Tag Archives: Thankful

I begged God to die

I got your attention with that title right? Lols. Nothing serious. Just remembered the story of Jonah earlier today and how he asked God to kill him.

Now,  Lord , take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live. (Jonah 4:3)

I was at that point in life late last year. I literally begged God to take my life. Moved from begging when He didn’t to praying for rapture to come like yesterday. *le sigh*. I am alright people. It was just a phase.

Remembered that today and how often we get judgmental or because we don’t know how someone feels about something bad that happened, how easily we make comments that could hurt the person (not like we intended to). I am one of those who anytime Jonah’s story came up or I read it, I scoffed and raised my nose. I asked if he was God and why he should be angry God didn’t destroy a city. I wondered and said he should have killed himself na. Abi? If God no kee you, kee yourself.

I recently stumbled on some posts on suicides, depression and all and remembered my reaction to a couple of suicides last year (relationship related suicides). Forgive me, I asked what they were thinking. Couldn’t they have considered the family they left behind? Why kill yourself because of a man/woman? And all and all. This morning I was reminded I was no different. No difference between me who asked God to kill me and the one who decided to do the killing herself/himself. And as I thought about all that all I could sing was

Imela, Imela, Okaka, Onyekeruwa
Imela, Imela, Ezemo.

I remembered how easy it is/was to judge others. A friend had her wedding cancelled recently (groom to be called it off a month to the wedding) and another friend actually said “I hope she moves on fast” and all sorts and I just sat there thinking “na so e easy?” Just pray and thank God you aint in her shoes. For once I understood how she felt, because I have been in her shoes. I have had a lot of people to tell me things in the last 3 months and am just there thinking “it is so easy for you to talk”. Then I also thought, what if these people who killed themselves had similar conversations and had people tell them the usual.  And they just couldn’t get past that phase? There are days people tell me things and I just cut them off or tell them point blank, don’t tell me that, you don’t know how I feel. So easy for you to say. Now I know what it is like. I hope never to “judge” people that way any longer. Offer your support and gauge the person’s mood before you start talking. Same thing with when someone loses a loved one. I usually don’t call or say anything. I just go see the person and hug or just sit with the person. Not because I can’t say the usual, it is well and all but cause I won’t. At least not when it is still fresh. A lot of people are struggling. In the spirit of the season (no be love season we dey?), show some love.

Moving on to interesting and happy things. It is Valentine’s day right. Happy for all of una. Never been a freak (see reasons here). However, I am happy a lot of people are happy. Good thing about having all sisters is somehow, something always enters the house. I see cake in the house already. Should I say my boss “val-ed” me? She gave me shoes this morning. Did I write it on my forehead that I am a shoe lover? First gave me a whole gift bag of jewellery over the weekend. Now shoes? What should I expect next? Na female no worry.

So I hear there is mahd traffic on the Island. Am I surprised? No. Na usual Vals day traffic. One of the reasons I hate detest Vals day. Thank God I aint on the Island this year. Plus must it rain every Vals day? I don’t know about last year but in the last few years, it has rained every Vals day. *smh*

From helping a friend get Vals gifts to planning a bridal shower, I have had an extra busy week. Work in itself is usually hectic. I now added more work to it. It was fun sha. Btw, where can I get red fascinator in Lagos? Already planning my outfit for L’s wedding (which is a month away). I am that kind of an organiser. I tend to plan a lot of things way in advance. No aso -ebi (girl after my heart) but touch of red. Now I am planning nude gown, shoes and bag. I NEED A RED FASCINATOR. Don’t make me wear a red gown please. Red is strictly for accessories- nail polish, lip stick (oh la la) and all those tinz.

I am beginning to plan a wedding in my head (plus my speech). Introduced two friends recently and the guy buzzes me to tell me they are doing dinner tonight and was seriously praying she doesn’t relocate (her family is out of the country). I was just awwwing. I am just that much of a sucker for love. I am gonna restrain myself from buzzing the babe later tonight to ask how it went. Abi should I buzz? Yes/No… The urge to buzz is strong yo. I am seriously praying it goes well BECAUSE I am writing my “how they met” story already. Yes ke, na me introduce them.

In other news, I met SNM on Sunday. Naughty child he is. Offered me only water. iKid. Offered me drinks and food, I opted for water. Twas nice seeing you. Second blogger I get to meet. Where are the others o?

Happy Valentine’s day dear readers. Hope ya all had fun or are having fun today. If you val-ed someone or got val-ed, please remember some of us get sweet tooth. Send our cake, chocolate and all o. For #teamforeveralones, well sowie. Next year ehn.

Oh and my boss brings cake….. This woman knows how to put a smile on my face….

Happy belated birthday to Just Joxy. I am so sorry I missed the date. And happy birthday to my god-mum and my cousin IfeOluwa.
Tada

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Every reason to be thankful

I was chatting with a friend last night/this morning (I chat a lot yeah) and was telling her about how I just wish I can find a place and hide. No calls, no texts, no pings. No form of communication with anybody. Just be, myself and I. You know those days, you are just down, and you cannot tell people how you feel. Am pretty much at an all time low and just wish I can disappear. It later occurred to me that nobody would believe if they knew I was in this state. Behind the whole smiling face, chatting and everything looking nice. I remember reading a blog this morning (or was it yesterday?) and it damn struck a chord. I found myself asking “why is God messing with me”.

