Tag Archives: Female

Identity Crisis?

Is being supposedly masculine wrong?

Let me explain. I was at house fellowship yesterday and at some point, the discussion deviated to what a man wants in a woman (maybe not deviated as the topic was The Christian Home). You get my drift sha. Anywayz, the leader gave an example of a cousin of his who was godly and good looking and all but yet un married. After about 5 years and the less good looking, not well to do female cousins were getting married left, right and centre, he decided to investigate. And the male cousins tell him “na man” i.e the cousin behaves like a man, so when a guy comes, he takes off. So he sits her down and they discuss and all. He said no man wants another man in the house. And he said in our world today, we have a problem of identity crisis. He then likened it (and the other men, all married) to being driven/ambitious. And that 80% of men don’t like ambitious women.

And I asked these questions there that I would ask here. Is it wrong for me to change my tyres or wash my car or change the bulb at home myself? And how does my doing such make me driven? Let me break it down. Is my deciding to do the manly things making me a man? I mean, I want a guy that can cook and help with the household ish, if I marry a man who does, does that make him a woman? Would that mean there are 2 women in the house because he decides to help with things going down in the house? Trust, when I asked the questions, the women all went “ehen if my tyre should go flat, I would pick a cab and head home” and I smiled.

I grew up having to swing between turning on the gen or washing my car and cooking for the house. So for me I believe it just comes naturally. If I am stuck with nobody to do the manly things or they refuse to, I no sabi beg anybody, I am off doing them. I remember once the drivers wouldn’t wash my car and we had no cook, so I get back from work at night, bring out all the cooking things needed and let those that need to thaw, thaw, change to something comfortable, go wash my car. When am done, a quick shower and I go to cook. Then my youth Pastor calls me once and unfortunately my phone was in my room, I was downstairs washing. I returned his call and when he asked what I was doing (he needed us to go see someone) and I told him I was washing my car, he started preaching o. Telling me it wasn’t my duty to wash a car I drive.

My point is, if I can do something even if it is what a man can do, does that make me any less a woman and more of a man? I am not saying if there is a man in the house, I would go about changing light bulbs. Trust me, I would find a recliner or bed and take a sweet nap. But even if there is a man, a willing man at that, I don’t think/believe there is anything wrong in taking that responsibility. If you leave your husband to do all the male things, what if he takes ill and can’t do them or even worse, he dies? If you leave your wife to do all the wifely and motherly things, what if same happens? I believe both male and female, we should be able to do both. Maybe not perfectly but at least do something. And not wait till your wife comes home before dinner is ready or till your husband comes home before the gen comes on.

Same with watching football. I love to watch and I hear people tell me it isn’t lady-like to do that. And I just smile. What do men want exactly?

Can you move in with your wife?

I had this interesting conversation with a driver at work yesterday. We were at our store and then saw some furniture a woman brought. He then started gisting me about how big her house was, she was single and all. And how he hopes she finds a man, but that men won’t want a made wife. So I asked him if he were a man, would he marry her and move in (because I didn’t see how she would wanna move out of her house, but then what do  I know?). His reply shocked me. He said he would move. I asked again (here is an uneducated man) if his wife built a house or bought a house, would he move in with her and he replied in the affirmative. Hmmmm I thought. I then asked why. He said (now I am paraphrasing because this conversation was in Yoruba) he believes in a relationship/marriage, one of both parties would be richer than the other. If his wife was rich enough to buy/build a house,why shouldn’t he move in with her. He felt if he didn’t it meant he wasn’t happy for her and didn’t want her progress. I was just there with my mouth opened. He said as long as he still had her respect and she wasn’t rubbing it into his nose. He said he would let even his parents and the children know it was his wife’s/their mother’s house. The conversation had me thinking “how many men (African men especially) think like this?”. How many women would own houses and still be submissive and show respect to their husbands.

We hear stories on radio and TV about such issues. My wife built a house she didn’t tell me. She has some money somewhere I didn’t know about. And how it has led to the end of relationships and marriages.

I remember a conversation after house fellowship some weeks back. Well when you attend a fellowship where everybody else is married and you and another lady are the only singles, you get to hear a lot of marriage gists. So this man was talking about how in his OWN house, he felt the cook, house help, drivers and other helps didn’t respect him because they felt he wasn’t the one paying their salaries. Madam collected the money from him and distributed. The helps didn’t know that. So one month, he decided to show them who the man of the house was and withheld salaries for 2 weeks. Well, the end of the story is that they all started to comport themselves. Why did I add this story sef? I dunno.

