Tag Archives: Death

Rant 201?

I believe all Nigerians should be subjected to psychiatric evaluation monthly. A lot are mad people, they just haven’t hit the streets yet. Either that, or we are born idiots.

How do you explain driving a bus whose fuel filter is dangling and hitting the ground? When common sense tells us that if that thingy should split, there is trouble.

Or not fixing your tyres properly and it comes off with the rim?

Or the dude who decides to “sleep” and chooses the back of a moving bus, is unstrapped and just enjoying his “sleep” forgetting that with the kain traffic we were in, if he rolled out of the bus, the next car/bus/trailer/tanker would have crushed him before realising someone fell out of the bus.

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Or those who see a burning truck, didn’t bother calling Emergency Services nor try to get the driver out. Yet stood to take pictures. Or the even sillier ones. Those who decided to “save” the bags of rice in the truck. Reminds me of the frequent pipeline explosions we had at some point.

Or the Policewoman who “decides” to “hang” on a bus because the driver “refused” to pay her N700. Driver tok decides to be “smart” and starts driving haphazardly. In the process, Policewoman gets flung, right into the path of the same bus and as driver no fit stop, crushes her to death.

When would we stop putting ourselves (and others) in harm’s way ON PURPOSE? Preventable accidents and deaths. And when such happen, some people would be quick to blame one witch or wizard or one family member that didn’t want the fellow to succeed.

Oh, another group I don’t know what to label them. You come to camp, pray and bind all enemies. Then once the programme is over, you lay your mats/clothes/whatever on path ways. Knowing that a zillion people are trying to leave camp at the same time. Then once you get hit or stepped in, you resort to curses and asking if said people were blind. What were you doing “sleeping” on road pesin suppose walk on?

That said, I must say with the kain chaos on that Lagos-Ibadan expressway especially after any HGS, it takes special skills, extra grace and patience. My God, the air, land, noise pollution? Now I remember one of the reasons I haven’t been to Redemption Camp in more than 6 years. The waka alone….

I need some serious scrubbing and a full body massage yo!!!

Off to bed (yes, I just got back home and I need my sleep) before gatecrashing a wedding later in the day (don’t judge me).

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Musings and lessons learnt?

So here I am, putting down things that occurred to me during the week (some I already knew but they never hit me the way they did during the course of the week).

1. It matters what people say about you when you are gone. This Baroness Thatcher issue again. My knowledge of her for long was just that I knew she was once Prime Minister, the first female and yada yana. Well, asides the fact that I grew up being called Thatcher or Iron Lady. I just wonder, if she wasn’t firm/strict/unshaken (put your preferred English), would people talk about her the way they do? We are usually told, it doesn’t matter what people say/think about you. I think it does. That said, be rest assured, you cannot satisfy everybody. And not all people would say nice/good/positive (again if this doesn’t do you, put what your prefer) things about you. Above all, what matters is what heaven says about you.

2. I had a conversation with a friend some months back about singlehood (is there a word like that? Ok I have added it to the dictionary) and I asked if it ever occurred to her maybe she wasn’t meant to get married. As I expected, she got all so Christianise with the God forbid, Olorun maje, not my portion ish. Not like I blame her though. I completely forgot that conversation. Till worshipandswag’s post on destined to be single. And I just smiled. I am of the opinion that not everybody would get married (same way not everybody would have children). I believe the African culture places so much “importance” (note the quotes, marriage is important but not overtly important, at least not the way most people take it like their lives depend on it and if they don’t get married, their world aint ok) on marriage. Unnecessary importance and as such for a lot of people (especially women) it is inconceivable to think they would NEVER get married. A lot of us cannot just fathom it. Don’t get me wrong, it is completely and absolutely legitimate for any man or woman to desire to get married. Even God realised that man shouldn’t be alone and decided to give him a help, meet for him. I still believe though that contrary to what a lot of people believe, not everybody was created to get married.

