Tag Archives: Parents

Who would fix our society, who set the rules?

Today, one of the few days I get to listen in on a radio programme for long, I hear a 17 year old SS1 boy connived with his friend to kidnap his cousin. Why? Because his uncle (his cousin’s father) “refused” to pay his school fees. So a lot of people called in with their “versions” of what might have gone wrong. Some even asked why his uncle would refuse to pay his fees, I won’t even give a reply to those people. All it just boils down to (to me sha) is we live in a broken society. A society where there are no values whatsoever. Parents refuse to teach their children. 1st point of call. Teachers refuse to teach the children (in some cases) the right thing. 2nd point of call. A lot of churches (and mosques) refuse to teach children the right thing. 3rd point of call.

2 things have broken down in Nigeria. The other can be fixed (if our leaders set their hearts to it); infrastructure. Second, which seems near impossible to fix is our value system. Children grow up these days not know what values their families have. What guides the actions or inactions of the family. What is important to the family. How would a 17 year old (I really don’t know what he is still doing in SS1 but let’s just assume he didn’t start school early) decide to kidnap someone? And he felt it was the proper thing to do. What happened to getting a job? And nobody should play the child abuse card with me. He is 17. If he could think of kidnapping, then he is no longer a child. I mean I started working every holiday I had from 17. We can blame it on what they (the children) see on TV and what have you. But seriously parents, uncles, aunties, etal, we got a lot of work to do. We need to seriously start instilling values and other important things into younger ones. Before it breaks completely. We all have the responsibility to fix this ish.

I think parents should also stop shielding these children from the realities of life. Life isn’t breakfast in bed, ice cream and pizza for lunch, and what have you for dinner. Except your father is Dangote or Adenuga or Otudeko, life would freaking not be easy. Let children learn to be as independent as possible. I mean how would I have an over 20 years old child come and report people to me and I decide to find out what the problem is (when no be say dem dey bully the child). If I allow that, then I should be prepared to hear how the spouse said something every day. How one colleague gave him/her bad eye at work. How one woman insulted her at the supermarket. How one driver splashed water on him/her one rainy day. Please I have my husband to take care of. Make every child face their own families. Let them face the harsh realities of life and become better people. By all means if you can afford all the good things, give your children. But let them know it would not always be like that. Withdraw from giving when necessary.

I had a roommate who spent 8 years for a 4 year course not because of carry over but because she had to pay her way through school. Her irresponsible father (story for another day) stopped paying her fees in her 3rd year. She faced life squarely and came out tops. Forget that she graduated with me (4 years her junior). I am sure she won’t spoil her children. It is amazing when I see parents who didn’t have it so easy decide since they didn’t their children must not suffer same fate. Who said by showing them life isn’t easy, they are suffering the same fate?

Moving on, who sets the rules? Who decides the standard? Who determines who should be called aje butter and aje pako? Who set/ sets stereotypes? I see this babe with well manicured nails and a car and I just assume she can’t do anything, or she has had it so easy, she won’t understand. Or that dude and just assume butter can’t melt in his mouth. I am rambling I know. So I would stop here.

I wish every time some bad thing happens, people stop playing the race/tribe/religion/nationality card. And just take the culprit as he/she is. A person who isn’t insane (that insanity ish doesn’t werk for me, mo sorry) who premeditates (sat down, thought about it) and decided to do something barbaric and inhuman.

In more interesting news, baby sis is a graduate. Yayyy. 4 outta 4 done….

Weddings and other tinz

So I was yet again at another wedding yesterday; seems like that’s all I do now right? No worry, going on a break till August. Anyways, for the first time, I actually enjoyed a wedding sermon. Not the long, winding give all the talk they had given during counselling sermons. Oh yes, I have been to a wedding where the Pastor spent 3 hours preaching. Or the headless, tailless sermons. Short and straight. Similar content, just shorter and more interesting. Lesson 1. Keep it short. Those who listen would remember. I for one didn’t take notes but I can remember most of the sermon, a day after, after all the food and dancing.

He spoke about choices and how before exchanging vows, they were in a relationship (I thought the traditional wedding is the real wedding?) Anyways, but once the vow was exchanged, they were now in a covenant with God at the centre and thus have introduced “something” into their bloodline. How a lot of people exchange marital vows week in, week out and months after, end it, “shit” gets real and they blame the devil. No be him o. Na both of you.

