Tag Archives: Thoughts

Criminal Mind?

So I have spent the last 3 hours thinking and dissecting something and putting the pieces of a puzzle back together… I should blame it on watching #Scandal and #Suits right after each other but then….

I grew up loving to read and watch anything that had to do with mystery, law, crime. Little wonder why I never finished Desperate Housewives (though I like to think I finished) or Grey’s Anatomy or House (Medical dramas are so overrated). I like to blame it on the fact that they just dragged on and on yet still I watched every freaking episode of 24 and Prison Break. I steadily follow Scandal and Suits. And the only reason why I am not watching a lot of other law or criminal series is I feel I can’t handle them all. Had to stop CSI: NY and The Mentalist at some point.

I read a lot of books on haunted houses, ghosts, detective ish, Sidney Sheldon, John Grisham and James Hadley Chase (please please don’t ask me where I got the books from). I guess that’s what got me interested in Law and crime. Only thing I was sure of was I wasn’t gonna be a lawyer. And a trip to a court room (never mind the fancy buildings and good looking lawyers we see on TV) in Nigeria was enough to kill any tiny bit of love for Law. Those wooden seats ehn plus the heat….. And mehn, I can’t read all those their law textbooks. Too young to wear glasses and have a bent back.

Where am I going to.  I have always had the tendency to over analyse and think things through thoroughly. Even more when it gets to a stage I start to suspect people, my detective antenna  comes out and I start to put things together till it fits. I then draw up my plan on how to “catch the suspect, interrogate and deal with the suspect” . You know the part where you meet the person and the person is trying to form victim/saint and you just give it straight and the person is too shocked to reply. The part at the end where you tell the person I got it all on tape. *sigh* too much movies. I am just a drama queen. Never mind that from drawing it up to implementation (which might never happen), something comes up. “Case” gets solved. Just not the way I planned. And I can plannnnnn…… So now I have planned And I won’t do anything. Just maybe it would get solved the way I planned it to get solved? Who knows?

I blogged about having an “Olivia Pope” moment a few weeks back. Now I have lost almost 3 hours of sleep because I had another Olivia and gladiators moment. Only this was more than a moment. It was some 3 hours of good sleep I could have spent actually SLEEPING.

I am beginning to think I have a very criminal mind. Because every time I think of the fact that I think such stuff and I remember what the Bible says about judgment day and God judging even our secret thoughts, I see a situation where “the life and times and- wait for it, the thoughts of Deronk” is being played and small me in the crowd of many millions is just there watching and people around (the way my people would have their hands on their heads in disbelief) shout “ha! iwo nikan” (Ha! na only you), “iwo lo ro gbogbo eyi tan” (only you thought of all of these?), “omo kekere de ni o” (she is only a small girl)” and the likes…. *le sigh* Just because it can take a thousand years to finish watching my own roll of film o.. Of which what is a thousand years to God. Just a tiny bit….

I think a new prayer point should be “God take away every ability to…” What do I call this ability now? It was a lot easier to ask for the ability to hack into peoples systems to be taken away. Being able to hack into peoples computer at 10/11 was a criminal thing. Yet people thought I should channel it into becoming an ethical hacker and studying Forensics. Hian!!!! what is ethical about hacking? Maybe I woulda been sitting down behind one desk in one secret service office now or be somewhere in the US making money helping corporations keep their sites and databases etal safe right. Not my calling. Living and working in the US has never been on my agenda.

Now I have lost an extra 30 minutes of sleep typing this… I blame it on the drugs and Scandal and Suits. Good night peoples. If I can’t sleep I can as well read this lovely  C.S. Lewis book this post made me download.

Love ya

Am I the only one who saw last week’s episode of Suits and thought it was Harvey who had a heart attack? I almost died. I am beginning to love Louis…. Getting Litt up…. and good bye to Louis and Shelia… It would fun while they lasted… And I so feel for Mike…. Why do bad things happen to “good people”

 

When death comes calling

The numbness.

The shock.

The sadness.

The tears.

Unbelief.

The questions.

The sleepless nights.

The thoughts that run through your head.