3. A few of us were discussing before our church’s single fellowship yesterday (and somehow everybody else was what we term a matured single, asides me and the single fellowship leader who is very married) and this woman (the leader) was gisting us about when she had her marriage counselling. She said their counsellor told her that for a lot of people (once again, women especially), we go into marriages with a preconceived idea of what we want our marriages to be like (not that it is bad, but we all know the danger of unmet expectations right? I don’t need to dwell on that). She said we build towers, block on block, brick on brick and then make the man the roof. And then the shaking starts. He rocks it once, small cracks appear, we patch it. He rocks it the second time (now the cracks widen). We patch and glue and do all sorts. And then one day, the whole tower comes crumbling down, with the weight of the man (the roof) on the woman (or man, depends on who built the tower). Whatever happens after then, na only God fit save the pesin. Lesson is make God the roof. Your husband/wife would disappoint. There would be rocking but with Him at the top, all is well. The person you are most sensitive to is the easiest to disappoint you.

4. Never cease to appreciate your friends and family. I felt for so long I have stopped appreciating and thanking family members and friends. Like I always felt I needed to have a reason to say thank you to them. Well, I do know now, I don’t need a reason. For just putting up with me alone, it is enough to be thankful for. iJoke. I am the nicest person to be around. In my head. You don’t need a reason to appreciate people. So a VERY BIG THANK YOU to everybody who reads this blog, to friends, to family, to friends who are more than friends, to friends who have become family, to everybody. Thank you. E se pupo. And no, I am not dying.

5. I had a hair mishap this night. I was told mixing egg with some many tinz helps hair growth, strengthens your hair and all. And as I am on a hair growth journey, I decided to try it out. Got out of the bathroom to discover my hair was “glued” together. This wasn’t a “it is tangled” level. It was like someone poured glue on my head. After 30 seconds of freaking out (and having my sisters laugh their lives out), I rushed back in and started washing the life out of it. Well, lost quite a lot of hair sadly but not that bad. Lesson: when you wanna try such stunts, go to a salon and get someone to make the mix for you, that way, you have someone to sue if anything goes wrong. iKid. The main lesson is, it worked for Mimi no mean say e go work for Deronk. Ik does it that way no mean say the day Kc do am, e no go get K-leg. That said, I am scared I would wake up later in the day with no hair on my head. And no, I won’t upload pictures of me bald (if that ever happens). I love the egg mix smell though. Just doubt I am gonna try it again.

In other more interesting news, we have a gown. Lols. One of my “brides” has picked her gown. Really excited. Can’t put up pictures yet. You shall see it in a few months. However, how do I get bride B to get more serious about this planning.

In other other news, I see some people owe us some posts. If you owe us (blogsville, a few posts, raise your hands). Ok I see a couple of hands. One male, one female. Did I mention names? Be guided o.

In unrelated news (well, indulge me, no be news), you can never tell a person’s true character until you work (or walk) with them.

Happy Sunday people.

Note to a stranger

Note 1

Dear stranger in teal trousers, it was nice of you to pay for my meal the other day. Such generosity is rare these days. I loved the way you rocked the teal trousers. I could borrow some tips from you. However, kindly keep it down when you are on the phone. We really don’t care how much millions you are willing or not willing to pay for a service. Also it is pretty rude to snatch another’s cash in the name of trying to catch one’s attention. Try “hello” and take it up from there next time. Thirdly, thou shalt not stare. That said, hoping to run into you sometimes soon.

Note 2

Dear tall guy, I was wondering if we had met before when you greeted me as I walked out of the supermarket last week. Strange yeah as I don’t recall ever meeting you. But I smiled and replied. And I was hoping and seriously praying it would stop there. That you won’t behave the way I imagined you would. Alas, I was wrong. Weren’t you taught not to talk to strangers? Did you expect me to wait and talk to you in a near empty car-park?

Note 3

Aunty (as we have to call you), it was nice meeting a new aunty after 2x years. Seems till I die I would always meet some relation or the other. However you still remain a stranger as I cannot even recall your name or face or the connection. Don’t you think though it is improper to talk “bad” about someone on his wedding day? You decided to give me the history of a cousin (I knew not until that day). How much of a bad child he is and how but for my father you wouldn’t have come for the wedding. I would rather you didn’t because you have succeeded in distorting my opinion. For all I know, he might not even be what you said he is but I can’t see him now and view him favourably. On his wedding day for that matter. Kindly keep your opinions to yourself and let me form mine about people.

