Tag Archives: Relationships

After all you sought me out….

I heard a story of a woman (Mrs. A) a while back who got into an argument with her husband and dear husband in the course of the fight made the statement “after all you sought me out”. Let’s break it down. As a single woman, Mrs. A saw a guy she liked and made the first move. Get his details and contacts him. After a while they get talking, one thing leads to another and they get married. Years on, husband decides to remind her no bi him do the chasing (as I would like to call making the first move). We can go on about how nobody forced him to marry her but…..

Now forgive me as this is my opinion. I am a “I want to be properly chased (insert wooed, courted) woman”. I am a “let the man be the man and make the first move” woman. I have been all my life and somehow Mrs. A story just made me all the more that kind of woman. However, I see and hear a lot of women make the first move/contact and am thinking what has this world turned to? Last I checked, it was the man’s job to find abi? So every time I hear someone tell me “if you like him/want him, make the first move, if you wait someone else would take him” yada yana, I just stay there thinking. Oh a lot of times I hear people tell me not to slack and go ahead jere. After all, the world is more liberal. Don’t be a slacker I hear. Mostly feel like pulling the girl’s ears and shouting “let him be the man”. Let’s be clear, I aint saying if you like a man and he likes you form (ok yeah, form a bit but not for too long) But let HIM BLADY MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. That’s just me ba?

I recently had a friend buzz me. A former colleague of hers says he wants to get married and needs a decent girl (I seem to be getting that a lot these days). Like a group of friends just sat somewhere and have decided “if she won’t get a man, we would get one for her”. Anywayz, according to my friend “I don’t know why my mind went to you”. Trust me in less than a minute, my emotions ranged from anger to wanting to give her a piece of my mind (as we often say) to just ignoring that statement. She wanted me to “consider him” as he had been on her neck to get him a wife. How does this relate to making the first move? I had asked her to give me till last night cuz frankly though I had my answer I didn’t want to be accused of being too hard or tough or not open minded. She buzzes again last night and from our conversation, she wants me to make the first move. YEPA!!!!! Gist is she tells him about me BUT I contact him. Short of telling her off (which I now wish I did), I have told her not to bother. I am not interested.

I ask, is it now proper for a lady to make the first move? Forgive me, I might still be living in the medieval times so maybe that’s why I am thinking like that. Maybe just maybe I need to be enlightened. Who wants to help me out here? Cuz I would hate to make a move and get burnt sometimes in future.

The post I have been postponing just might never happen. However, I would drop some pictures that are meant to make some people jealous of the fact that I have been having fun and hanging out and having a ball and not living a boring life and ok I give up.

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And yeah it has to do with food. From Bar Campione (who make one of the best sandwiches in Lagos, 3 times the charm) to Coral Blue (first time I went there – last year, it was absolutely fantastic, second time around, not quite – my excuse though, it was quite late at night) to Ice Cream Factory (not even Coldstone can take away my love for you). And haha, Talindo Steak Place – tucked somewhere on Karim Kotun. Better service second time around (and this was also late at night – Monday). Amazing brownie they got. And yeah if you are on instagram, check out Rumnpassion (rumnpassion) and Crème Brulee Lagos (cremebruleelagos). I have tried rumnpassion’s cupcakes…. That rapturous feeling. Haven’t tried cremebrulee yet but I know it is only a matter of time. I have a sweet tooth. Shoot me. It is a miracle I aint fat.

Monday made it 15 years I lost my uncle and yesterday, 9 years I lost the man I called my maternal grandfather (my mum lost her dad many many many years ago so my grandma’s brother became my grandpa) and I just realized no matter how long a loved one has been gone, you can never forget them. The memories stay with you forever.

Have a great weekend people.

