Tag Archives: Women

What is in a girl’s bag?

I have never had cause to worry when someone wants to check my handbag. Like kini big deal? What is in it that has never been seen right? I have never given much thought to someone looking into my bag. Till today. A colleague dropped her car key with me and nonchalantly, I dropped it in my bag. Fast forward to later in the day. I was at lunch and she needed to move her car. Rather than “disturb” me, she goes to my bag and picks her key. I return from lunch and she tells me she’s picked her key. Three seconds after, I start to “worry” and quickly picked my bag to see what I had in it. The usuals – perfumes, deodorant, lipsticks, lip glosses, biros and pencils, comb, brush, gum, ID card, wallet, hand lotion, hand sanitizer, dental floss, oil control tissue, handkerchief, earpiece, phone charger, pashminas, bank tokens, complimentary card holder and cheque book.

Then I say to myself “you have nothing to fear”. I sat there thinking “when did I get to the worrying when someone looks into my bag” stage? Like it has never happened. Plus when did I start to carry my “whole room” in my bag? Short of seeing panties, bra, tooth paste/brush or dresses in the bag, I can do a sleep over anywhere. And the bag na one small bag. No wonder it always feels heavy. Help please, is this what a typical girl’s bag contains? Pray please, when did I get here?

That said, I have no idea why I feel like a cheat because I use 2 salons. I mean old salon is cheaper, doesn’t fix my hair as good as new salon but I have been using them for so long it just feels awful letting go. And every time I go to old salon, I feel like I am cheating on new salon and vice versa. I try to do a 2 weeks ish. So fix at both every month but it is becoming a chore and weighing on my conscience. Someone please help!!! How do ladies/guys cheat on their partners? It is so hard…..

Why do people always assume a girl has what she has because a man is funding it? I really don’t get it. I can’t buy stuff myself or what?

I am every inch an impulsive buyer – especially when it comes to cupcakes and shoes. I mean there is no better way to say sorry, I love you, whatever you wanna say than sending cupcakes. The kind of life cupcakes give me ehn. Even me I cannot explain. I am sat at work now and seriously craving cupcakes. I think my cupcakes person is out of town. I hope she is able to hook me up with something sha. I only do cupcakes from one person, though though I hear there is a new place (in Victoria Island) that their cupcakes is heaven. I should try them right? Ha ha, I should try BBQ and Cravings too. Anybody been there? Reviews please.

Shoes… where do I start? Before the thing becomes an idol in my life, I have decided to start to give out shoes. Abi? What do ya think?

The Expendables 3 is out. And there is no Chuck Norris or Bruce Willis…. I don’t get. God is watching Sylvester Stallone in 3D. I remember seeing 2 with my cousin and less than half way through, she had dozed off in the cinema. Maybe doze off is a mild word. She was actually really sleeping. *smh*. Time to find a proper cinema partner.

All is well in the world again. Football season is BACK!!!!

Anyways good people, have a lovely weekend before I continue ranting….

N.B: Birthday countdown begins end of the month. Hint hint, there should be a give-away in November, God willing. So brace yourself!!!! *winks*

xoxo

 

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My first Igbo wedding

By first I mean a full Igbo wedding. Husband, Igbo. Wife, Igbo. Before today’s it was either bride or groom.

And oh boy, it was dry, then funny, the downright absurd, funny again… Boring at some point… All in all, I would say it was an interesting wedding.

It is a first on another level. Also my first mogbo mobranch wedding. No IV. I no even sabi who the couple be. Didn’t know their names till I picked C (who I tagged along with).

Where do I begin the story? I have a few Igbo friends. Catholics for that matter. So I shoulda been able to relate with this wedding right? Nope. With the Ibo language flying over my head, left, right and centre. People, please, recognise that not all your guests would understand your language. I get that once such events occur, you enter into that mood, where you are just cruising. Bet, biko, remember people like us.

First though, I take back my “I must marry an Igbo man”. Whow, they don’t just cut it.. They are the razzest of men I have seen. Hia!!!!!! WHAT???? Sticking to my Yoruba brothers. Somebody say Amen. iKid. Not Igbo though. Na. Mba.

