La la la la la, Lo lo lo lo lo yeah

Yayyyyy. A month to go!!!!

So I miss my Tuesday posting (well blame it on being too tired to post last night). So here you have what was meant to be yesterday’s post.

First thing first, the give away starts today and ends on the 26th of November. All you have to do is comment. I was going to do questions and all but never got round to posting all I was gonna “set the questions” on. So yeah, all you have to do is comment. And the time starts now. I see some people are doing copy copy sha! May the good Lord forgive you.

That said, if you haven’t read/seen naijahusband’s blog, you are on a long tin. The posts are hillarious yet very necessary and a most read (if I can say so) for young couples. So if you haven’t, let me help you. You can read his (their) posts here.

Am I the only one who thinks it is a taboo to disrupt someone’s Sunday afternoon nap? I had my ogas disrupt my sleep on Sunday and apparently ended up yarning gibberish (not something that could get me sacked, yayy). Sure they have a note to self: never call Deronk on a Sunday afternoon. YET, why would you wanna ruin Sunday afternoon?

Very short post it is.

Do have a great day people.

Tada

Musings and lessons learnt?

So here I am, putting down things that occurred to me during the week (some I already knew but they never hit me the way they did during the course of the week).

1. It matters what people say about you when you are gone. This Baroness Thatcher issue again. My knowledge of her for long was just that I knew she was once Prime Minister, the first female and yada yana. Well, asides the fact that I grew up being called Thatcher or Iron Lady. I just wonder, if she wasn’t firm/strict/unshaken (put your preferred English), would people talk about her the way they do? We are usually told, it doesn’t matter what people say/think about you. I think it does. That said, be rest assured, you cannot satisfy everybody. And not all people would say nice/good/positive (again if this doesn’t do you, put what your prefer) things about you. Above all, what matters is what heaven says about you.

2. I had a conversation with a friend some months back about singlehood (is there a word like that? Ok I have added it to the dictionary) and I asked if it ever occurred to her maybe she wasn’t meant to get married. As I expected, she got all so Christianise with the God forbid, Olorun maje, not my portion ish. Not like I blame her though. I completely forgot that conversation. Till worshipandswag’s post on destined to be single. And I just smiled. I am of the opinion that not everybody would get married (same way not everybody would have children). I believe the African culture places so much “importance” (note the quotes, marriage is important but not overtly important, at least not the way most people take it like their lives depend on it and if they don’t get married, their world aint ok) on marriage. Unnecessary importance and as such for a lot of people (especially women) it is inconceivable to think they would NEVER get married. A lot of us cannot just fathom it. Don’t get me wrong, it is completely and absolutely legitimate for any man or woman to desire to get married. Even God realised that man shouldn’t be alone and decided to give him a help, meet for him. I still believe though that contrary to what a lot of people believe, not everybody was created to get married.

3. A few of us were discussing before our church’s single fellowship yesterday (and somehow everybody else was what we term a matured single, asides me and the single fellowship leader who is very married) and this woman (the leader) was gisting us about when she had her marriage counselling. She said their counsellor told her that for a lot of people (once again, women especially), we go into marriages with a preconceived idea of what we want our marriages to be like (not that it is bad, but we all know the danger of unmet expectations right? I don’t need to dwell on that). She said we build towers, block on block, brick on brick and then make the man the roof. And then the shaking starts. He rocks it once, small cracks appear, we patch it. He rocks it the second time (now the cracks widen). We patch and glue and do all sorts. And then one day, the whole tower comes crumbling down, with the weight of the man (the roof) on the woman (or man, depends on who built the tower). Whatever happens after then, na only God fit save the pesin. Lesson is make God the roof. Your husband/wife would disappoint. There would be rocking but with Him at the top, all is well. The person you are most sensitive to is the easiest to disappoint you.

4. Never cease to appreciate your friends and family. I felt for so long I have stopped appreciating and thanking family members and friends. Like I always felt I needed to have a reason to say thank you to them. Well, I do know now, I don’t need a reason. For just putting up with me alone, it is enough to be thankful for. iJoke. I am the nicest person to be around. In my head. You don’t need a reason to appreciate people. So a VERY BIG THANK YOU to everybody who reads this blog, to friends, to family, to friends who are more than friends, to friends who have become family, to everybody. Thank you. E se pupo. And no, I am not dying.

5. I had a hair mishap this night. I was told mixing egg with some many tinz helps hair growth, strengthens your hair and all. And as I am on a hair growth journey, I decided to try it out. Got out of the bathroom to discover my hair was “glued” together. This wasn’t a “it is tangled” level. It was like someone poured glue on my head. After 30 seconds of freaking out (and having my sisters laugh their lives out), I rushed back in and started washing the life out of it. Well, lost quite a lot of hair sadly but not that bad. Lesson: when you wanna try such stunts, go to a salon and get someone to make the mix for you, that way, you have someone to sue if anything goes wrong. iKid. The main lesson is, it worked for Mimi no mean say e go work for Deronk. Ik does it that way no mean say the day Kc do am, e no go get K-leg. That said, I am scared I would wake up later in the day with no hair on my head. And no, I won’t upload pictures of me bald (if that ever happens). I love the egg mix smell though. Just doubt I am gonna try it again.

In other more interesting news, we have a gown. Lols. One of my “brides” has picked her gown. Really excited. Can’t put up pictures yet. You shall see it in a few months. However, how do I get bride B to get more serious about this planning.