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Temptations aka Devil with the Red Car

So I finally see the Tyler Perry movie everybody people have been raving about. Long story. I usually don’t do such movies at the cinema. You know, we do it the download way and C refused to see Olympus had fallen a second time (meaning I still haven’t seen the movie and White House Down is coming out soon). Ok you get the gist. I would rather go watch a Man of Steel at the cinemas than watch romcom or the likes. Anywayz, that’s not the gist of this post.

So well unlike the reviews, I think he did a good job with the movie. Yeah, we could practically tell the end (kinda), good “village” girl goes to the city and meets the “phenomenal” man (“unfortunately” she was married to a “good” man) and after much temptation, she falls. Lessons learnt? Over and over again, I say it, never take people for granted. Your spouse, parents, siblings, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend. The time you start getting too comfortable is the time to be on guard. Especially in marriages. Love needs to be fed. Before that size 8 lady starts “loving” your cologne. Or that man starts sending flowers to your office. Meanwhile wifey or boo doesn’t even notice. Oh and it aint just in marriages o. Relationships too o. Secondly, if that spouse is the “good” kind; sex in the bedroom kind and you think, or someone is dropping hints about 200 different sex positions and you wanna explore, fine. Explore with your spouse. Bring them “up to date”. Not come home one night and expect the good wife/husband to suddenly know you want something kinky. I mean for someone who wanted to be a marriage counselor, I would have thought she would get books or movies or something to help the husband “realize” that she needed or wanted something more than bedroom sex . But then again, I aint married so what do I know. Thirdly, I think one needs to pay attention when a person tells you about himself or herself (if the other person is honest enough to tell the truth from the start). At some point, “phenomenal” guy told babe he was naturally obsessive. Someone tells me that? I am so out. But well I am sure she rationalized that statement in her head and felt it wasn’t a bad trait. Sweetheart it is. So when the beating came, oh boy I was expecting that. Hehehe, and for those “hissing” babes at the end of the movie, biko if you husband puts you through what babe put her husband through and ends up with HIV, you go still take him back? Abi? I no sabi why dem dey hiss o. Cuz if we wanna be true to ourselves, na only God fit help una take that kain person back. Be friends ko si wahala but am sure you aint gonna sleep with that person EVER again. That said, every action/inaction has a consequence. God would forgive you o bet you would have to live with the consequence however small.

Anywayz, it is a good movie. Cliche yeah but nice. But then again Lance Gross is in it *fans self*. Oh that body. The guitar scene!!!! Two things- hawt body, a guitar *somebori help*. Lance Gross or Chris Hemsworth’s body? *swoons*

And “I don’t want a good guy, I want a phenomenal guy?” #dead

My grouse though is the usual portrayal of the black woman/black family as the “oju o lola ri” type (i.e. never seen/jam money before). So when she sees the guy with money, she “dumps” the not so rich/not rich at all guy for the “phenomenal” rich guy. Or the village girl/boy enters the city and goes south. I get it happens in reality. However, we do have the village girl/small town boy who gets into the big town/city and doesn’t go south. Right?

Btw, I apologize to those I told Suits aint it. Well compared to Scandal it still aint IT. Bet, I can manage it sha. Not a bad series at all. First 2 episodes were boring though. Kinda off putting.

I leave with this. Kindly replace Love with Lust as you listen (I think). Very necessary song I heard as I dropped C off to get a cab.

Weddings and other tinz

So I was yet again at another wedding yesterday; seems like that’s all I do now right? No worry, going on a break till August. Anyways, for the first time, I actually enjoyed a wedding sermon. Not the long, winding give all the talk they had given during counselling sermons. Oh yes, I have been to a wedding where the Pastor spent 3 hours preaching. Or the headless, tailless sermons. Short and straight. Similar content, just shorter and more interesting. Lesson 1. Keep it short. Those who listen would remember. I for one didn’t take notes but I can remember most of the sermon, a day after, after all the food and dancing.

He spoke about choices and how before exchanging vows, they were in a relationship (I thought the traditional wedding is the real wedding?) Anyways, but once the vow was exchanged, they were now in a covenant with God at the centre and thus have introduced “something” into their bloodline. How a lot of people exchange marital vows week in, week out and months after, end it, “shit” gets real and they blame the devil. No be him o. Na both of you.