In other news, am I the only one who thinks people are just getting worked up over this Margaret Thatcher’s issue. Can we just respect the dead and move on? All these “Ding Dong the Witch is dead” and the likes are they necessary? No matter how bad a person was, they got relations who are mourning, can we just let them grieve?

In other other news, a friend said during the week that guys are monitoring spirits. Na only guys dey stalk?

And Happy Belated Birthday to Angelsbeauty… Many more blogging years.

Happy Sunday people and have a blessed week.

I begged God to die

I got your attention with that title right? Lols. Nothing serious. Just remembered the story of Jonah earlier today and how he asked God to kill him.

Now,  Lord , take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live. (Jonah 4:3)

I was at that point in life late last year. I literally begged God to take my life. Moved from begging when He didn’t to praying for rapture to come like yesterday. *le sigh*. I am alright people. It was just a phase.

Remembered that today and how often we get judgmental or because we don’t know how someone feels about something bad that happened, how easily we make comments that could hurt the person (not like we intended to). I am one of those who anytime Jonah’s story came up or I read it, I scoffed and raised my nose. I asked if he was God and why he should be angry God didn’t destroy a city. I wondered and said he should have killed himself na. Abi? If God no kee you, kee yourself.

I recently stumbled on some posts on suicides, depression and all and remembered my reaction to a couple of suicides last year (relationship related suicides). Forgive me, I asked what they were thinking. Couldn’t they have considered the family they left behind? Why kill yourself because of a man/woman? And all and all. This morning I was reminded I was no different. No difference between me who asked God to kill me and the one who decided to do the killing herself/himself. And as I thought about all that all I could sing was

Imela, Imela, Okaka, Onyekeruwa
Imela, Imela, Ezemo.

I remembered how easy it is/was to judge others. A friend had her wedding cancelled recently (groom to be called it off a month to the wedding) and another friend actually said “I hope she moves on fast” and all sorts and I just sat there thinking “na so e easy?” Just pray and thank God you aint in her shoes. For once I understood how she felt, because I have been in her shoes. I have had a lot of people to tell me things in the last 3 months and am just there thinking “it is so easy for you to talk”. Then I also thought, what if these people who killed themselves had similar conversations and had people tell them the usual.  And they just couldn’t get past that phase? There are days people tell me things and I just cut them off or tell them point blank, don’t tell me that, you don’t know how I feel. So easy for you to say. Now I know what it is like. I hope never to “judge” people that way any longer. Offer your support and gauge the person’s mood before you start talking. Same thing with when someone loses a loved one. I usually don’t call or say anything. I just go see the person and hug or just sit with the person. Not because I can’t say the usual, it is well and all but cause I won’t. At least not when it is still fresh. A lot of people are struggling. In the spirit of the season (no be love season we dey?), show some love.

Moving on to interesting and happy things. It is Valentine’s day right. Happy for all of una. Never been a freak (see reasons here). However, I am happy a lot of people are happy. Good thing about having all sisters is somehow, something always enters the house. I see cake in the house already. Should I say my boss “val-ed” me? She gave me shoes this morning. Did I write it on my forehead that I am a shoe lover? First gave me a whole gift bag of jewellery over the weekend. Now shoes? What should I expect next? Na female no worry.

So I hear there is mahd traffic on the Island. Am I surprised? No. Na usual Vals day traffic. One of the reasons I hate detest Vals day. Thank God I aint on the Island this year. Plus must it rain every Vals day? I don’t know about last year but in the last few years, it has rained every Vals day. *smh*

From helping a friend get Vals gifts to planning a bridal shower, I have had an extra busy week. Work in itself is usually hectic. I now added more work to it. It was fun sha. Btw, where can I get red fascinator in Lagos? Already planning my outfit for L’s wedding (which is a month away). I am that kind of an organiser. I tend to plan a lot of things way in advance. No aso -ebi (girl after my heart) but touch of red. Now I am planning nude gown, shoes and bag. I NEED A RED FASCINATOR. Don’t make me wear a red gown please. Red is strictly for accessories- nail polish, lip stick (oh la la) and all those tinz.

I am beginning to plan a wedding in my head (plus my speech). Introduced two friends recently and the guy buzzes me to tell me they are doing dinner tonight and was seriously praying she doesn’t relocate (her family is out of the country). I was just awwwing. I am just that much of a sucker for love. I am gonna restrain myself from buzzing the babe later tonight to ask how it went. Abi should I buzz? Yes/No… The urge to buzz is strong yo. I am seriously praying it goes well BECAUSE I am writing my “how they met” story already. Yes ke, na me introduce them.

