Tag Archives: Woman

I want to be

Got back from church pretty early today. Actually went to another parish and service was fast. And for the first time in a long while I actually had time to reflect on the sermon. Now, with all the activities on a typical Sunday for me, I usually get home and knock out. And I was fast burning out. Late last night I just decided I had to go somewhere else. Where no one knew me and I could hear the word without getting distracted. So off I went and I am happy I did. Those who know me know I over-think things (if there is a word like that) and so what I write below is a result of me thinking about the sermon (actually a recap of an earlier sermon the Pastor had preached) which led to me thinking about other things till I finally got to this writing…

I want to stand before Kings and not mean men

I want to (in the words of my ex) be so hidden in Christ; anyone who finds me must find Christ to find me

I want to honour God with my body, my substance

I want to search the scriptures with all diligence and not just take every word thrown at me (especially in Christian circles) as the law

I want to be the woman who guards her heart

I want to be the woman whose children shall arise and call her blessed

I want to be the woman whose children shall call her bestie

I want to be the woman whose husband takes delight in her all his days

I want to bring my husband good and not harm

I want to be so diligent; so meticulous, hardworking

I want to be the woman everybody knows they are welcome around her

I want to the woman who judges NOT

I want to be as a tree planted by the rivers of water which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither – whatever I do would prosper

I want to be excellent

Oh yes I want to be rich yet very humble

I want to be blessed and yet more a blessing

I want to be able to speak up for those who can’t speak for themselves

I want to speak the truth always

Here in is the conclusion of the matter: I want to fear the Lord and keep his commands

I spoke about using this blog as a tracker (making myself accountable) right? So for those who know me (outside of this blog), if I fall short or aint doing any of the above, you have the right to call me to order. If you see me turn a blind eye to the truth, do let me know. If you see me sloppy or not exerting myself, ya have a right to whip me (not literally biko).

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Can you move in with your wife?

I had this interesting conversation with a driver at work yesterday. We were at our store and then saw some furniture a woman brought. He then started gisting me about how big her house was, she was single and all. And how he hopes she finds a man, but that men won’t want a made wife. So I asked him if he were a man, would he marry her and move in (because I didn’t see how she would wanna move out of her house, but then what do  I know?). His reply shocked me. He said he would move. I asked again (here is an uneducated man) if his wife built a house or bought a house, would he move in with her and he replied in the affirmative. Hmmmm I thought. I then asked why. He said (now I am paraphrasing because this conversation was in Yoruba) he believes in a relationship/marriage, one of both parties would be richer than the other. If his wife was rich enough to buy/build a house,why shouldn’t he move in with her. He felt if he didn’t it meant he wasn’t happy for her and didn’t want her progress. I was just there with my mouth opened. He said as long as he still had her respect and she wasn’t rubbing it into his nose. He said he would let even his parents and the children know it was his wife’s/their mother’s house. The conversation had me thinking “how many men (African men especially) think like this?”. How many women would own houses and still be submissive and show respect to their husbands.

We hear stories on radio and TV about such issues. My wife built a house she didn’t tell me. She has some money somewhere I didn’t know about. And how it has led to the end of relationships and marriages.

I remember a conversation after house fellowship some weeks back. Well when you attend a fellowship where everybody else is married and you and another lady are the only singles, you get to hear a lot of marriage gists. So this man was talking about how in his OWN house, he felt the cook, house help, drivers and other helps didn’t respect him because they felt he wasn’t the one paying their salaries. Madam collected the money from him and distributed. The helps didn’t know that. So one month, he decided to show them who the man of the house was and withheld salaries for 2 weeks. Well, the end of the story is that they all started to comport themselves. Why did I add this story sef? I dunno.

When did people start calling their fiance/fiancee partners? This young man came to the showroom one day and kept talking about how he needed his partner’s approval before buying anything and all. And as he kept saying partner, I kept thinking “is he gay” or is he co-habiting? I had to ask who this partner was and discovered he was engaged. *smh*.

I said my hair was red right? Sorry, I am colour blind. Tis wine.

IMG-20130305-03420 Lagos-20130305-03422 Lagos-20130304-03419

Some people say it is long. I beg to differ. Shoulder length isn’t long. Well that might be my fault sha. Years of chopping just to make it grow and remove split ends have done “damage” to the length. As per last picture, you see where my issue is now. I need that front to GROW. Help a sister.