The family of the departed.

How do they feel?

The stillness.

Everything freezing in time.

The longing for the past.

Times spent with the departed.

The memories.

The sorrow.

Things you wish you could change.

Things you wish you didn’t do.

Things you wish you did.

Things you wish you didn’t say.

Things you wish you said.

The emptiness.

Death is the end of us all. Either death or rapture. Somehow, some day, we all depart this world.

Where we gonna end up? What would be said about us? How have we lived our lives?

Live your life like you would die the next second. Always prepared to leave this world. You never can tell when it would happen.

RIP aunty Bolaji.

To tell or not to tell

TRAITOR.

A friend said that to me for the first time in my life in SS2. Yes, there was a second time…. And a 3rd time. In the same SS2. What was with me and that class sef??? *smh*. That word is so Military-ish and scary, I shivered when I* called me that. Conjures up images of dictators or other top Military guys shouting traitor and pointing at hapless subordinates as other people look and guards/soldiers take them out for execution. I* called me that twice. T the first was the next to call me that.

What led to me being called a traitor ba? You see, A* was dating I*. I* is my friend since forever. A*, I met through her. When they started dating, I wasn’t informed o. But at the end, I became a traitor. Sometime 2nd term, SS2, I noticed A* was acting funny and concluded the end was near for that relationship. I am not an oracle or expert on relationships but I tend to know when something isn’t going right or wouldn’t be right in a relationship. L* and I were discussing one day and I made the mistake of mentioning it to her. L* is also quite close to A*. Some how, L* tells A* and A* puts off breaking the relationship…. by 2 weeks. When he finally does, trust I* is so distraught and not talking to anybody.

L*, I*, A* and myself attend the same lesson. I went to stores (that what we called where we bought things from in School then o), and left me bag in class. I met L* and I* on my way back to class to pick up my bag (it was time for lessons to start). A* was right behind…. Carrying my school bag…. Wahala.. I asked him for my bag and he replies “after coming all the way with it, you don’t expect me to give you and then go get MY bag”. So I respected myself and picked up his bag. It was on our way home I* called me a traitor for the first time.

Second time was because I refused to tell. She found out later that I knew (how I knew I don’t know o, as A* didn’t tell me specifically he was going to break up with her) A* was going to opt-out of the relationship. E gba ni e laja (please help me/save me o- I hope that’s the meaning?) Was I meant to tell her? At work one day an issue came up and people figured that since I knew the MD, I should tell.  Made me start to wonder…. especially in cases of a relationship, should a friend talk??? Or as in the case of my office, should I walk up to the MD and tell????

I have heard arguments for both sides. Some say yes, you should be able to tell your friend no matter worth. I agree. The max that would happen is the friend wouldn’t talk to you again. Abi? But when the whole matter comes out, your friend would either wish he/she listened and might even come back to thank you/ask for forgiveness and help or just ignore and move on with life. That way, you know you tried your best even if you lose a friend. Valid point. What are you friends for if you can’t tell each other the truth even when it hurts.

Another school of thought says you shouldn’t o… Like it is an abomination. Kon se gbogbo nkan ti oju ba ri ni enu nso (It isn’t everything the eyes see the mouth says- we could include “ears hear”). Once again I hope am right with the spelling and interpretation. You can’t tell everything to your friend o. Do you want your friendship to end? Especially in the case of relationships, you hear “because of a man now, you don’t want XYZ to talk to you again”?

Or another group, “experience is the best teacher”. Let him/her learn from it o jare….Yes it would hurt but they would never make that mistake again. Hmmmmm…. Is that what friendship is all about. I was once in this school of thought. Let everybody learn from their mistakes. Then I moved to it isn’t everything you see or hear (true o), you tell people. Now there are days I think “should I or should I not tell”? I hear a lot of “it depends on your relationship with the person”. If you are sure he/she can take the truth, go ahead and tell. Else it is in your best interest not to. I tend to wanna agree with this but then I get bothered at times when I see a friend heading the wrong way or someone I could have told something (even if the person wouldn’t listen) end up doing the wrong thing. I then remember the Bible passage that talks aboutyou knowing the right thing to do and you refuse to do it. It is a sin”. I wonder how many of such instances would want to stand against me on judgment day and I consciously try to make an effort to tell. I still get scared sometimes and I don’t tell.. But God helping me, I would tell as much as I can….