Oh and he spoke about 3 things a man wants; sex (which is a taboo in church), food and a wife that doesn’t nag. I wonder though why Pastors find it hard talking about sex in church. Seriously, I think they need to start doing that. Ha! Yes. He said wives should show their husbands they are gifted whilst having sex. He said no matter how tired a man is, if his wife comes out of the bathroom naked, something must happen. True or false? Food; he spoke about how the groom was forbidden from henceforth to be eating indomie. I laughed. Na all bachelors dey chop noodles? I know quite a few guys were dey chop proper food everyday and na dem cook am. Nagging only makes a man hard/harder. Women, listen. Sorry, na the part concern me I highlight.

Anywayz, a lot of the usual stuff was also said, parents should leave the children alone and all. I shalt go into that.

Moving on, I finally caught the akwa oche bug and I think I rocked it sha. Almost didn’t wear it. With the comments I read on bellanaija Thursday night? Fear caught me. I had 2 options, a gown and a lace top + akwa oche. Bet well, I did wear it, and am glad I did. Too much similar looking gowns yo! Which reminds me, when we were younger, there was a stigma attached to wearing akwa oche. No one wanted to be caught in it. Now na fad ba? Fashion and its cycles.

Lesson 2: keep your wedding simple. I am too simple ba? Too much crowd and too many VIPs can keep people from enjoying themselves. Or find someone who can help with the protocol people. The couple had someone who could help but I imagine if they didn’t have someone. I won’t even “enter” into the whose wedding is it anyway debate; parents or the children. Just reach a compromise of it gets that bad. I guess I am just lucky I have a father who I can tell we just want 300 guests and he would agree. And just let you run your show.

Shonda Rhimes is looking for trouble o. If you know her, warn her. Dazall.

In other news, people didn’t take me serious when I said I had a hair mishap. Not even my sisters. Till one of them saw my new “length” yesterday. Well, 7 months of “natural” hair ended today. Relaxed the shege today. And I wanna cry. My hair mishap was worse than I thought. Till December or next year.

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New length

In other other news, it is Global Outreach Day next Saturday. Preach Christ to someone.

Have a great week people.

You meet that one person

I have a friend. Each session in Uni, started with a new boyfriend. She never had the same boyfriend for 2 years. 4 years in Uni equaled 4 boyfriends. She never seemed to be able to keep a relationship for long. She is now married. To a guy she dated for 5 years. You meet that one person.

I have another. Had 3 boyfriends in our 4 years. She is getting married in August. To a guy she has dated for a while.

I have another yet. 2 boyfriends in 4 years. She is also getting married in August.

I have yet still one more. She couldn’t do long distance relationships. In fact, she broke up with a couple of guys because of distance. Once, her boyfriend decided to proceed on his masters and she ended it. She felt she couldn’t do the distance. For another, he was in Nigeria but as school was in Ogun State, she lived in Ibadan and he lived in Lagos (geographically these areas are so close and as such shouldn’t be a problem), she ended it. She is currently in a 5 year relationship with a guy who currently lives in the US (went for his masters 2 years into the relationship). And they are still very much together.

Once again, you meet that one person.

What is it about that person that changes everything?

Can you move in with your wife?

I had this interesting conversation with a driver at work yesterday. We were at our store and then saw some furniture a woman brought. He then started gisting me about how big her house was, she was single and all. And how he hopes she finds a man, but that men won’t want a made wife. So I asked him if he were a man, would he marry her and move in (because I didn’t see how she would wanna move out of her house, but then what do  I know?). His reply shocked me. He said he would move. I asked again (here is an uneducated man) if his wife built a house or bought a house, would he move in with her and he replied in the affirmative. Hmmmm I thought. I then asked why. He said (now I am paraphrasing because this conversation was in Yoruba) he believes in a relationship/marriage, one of both parties would be richer than the other. If his wife was rich enough to buy/build a house,why shouldn’t he move in with her. He felt if he didn’t it meant he wasn’t happy for her and didn’t want her progress. I was just there with my mouth opened. He said as long as he still had her respect and she wasn’t rubbing it into his nose. He said he would let even his parents and the children know it was his wife’s/their mother’s house. The conversation had me thinking “how many men (African men especially) think like this?”. How many women would own houses and still be submissive and show respect to their husbands.