Have a great weekend people.

Gracias.

Married the new single

Loool. I see some people are laughing. Tis hard staying away from this blog biko. Are you happy now? Lol.

Back to topic.

Quick question. When did it become a trend for women (most especially) to start tripping for married men? It goes both ways but it is more of a female thingy. You see that man with a ring and that is the one you decide to crush on. Sometimes even plot to become madam. When we stopped looking at single men (and women) and decide it is those ones with the ring gan gan we prefer? I have heard a lotta reasons from the “he is married means he is responsible and would take care of me” to the “I didn’t know he was married”. I think it is the latter group I should address first.

I am one of those who looks at a man’s left hand unconsciously (it has become a habit sha) but within few minutes of meeting him. And I get very amazed and most times pissed when I see a supposedly married man without his ring on. I am a firm believer in what the ring symbolizes and except the ring was stolen (and even if it was, what happened to getting another and asking your Priest, Pastor, Bishop, Reverend, Vicar, Imam to bless it?) I don’t see why a man/woman shouldn’t wear it. I just believe some men (and women) set out to deceive others. True confession. I have scoped one too many guys only to discover they are married (things you are allowed to do when you are single; abi na? Before a le boo puts a ring on it). I remember going to see someone recently and looking at his hands am like uhmmmm at 40+, you aint married? Only to see some photo frames from the corner of my eyes, I turn to look and see him and his family. At that point I knew he couldn’t be less than 50 (he sure looks like he is in his mid 40s though) and I almost asked him why he wasn’t wearing a ring. I dunno if it is only me it has happened to but a couple of times, you see the hawt guy and suddenly some woman (at times pg or even with kids) comes from nowhere to make you know say this one is taken. Trust me, I can relate. I don’t want no woman scoping my man either. I can “tika bo e loju”. I fit put “sorry he is taken for him forehead”. Lol. I no fit o. But when the man no gree wear him ring nko? *sigh*. I have heard the it is not necessary to wear the ring especially once it is agreed on by the couple. For me o, it is utter BS. Please wear your ring. You wear am sef, people dey trip. If you now no wear am nko? You are causing a lot of heartbreak with the ring on, you have all now decided we no dey wear am. Mtschewwww. Lol. Am taking it P.

Now back to the ones who see that that man or woman is married o, and na him/her they want. I have no words for such people. I just pray that when they get married too, na their own man/woman someone else too would want. Abi? Fair enough innit? Like I tell people who clearly see someone is in a relationship/engaged or even married yet shamelessly chase after them, as you have done to another man’s/woman’s so would it be done to you. For the “shebi they are just in a relationship/engaged” people, when you get engaged too, someone else would say such to your man/woman. Shikena.

To wrap up my somewhat pointless post, asked a friend some questions some 3/4 years ago and thought to ask a bigger audience, especially the married ones. Funny thing is when I asked her these questions, I wasn’t even in a relationship not to talk of getting married but I feel though the questions apply to normal everyday man-woman romantic relationships, married people would relate better. Quick background to why I asked the questions then. There was this guy I really did like and he liked me gan (too much sef). And everybody thought these ones are so perfect and yada yada. Woke up one day and I suddenly didn’t have no feelings whatsoever for him. As in. I just didn’t like him no more and I was mega scared. I freaked out cuz it did occur to me that day that I could have been married and can one day wake up and not love my husband anymore. It was a moku mogbe modaran moment. I told him straight I didn’t see him in that light anymore but then thought if we were married, how would I have handled it?

1. How do you handle the days when you wake up and kinda like freak out. Like ask yourself “what have I gotten into”? Am I sure I married the right person? Like when you just feel you don’t love the man/woman you married no longer. The OMG, I want out moments.

2. You are married to this amazing man/woman. Months/years after, you meet this super, mega amazing man/woman. Do you start to think maybe you settled? Maybe if you had waited a bit, you would have married this super amazing man/woman? How do people handle it?

3. How do you “close” your eyes to all the men/women you meet after marriage? Especially for the women. How do you close your eyes and heart to that guy who does what le boo does (or used to do) and more? Answers please and please I know praying is key. Asides prayers nko?

Couple of weddings today. End of the year weddings. Sadly, can’t attend any as popman has decided we spend the weekend in a place I haven’t been in 19+ years. I don’t even know how I should feel. Wishing them all the best as they start their journey together.