In other news, I met SNM on Sunday. Naughty child he is. Offered me only water. iKid. Offered me drinks and food, I opted for water. Twas nice seeing you. Second blogger I get to meet. Where are the others o?

Happy Valentine’s day dear readers. Hope ya all had fun or are having fun today. If you val-ed someone or got val-ed, please remember some of us get sweet tooth. Send our cake, chocolate and all o. For #teamforeveralones, well sowie. Next year ehn.

Oh and my boss brings cake….. This woman knows how to put a smile on my face….

Happy belated birthday to Just Joxy. I am so sorry I missed the date. And happy birthday to my god-mum and my cousin IfeOluwa.
Tada

The lone tear

The washed up body of a couple of days old baby by the Lekki Phase 1 bridge. Dumped into the waters by his mother. The currents swept him our way though we could do nothing about him. My wife and I shed a lone tear heading back home. Silently wailing within. 17 years we have been married. With no child to call ours.

 

The call from my elder sister. Our mother had just passed away. At 52, she was barely beginning to enjoy the fruits of her labour. The crowds in the house. All around me. Asking me to take heart. Se bi okunrin (act like a man) they said. Be strong. You know you can’t afford to cry even if your sisters do. Men don’t cry. The first and only son of our mother. I entered my room that night and shed a lone tear. Silently weeping.

 

9 months and all I wanted was to hold my baby in my arms. I never got to. She was a still birth. I willed the tears to pour. Nothing except a lone tear.

 

10 of them. Taking turns. I prayed for tears. For the ground to open up and swallow me. With my mouth gagged, I couldn’t scream. All I could do was shed a lone tear.

 

As Supo dragged his boxes out of the house. 25 years of marriage and I suddenly wasn’t good enough for him. He found a younger girl who could satisfy him. As I wondered what to tell our 3 wonderful children. The lone tear.

 

Facing execution for a murder I didn’t commit. All my appeals falling on deaf ears. Appeal upon appeal. Courts today and tomorrow. Pleading my innocence. A lone tear.

 

The Scream

Sola, get water for your father to wash his hands, my mum shouts. I don’t blame her. She had just finished making pounded yam, efo and stew out of the 5k my mechanic father gave her on Saturday. Sundays were the only days we had very good food to eat. We leave church and come home to make pounded yam. Never did a Sunday go by without pounded yam. Though at times, it could be just pounded yam and stew. But today, it was with efo. My mother managed to get a bargain from the women who sold fish, shrimps, beef and shaki. We haven’t had such a meal in a long time. Business wasn’t moving for papa.

I was so looking forward to the meal. Just get my father the water, and I would settle down to my own meal.

That was the last thing I thought, before I saw the plane crash into our house.

 

IK: Oh babe, I am on my way to your house; came that ping to my phone this afternoon.

Me: *replying* Expecting you. What do you want for lunch?

IK: Make me jollof rice. You know I don’t ask for much. And put some Star into the fridge.

Me: Light no dey o. And I no sabi on gen.

IK: Nne, when I come.

And so I set about making jollof rice. I had a small quantity of tomato puree left and so had to add more pepper to give it colour. I had barely finished cooking when IK presses the bell.

Whew I thought. Just in time.

I rush to the door to open and with IK came the fire.

 

It is Evangelism Sunday in church. We had been walking round trying to talk to people. Nobody seemed to care.

Tolu and I then decided to knock on doors and talk to people in their homes. If people on the streets won’t listen, those in their homes should. So we start knocking on doors.

Some answered nicely and told us they were Christians. Some were very rude and chased us away.

Tolu was getting tired and asked that we return to church. She couldn’t take it anymore. I convinced her to let’s try one more house then we return.

We climbed up to this house and knock. A young girl of about 10 comes to open the door and as we stepped in, we heard the scream.

 

My uncle and his wife just got in from the village. Mama sent me to go get some cold drinks because as usual, we hadn’t had light in weeks.

I left mama, papa, Nneka, Kelechi, Isi, Nnamdi, uncle and aunty in the house and head out.