Secondly, the MC. I can go on and on… Telling someone to come and see your privates? Seriously? Or the dry jokes? Or his reaction to being sprayed N50 notes?

Or dear Jennifer. Who kept staying in our line of vision. Like you couldn’t have attended that wedding without “seeing” and noticing her. Once the MC said anything about a single lady, dear young lady was up and heading for the front.

Oh and naming your child Ancestor? I thought I heard lots of “uncommon” names, but this one though, I no sabi the English to use. A friend once said Igbo bear ridiculous names and I begged to differ. I am beginning to agree. Anywayz, I wasn’t the only one who thought he should hook up with Jennifer already. They look good together. Hehehe.

I have always heard of women that drink. Well I experienced it first hand today. Oh or those on our table who ate all the small chops in like how many seconds? Them bring small chops come, put it in front of C and I. We were facing the high table yeah, next thing, I look from the side of the eye and the plate was gone. All we saw was the empty plate, in front of one of the others on the table. You mo fit wait make dem carry your plate of small chops come? Yes, am still angry cuz I love small chops.

Or the lady who shouts from her seat, asking the groom not to embarrass himself cuz “you sabi say u no fit dance”. Chei. Mbakwa.

Or guys dressed in Ben 10 and Mickey mouse costumes coming in?

I think the part I couldn’t figure out what the problem was, was when the parents came in. Bride’s parents come in without much dancing (whose fault?). Groom’s mum comes in, and her friends join her to dance. Well, bride’s mum then sends someone to tell the MC she wants to come in again. Whew….

I thought breaking kola nut was done at Igbo engagements, not weddings? Any Igbos in the house who can explain? My Igbo friends don’t know o. They are not “sure”.

All in all, I love the fact that it was a very small wedding. No crowds. Not sure we were up to 200 guests. Very private wedding. Plus I got to see an old friend. Been a while.

I guess now I am prepared for when Ify and C and other Igbo friends get married. Bet I take God beg una, marry Yoruba men…

And this is the summary of my eventful gate crashed first mogbo moya, Igbo wedding.

Disclaimer: this is by no means intended to insult any tribe or people. Nor to make fun of anybody. Like, I said earlier, I also have my fair share of Igbo friends. It is just my musings on an Igbo wedding I attended.

Tada

Let us pray

Almighty Father we are eternally grateful for your grace and faithfulness. For your loving kindness and tender mercies that are new every morning. We thank you for you are our God and there is none other. Indescribable God accept our thanks and praises.

We pray for your mercies this and everyday.

We pray for your guidance this and everyday.

We pray for our nation Nigeria. We lift up our Jerusalem and pray for her peace. Forgive us our sins in this nation. From the East to the West to the North to the South, dear Lord, let your peace reign. We pray for our leaders. Dear Lord, from the President even to the very least public civil servant, you who holds the hands of kings and princes in your hands, turn their hearts towards you. Give us leaders who fear and love you. Have mercy on each and everyone of us. Help us the followers to search our hearts. We get the kind of leaders we deserve. Help that there be a change in our hearts. Help that we wait not for the government to change but to realize that the change begins with us. Help that in our own little ways, we do the right things. Help us to vote the right people into power. Stem the tide of insecurity and corruption in our land and let there be a cleansing from top to bottom and bottom up. Help us to live peacefully with each other.

We pray for the church. We pray for forgiveness. Father forgive us our sins and heal your church. Let your fire as in the days of old burn afresh and anew within the church. Let our church leaders do your will. Let your love be spread abroad afresh within the church. Let there be a revival in the church. Give a change of heart to each one and help us to love each other as Christ loves the church. We pray that our old men (and women) would dream dreams and our young men (women) would see visions. Help us to stop playing church. To stop being religious.

We pray for those looking up to you for children. Father grant them their heart desires. It is your will that none be without child. Cause them to be fruitful and glorify your name in their lives.

We pray for those seeking fruitfulness in other areas of their lives. Cause them to multiply and do so abundantly.

For job seekers, we pray your grant them jobs. For those in jobs they don’t like, give them the courage and boldness to seek and get the jobs they want. For those who should be in businesses and not seek 9-5 employment, Father push them. Take the fear that keeps people bound to jobs they shouldn’t be in away.