When did people start calling their fiance/fiancee partners? This young man came to the showroom one day and kept talking about how he needed his partner’s approval before buying anything and all. And as he kept saying partner, I kept thinking “is he gay” or is he co-habiting? I had to ask who this partner was and discovered he was engaged. *smh*.

I said my hair was red right? Sorry, I am colour blind. Tis wine.

IMG-20130305-03420 Lagos-20130305-03422 Lagos-20130304-03419

Some people say it is long. I beg to differ. Shoulder length isn’t long. Well that might be my fault sha. Years of chopping just to make it grow and remove split ends have done “damage” to the length. As per last picture, you see where my issue is now. I need that front to GROW. Help a sister.

Have a great weekend people.

Gracias.

What’s good yo????

It has been a while I have logged in here. E ma binu (I am sorry). Trying to sort myself out as per job ish and all. Plus I also want my 100th post to coincide with this blog’s 2nd anniversary and as I am 2 posts shy of that, I gas watch how often I log in. Started “work” at an interior design company some 3 minutes from home on Monday. Well more like having a “somewhere to go to pending when you get a job” place. Grateful for elder sisters and brothers you can count on. The owner (I would call her and her husband my egbons) just called me up one morning to ask if I didn’t mind doing an internship till I get a job. Could I refuse? No. And am loving every bit.

Which brings me to the main reason for this post. Every wondered why recruiters/interviewers get upset and all during interviews? Well I had first hand experience yesterday. We are recruiting for a client service officer. Four ladies showed up yesterday for their interviews. Lady 1 cannot express herself, kept looking down. She was born in 1991. Lady 2, came in, was asked questions and she started laughing. Like seriously? We had to ask her to stop laughing. Then she started smiling. Ok, you say you have worked as a secretary and receptionist. How would the skills you got apply in this case. Madam is still smiling. Ok let us help her a bit. As a secretary, you interacted with people yeah? With the people skills you got, how would it help in this case? She still couldn’t answer. For like 10 minutes. Do you know what we do here? No answer. We had to ask her to leave. She was born in 1977. Lady 3 came in, immediately asked what the company was about, locations and some quick questions before her interview began. Fair enough. And lady 4? Forgot her CV at home. By then, I was definitely done. I mentioned the years of birth of the first 2 ladies yeah. Got me thinking. Is it safe to say that education in Nigeria started going down since the late 1970s?

Today, I was on the other side of the divide. I went for a test. It was a very laughable but serious experience. 3 out of 7 of us could construct sentences properly. In fact one of the others asked me “can you cut your eraser for me?” I had a blank stare at first. The last time I heard someone put cut and eraser especially with that accent was 10 years ago. You know those GCE exams where we were thrown to some village to write your papers surrounded by Ibadan gehs? Or when the same lady said (after 50 minutes) “I don’t know the time has gone”.

I am sorry but I had this disgusted look when I saw the people I was writing the test with. I felt bad though. That was all shades of wrong but I couldn’t help it. If you are applying for a post as an analyst and you can’t speak properly…. I shouldn’t have I know. After all the test was more of GMAT and you don’t need to speak Queen’s English to answer the Mathematics, Data Sufficiency and Logical reasoning bits. And I wonder at times what people read when they get mails. A mail is sent out to you asking you to bring your WAEC certificate right? You claim you don’t have a WAEC certificate so you bring your NECO certificate. However, the mail specified WAEC and you didn’t bother contacting the person who sent you the mail informing him/her that you had no WAEC certificate? Do we bother paying attention to things? Even the little things? Plus I don’t believe the “I don’t have a WAEC certificate story”. I believe if you did Secondary School in Nigeria, it is compulsory you write WAEC right? So how come you don’t have a WAEC certificate? Maybe it is just me sha.

In other news, I am no longer engaged neither am I married yet. Go figure. Not kissing, not telling. Case closed. Lips sealed. Loools. Don’t ask, won’t say.

I wonder why guys think once they see a female she has no idea how to operate a system nonetheless any other gadget. I was at the office yesterday and I ask the guy with the only system with internet connectivity if I could use the PC. Dude decides to take me through how to send a mail. Yes you heard me. A MAIL. How to use webmail o. I was almost going to tell him “dude, aint nobody got time for that. I used webmail for 3 freaking years and would bloody teach you how to use a PC cause you don’t”. Today nko, I wanted to turn off the central speaker and all and he starts telling me “this is how you turn off an ipod”. Emi? Proud owner of an ipod, iphone and ipad. Ish… Yes I got Apple bragging rights. Next is a mac book. Am badt like that.