I got the drinks at the beer palour down the road.

I start heading home.

Then I spot Amaka from a distance. You see, I have a crush on Amaka and have for long been trying to get her attention. She just wouldn’t talk to me. With cold drinks in hand, I felt like a big boy. I hear Amaka can drink and likes guys that drink. Though I don’t drink, I was going to try it today just so she likes me. I was ready to face mama’s beatings when she discovers her drinks were less.

So I open up a bottle with my teeth. She is getting closer. As I take a gulp, I scream.

 

Sad day yesterday and everybody seems focused on those in the plane. Nobody seems to remember those who were in their houses on a Sunday afternoon going about their normal duties and their lives are forever changed. Some families might have been wiped out. Some people might have escaped and didn’t die with their families because they were out of the house at that time.

I don’t pray for the dead. I can only pray for their families. Both for the families of those on the plane and those on the ground. May God comfort them and above all forgive our sins in Nigeria and heal our land. Too much blood.

The Cancer Scourge

I lost a friend.

Yesterday I read an article written by a bereaved brother about his sister’s death and I couldn’t help but be very sad.Tossed a lot before I finally slept (I read it at night). First yes because anybody dying is a very sad event (though that is the end of us all). Secondly, this woman was barely married a year (she died before her first anniversary) and I WAS AT THE WEDDING. I had recently become an Usher in Church and if I remember clearly that was the first wedding I was an usher. Thirdly, she died of Ovarian Cancer. I think that was what hit me most. Here was a woman who if am correct was in her 30s, finally married and ready to live life as a married woman and less than a year had to deal with cancer. This year, it would be 9 years I first heard about ovarian cancer and 8 years since I lost a friend to ovarian cancer. We were both 16+ years when she died. A few days to her 17th birthday. When we knew she had cancer that fateful day in 2003, I did a search on it and all I could find were what I consider myths which I think people still believe till date. The myths that it happens to promiscuous women, old women or women who regularly have sex especially with multiple partners. Myth busted. Someone died at 17 and she was a virgin. Read a story too recently of another girl in the UK who died at 21 and her mum was campaigning that the age for yearly pap smears should be brought back to 20. She believed that if it was 20, it would have been detected early. Issue is because most people don’t do regular smears, it isn’t discovered until it has advanced. Another issue I discovered with cancer generally especially for us Christians is the I live in perfect health, no sickness can stay in my body, what I don’t know won’t kill me life.

Yes, we believe in divine healing but I don’t think that should stop us from regularly doing health checks. I couldn’t help but think about this woman and the fact that she lived here in the UK and could easily do a pap smear. I don’t know if she ever regular pap smears before it was discovered but what if she hadn’t. Could she have discovered this early and therefore still be alive?

Same with breast cancer. Granted ovarian cancer isn’t as popular as breast cancer. It is then baffling when I hear people say they have never had their breasts checked. These are educated people who could easily do it themselves, check in a hospital or if they want to, they can do a mammogram. Another myth, it happens to older women. Oh well, an ex-Nigerian International lost his wife in her mid 20s to breast cancer years back. I don’t think 20-30 is old. I get upset especially when people don’t wanna talk about this in churches. I remember when I had a lump removed the first time (I was 16), I was going to talk to some older teens in church about it and one of our teen teachers scolded me and asked me never to talk about it again; “You don’t discuss such issues in church”, she said.  I know the church is all about eternity and being good and spreading the good news, preaching salvation, and all but it is sad churches hardly talk about health issues or encourage their members to do regular checks.

I think have ranted enough. Just want to encourage people to do regular medical check ups. Could save your life in the long run.

When death comes calling

The numbness.

The shock.

The sadness.

The tears.

Unbelief.

The questions.

The sleepless nights.

The thoughts that run through your head.

The family of the departed.

How do they feel?

The stillness.

Everything freezing in time.

The longing for the past.

Times spent with the departed.

The memories.

The sorrow.

Things you wish you could change.

Things you wish you didn’t do.

Things you wish you did.

Things you wish you didn’t say.

Things you wish you said.

The emptiness.

Death is the end of us all. Either death or rapture. Somehow, some day, we all depart this world.

Where we gonna end up? What would be said about us? How have we lived our lives?