In other other news, I see some people owe us some posts. If you owe us (blogsville, a few posts, raise your hands). Ok I see a couple of hands. One male, one female. Did I mention names? Be guided o.

In unrelated news (well, indulge me, no be news), you can never tell a person’s true character until you work (or walk) with them.

Happy Sunday people.

RE: Positioning yourself and Is honesty really the best policy?

I need to revisit my last post on positioning. One thing I didn’t mention is my life mostly revolves around 3 places depending on what stage I am in. Younger years; school-church-home. Post school days: work-home-church. Jobless days: home-church. Constants: home and church. Ok yes I do go out. Weddings (like once in 2 at times 3 years), birthday parties (every other year). Anyways, you get the gist. So when worshipandswag mentioned her friend meeting her husband in a pharmacy I kinda cringed. All the guys I have ever dated I met either in school (twice) or church (once).

If you can decipher from a lot of my posts, I detest don’t like meeting random people say on the road, at a party and then they start forming familiarity after. For example, all those “excuse me” people on the road or those in the bank who see you and “decide” to talk? It gets to me big time. And most of those that commented asked me to keep an open mind. *sigh*. In keeping an open mind, I joined a school network Circle as requested by a friend. After like 4 days of getting people I don’t know send me messages, I am seriously considering leaving. What’s the point of joining you ask? I dunno. Even on facebook, I don’t add people I don’t know and once in a while I trim my “friends”. I have a long way to go right?  You see my dilemma? How do I keep an open mind?

Worshipandswag also said “I love your honesty in your posts“. That scared me. I am dealing with a situation in which I think my honesty/frankness is part of the reasons I got into “trouble”. I have at different points in life gotten into trouble because I said my mind. Now am not the kind of person to keep things to myself (except things that shouldn’t be said or at least not by me and things have been asked specifically not to say and all), but if I feel strongly about something or I think I need to say it, I say it. Now back to the situation I mentioned. I was gisting with a family friend T one night about the ish and he went “it is your honesty that got you into trouble”. I went quiet. He then went on to mention instances I should either have kept quiet or just said I have heard or just agreed. Ok, I agree maybe some of the times, I shouldn’t have said anything or be a little diplomatic (of which I consider myself diplomatic because if I tell a lot of people what comes to mind immediately they do something I wouldn’t have friends. So I either wait a bit before telling them and then construct and reconstruct how I would tell them in my head before opening my mouth). But then again, what do I know? That’s my own side. Someone else might/would think differently.

Keeping quiet or just saying I have heard or agree to do something is where I had an issue. If I kept quiet it would mean consent. It would mean not being true to myself. It would mean I had objections (which may or may not be necessary) yet I didn’t say. I feel by raising my objections (which most times won’t even change anything), I at least get it off my head that I might have been able to do something and instead kept quiet. At least by saying what I feel, I am able to hear your own side and what you think. Abi? By saying “mogbo”; I have heard (especially with older people), it would mean consent too. Yoruba people have a funny way of twisting I have heard to I have heard and I agree. For instance one of the issues was a project I didn’t have money for at that time. And I told the person “I am sorry, I don’t have the money for it now”. At least in my head it made sense I told the person from the onset “I didn’t have the money, if you find someone who does, please use the person or if you can give me a while to see if I can raise the needed funds but I would rather you find someone else than posting you”. Well that didn’t go down well with the other parties. T too felt I should have said mogbo. Then I asked if I said mogbo and then gone ahead to look for the money. Maybe, maybe not. I am a very logical person. I figured if I said mogbo then and still couldn’t raise the money, what would I do? Won’t it have been better I told you the truth from the onset that keeping you on cruise?

He said “you know in relationships like this, you need to be a bit careful. You don’t just say everything you are told or think. Because by the time you are able to explain your view, wa ti binu jina” (I really don’t know how to translate that to English). Like I said earlier, especially with people I am close to, I don’t know how not to tell what’s on my mind. If I don’t consider you a close friend/family member, trust me, I most likely would just keep quiet or say what I want to say and get out. But with people I am close to, keeping quiet is hard.

Later that night, I recounted the same situation to an uncle and he said “I would have thought your honesty would score you brownie points”. *sigh*. One person thinks I am too frank, the other thinks it shouldn’t have been a problem. He did agree with T though in saying I should have been a bit careful and not just say everything (at least not verbatim).

I know with my posts, I just write as it comes to mind; not holding back though some events and ish I do distort. Most times sha, they are real events straight from my head to my laptop. Got me thinking, how can I be diplomatic? How can I not say what is on my mind? I have had to delete posts because I was dayum frank and some people felt I shouldn’t have written verbatim. Well if I didn’t write the way I did, I won’t have been able to communicate what I wanted to so I deleted them.

I am however beginning to think maybe being honest doesn’t necessary pay. Hear me out. I still think it would be hard for me not to say the truth/what I feel. After all I come from a family of people who speak their mind. If you like go and die (not literal o). But if speaking my mind, saying what I consider the truth, at least at that point is going to keep getting me into trouble, I would do fine not talking right? Just going with the flow and letting everybody do as they please right? Funny thing is some of the people I have entered yawa with on this saying my mind ish happen to be people who hate being lied to. They also believe in saying their minds. I just can’t reconcile it.

So if I move away from being honest, I hope I won’t offend people? This may be my last honest post. Who knows?