Stumbled on these pictures on instagram.

photo (2) photo

Uhmmm if the colour pictures is true (which is though), I should have come as a guy. I no sabi all the tangerine and royal purple and all those colours you women say. Green is green. Blue is blue. I remember buying a shoe online. The colour? Petrol blue. Got me interested and decided to buy. When the shoe came, it was every shade of dark green. Nothing blue in it at all. *smh*. Or buying similar shades of shoes from three different stores. It was called stone in Dorothy Perkins, nude in Next and some other funny name in Newlook.

Anything till further notice in this post is my alter ego talking. Being single is wack ba? Ehn if you know who you want to be with, go and be with him/her na. Is it that hard? If you are a guy and and you like a babe, ask the geh na? Hian. Stop whining. Be a man. And if you are the babe, ask him out. Kapish. Ok. alter ego has logged out.

Finally. Whew you say ba? Na you sabi. Those who know me, know I love parties. Or better still, I love organizing parties. Especially weddings and all the parties before weddings. So you find me tweeting and liking anything that has to do weddings. My alter ego also plans weddings. Well, of all the pre wedding ish, I love bridal showers most and I have helped organize a couple and would def be organizing more. I really believe every woman deserves to have a lovely bridal shower. Like seriously beautiful shower. Like Ike (showerella) would say, “life is too short for boring parties”. So hopefully, my next post would be an article on showerella. Do yourself (and me) a favour and visit http://www.showerella.com, follow showerella on twitter, be friends on facebook (abi na like?), find her on pinterest and promote my sister’s business. By the way, my alter ego also has a bridal shower company where we stock party favours and help you organize your party. So bridesmaids, friends, maids of honour, sisters, sisters-in-law (you all know yourselves jo), contact my alter ego.

Ok final final, last one, please na. Last one. I have found someone with a “worse” surname. Worse in quotes o. I have a last name which is very feminine. So when people ask my name, I get questions like “which one is the name, which one is the surname”? Or they just shorten my surname assuming that is my first name. Well I met a Damola Detola (I sincerely hope she doesn’t see this because me I would deny). Figure out which is the first name and which is the last.

Sidenote: make una help me beg SingleNigerianMan to be my bff jare. He said he can’t be my bff. He doesn’t do fine gehs. Please help me tell him I AM NOT FINE na.

Tada

Birthday series (3)

Stayed up late to put this up and almost forgot to. Was about turning off my PC. *sigh*

Entering 100 level, I was between 50 and 52kg and giving my mum serious headache. I had dropped to about 46kg at some point before then and started picking up. So somehow I think she just had a plan to feed me till I got fat. My birthday was a day after my Matric. She had bought enough food instead of listening to my suggestion that she shouldn’t bring food. Ate full breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner and still had enough to give out. Went home on my birthday (which was a Friday) and popsie decides we eat out. *bbm smile smiley*. See me grinning…. Knowing BU, going back to school on Sunday, mumsie packs food to feed my whole block again… Ok, I exaggerated. To feed my room again.

She won…. Got back home about 3 weeks after and was weighing almost 60kg. She saw me and smiled. Unfortunately for her, I did lose all that weight again before my 4 years was up and haven’t quite been able to reach 60kg again.

Then 200 level. I think that was my best birthday ever. It was a Saturday… I didn’t pay for lunch so as it was Sabbath, and it was my birthday, my roommates decided they all collected their food and we share. On our way to cafe, mumsie calls that she is coming to school and I thought, ok she would bring small food. So I asked my roommates to still collect their food. We do that for lunch and whatever mumsie brings for dinner. I was so wrong. We had barely gotten back to our room when she called that she was downstairs and I should call some of my roommates to help me bring coolers upstairs. WHAT!!! Got downstairs and saw orisisrisi rice; jollof rice, fried rice, pounded yam, efo elegusi and ila alasepo (God bless my grandma), and a cooler of drinks and cake. I wanted to run mad.

Had 2 Osun roommates and an Ondo (well, her mum is Ondo) roommate. You should see my room that afternoon. My roommates went round our block looking for those who didn’t have food for lunch so they could give out their lunch… as there was better lunch in the room. We ate and had extra even after doing dinner. Trust, we settled down with the pounded yam first (so it didn’t spoil), gave out much of the fried rice and ate jollof rice for dinner.