Well I kinda got my answers last night/this morning and I decided rather than give the devil a chance to make me unhappy, I am gonna be thankful. No matter what it is, I know the answers I seek would come. The answers may not be favourable but still in Him would I trust. I realized I have/had a lot of things to be thankful for and I felt like bursting out in songs and screaming (couldn’t though except I wanted to wake the whole house up).

I have ever reason to be thankful.
I am thankful for life.
For the salvation of my soul.
For family and friends.
For YB.
For my jobless state.
For my baby sis, who saw her elder sister has no job and decided to pass all her assignments to me. That should keep me busy yeah?
For parents I can call on, when am broke *straight face*
For revelations when I need them.
For guidance and protection. My family and I, friends and all go out, we come in, no accidents, no robbery attacks (getting quite much as Christmas approaches). For extra mercies especially as this year is coming to an end. It has been tough/hard/depressing/sad for a lot of people. Yet we still dey bam.
Because I no dey UK in this kain cold.
For friends who are truly friends.
For the tests I am going through.
For the days I get really scared.
For the tears.
For the opportunity to even feel low. He is reminding me His grace is sufficient, He is the only one I can rely on.
For the past 2* years (did you think am gonna reveal my age here?) *ssmh*
For the past 10 months and 12 days (did I get that Maths right?) 😃
For the new people I have met in the last months.
For blogville.
For a lot of things.
Because I know all things work together for my good.

Anywayz, as I cannot scream, My Praise by Gabriel Eziashi would do.

It is my birth month. Yayyyyyy. Unlike other years, I never got round to deciding what I was going to post or do. Like I said, I haven’t been feeling myself for a while and it just entered the lowest low in the last few days.

Can’t wait to see the streets of Lagos with all the Christmas decors and lights. Taking them forever to put them up this year *sigh*.
Wishing all November babies a very happy birthday. Angelsbeauty I see you.

Tada

Thankful

Its been a while since I posted anything… Not for any good reason though… Have been a bit busy but that’s not enough reason not to post. Anywayz, happy new month people…

I am not one of those Happy New Month “texters”or “broacasters” (in fact I get quiet peeved when people send me messages but what can I do; cause am thinking I frigid know it is a new month) but in the last couple of weeks as September approached, I found myself thinking (maybe cause have been home doing nothing, I had so much time to think)… about the past 8 months. What has been and what hasn’t. What I set out to achieve and have achieved and those I haven’t and the list goes on… I kept looking back at how my life has been and how far I have come and all I can just say is thank you Jesus. He has been too faithful.

On one of my reminiscing days, I suddenly remembered a prayer I had raised and in fact COMPLETELY forgot about it… Started the year with something I had hoped to achieve by the end of this month and did pray a particular prayer concerning it and forgot *covering my face*. I kept on processing it but forgot I prayed that particular prayer. Sometimes, about two weeks ago, something happened and I panicked. I def didn’t sleep early that night. As I was praying, that prayer point come to mind and I knew God was just reminding me of His faithfulness cause that prayer was already answered and it was like since He did this, He would definitely complete it…I slept well that night and every night since then.

I set a target for September 2nd on the issue that was going to give me a sleepless night two weeks back and just left it to God. Today September 1st, everything got sorted. Two weeks ago, it didn’t look like it was going to be sorted in a month sef not to talk of within two weeks. One thing I heard for sure that night two weeks back was “All these are your calculations, what of mine? And He has been working according to His timing since I let go.

I also started this year and courting was one of the things off my list of to-do this year. I don’t do new year resolutions but I do give myself a list of set targets for the year. And being in a relationship was not on that list. But God’s ways are past finding out… And for that am grateful, happy *bbm dancing smiley*. And for many more I can’t start to recount.

Still taking a stock of the past months and hoping to make amends for things have missed out on achieving within the set time (with God’s help) because He continues to prove that on my own, I can’t do it.

Not all has been good. Somethings I needed to work on or change have also been on my mind. Things I need to stop doing and by God’s grace, I would… Once again, I can’t achieve that on my own so am handing them over to the one who can help me.

I decided to clean my room today and I was shocked at some of the things I kept. I pride myself in being able to keep things but finding my first year registration form was definitely not one of the things I should be happy I kept. That is what Yorubas call “panti”. Told YB and he replies “I don’t want panti in our house”. I def have trashed all that. And eye-shadow, brushes and other makeup stuff I haven’t used in a long while but would just not trash. Sad to see them go but they were constituting panti in my room. Clothes I haven’t worn in a long while too are gonna find their way to those who need them soonest. I am glad I did this cleaning though my back aches. A word of advise “Never start cleaning without eating a proper meal”. At some point my head was turning. Thankfully, the last 4 hours has been worth it. Off to burn the “burnables”… Trashed the “trashables”.

Do have a great September….And for those who know me, my count down and planning begins… November here I come *wink wink*