Btw, still undecided about talking to my MD. Made up my mind not to… but……

Just pondering.

A little sleep, a little slumber

I love sleep. My mum says I can sleep on water. She says I can sleep all through the day but am very alert at night… *shrugs*. Is that a problem? Got an uncle who she says we have the same sleeping habit and he is the MD of some company now *wink wink*. Maybe I should continue my sleeping… so I can become MD…. Loool.

Anyways, my sleeping habit isn’t the subject. Stumbled on an acquaintance’s BBM status recently. Can’t remember exactly how it was worded but paraphrased is similar to the Bible passage in Proverbs 24:33-34; A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest  and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man. It was just worded in a tusher way.. Gosh… Not saying the Bible isn’t tush o… Couldn’t help commenting on the status and that got me thinking and remembering when I took the NIM exams… the lectures on Management Principles, Styles, Theories, the Abraham Maslow, Hawthorne, Henri Fayol, Herzberg, the free sociey (Laissez-faire)… Oh boy, see me giving some Management ish….

One thing that struck me and still does is Theory X and Theory Y by Douglas McGregor.

Theory X assumes people have an inherent dislike for work and will avoid it whenever possible. People must be coerced, controlled, directed, or threatened with punishment in order to get them to achieve the organizational objectives. People prefer to be directed, do not want responsibility, and have little or no ambition. People seek security above all else.

Theory Y assumes work is as natural as play and rest. People will exercise self-direction if they are committed to the objectives (they are NOT lazy). Commitment to objectives is a function of the rewards associated with their achievement. People learn to accept and seek responsibility. Creativity, ingenuity, and imagination are widely distributed among the population. People are capable of using these abilities to solve an organizational problem. People have potential.

Ok.. Too much English ba? For a blog… Not going into the nitty gritty o. It is Theory X that has me thinking; People are generally lazy.. Abi? Is that not the long and short of the whole story? People don’t like work so they are lazy. If A=B and B=C, then A=C ba? Maybe not quite in this case. What I am trying to infer is sleep is generally associated with laziness. So for those of us that love like sleep we are lazy??? Arghhhh. Not sure

I don’t know if it is an African problem or it is general but is it only me that thinks Theory X is true about 90% of the time? Especially as regards Africans? I see a lot of young men and women all around me who don’t want to work. They would rather stay back at home and money “miraculously” gets to their hands than to get up in the morning and work. Not saying there are not days when you just want to lay on your bed for 10 hours and sleep; when you finally wake up, you wanna watch TV or movies… That’s a once in a while ish.

No, I am talking about people who don’t want to do anything with their hands and still expect to be “rich”; to have money. Or the ones who say they are working (work here is they stay in car parks, say they are guarding your car and expect you to give them N200 when you are driving out). And don’t try justifying their “work”. Or the ones who just come to work, days on end, doing nothing, waiting for salary at the end of the month and they are not bothered; makes me think if they are okay; you aint adding to yourself and you are fine that way??? I am positive these are the kind of people the Bible refers to when it says a little sleep a little slumber…

Yes, literally sleeping all day not doing anything is part of it oh… Now before you refer to my earlier statement, yes growing up, I did enjoy sleeping during the day especially weekends and do all my assignments at night… I still do… Can feel very sleepy before a vigil but sure wouldn’t sleep. Wait till I get home and am out for the whole day… *grin*. But with classes and now work, my body has learnt to re-adjust. Work during the day and sleep at night. Though I still remain alert very early in the morning, by afternoon my mind blanks out itself. Makes me try to get as much as possible done in the morning.  I can’t imagine you sleeping all day 7 days a week, 365 days a year and expect to make it in life… How na?

Just thinking is it innate in man most especially Africans to be lazy? To like “sleep”? Is McGregor’s Theory X true in most cases or Theory Y? Are we really not intelligent, gullible, resistant to change, have no ambition and self centered (like a version of Theory X puts it)?