We hear stories on radio and TV about such issues. My wife built a house she didn’t tell me. She has some money somewhere I didn’t know about. And how it has led to the end of relationships and marriages.

I remember a conversation after house fellowship some weeks back. Well when you attend a fellowship where everybody else is married and you and another lady are the only singles, you get to hear a lot of marriage gists. So this man was talking about how in his OWN house, he felt the cook, house help, drivers and other helps didn’t respect him because they felt he wasn’t the one paying their salaries. Madam collected the money from him and distributed. The helps didn’t know that. So one month, he decided to show them who the man of the house was and withheld salaries for 2 weeks. Well, the end of the story is that they all started to comport themselves. Why did I add this story sef? I dunno.

When did people start calling their fiance/fiancee partners? This young man came to the showroom one day and kept talking about how he needed his partner’s approval before buying anything and all. And as he kept saying partner, I kept thinking “is he gay” or is he co-habiting? I had to ask who this partner was and discovered he was engaged. *smh*.

I said my hair was red right? Sorry, I am colour blind. Tis wine.

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Some people say it is long. I beg to differ. Shoulder length isn’t long. Well that might be my fault sha. Years of chopping just to make it grow and remove split ends have done “damage” to the length. As per last picture, you see where my issue is now. I need that front to GROW. Help a sister.

Have a great weekend people.

Gracias.

Rant 101

Took me 2 weeks to decide whether to rant here.

Wetin she wan rant about you ask. Customer service is our dear own country Nigeria. It has reached an all time high and frankly something needs to be done.

Where do I start from? Is it the banks? I was at GTB Lekki sometimes in December to apply for a new debit card as my old card would expire January ending. My conversation with the CS lady was something of this sort. I explained all the card is expiring, I need a new one ish. She gives me a form to fill, requesting that my card be transferred to the Lekki branch (as my account is domiciled) in another branch. I asked how long it would take and she said before the end of the month (citing Christmas and New Year holidays as possible reasons for a delay). Alrighty no problem. I also asked to open a dollar account and specifically requested a debit card, filled the form and all and asked again when that would be ready. End of the month I hear. And I left.

Fast forward January 11, 2013. Not a call or a mail asking me to pick up either cards. So I head to the bank. And the young lady tells my cards are not ready. If you know me, I hate being kept on cruise. So I asked what the issue was and why I was given a December ending it would be ready assurance and why nobody thought to inform me that my naira card wasn’t ready. Ok, we move on to the dollar account and card issues and she says I didn’t fill a form requesting for card. And am just there staring at her like so all the forms I filled that day and all the ticking dollar mastercard was for fun? The rest of the conversation was something like this.

CS: The account doesn’t come with a card usually. You need to fill another form to request for the card.
Me: I filled more than five forms the last time I came. And I mentioned that I needed a card for the account. Yet in your wisdom, you decided not to include the required form when passing a zillion of forms for filling.

Where do they get these people from?

Or when I went to their Chevron branch to cash a cheque. 150k o and am still there in a near empty banking hall 30 minutes after. So I tell the teller “don’t you think it is pretty bad that it is taking this long to cash a cheque for this amount”? His reply “no it isn’t”. And am like seriously? You actually opened your mouth to reply me?

