Tag Archives: fellowship

Identity Crisis?

Is being supposedly masculine wrong?

Let me explain. I was at house fellowship yesterday and at some point, the discussion deviated to what a man wants in a woman (maybe not deviated as the topic was The Christian Home). You get my drift sha. Anywayz, the leader gave an example of a cousin of his who was godly and good looking and all but yet un married. After about 5 years and the less good looking, not well to do female cousins were getting married left, right and centre, he decided to investigate. And the male cousins tell him “na man” i.e the cousin behaves like a man, so when a guy comes, he takes off. So he sits her down and they discuss and all. He said no man wants another man in the house. And he said in our world today, we have a problem of identity crisis. He then likened it (and the other men, all married) to being driven/ambitious. And that 80% of men don’t like ambitious women.

And I asked these questions there that I would ask here. Is it wrong for me to change my tyres or wash my car or change the bulb at home myself? And how does my doing such make me driven? Let me break it down. Is my deciding to do the manly things making me a man? I mean, I want a guy that can cook and help with the household ish, if I marry a man who does, does that make him a woman? Would that mean there are 2 women in the house because he decides to help with things going down in the house? Trust, when I asked the questions, the women all went “ehen if my tyre should go flat, I would pick a cab and head home” and I smiled.

I grew up having to swing between turning on the gen or washing my car and cooking for the house. So for me I believe it just comes naturally. If I am stuck with nobody to do the manly things or they refuse to, I no sabi beg anybody, I am off doing them. I remember once the drivers wouldn’t wash my car and we had no cook, so I get back from work at night, bring out all the cooking things needed and let those that need to thaw, thaw, change to something comfortable, go wash my car. When am done, a quick shower and I go to cook. Then my youth Pastor calls me once and unfortunately my phone was in my room, I was downstairs washing. I returned his call and when he asked what I was doing (he needed us to go see someone) and I told him I was washing my car, he started preaching o. Telling me it wasn’t my duty to wash a car I drive.

My point is, if I can do something even if it is what a man can do, does that make me any less a woman and more of a man? I am not saying if there is a man in the house, I would go about changing light bulbs. Trust me, I would find a recliner or bed and take a sweet nap. But even if there is a man, a willing man at that, I don’t think/believe there is anything wrong in taking that responsibility. If you leave your husband to do all the male things, what if he takes ill and can’t do them or even worse, he dies? If you leave your wife to do all the wifely and motherly things, what if same happens? I believe both male and female, we should be able to do both. Maybe not perfectly but at least do something. And not wait till your wife comes home before dinner is ready or till your husband comes home before the gen comes on.

Same with watching football. I love to watch and I hear people tell me it isn’t lady-like to do that. And I just smile. What do men want exactly?

Musings and lessons learnt?

So here I am, putting down things that occurred to me during the week (some I already knew but they never hit me the way they did during the course of the week).

1. It matters what people say about you when you are gone. This Baroness Thatcher issue again. My knowledge of her for long was just that I knew she was once Prime Minister, the first female and yada yana. Well, asides the fact that I grew up being called Thatcher or Iron Lady. I just wonder, if she wasn’t firm/strict/unshaken (put your preferred English), would people talk about her the way they do? We are usually told, it doesn’t matter what people say/think about you. I think it does. That said, be rest assured, you cannot satisfy everybody. And not all people would say nice/good/positive (again if this doesn’t do you, put what your prefer) things about you. Above all, what matters is what heaven says about you.

2. I had a conversation with a friend some months back about singlehood (is there a word like that? Ok I have added it to the dictionary) and I asked if it ever occurred to her maybe she wasn’t meant to get married. As I expected, she got all so Christianise with the God forbid, Olorun maje, not my portion ish. Not like I blame her though. I completely forgot that conversation. Till worshipandswag’s post on destined to be single. And I just smiled. I am of the opinion that not everybody would get married (same way not everybody would have children). I believe the African culture places so much “importance” (note the quotes, marriage is important but not overtly important, at least not the way most people take it like their lives depend on it and if they don’t get married, their world aint ok) on marriage. Unnecessary importance and as such for a lot of people (especially women) it is inconceivable to think they would NEVER get married. A lot of us cannot just fathom it. Don’t get me wrong, it is completely and absolutely legitimate for any man or woman to desire to get married. Even God realised that man shouldn’t be alone and decided to give him a help, meet for him. I still believe though that contrary to what a lot of people believe, not everybody was created to get married.

3. A few of us were discussing before our church’s single fellowship yesterday (and somehow everybody else was what we term a matured single, asides me and the single fellowship leader who is very married) and this woman (the leader) was gisting us about when she had her marriage counselling. She said their counsellor told her that for a lot of people (once again, women especially), we go into marriages with a preconceived idea of what we want our marriages to be like (not that it is bad, but we all know the danger of unmet expectations right? I don’t need to dwell on that). She said we build towers, block on block, brick on brick and then make the man the roof. And then the shaking starts. He rocks it once, small cracks appear, we patch it. He rocks it the second time (now the cracks widen). We patch and glue and do all sorts. And then one day, the whole tower comes crumbling down, with the weight of the man (the roof) on the woman (or man, depends on who built the tower). Whatever happens after then, na only God fit save the pesin. Lesson is make God the roof. Your husband/wife would disappoint. There would be rocking but with Him at the top, all is well. The person you are most sensitive to is the easiest to disappoint you.

4. Never cease to appreciate your friends and family. I felt for so long I have stopped appreciating and thanking family members and friends. Like I always felt I needed to have a reason to say thank you to them. Well, I do know now, I don’t need a reason. For just putting up with me alone, it is enough to be thankful for. iJoke. I am the nicest person to be around. In my head. You don’t need a reason to appreciate people. So a VERY BIG THANK YOU to everybody who reads this blog, to friends, to family, to friends who are more than friends, to friends who have become family, to everybody. Thank you. E se pupo. And no, I am not dying.

5. I had a hair mishap this night. I was told mixing egg with some many tinz helps hair growth, strengthens your hair and all. And as I am on a hair growth journey, I decided to try it out. Got out of the bathroom to discover my hair was “glued” together. This wasn’t a “it is tangled” level. It was like someone poured glue on my head. After 30 seconds of freaking out (and having my sisters laugh their lives out), I rushed back in and started washing the life out of it. Well, lost quite a lot of hair sadly but not that bad. Lesson: when you wanna try such stunts, go to a salon and get someone to make the mix for you, that way, you have someone to sue if anything goes wrong. iKid. The main lesson is, it worked for Mimi no mean say e go work for Deronk. Ik does it that way no mean say the day Kc do am, e no go get K-leg. That said, I am scared I would wake up later in the day with no hair on my head. And no, I won’t upload pictures of me bald (if that ever happens). I love the egg mix smell though. Just doubt I am gonna try it again.

In other more interesting news, we have a gown. Lols. One of my “brides” has picked her gown. Really excited. Can’t put up pictures yet. You shall see it in a few months. However, how do I get bride B to get more serious about this planning.

In other other news, I see some people owe us some posts. If you owe us (blogsville, a few posts, raise your hands). Ok I see a couple of hands. One male, one female. Did I mention names? Be guided o.

In unrelated news (well, indulge me, no be news), you can never tell a person’s true character until you work (or walk) with them.

Happy Sunday people.