Oh and he spoke about 3 things a man wants; sex (which is a taboo in church), food and a wife that doesn’t nag. I wonder though why Pastors find it hard talking about sex in church. Seriously, I think they need to start doing that. Ha! Yes. He said wives should show their husbands they are gifted whilst having sex. He said no matter how tired a man is, if his wife comes out of the bathroom naked, something must happen. True or false? Food; he spoke about how the groom was forbidden from henceforth to be eating indomie. I laughed. Na all bachelors dey chop noodles? I know quite a few guys were dey chop proper food everyday and na dem cook am. Nagging only makes a man hard/harder. Women, listen. Sorry, na the part concern me I highlight.

Anywayz, a lot of the usual stuff was also said, parents should leave the children alone and all. I shalt go into that.

Moving on, I finally caught the akwa oche bug and I think I rocked it sha. Almost didn’t wear it. With the comments I read on bellanaija Thursday night? Fear caught me. I had 2 options, a gown and a lace top + akwa oche. Bet well, I did wear it, and am glad I did. Too much similar looking gowns yo! Which reminds me, when we were younger, there was a stigma attached to wearing akwa oche. No one wanted to be caught in it. Now na fad ba? Fashion and its cycles.

Lesson 2: keep your wedding simple. I am too simple ba? Too much crowd and too many VIPs can keep people from enjoying themselves. Or find someone who can help with the protocol people. The couple had someone who could help but I imagine if they didn’t have someone. I won’t even “enter” into the whose wedding is it anyway debate; parents or the children. Just reach a compromise of it gets that bad. I guess I am just lucky I have a father who I can tell we just want 300 guests and he would agree. And just let you run your show.

Shonda Rhimes is looking for trouble o. If you know her, warn her. Dazall.

In other news, people didn’t take me serious when I said I had a hair mishap. Not even my sisters. Till one of them saw my new “length” yesterday. Well, 7 months of “natural” hair ended today. Relaxed the shege today. And I wanna cry. My hair mishap was worse than I thought. Till December or next year.

20130519-161034.jpg

New length

In other other news, it is Global Outreach Day next Saturday. Preach Christ to someone.

Have a great week people.

Let us pray

Almighty Father we are eternally grateful for your grace and faithfulness. For your loving kindness and tender mercies that are new every morning. We thank you for you are our God and there is none other. Indescribable God accept our thanks and praises.

We pray for your mercies this and everyday.

We pray for your guidance this and everyday.

We pray for our nation Nigeria. We lift up our Jerusalem and pray for her peace. Forgive us our sins in this nation. From the East to the West to the North to the South, dear Lord, let your peace reign. We pray for our leaders. Dear Lord, from the President even to the very least public civil servant, you who holds the hands of kings and princes in your hands, turn their hearts towards you. Give us leaders who fear and love you. Have mercy on each and everyone of us. Help us the followers to search our hearts. We get the kind of leaders we deserve. Help that there be a change in our hearts. Help that we wait not for the government to change but to realize that the change begins with us. Help that in our own little ways, we do the right things. Help us to vote the right people into power. Stem the tide of insecurity and corruption in our land and let there be a cleansing from top to bottom and bottom up. Help us to live peacefully with each other.

We pray for the church. We pray for forgiveness. Father forgive us our sins and heal your church. Let your fire as in the days of old burn afresh and anew within the church. Let our church leaders do your will. Let your love be spread abroad afresh within the church. Let there be a revival in the church. Give a change of heart to each one and help us to love each other as Christ loves the church. We pray that our old men (and women) would dream dreams and our young men (women) would see visions. Help us to stop playing church. To stop being religious.

We pray for those looking up to you for children. Father grant them their heart desires. It is your will that none be without child. Cause them to be fruitful and glorify your name in their lives.

We pray for those seeking fruitfulness in other areas of their lives. Cause them to multiply and do so abundantly.

For job seekers, we pray your grant them jobs. For those in jobs they don’t like, give them the courage and boldness to seek and get the jobs they want. For those who should be in businesses and not seek 9-5 employment, Father push them. Take the fear that keeps people bound to jobs they shouldn’t be in away.

For the widows and widowers, comfort them. Strengthen them. For the fatherless and motherless, be a father and mother to them.

For those of us who know you, help us to stand firm and not depart from the way. For those who don’t, draw them close with your saving arms, wrap your arms around them and do not let them go. Help that those of us who know you would do all we need do to bring them to you.

We pray for the newly-weds, lead them in this journey they have began. For all married couples that you strengthen their union. May the oil of their love never run dry. May the wine of their relationship never go sour. Renew their love for each other everyday. We come against every wandering eye. We come against little foxes that destroy the vine. May they never break the hedge. We pray our families won’t fall victim to the devil’s war against marriages.

We pray for those who desire to be married. Answer them at your own time.