Or should I talk about a more recent incident. Cakes and cream VI office. This just made me end an almost 8 years relationship. I order, do a transfer into your account and everyday I called to confirm if you have received payment you tell me you haven’t. So I am on GTB and Zenith banks case trying to trace where the money is. Meanwhile, the money had actually been transferred into your account. You wake me up at past 7 (note they don’t resume until 9) the day before the cake was needed, made me run to the bank to pay (2nd payment) and the 1st payment was actually in your account. Fast forward 2 days after (I spent the whole of the day before calling and they didn’t pick my calls), I was kept on hold for almost 30 minutes because “they were trying to trace it”. I then tell them I would call later in the day, only for the lady attending to me to reply “sorry ma, we would get back to you. Wait, my colleague just informed me that she has seen the first payment”. Really? The said colleague was where when I was kept on hold that long? Ok, please transfer my money back into my account abi? We spent another week plus almost 3k credit trying to get the money back. And all they kept saying was sorry. Oh I forget, the Friday, they finally “found” the money, I was told I would get my money back latest COB on Monday. Tuesday afternoon, I call and am told “ma, it is not yet COB on Tuesday na. Wait a bit more”.

I am giving a watered down version of these incidences. If I did a post when they happened, well I doubt I would have sha….

Anywayz, rant over….

In more beautiful news, met Angelsbeauty yesterday. Finally. Yayyyest. 😘😍. Twas great seeing you….

And I know I haf carry last but I finally heard Brymo’s Good morning song last week. Great song yo…. Question though. Was it ayonge or a young girl he said?

N.B: not sure I mentioned that I dyed my hair red (mid length to the end). Twas meant to be brown but as that part of my hair was already some shade of brown, it come out red. Now am doing the castor oil challenge, I just want my hair to grow and breathe. Have some body. Taking a break from fixing and all (I wonder how long I would survive without weaves). Need good wigs sha… Any ideas on where to buy? Already got a place to make. Just wanna compare prices. Oh and am def making a wig in Olivia’s style…..

I begged God to die

I got your attention with that title right? Lols. Nothing serious. Just remembered the story of Jonah earlier today and how he asked God to kill him.

Now,  Lord , take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live. (Jonah 4:3)

I was at that point in life late last year. I literally begged God to take my life. Moved from begging when He didn’t to praying for rapture to come like yesterday. *le sigh*. I am alright people. It was just a phase.

Remembered that today and how often we get judgmental or because we don’t know how someone feels about something bad that happened, how easily we make comments that could hurt the person (not like we intended to). I am one of those who anytime Jonah’s story came up or I read it, I scoffed and raised my nose. I asked if he was God and why he should be angry God didn’t destroy a city. I wondered and said he should have killed himself na. Abi? If God no kee you, kee yourself.

I recently stumbled on some posts on suicides, depression and all and remembered my reaction to a couple of suicides last year (relationship related suicides). Forgive me, I asked what they were thinking. Couldn’t they have considered the family they left behind? Why kill yourself because of a man/woman? And all and all. This morning I was reminded I was no different. No difference between me who asked God to kill me and the one who decided to do the killing herself/himself. And as I thought about all that all I could sing was

Imela, Imela, Okaka, Onyekeruwa
Imela, Imela, Ezemo.

I remembered how easy it is/was to judge others. A friend had her wedding cancelled recently (groom to be called it off a month to the wedding) and another friend actually said “I hope she moves on fast” and all sorts and I just sat there thinking “na so e easy?” Just pray and thank God you aint in her shoes. For once I understood how she felt, because I have been in her shoes. I have had a lot of people to tell me things in the last 3 months and am just there thinking “it is so easy for you to talk”. Then I also thought, what if these people who killed themselves had similar conversations and had people tell them the usual.  And they just couldn’t get past that phase? There are days people tell me things and I just cut them off or tell them point blank, don’t tell me that, you don’t know how I feel. So easy for you to say. Now I know what it is like. I hope never to “judge” people that way any longer. Offer your support and gauge the person’s mood before you start talking. Same thing with when someone loses a loved one. I usually don’t call or say anything. I just go see the person and hug or just sit with the person. Not because I can’t say the usual, it is well and all but cause I won’t. At least not when it is still fresh. A lot of people are struggling. In the spirit of the season (no be love season we dey?), show some love.