And you should hear my roommates pray for my mum. It was just funny. BU suffered us small sha… Chai…

300 level was a Sunday. Trust, my roommates were waiting expectantly and mumsie didn’t disappoint.

400 level, Monday, though mumsie couldn’t bring food (they refused to let her take her leave for like 2 years; kept saying change in oga yada yada), she sent money, had some friends over for lunch at guest cafe and and somehow my aunty ended up sending cake and drinks. So that night again, it was drinks a plenty.

Then I entered the league of those who invited friends out for dinner. Had a mild 21st @ Soul Lounge. About 25 guests with bouncers. Seriously. Though I didn’t pay for them. A friend organized them and they did bounce people. Had a milder party the next year. Had a big headache trying to get a place and since I was seriously craving pizza then decided to do Debonairs. Booked the place o. Then get a call some 3 days before. FG declared that day as Public Holiday and they usually get so many customers on such days, they can’t afford to keep space for me and yada yada. So party shifted to Cactus… Much cooler location… Pizza not as fantastic but I had fun all the same. I remember being giving an ultimatum that I must not celebrate my next birthday without a boyfriend. *sigh*.

Last year was a time for me and God. People were so on my case expecting another party but alas, it wasn’t going to happen. Decided to spend it in God’s presence instead. And I did have fun from YB calling me that morning to sing for me *muah*, he did try to be the first caller that morning but someone else was faster; I just had fun all day without having a party. Ok, well I had a “Private Party” me, myself and I; played that song all day long thanks to YB… And got cakes ehn…. Not had that much cake on my birthday since my 10th. From work, my aunty, and YB… Ended the day in a vigil… and went to the cinema the next day with my immediate younger sister (don’t mind me, have 2 of them after me so 1 is immediate younger sister and the baby is my kid sister).

And so that ends my birthday series.

Not sure what this year would be like…. Might put up something later that day sha.

Tada

Birthday Series (2)

My birthdays in Primary School were fun. Never during exams. Secondary School? Heck no. Always during exams. Even if it was a weekend, I sure had a paper the day the Monday after.

So didn’t do much celebrating. First, the era of going to school in mufti on my birthday was so OVER. Gosh, how would a chic like me do such? That’s so childish.

JSS1, I had like 3 papers that day. Think it was the first day of exams sef so omo, nobody send me o. Called some friends together after sha and shared the cake I brought to school. And drinks.

The JSS2. I think that’s one birthday I always want to forget. My mum always took her annual leave November/December and with all the holidays in between, resumed in January. For some strange reason I assumed it was because of me she took her leave then.

So JSS2, my birthday is a Friday and all through I was thinking she would ask me to invite friends over. Especially considering that the year before, she practically forgot it was my birthday till my father reminded her (by buying my cake *smh*). In my mind, I thought she would make it up to me but alas, she “didn’t”.

Monday, she didn’t say nada. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday morning, nothing. So I go to school as usual, already asked a friend to bake for me and shared the cake with my friends. School closed 12.30 on Fridays. 1pm, mumsie is nowhere to be found. 2pm. 3pm. 4pm. On my birthday, am still in School. Ok o. School was practically empty by then except for a few seniors and some of us juniors (my elder sister and I inclusive and some classmate of mine and his girlfriend who was my sister’s classmate; who was the basis of the gist I got to school on Monday morning to hear). Story for another time.

Mumsie finally shows up at about 5pm and starts apologizing about being called to work (remember she was on leave) for some meeting and goes on about telling someone to make food and she had to buy chicken, she didn’t know the meeting would take that long and on and on… Me, I was just fuming. And she ends with “shey your friends are coming?” Ha! I told her no o and she is like why? Told her I didn’t invite them na, how would I invite people and there won’t be food for them to eat. If she could slap me that day, she would have. So she starts going on and on about what kind of mother I thought she was; even if she didn’t ask me to invite people, did I think my friends would come and they won’t have food to eat? Well, it was too late to invite people. Fortunately, this family friend of mine was in the car. He came over with a couple of other friends and well, they all packed food home o…

As Ayefele said, they ate till they were full and had enough to take away. Then mumsie started packing food for neighbours and other family friends. And made me go with a cousin to drop the food at each person’s house and explain that it was my birthday and I brought food for them. *sigh*. Like that wasn’t enough, I get to school on Monday to hear stories.