For the widows and widowers, comfort them. Strengthen them. For the fatherless and motherless, be a father and mother to them.

For those of us who know you, help us to stand firm and not depart from the way. For those who don’t, draw them close with your saving arms, wrap your arms around them and do not let them go. Help that those of us who know you would do all we need do to bring them to you.

We pray for the newly-weds, lead them in this journey they have began. For all married couples that you strengthen their union. May the oil of their love never run dry. May the wine of their relationship never go sour. Renew their love for each other everyday. We come against every wandering eye. We come against little foxes that destroy the vine. May they never break the hedge. We pray our families won’t fall victim to the devil’s war against marriages.

We pray for those who desire to be married. Answer them at your own time.

We pray for our men. That they may find good wives and obtain favour from the Lord. We pray for our women that in being found, their husbands would find favour.

We pray for our children. They would be for signs and wonders.

Above all we pray that we fulfil your purpose and forever live to praise your name.

We ask this and everyday.

All you women, there is a school you all attend…..

A friend’s friend made this statement a couple of weeks back that got me thinking. Met him at L’s office and we got talking. Somehow we ended up talking about his family and he started talking about how he doesn’t take his wife out on dates any more. I was appalled at first then he explained. He said whenever they go out, she always picks the most expensive food on the menu (even when he has informed her before hand say he no get moni) and would end up not finishing it or making statement like “it was just there”, “I didn’t enjoy it”. Trust, after it happened a number of times, he stopped taking her out except on her birthday. And he would have ordered the meal before they get there. That got me thinking. What is it about us females that when we are in a relationship or married, we believe all our bukata (needs) must be met by the man? We believe it is our duty to spend all the man’s money. After all it is his money abi na our money. But most of us would rather keep ours.

I remember listening in on radio some years ago. A kiss and make up program and this dude calls in to ask them to beg his wife. What was his offence? He usually fuels his wife’s car. She comes that morning to ask for money to get fuel and he asked her to use her money. And the woman vex. I wondered why she felt she had a right to the man’s money. Common sense told me immediately (though the man said he was joking when he said she should use her money) that the man must have had a reason to ask her to use her money. The reason whether he was joking or he seriously didn’t have money she never bothered to find out. She got angry and left the house immediately. I just smiled to myself that day and thought “she is even lucky she has someone to ask”. Some women don’t have husbands to ask of. She is lucky she even had someone who fuelled her car. A lot of women don’t dare even ask for owo obe from their husbands. I recounted that incident and that is what led to L’s friend making the comment about women going to a particular school where they teach us how to suck men dry. All we do is ask and ask and want to spend and spend and spend the man’s money. While “saving” (for want of a better word) ours. His money is OUR money, my money is MY money. I can spend his but he can’t spend mine.

Earlier today, I was also chatting with a friend and he sent me some message I guess a female friend sent to him. Paraphrased, the lady said it is the duty of the man to support the family (very right) BUT it isn’t compulsory for her to help him support the home. She said his money should be used to determine the standing of the family and not hers. My reply to him was I agree to an extent with her statements. It is a man’s sole responsibility to provide for his home. Even the Bible tells us a man who can’t do that is worse than an infidel. HOWEVER, the woman is the helper. It is compulsory for her to do her part in supporting the man every way she can none the least, financially. While in the olden days, it might have been easier for the man to be the sole provider, the way things are right now, the man cannot and shouldn’t be left alone to take care of all the responsibilities. You should be able to cover each other. If he doesn’t have and you do, there is nothing stopping you from taking up that responsibility even if it means you collect the money later (directly or indirectly). Regarding whether his money should be used to determine the standing of the family, I also agree. I did suggest though that rather than it being his money (which for most women is our money), a joint account would be a good idea. That way it is a clear cut case of our money determining the standing of the family. I believe in marriage, there shouldn’t be his money, her money. It should be our money.

I do realize that while it is easy to type our money, actually doing it might be hard. That is why I am a believer in having one or two joint accounts. Both parties put in a certain amount each month depending on their pay and payment of bills, vacation and other bukata can be paid for from there. That frees up the rest of each person’s income for personal things. I know a number of men who say they can never give their wives their debit or credit card. If she lays her hands on it, it would come back empty. Haba. Kilode? And these wives are equally employed and well paid o.