Moving on to interesting and happy things. It is Valentine’s day right. Happy for all of una. Never been a freak (see reasons here). However, I am happy a lot of people are happy. Good thing about having all sisters is somehow, something always enters the house. I see cake in the house already. Should I say my boss “val-ed” me? She gave me shoes this morning. Did I write it on my forehead that I am a shoe lover? First gave me a whole gift bag of jewellery over the weekend. Now shoes? What should I expect next? Na female no worry.

So I hear there is mahd traffic on the Island. Am I surprised? No. Na usual Vals day traffic. One of the reasons I hate detest Vals day. Thank God I aint on the Island this year. Plus must it rain every Vals day? I don’t know about last year but in the last few years, it has rained every Vals day. *smh*

From helping a friend get Vals gifts to planning a bridal shower, I have had an extra busy week. Work in itself is usually hectic. I now added more work to it. It was fun sha. Btw, where can I get red fascinator in Lagos? Already planning my outfit for L’s wedding (which is a month away). I am that kind of an organiser. I tend to plan a lot of things way in advance. No aso -ebi (girl after my heart) but touch of red. Now I am planning nude gown, shoes and bag. I NEED A RED FASCINATOR. Don’t make me wear a red gown please. Red is strictly for accessories- nail polish, lip stick (oh la la) and all those tinz.

I am beginning to plan a wedding in my head (plus my speech). Introduced two friends recently and the guy buzzes me to tell me they are doing dinner tonight and was seriously praying she doesn’t relocate (her family is out of the country). I was just awwwing. I am just that much of a sucker for love. I am gonna restrain myself from buzzing the babe later tonight to ask how it went. Abi should I buzz? Yes/No… The urge to buzz is strong yo. I am seriously praying it goes well BECAUSE I am writing my “how they met” story already. Yes ke, na me introduce them.

In other news, I met SNM on Sunday. Naughty child he is. Offered me only water. iKid. Offered me drinks and food, I opted for water. Twas nice seeing you. Second blogger I get to meet. Where are the others o?

Happy Valentine’s day dear readers. Hope ya all had fun or are having fun today. If you val-ed someone or got val-ed, please remember some of us get sweet tooth. Send our cake, chocolate and all o. For #teamforeveralones, well sowie. Next year ehn.

Oh and my boss brings cake….. This woman knows how to put a smile on my face….

Happy belated birthday to Just Joxy. I am so sorry I missed the date. And happy birthday to my god-mum and my cousin IfeOluwa.
Tada

Let us pray

Almighty Father we are eternally grateful for your grace and faithfulness. For your loving kindness and tender mercies that are new every morning. We thank you for you are our God and there is none other. Indescribable God accept our thanks and praises.

We pray for your mercies this and everyday.

We pray for your guidance this and everyday.

We pray for our nation Nigeria. We lift up our Jerusalem and pray for her peace. Forgive us our sins in this nation. From the East to the West to the North to the South, dear Lord, let your peace reign. We pray for our leaders. Dear Lord, from the President even to the very least public civil servant, you who holds the hands of kings and princes in your hands, turn their hearts towards you. Give us leaders who fear and love you. Have mercy on each and everyone of us. Help us the followers to search our hearts. We get the kind of leaders we deserve. Help that there be a change in our hearts. Help that we wait not for the government to change but to realize that the change begins with us. Help that in our own little ways, we do the right things. Help us to vote the right people into power. Stem the tide of insecurity and corruption in our land and let there be a cleansing from top to bottom and bottom up. Help us to live peacefully with each other.

