WE ARE GIVEN HEAVEN – THEN THROWN INTO HELL – IS NOT OUR FAULT.WE ARE NOT EQUIPPED WITH TOOLS FOR THAT JOB.
    TRYING TO UNDERSTAND ITS IN THE CONTROL OF A CREATIVE FORCE THAT MAKES IT UP – MAKES US UP – AND DRIVES IT MADLY ALONG WITH US IN TOW – IN A MEANINGFUL PURPOSEFUL CARING WAY -IS JUST TOO HARD FOR US TOO BELIEVE.
    IT SURE DOESN’T FEEL THAT WAY.

    NO ONE WHO FALLS IN LOVE UNDERSTANDS WHAT’S HAPPENING.
    SO IF FALLING IN LOVE IS BEYOND OUR UNDERSTANDING HOW COULD ITS LOSS BE.

    Each love affair -IS THE SAME EXPERIENCE OF LOVE EVERYONE CAN SHARE But each one is unique and different.
    VARIATIONS ON A THEME.
    And each crash cannot help but b unique and different as well.
    If we were clones —-formulas – recipes — discovered by the experiences of former clones would have proven themselves effective by now.If this would be reality we could just buy THAT RECIPE BOOK – WHICH WOULD CONTAIN A GUARANTEED SOLUTION.IT WOULD BE SO EASY – IF WE WERE ALL THE SAME -IF THE EXPERIENCES OF LOVE WERE EXACTLY THE SAME FOR EACH OF US -IF OUR HEARTS AND MINDS WERE NOT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT –
    IF ONLY COULD PREVENT OURSELVES FROM BECOMING INDIVIDUALS – AND SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT- WE COULD JUST TURN TO THE –” BOOK FOR DUMMIES ‘–THE ONE THAT WOULD MAKE IT EASY FOR US TO DEAL WITH THIS CONFUSION BECAUSE IT WOULD HAVE FIGURED IT ALL OUT IT WOULD HAVE THE ANSWERS.
    UNFORTUNATELY IT APPEARS NO ONE IN THE WHOLE OF HUMAN HISTORY EVER “GOT IT” COMPLETELY FIGURED OUT
    YET.
    BUT WE KEEP TRYING.
    AND IT SEEMS INEVITABLE – AND ALWAYS – THAT SOMEBODY COMES ALONG WHO BELIEVES THEY FIGURED IT OUT AND SHARES THIS WITH THE REST OF US.
    AND IN DESPERATION – IN OUR LOSTNESS – FEELING INADEQUATE AND HELPLESS – FEELING SO VERY NEEDY – NOT KNOWING WHERE TO BEGIN BUT HAVING TO – MAKES ANY OFFER OF HELP WELCOME.
    AND ITS SO EASY IF SOMEBODY ELSE KNOWS.
    WE DON’T SEEM TO REALIZE WANTING HELP AND FINDING HELP AND USING HELP IS A BIG PROBLEM FOR US.
    WE ARE LETTING SOMEBODY ELSE DO OUR WORK FOR US – WE DON’T USE THE EXPERIENCE TO LEARN FOR OURSELVES.
    WE DON’T GROW.WE DENY THE PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE..THE REASON WE FACE THE DILEMA AND MUST WRESTLE WITH IT IS TO STRETCH AND GROW OUR SELVES.
    LIFE IS JOURNEY -OF LIVING EXPERIENCES – SOMETIMES A PLEASURE – SOMETIMES A STRUGGLE – MEANT TO GROW US.
    IF WE FOLLOW OTHERS BRAVE ENOUGH TO LIVE THEIR INDIVIDUAL LIVES THAT TEACHES THEM ON THEIR PATH IT REPLACES OURS.
    THAT IS A PRETENDING THAT WE ARE THEM – NO DIFFERENT – THE SAME.AND THEN WE PRETEND WHAT THEY LIVE THROUGH IS WE LIVE THROUGH THE VERY SAME.
    SO WE DON’T NEED TO DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT THAN THEY.WE CAN JUST FOLLOW THEM
    WHICH MEANS WE NEVER NEED TO BE OURSELVES.
    WE LET THEM DO THE WORK OF LIVING – LEARNING – NOT WE – FOR US.
    ITS EASY.
    INSTEAD OF USING LIFE AS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE WE SURRENDER THIS GIFT – OUR FREEDOM TO BE OURSELVES AND LIVE UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL LIVES.
    WE DO NOT GROW.WE DO NOT BOTHER TO GROW OURSELVES BY FACING OUR VERY PERSONAL AND UNIQUE EXPERIENCES AND STRUGGLING WITH THEM.WE LET OTHERS DO THAT FOR US.
    THIS ADVENTURE WE CALL LIFE WE DENY.WE ALLOW THAT PRIVILEGE TO THOSE BRAVE ENOUGH TO LIVE IT.
    THEY ENJOY LIFE.
    THEY SUFFER LIFE.
    THEY STRUGGLE AND THEY ENJOY
    THEY LIVE
    WE DO NOT.
    WE PASS THROUGH THIS REALM AS STUPID IGNORANT SLAVES.
    REAL HELP IS RARE.ITS TRUTH.
    IT WONDERFUL IF SOMEONE CAN UNDERSTAND AND SHARES IN YOUR CONUNDRUM..ITS GREAT IF SOMEONE CAN POINT YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION OR KEEP YOU ON THE RIGHT TRACK.IF YOU CAN BE INSPIRED – SPARKED – INTO FINDING YOUR WAY TO DISCOVERY – LEARNING AND STRETCHING – GROWING.
    IF SOMEONE SETS YOU FREE TO FACE YOUR LIFE IT GIVES——— YOU ———–THE POWER.THAT IS SO DIFFERENT THAN THEM SOLVING IT FOR YOU.A FRIEND IS SUCH A PERSON.
    EVERYONE WHO GAVE INPUT HERE IS A FRIEND TRYING TO HELP YOU THINK.EACH GIVES A DIFFERENT HINT – A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE – A DIFFERENT CLUE TO THE MYSTERY – A DIFFERENT POSSIBILITY – THAT HOPEFULLY WILL NOT SATISFY YOU AS THE SOLUTION BUT INSTEAD WILL SPARK YOUR STUCK MIND AND HEART INTO A DIFFERENT REALM.UNSTICKING BEGINS BY REALIZING THE FREEDOM AVAILABLE TO YOUR IMAGINATION.IF THIS HAS HAPPENED THESE PEOPLE WERE YOUR FRIEND WHO GAVE YOU WHAT YOU NEEDED —NOW.

  3. true dat each and every relationship is unique ,and sometimes we fall in love for no reason at all we put ourselves in danger sometimes its starts at the wrong time and place and when u get to the right place everything is now messed up we dont learn when it comes to love we hope for better each and every time we go into a relationship and we expect more while the other partner doesnt so its so painful

    1. Painful even more painful is a year after a wrote this, I fell into the same trap. We can only hope for the best and work to give our hearts to the one who we should

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