Later this evening, went on instagram and saw someone put up a picture (see below).

photo

I have come to realize that for a lot of females in relationships, we have turned the guy into our money market fund (except this time, we don’t wanna pay back what we have collected and def not with interest). I need, I want, Can I have. Most times asking for things we can’t even afford ourselves and maybe even know the guy can’t afford at that moment. Even if he can afford everything sef, haba, cool down na. I grew up never accepting something from a guy I can’t give back  or afford if things go the other way. In fact I remember keeping a gift for over a year once because it was pretty expensive and I didn’t want a situation where we stopped talking and things hit the roof and I start hearing stories. What I can’t afford or give, I don’t accept. Frankly, he is your husband, he is your boyfriend, he is your fiance not your BANK. Seriously, let’s pity these men and not allow them label all of us. Little wonder why a lot of men believe all women are materialistic and can be bought. Just drop money, buy gifts, o pari. She would trip. Whatever happened to self worth and respect?

Back to L’s friend. After I had tried defending my people, he ends with “let’s see what happens when you get married”. Now am scared. Is there a school I am not aware of, that once I get married, I start exhibiting characters associated with those who attended this school?

Book Club

Once upon a time, I used to read lots and lots of books. Sadly, for a couple of years, I didn’t read as much as I would have loved. Work then school and all sorts came up to keep me from reading. Excuses right? Yeah I know.

However, I have decided to pick up books again. Have a number of books I bought but not found the time to read them. So, here is to reading them. I would not just read them but share my thoughts on the books I read. Books would range from relationships (single, married), gender related books (male and female), religion,  business, and a bit of motivational books (not a fan of such books but I do have some I was given and haven’t read). Anyways, I hope to start a book club where I would write my thoughts as well as things I learn from them.

So in case you don’t see me for a while, I am busy. WITH MY BOOKS. Lol.

I would start with a book called The Five Love Languages (Singles Edition) by Gary Chapman. Is there anybody who has read it? Or the married edition? First heard about the married edition some couple of years back but never got round to buying it. When I finally decided to buy it two months ago, it was out of stock. So picked the singles edition instead. Trust it would be fun reading it. Next book which I am desperately searching for is “The Point Man: How a man can lead his family” by Steve Farrar. Heard about it in church and it comes highly recommended (in fact, I heard Pastor Adefarasin asked all the men in his church to buy it) for men. Who says women can’t read them too. One of the books I love so much and would recommend is “He-motions” by T.D Jakes. Written for men but even as a woman, I really enjoyed it. Hope to get The Point Man by weekend. Else, would do He-motions instead. Doing away with the “junk” I have on iBooks and going back to the days of hard copies *straight face*. I see someone looking at me.

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Cheers friends.

Have a lovely weekend and a great December.

Tada

The times we live in

The war against Christian marriages is getting fiercer. The devil isn’t resting. And we shouldn’t either.

Some few months back, maybe about 4/5 months, I was with a married friend who decided to educate and advise me on what and what I should and shouldn’t do as a married woman. He also spoke to me about thinking deeply before getting married and gave me a lot of reasons why marriage shouldn’t be rushed. Anywayz, the talk ended with him telling me a trend he noticed in his generation. Women seem to get married these days either for the name (I am a Mrs not Miss), for the children (I want to have children, all my friends do) or both. Another group won’t even bother with getting married. Just find a willing man and have a kid or two. And that stayed with me. If there was really anything I really really remembered, it was these statements he made.

On Sunday, I was talking to a few friends in church and of all of us, there was someone we would call a matured single (over 35) and she made a statement “I just want to have a child. I don’t see anything wrong. I asked at the church office and they said it was wrong”. At first, I thought, “is there really anything wrong with wanting a child”. Then I remembered the conversation above. Started reading a book my mum asked me to read this after and this issue was raised again. While reading, I went on twitter and saw a friend’s tweet “Just heard a woman say this on the radio ‘it is 2012, who waits to get married to have a baby’. My question: is this what we have become?” She thought it was pure insanity for people to be thinking like this.  That got me thinking. It was like God was saying something. Same issue 3 times in 6 days.

