I can’t claim to be an expert on this subject and I don’t even wanna be. Just wanna share some few things that have helped me these past months.
1. Prayer: it can’t be over emphasized. A break-up leaves a space for bitterness and hatred to crop up. You have to pray and consciously not allow yourself to be bitter or angry. A lot of things would happen, you would hear a lot, people would say all sorts BUT keep your mind free and pray. Pray for God’s perfect will to be done. Pray for strength to face each day.
2. Allow people to talk: dear friend, wan ma soro (people would talk). A lot of she said, he said would occur. A lot of versions of the break-up would surface. Oh what he told me was. What she said was. I have learnt to let them talk. Initially, I got angry about he said… she said ish… Oh he told me that… I have just decided to allow them talk. When they find something new to talk about they would move on. Trust me. It isn’t easy I know.
3. Cut off all ties: this can also not be over emphasized. However, don’t do it at once. Do it gradually. when I was advised to cut off all ties and create space I thought “would I be able to?” Is it even possible? Took him off BBM and whatsapp first. Then other social media weeks after. By the time I did other social media, I didn’t feel bad about it any longer. To heal, you need to create space. Days/weeks/months/ years later you could still become good friends but at the moment you need that space.
4. Stay in touch with your friends: let your friends know what has happened. Having a good cycle of friends helps. They keep you grounded. Same with your family. Let them know how you feel. You would feel raw and angry and all at times. So better let them know. Find a close friend or friends/family member (s) you can talk to. And pour out your heart. The kind of support from friends I have received is for want of words, overwhelming. I feel really loved and it is good to know people care about you.
5. Avoid rebound relationships: trust me, the last thing you want to do is get into a relationship right after. There would be those who would “encourage” you to get into a relationship fast. They all mean well. They just want you to snap outta it and move on but DON’T. Until you have cleared your mind and are sure you aint holding on to anything from your past. However, don’t close your mind on that brother or sister!!! He/she might just be the one. I am just advising caution. Don’t rush it.
6. If necessary return gifts given by the other partner. It helps at times not to have remainders of past relationships.
7. Go out and take up new habits: go out often. Meet new people. Make new friends. If you want to, change habits. Do things you always wanted to do but never did. I dyed my hair earlier in the year, and I felt different. I usually don’t use jewelries but I find myself buying and using them (since my boss gave me a bagful of them). I feel different. There are days I feel like am on the moon. I just want to enjoy every single moment with friends and family member. And trust me, it is fun. Now I am thinking of doing wigs and allowing my hair grow. Am so looking forward to it. Enjoy your single days. Do new things. Have fun.
8. If you need to, stay off social media and all. Not necessary. I did for a while and I still do. Either I just go and read what people have written and all but not comment or I don’t even bother opening the twitters and facebooks of today. Would rather just chat with close friends and family members.
9. Above all, remember that time heals. I always thought a good way to get a closure is to talk things through with your ex and all and all. It won’t work. Give it time, you would be fine.
Just my ramblings. Hope it helps someone someday.