Btw, me I like sleep and I like work… Just wondering, do they gel? Sleep and Work? Can someone like both?

Just pondering


Valentine’s Day

I HATE Vals day. Okay, may be Hate is too strong a word but I really don’t like Vals day…

Shoot me…

For me, it is just another day but the hype all around it, you would think it is Christmas or Easter.

My “beefs” for Vals day are legion….

Don’t worry, e ma no ga (don’t be in a hurry),  you would find out soon.

It started almost 12 years ago… yes that long… I was in JSS2… think it started before then sef….. I have had a lot of toasters… am proud of myself… shoot me… and more than half of them figured that if they VALed me… I had no right to say NO to them… you can imagine…. Valing me gave them a bragging right and immediately made them my boyfriend… see wahala.. Quickly and even till now, I advise guys not to Val me… because you would still get NO as an answer and I would gladly receive the gifts…

Same JSS2, some friend of mine (who apparently liked me) calls me after school on Feb 14. School don close o. I was just waiting for mumsie or the driver to show up so I can go home. And that much I told him. If mumsie or the driver shows up, I would leave. While waiting, the driver shows up and I go home. Abi? Years later, we got round to talking; SS3, I didn’t want to carry Secondary School beef into Uni (he stopped talking to me after that) and I asked why he stopped talking and he told me what happened. He had bought all the gifts his money could buy (maybe saved sef or borrowed), asked me to wait, comes back with his friends and the gifts and I had disappeared. In anger they go back to his class and MURDERED the cake… thrashed the gifts and his friends stopped talking to me. To them, I was a wicked person… Wahala…. But I told him I would leave na? Abi? Plus everybody else gave gifts since, na after school he remembered? (I guess the gifts came late, but what stopped him from telling me he was going to get the gifts?? Maybe he wanted to surprise me… Sorry, I spoilt his surprise.

Fast forward to SS2/SS3. These 2 friends of mine were dating. G and T. G doesn’t have money and Vals day is approaching. T is expecting Vals gifts.. G doesn’t tell T he doesn’t have money and he def wouldn’t borrow to satisfy a girl (thank you brother); man after my heart. Val’s day comes and no gift. T is upset. G’s male friends are upset. You can at least have borrowed money from us to Val her they said. I felt like stoning them… Why should a guy borrow to satisfy a chic? Kilode? (Why?). Here I was very happy and sad tho that G wasn’t brave enough to tell T he didn’t have money. Guys if you tell you chic you don’t have money and she is angry, my dear free her. Then G makes the biggest mistake a guy makes. He comes towards d end of the day (twas a Saturday in my SS3 and we had lessons so school was practically full) with Lollipop… yes you read right… Lollipop in the shape of a rose… *hitting my head on the wall*. What???? At that point, I lost hope…. Don’t get me wrong, I am a firm believer in the thoughts behind the gift (take my ex who was out of the country last Vals but went the extra mile to get me gifts and sent them down through a friend; boy I wasn’t expecting nada so I was pretty much very impressed and giddy with excitement) and not just how much the gift costs… and am sure at that moment G felt T was upset and needed to do something to save the day… but lollipop??? Funny his very good friend (another friend of mine D) who was dating another girl friend of mine T (the second) told her upfront he didn’t have money… It was left to T (the second) to decide… funny, she Valed him instead… Now that’s a girl after my heart. This issue would be discussed soon. Is it egosim on the part of guys or they just think all females are materialistic?

Another reason is I hate when something, someone or anything is hyped. Here in Nigeria, I don’t know about other countries (as I have never been out of Nigeria on Vals day), you would think it is Christmas… Left to Nigerians Vals day should be a public holiday (makes matters worse, there is a public holiday tomorrow). I started getting messages about Vals day as far back as January 5th and am thinking, didn’t we just end a round of spending??? As with everything hyped around me, I lose interest immediately. That’s why I have not seen movies like Avatar till now… and why I saw movies such as Sherlock Holmes immediately they came out. Guess Valentine’s day is the only hyped movie I have ever seen (because a friend proposed to his gf then on that day and asked that we all go see the movie together).