Let me state that growing up, I guess because of the kind of mother I have, marriage has always been something she doesn’t joke with. She is so into praying for your marriage years before it ever happens. And one thing she once told me was “there is a battle against Christian marriages”. And in those days, divorce rate wasn’t this high. Divorce was mostly “a thing of the world”. You never hear Christians divorce.

These days however, when you hear of divorce it is mostly within the Church. What went wrong? I think we allowed the devil a lot of space. While we slept and became complacent about marriage, he was busy working and putting finishing touches to destroying marriages and not even allowing marriages that would cause him issues take place. I notice that a lot of people don’t even pray as singles about their marriages. Trust me, I know at times it doesn’t make sense. There are days I don’t even pray about mine or  just say some half-hearted prayer and move on. I think it is just a sad reality of the times we live in. We have gotten so relaxed with everything, not just our marital lives and have given the devil a chance. Churches have become something else. There is really no focus any longer in most churches.

Back to the book I am reading (as I am currently not yet done). Some of the things that struck me I list below. Some are things we already know. Some might be new to people.

1. Asides our salvation and Christian life, who we marry is the next most important decision we make. It can make or mar us.

2. God doesn’t want any Christian to marry an unbeliever. See Abraham where Abraham made his servant swear. Genesis 25:1-14.

3. Any parent worth their salt would show interest in their children’s journey to marriage. See same passage above i.e. Abraham.

4. Prayer plays a crucial role when it comes to the issue of a successful marriage. One thing my mum always says is “marriage requires a lot of prayers”. Yorubas would say marriage is oja okunkun (night market). You don’t know what you have bought until you enter. I don’t subscribe to that though.

5. The greatest foundation you can establish for your marriage is the foundation of prayer.

6. God may decide to give you a test before He leads you to your appointed partner e.g. Rebecca. She didn’t even know she was being tested.

7. Prepare yourself as you pray for a suitable partner.

8. There are battles to fight for everyone planning to get married.

9. God instituted marriage and He has a reason for doing so (maybe this should have been the first point sef).

I however find it depressing that most times when books talk about marriages and “preparation for marriage”, they seem to focus on the woman. How to be submissive. How to be humble. How to, how to, how to. Even in books they start off talking about both end up focusing on the woman. *sigh*. Are we saying men don’t need to be spoken to? I hope I don’t fall into the same category with the musing below (maybe I got them because am female).

Woman: womb-man. Because of God’s plan for redemption (He knew man would fall), He had to create a womb-man through whom Christ would come into the world. Man (male specie) wasn’t created with a womb and as such couldn’t get impregnated by the Holy Spirit (got this while reading the book. Funny I have heard a lot of talk on the womb-man, just never struck me this way).

Purpose before marriage: a woman is called to be first a wife then a mother. You had a life before entering into a relationship, don’t lose it. If you don’t know your purpose before you enter a relationship, you would not only get bored, your expectation would be cut short.  You are called to be a wife first then a mother. Balance your roles. Don’t neglect your husband because of your children. Know your purpose in life before marriage. After marriage and kids, WHAT NEXT?  Knowing your purpose helps you fill the void. Being a sister, child, mother, wife is part of your purpose. It isn’t your purpose. Find your purpose, use your skills, talents, gifts. Do what you love doing and love what you do (this I wrote down around May/June).

Finally, found a very lovely blog I would love to share.

*music*…. Presenting coralandcarameldrapings.

Happy birthday Angelsbeauty. 2* years o easy mehn….

Tada.

Side note: I do understand where matured singles come from when they talk about wanting children especially as it seems they are getting older and the probability of them getting married is almost zero. It is understandable. I also believe that especially in Christendom, there really isn’t a support system for matured singles. With pressure from family members and friends (who mean well but the way they go about it at times leaves much to be desired), I think the church should do more to keep such people from straying. And in our own little way, let’s support them. Not putting unnecessary pressure on such people. They already have a lot on their minds. We shouldn’t add to that.

Side side note: Nearing 5,000 hits. What do I do? Thinking of doing a give-away but have no idea what the competition should be. Any thoughts?