We pray for our men. That they may find good wives and obtain favour from the Lord. We pray for our women that in being found, their husbands would find favour.

We pray for our children. They would be for signs and wonders.

Above all we pray that we fulfil your purpose and forever live to praise your name.

We ask this and everyday.

What shall we call this?

Sorry. Was trying to translate Yoruba to English and the title is what I could come up with that made sense in my head. The Yoruba is something like “Ki la ti ma so oro e yi se or bawo la ti ma soro yi si” or something of that sort. My Yoruba isn’t smooth. Never mind that I had a B3 in Yoruba. My parents believe WAEC dashed me the result.

Anyways, back to the post.

An aunty-in-law is in town. As per no job, she decided I was going to be her driver for the day. Can’t complain. At least I have somewhere to go and someone to gist with. Anywayz, we were gisting and she suddenly goes quiet and looked mad. She got a message. Calls my uncle and the gbeborun in me was straining to hear the conversation then my mum called (just spoilt all my gbeborun runz). Call ends and she is still looking mad. And am like “whaow, whatever this is, I don’t envy the person”. Then she starts to spill.

Her cousin Z lives in the UK with her husband and 2 kids. Z’s mum (her aunty) is in town. Z’s mum had for some days been calling my uncle’s line but since it was not a stored number he didn’t pick. Finally felt led to pick the call about 3 days ago and discovered it was Z’s mum (she isn’t educated). Mama what is the matter? Then she starts her story. Z isn’t feeding her. She has been eating apple she saw in the kitchen for some days. Z always abuses her. Z refused to help her turn on the heater in her room. Z threatened to throw her out in the cold. And on and on and on.

I opened my mouth and couldn’t shut it for a while. Who does that to her mum? Then my aunty goes on to tell me stories about how this woman slaved for her children, 5 of them when their father left. Even when Z and her husband were out of job and money was tight, the woman sent money to them, over a million naira (for someone who has a small shop, I can imagine how long she had to save to make that money), has for the past few years been paying for Z and her family’s trips to Nigeria and all and all. Whether the woman even did that or not isn’t the issue. Seriously, who treats their parents like that?

We tried to think of all sorts of reasons why Z is behaving this way. Ranging from maybe the woman said something and Z got angry to what Yoruba’s call asasi (spell abi na curse). Then my AIL said over the years, Z’s husband always complained about how Z treated his mum and they always thought the husband just wanted to be funny (cuz my AIL said the man too get skon skon). To the extent that Z’s MIL one day abused and cursed her. The MIL is dead now and is going to be buried next week. We then concluded it had to be adi (Yoruba people please help me interpret what that is. Biko).

Makes we wonder why people start acting funny to their parents as they grow older. I get that as our parents get older, they start to do things that might irritate us and get on our nerves. Their body parts aint functioning as it used to. BUT still, is that enough reason to treat them anyhow?

I have seen it over and over again. People maltreating their sick parents. In fact in most cases, the parent dies within 2 years of the illness. And I wonder if the children had been a little bit caring, would the parent have died? Well my AIL was still seething as at when I dropped her at home and was about calling Z to give her a piece of her mind. The gbeborun in me is waiting for tomorrow to know how that went.

Side note: There was something else I wanted to blog about but can’t remember. *sigh*. Old age yeah. Anywayz, tis December. Christmas is coming. All I want for Christmas is…………………………………………………..

Ok, yeah I remember now. Just wanted to share something my Pastor preached about some weeks back. Just part of the message. He was talking about Samson and got to the issue of people drinking wine and other alcoholic drinks and the whole “the Bible doesn’t say we shouldn’t drink/ should Christians drink issue”. He said something that stayed with me that day. The Spirit and spirit can’t stay together. He then asked “have you ever noticed that those God has special work for in the Bible, He specifically asked them to stay off wine?” E.g. Samson, Samuel, John the Baptist. The instruction was direct. Stay off wine.

Wishing you all a great month of signs and wonders. Have a blessed December and we shall all make it to 2013.

Another phase ends

Oh well, I haven’t blogged in a really long while apparently and some people have been giving me side eye. Ntooorrrr.

Well well well, there was really nothing to blog about. No. Not writer’s/blogger’s block. Plus no time rara at all. I just was very busy (somehow). Essays which were due like week in, week out and finally an exam to prepare for. Fortunately all that ended last Friday. Like seriously *whew*. How time flies. A year of school is over already. It wasn’t easy mehn. Schooling ko easy. Hopefully this is the last time am gonna go to school. No MBA. No Phd. School isn’t for moi.