We pray for the church. We pray for forgiveness. Father forgive us our sins and heal your church. Let your fire as in the days of old burn afresh and anew within the church. Let our church leaders do your will. Let your love be spread abroad afresh within the church. Let there be a revival in the church. Give a change of heart to each one and help us to love each other as Christ loves the church. We pray that our old men (and women) would dream dreams and our young men (women) would see visions. Help us to stop playing church. To stop being religious.

We pray for those looking up to you for children. Father grant them their heart desires. It is your will that none be without child. Cause them to be fruitful and glorify your name in their lives.

We pray for those seeking fruitfulness in other areas of their lives. Cause them to multiply and do so abundantly.

For job seekers, we pray your grant them jobs. For those in jobs they don’t like, give them the courage and boldness to seek and get the jobs they want. For those who should be in businesses and not seek 9-5 employment, Father push them. Take the fear that keeps people bound to jobs they shouldn’t be in away.

For the widows and widowers, comfort them. Strengthen them. For the fatherless and motherless, be a father and mother to them.

For those of us who know you, help us to stand firm and not depart from the way. For those who don’t, draw them close with your saving arms, wrap your arms around them and do not let them go. Help that those of us who know you would do all we need do to bring them to you.

We pray for the newly-weds, lead them in this journey they have began. For all married couples that you strengthen their union. May the oil of their love never run dry. May the wine of their relationship never go sour. Renew their love for each other everyday. We come against every wandering eye. We come against little foxes that destroy the vine. May they never break the hedge. We pray our families won’t fall victim to the devil’s war against marriages.

We pray for those who desire to be married. Answer them at your own time.

We pray for our men. That they may find good wives and obtain favour from the Lord. We pray for our women that in being found, their husbands would find favour.

We pray for our children. They would be for signs and wonders.

Above all we pray that we fulfil your purpose and forever live to praise your name.

We ask this and everyday.

All you women, there is a school you all attend…..

A friend’s friend made this statement a couple of weeks back that got me thinking. Met him at L’s office and we got talking. Somehow we ended up talking about his family and he started talking about how he doesn’t take his wife out on dates any more. I was appalled at first then he explained. He said whenever they go out, she always picks the most expensive food on the menu (even when he has informed her before hand say he no get moni) and would end up not finishing it or making statement like “it was just there”, “I didn’t enjoy it”. Trust, after it happened a number of times, he stopped taking her out except on her birthday. And he would have ordered the meal before they get there. That got me thinking. What is it about us females that when we are in a relationship or married, we believe all our bukata (needs) must be met by the man? We believe it is our duty to spend all the man’s money. After all it is his money abi na our money. But most of us would rather keep ours.

I remember listening in on radio some years ago. A kiss and make up program and this dude calls in to ask them to beg his wife. What was his offence? He usually fuels his wife’s car. She comes that morning to ask for money to get fuel and he asked her to use her money. And the woman vex. I wondered why she felt she had a right to the man’s money. Common sense told me immediately (though the man said he was joking when he said she should use her money) that the man must have had a reason to ask her to use her money. The reason whether he was joking or he seriously didn’t have money she never bothered to find out. She got angry and left the house immediately. I just smiled to myself that day and thought “she is even lucky she has someone to ask”. Some women don’t have husbands to ask of. She is lucky she even had someone who fuelled her car. A lot of women don’t dare even ask for owo obe from their husbands. I recounted that incident and that is what led to L’s friend making the comment about women going to a particular school where they teach us how to suck men dry. All we do is ask and ask and want to spend and spend and spend the man’s money. While “saving” (for want of a better word) ours. His money is OUR money, my money is MY money. I can spend his but he can’t spend mine.