JSS3. Same thing. Twas a Saturday or Sunday. One of those days sha. And omo, the house was full. Couldn’t read and I had exams, so quickly packed my load to our Ghanaian hairdresser’s house. Her husband is a teacher and they had this place in their house you could read. No distractions. You people can like to enjoy yourselves ehn. Me, I no dey dia.

SS1. The days of Further Maths and Yoruba exams on the same day. My friends FORGOT… yes.. they forgot my birthday (years after am still very burnt they forgot). All because we had 2 major papers on the same day… (Yoruba was a major paper for most of us o… never mind that most of us were Yorubas; didn’t matter). Not even Happy Birthday dropped from their mouths that morning. After exams nko? Mba. Nofin. Then the day after I start hearing Happy Birthday in arrears. Sorry, we didn’t remember cause of the exams. I made a promise to myself that day to forget each and everyone’s birthday for the next year. Sadly I couldn’t. Got a gift though from one of them after and still have it with me 9 years after. A keyholder with my name on it. Have guarded it with my life. Lol.

SS2 and SS3. No party too. Exams overshadowed my birthday. My friends had no choice than to remember sha….

Then came Uni… Or College….

Are Yoruba names “bisexual”?

Maybe not an appropriate title but well, you get the gist…. By “bisexual” here I mean the opposite of unisexual (of or relating to only one sex). So I don’t get crucified. 

Yorubas naming convention has gone “gaga”. There is really no name for just male children or female children anymore. Most names have become “BISEXUAL”. Both males and females bear it.

I remember one of popsie’s trip many years ago. He comes back with gifts from a friend of his (who by the way had never met any of us; he just knew us by names and he had been in the States for so long). I think I was in Secondary School then. Now, we are four girls so little wonder my surprise when popsie brings out two male watches for my elder sister and I and lovely knapsacks for my younger sisters. I was seething. I just couldn’t believe that someone would buy me such. I remember asking popsie if the watch was really for me and he said yes and I just couldn’t figure out how the man would think I was a guy.

Rewind.

Like I said, I come from an all girl family. And growing up, I believed my names (at least my first and other names were feminine) and I was the only one that went by those names. Yes. That’s what I believed. Funny enough, all through Primary School, I never had another person go by my first and other names; well till Secondary School where just one other girl used my other name as her first name. Yes. She stole my name. So I guess I wasn’t wrong to assume my names were female names.

Fast forward.

First year Under grad. During Orientation. A female friend introduces me to a male friend and the guy goes “when she told him she had a friend who was called *******, I thought it was a guy”. And am like seriously? Are you daft? How would you think I was a guy? Well, I said all that to myself. School fully resumes and I discover that like six other guys went by my first name and we were like just two girls who used that as our first names. Then it clicked that the reason the man bought the watches was cause he heard our names and assumed the first two were guys (my elder sister’s name is pretty masculine) and assumed the other two were females. He concluded based on our names. I also discovered that it was other variants of my first name that females tend to bear. *rme*. Same for my other name; three females and like a zillion guys… *rme* again. Went back home, fortunately mumsie kept the watches, I got the battery changed and wore my watch proudly… Till it died. It was a mega big watch tho.

Till date, I still get mails (replies, new mails), text messages and all from people who see my name and address me as Dear Sir, or Mr. ******* e.t.c. I am so tired of correcting them and educating them. If you aint sure what sex the person is be on the safe side and just say Dear (the person’s name). I really can’t blame them. Names used to be very distinct in times past. Names like Femi, Gbenga, Tunde e.t.c. were strictly male names. Now females bear such. Names like Bukola, Bimbo were female names. Now we have men that go by such names. You hear a name and you just can’t figure out if the person is male or female. For names such as mine and the Femis, it could be assumed that it is a guy. What would you say about names like Ife, Seun, Tope, Tosin, Tayo? You just can’t be sure. I would be scared though if I see a guy called Wura. Or a girl called Biyi.

I don’t know much about Ibos but I def haven’t seen a girl called Nnameka or Ndubisi. Or a guy called Ifeoma or Ngozi. Neither have I seen a girl by the name Adamu. Or a guy by the name Fatima. I am sure I would just faint. It is just like seeing a girl called Alan or Ken. Or a guy called Sharon… That’s gangsta.

Can Yorubas just return to the days when names were very distinct?

That said, is it safe to assume Yoruba names are bisexual? And I can call my daughter Muyiwa or Akin? My son, Doyin or Wonu?