Am grateful to God for strength. It was tough. The last four weeks especially. It was like I saw the end yeah and the stress just increased. To think I didn’t do a dissertation. If I now did one nko? I started sha and by His grace, am done. Am forever thankful.

To my parents, sisters and YB, a very BIG Thank you.

To those everybody who stood by me, prayed for me, cooked for me, were just there for me, thank you.

Ok. While I was out, Angelsbeauty got married. Yayyyyy *dancing windeck*. Single Nigerian Man decided to stop blogging. We shall discuss that matter soon. And I was at Just Joxy‘s yesterday. Proper poundo yam and ila asepo. Yeah I know some people are beefing. Aint mentioning names o. And am getting cake from hers today. Oh how I love cakes. *side eye*.

Finally, we got a lot of bloggers in my family. Here is the link to my younger sister‘s blog. Some nice stories there. In case I never mentioned it, there is big sister, there is younger sister and there is baby/kid sister *big smile*. I am somewhere in between big sister and younger sister. That was easy for figure out ba? No mind me.

August is ending already. Time flies. Can’t believe it is September in a bit. I can start my yearly countdown to November right? Even if you talk say I no fit, my countdown starts soon.

Officially unemployed and job hunting now.

Till next time, tada.

By the way, I hear a Nigerian won a medal today. Gold for that matter. Finally, our anthem gets played. Also hear the paralympians train a lot on their own. God help us in that country. I was scared the Paralympics won’t have as much fun fare but am glad I was disappointed. Let the games begin

Parents as Custodians

Yay… am in a very happy mood this special month. Oh yes am gonna say it over and over again. Am so happy. Though am writing this with a very serious headache. Great month so far and one lesson I have learnt in these 3 days is Gossip is work. Listening to gossip is very tasking. Can sap the life out of a person. I try not to gossip (or gist as people would want to call it; though I wonder what the difference is as there is just a VERY thin line between gisting and gossip) but the experience I had yesterday/this morning has taught me to even now avoid places people gossip (though how to avoid the salon I can’t yet figure).

Back to the topic. I remember reading Proverbs 4: 20-22 (one of the days in Open Heavens) and part of what we learnt was while parenting is a challenge, parents are meant to be their children’s teacher, instructor, guide, coach. Then read 1st Samuel 2 and 3 sometime after that and kinda tried comparing Hannah and Eli; Eli not doing any of the above with his children considering that God gave them to him to be their custodian on earth while Hannah realized that every child was from God and her task was to take care of the child God’s way. The Bible I used (NIV Family Foundations) then ended with that was one of the reasons she could give Samuel back to God. That got me thinking. How many parents actually see themselves as custodians? Temp parents and not the god in their children’s lives? Whose will for that child must be followed and followed to the letter. How many parents can say to God in this child’s life, let your will be done? And not try force their will on the children even when it obviously isn’t the right way? How many parents fulfill their responsibilities and obligations to their children the right way? And how many of us children don’t take for granted what our parents do for us? Yes it is their¬†responsibility but I think at some point we get to the stage we are like ehn it is their work na and though we might say thank you, it is just for saying it’s sake not because we really mean it. I might be wrong.

Had this roommate back in the University who was meant to graduate the year I entered but for her father’s many many runz with other girls. At some point the man stopped paying her fees and was paying the same amount into her “best friend’s” account. So babe had to drop out, work some months, come back, work and on till we both graduated together.¬†I remember once (by then she was my roommate) and the man paid #10,000 into her account. See the way she was thanking and praying for him. I was shocked (didn’t know the full story then). The whole room went silent and then when she stepped out another roommate told us the story. Don’t get me wrong but I guess at some point I had started taken for granted my parents paying fees, feeding me, clothing me and all; though I said thank you, it was kind of like routine. I have this cousin who when she finishes eating says thank you (a trait especially amongst those who grew up in the East) and I think at some point it started creeping my mum out she had to ask her to stop and am like no, if she truly appreciates the fact that you fed her, let her say thank you. After all, there are children whose parents don’t feed them, don’t clothe them. If she truly wants to be thankful, leave her be. Now, I even say thank you to the cook when he makes food cuz I think what if he decides not to show up on a day I get back from work starving and I have to cook. The fact that he came and cooked is enough to be thankful for. Some can argue though that what he is paid for. I am just thankful.

One thing I keep praying to God about is for the grace to see the children He would give me as His children for me to take care of on earth and all that concerns them, I speak to their father (God) about. Not for me to decide how they would live their lives without first consulting Him. Not my will but His.

N.B: expect my birthday series from tomorrow.

Tada