Earlier today, I was also chatting with a friend and he sent me some message I guess a female friend sent to him. Paraphrased, the lady said it is the duty of the man to support the family (very right) BUT it isn’t compulsory for her to help him support the home. She said his money should be used to determine the standing of the family and not hers. My reply to him was I agree to an extent with her statements. It is a man’s sole responsibility to provide for his home. Even the Bible tells us a man who can’t do that is worse than an infidel. HOWEVER, the woman is the helper. It is compulsory for her to do her part in supporting the man every way she can none the least, financially. While in the olden days, it might have been easier for the man to be the sole provider, the way things are right now, the man cannot and shouldn’t be left alone to take care of all the responsibilities. You should be able to cover each other. If he doesn’t have and you do, there is nothing stopping you from taking up that responsibility even if it means you collect the money later (directly or indirectly). Regarding whether his money should be used to determine the standing of the family, I also agree. I did suggest though that rather than it being his money (which for most women is our money), a joint account would be a good idea. That way it is a clear cut case of our money determining the standing of the family. I believe in marriage, there shouldn’t be his money, her money. It should be our money.

I do realize that while it is easy to type our money, actually doing it might be hard. That is why I am a believer in having one or two joint accounts. Both parties put in a certain amount each month depending on their pay and payment of bills, vacation and other bukata can be paid for from there. That frees up the rest of each person’s income for personal things. I know a number of men who say they can never give their wives their debit or credit card. If she lays her hands on it, it would come back empty. Haba. Kilode? And these wives are equally employed and well paid o.

Later this evening, went on instagram and saw someone put up a picture (see below).

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I have come to realize that for a lot of females in relationships, we have turned the guy into our money market fund (except this time, we don’t wanna pay back what we have collected and def not with interest). I need, I want, Can I have. Most times asking for things we can’t even afford ourselves and maybe even know the guy can’t afford at that moment. Even if he can afford everything sef, haba, cool down na. I grew up never accepting something from a guy I can’t give back  or afford if things go the other way. In fact I remember keeping a gift for over a year once because it was pretty expensive and I didn’t want a situation where we stopped talking and things hit the roof and I start hearing stories. What I can’t afford or give, I don’t accept. Frankly, he is your husband, he is your boyfriend, he is your fiance not your BANK. Seriously, let’s pity these men and not allow them label all of us. Little wonder why a lot of men believe all women are materialistic and can be bought. Just drop money, buy gifts, o pari. She would trip. Whatever happened to self worth and respect?

Back to L’s friend. After I had tried defending my people, he ends with “let’s see what happens when you get married”. Now am scared. Is there a school I am not aware of, that once I get married, I start exhibiting characters associated with those who attended this school?

Book Club

Once upon a time, I used to read lots and lots of books. Sadly, for a couple of years, I didn’t read as much as I would have loved. Work then school and all sorts came up to keep me from reading. Excuses right? Yeah I know.

However, I have decided to pick up books again. Have a number of books I bought but not found the time to read them. So, here is to reading them. I would not just read them but share my thoughts on the books I read. Books would range from relationships (single, married), gender related books (male and female), religion,  business, and a bit of motivational books (not a fan of such books but I do have some I was given and haven’t read). Anyways, I hope to start a book club where I would write my thoughts as well as things I learn from them.

So in case you don’t see me for a while, I am busy. WITH MY BOOKS. Lol.

I would start with a book called The Five Love Languages (Singles Edition) by Gary Chapman. Is there anybody who has read it? Or the married edition? First heard about the married edition some couple of years back but never got round to buying it. When I finally decided to buy it two months ago, it was out of stock. So picked the singles edition instead. Trust it would be fun reading it. Next book which I am desperately searching for is “The Point Man: How a man can lead his family” by Steve Farrar. Heard about it in church and it comes highly recommended (in fact, I heard Pastor Adefarasin asked all the men in his church to buy it) for men. Who says women can’t read them too. One of the books I love so much and would recommend is “He-motions” by T.D Jakes. Written for men but even as a woman, I really enjoyed it. Hope to get The Point Man by weekend. Else, would do He-motions instead. Doing away with the “junk” I have on iBooks and going back to the days of hard copies *straight face*. I see someone looking at me.

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Cheers friends.

Have a lovely weekend and a great December.

Tada