Also, why must it be one day out of 365 days, people “decide to show love”? Why can’t you buy flowers, perfumes, take him/her to that restaurant or visit the spa on any other day. Don’t get me wrong, I know people do these and more on other days but for must people, IT IS ON VALS DAY, they remember to “show love”. What happens on the remaining 364 days???

Broadcasts….. curse of having a BB… Like I don’t know what February 14 is??? I have made up my mind to delete the next person that sends me a broadcast on BB… I am that upset.

Finally, TRAFFIC…. Omo mehn, you should be in Lagos on Vals day. The last 3 years have made me detest it even more… Lagos on a normal day is crazy… Rain or sun, on Vals day, roads would be blocked. 2 years ago (thank God I was home), heard it was mahd traffic…. Last year, coming back from church on a Sunday, took me almost 3 hours to get home… something that would take max, 20 minutes from V/I to Lekki… *smh*. Today, am planning to leave work as early as possible to beat traffic…

To the romantics who are so into Vals day, not my plan to ruin your day, so do have fun ehn… and don’t do what I wouldn’t do (if you aint married)

And wanna wish my dear cousin Ifeoluwa (all these Valentine babies) a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY… Love you so much. xoxo

Just pondering

Hello world!

Blogging…. hmmmmm..

Wanted to write a blog for so long… Just couldn’t think of a name or theme for it.

Thankfully a friend helped me out with picking a name and a theme.

This is a blog on issues all around me… political (mostly political as my country is on the threshold of holding a make or break election)…. music…. fashion (I am the last person who should write on fashion but I would try)…. relationships…. GOD…… anything that comes to mind… though I might digress and write about not as important stuff… or non-issues…

This is my OWN opinion on issues…. but feel free to drop by and have your say….

Gonna leave you with a non-issue.. A note I wrote some months back on Facebook..

“They Say”

They say I am incapable of loving….

They say I listen to “sad love songs”… the Another Day (Lemar), Time to Grow (Lemar still), On Bended Knees (Boyz II Men)… or the boring ones… Speechless (MJ), Power of Love (Celine Dion), I Knew I loved you (Savage Garden),  Endless Love (Lionel Richie)…

They say I am not romantic, not spontaneous, too rigid, not impulsive, too logical. They say “You think things through and through”, “You are not flexible”, “You are hard”.

They say I am not materialistic, not easily impressed, too independent, “Chics like money, why are you different”, “What can I do to make you trip?”, “You don’t accept things from people”.

They say I am simple. They say I don’t date. They say I keep guys at arms length (like am a lesbian). They ask “Are you straight?” Imagine!!!

They say I am emotionless. “We can’t decipher when you like someone or not”.

They say I am simple. They say I am weird; “You are strange”, “You are not like others”.

They ask me to define LOVE.

They say I am commitment phobic. They say “The way you are going, you would end up ALONE, you would NEVER marry.. no husband, no children, JUST YOU (emphasis on ALONE, NEVER and JUST YOU).

I ask, is it a sin to be simple? Should I wear my emotions on my face? If I want to spend my own money, should that be a problem to you? If being impulsive or spontaneous makes me make the wrong decisions or makes me compromise, would you advise to?

I am not materialistic, not easily impressed.. May be it is the mere fact that you remember me or call me that trips me as against the things you think money can buy (which might trip others).

I don’t date, I keep guys at arms length, are you straight? (Like seriously). I don’t/didn’t date you, does that mean I don’t date? I keep you at arms length, does that mean I keep guys at arms length?

For those asking me to define love… I don’t know the definition. Can you like try to define it?

I am commitment phobic. May be. May be at times, the “bolts” in my head get loosened and I run. Or maybe I get scared when I get close to a guy and I bolt.

But I think its all my BUSINESS not yours.

Finally brethren, please let me be… IT IS MY LIFE.

Btw, just testing my writing skills, lol.

Hope you like it.

NB: Somethings were taken out of the original note and some added…

Let the issues begin