Live your life like you would die the next second. Always prepared to leave this world. You never can tell when it would happen.

RIP aunty Bolaji.

Lovers death, suicide and racist rants

Day in day out, week in week out, the news keeps getting worse. From people bathing others with acid or stabbing them to people committing suicide. For a very long time, these acts were “Western” in nature. It just can’t happen in Nigeria. Or so we thought. Now, a week doesn’t go without such news making it to the tabloids or gossip sites in Nigeria.

The stories vary. A guy asks a girl out, she refuses, next thing, she is either dead or struggling for life thanks to the man. Couples or live-in lovers have a fight and one of them ends up dead. It has become so rampant, a friend of mine recently commented “this love thing, na wa o. Shey we won’t just not get married like this”. Another, “so now we must say yes to every guy that asks us out to avoid acid bath?” Like these friends, these news definitely scares the hell out of me. Left, right and center, you just don’t know what to expect or what news you would hear next. Funny thing is it isn’t even just lovers that get the acid bath or get stabbed. A nurse recently had acid poured on her by one of her HIV patients. Are we safe any longer? Yes the world is coming to an end but this def is scary. Do we decide not to marry or avoid guys or girls at all cost? Or like my friend said say yes to every guy (like that is even possible); cause you don’t even know the mental state of the person next to you. What is going on in his/her head? Whether they would snap the next minute.

Suicide. Another prevalent story in the news. Not so far away from us any more. Not so Western any longer. From youths to well-made, rich adults. Two recent issues; Gary Speed (who was full of life the day before and even appeared on a show) and the Nigerian man who committed suicide a couple of weeks back. He actually wrote 3 letters, to his family, landlord and Pastor. Sends his wife to go deliver the Pastor’s letter and before she gets back, he is dead. It is very easy to condemn them. Don’t they think of others? Couldn’t they seek help? We can ask a lot of questions but it still doesn’t stop it happening. We can blame it on some witches from their villages but in all honesty, how many times do we actually talk to people about how we feel? How many times do we listen to people talk about themselves? How many times do we care to find out what that person is going through? Yes, suicide is sin. And we can preach they would go to hell from now till eternity (that’s what my Bible tells me) but it doesn’t and won’t stop people from killing themselves. A friend had this up as his facebook status a couple of days back “Suicide is only a long-term solution to a short-term problem”. I don’t believe there is a problem that has no solution. Just share it with people you trust. We have heard stories of people tweeting they were suicidal and they got help. Think Demi Moore was involved in one a while back. Help in every little way you can. I wonder and I actually need suggestions on how to reach out to such suicidal people. Some days back Pastor Adeboye recounted a story in Open Heavens about a lady who comes to see him. Before she enters, he was instructed to hug her and he was going to refuse because not only had he warned Pastors now to do it, it wasn’t right. But he did. She then breaks down in tears and tells him she was going to commit suicide but decided to see him for the last time before she did. I don’t have a solution to this suicide, depression and frustration wahala but in our own little ways let’s try help those around us. Truly care and show concern for those people around us. We don’t know what they are going through even with the smile plastered on their faces. It is well.

Youtube has been buzzing with so much racist rants videos. I am not going to start my own rant against those women but one question I ask is “Should we Blacks, Hispanics, Arabs, Asians and other ‘minority’ groups be scared?” Do we have to keep watching our backs from now on? Yes, UK has had a very high rate of murders committed especially against Blacks but with this new wave of rants, do I see it sky-rocketing?

It isn’t all bad news people.

Happy new month people. Last month of the year. Yipee.

Like that old CAC song says

Odun lo so pin o Baba rere (The year is running to an end, good/merciful God/Father)

Fi so re sowa o (Protect us)

On ti o pawa lekun o lodun tun tun (What would make us weep in the New Year)

Ma je ko sele si wa o Baba rere (Don’t let it happen good/merciful God/Father)

(I sincerely hope I got it right)

The good Lord who has brought us this far would bring us to the end. By His grace, in a month’s time we would be screaming Happy New Year. After November and February, December is my next favourite month of the year. Yes because of Christmas. Who doesn’t love Christmas? So the countdown begins 24 days…. Do have a lovely Christmas and a wonderful New Year.

And 21 days to the close of this donation. Please help bring smiles to peoples faces.

Tada