The war against Christian marriages is getting fiercer. The devil isn’t resting. And we shouldn’t either.
Some few months back, maybe about 4/5 months, I was with a married friend who decided to educate and advise me on what and what I should and shouldn’t do as a married woman. He also spoke to me about thinking deeply before getting married and gave me a lot of reasons why marriage shouldn’t be rushed. Anywayz, the talk ended with him telling me a trend he noticed in his generation. Women seem to get married these days either for the name (I am a Mrs not Miss), for the children (I want to have children, all my friends do) or both. Another group won’t even bother with getting married. Just find a willing man and have a kid or two. And that stayed with me. If there was really anything I really really remembered, it was these statements he made.
On Sunday, I was talking to a few friends in church and of all of us, there was someone we would call a matured single (over 35) and she made a statement “I just want to have a child. I don’t see anything wrong. I asked at the church office and they said it was wrong”. At first, I thought, “is there really anything wrong with wanting a child”. Then I remembered the conversation above. Started reading a book my mum asked me to read this after and this issue was raised again. While reading, I went on twitter and saw a friend’s tweet “Just heard a woman say this on the radio ‘it is 2012, who waits to get married to have a baby’. My question: is this what we have become?” She thought it was pure insanity for people to be thinking like this. That got me thinking. It was like God was saying something. Same issue 3 times in 6 days.
Let me state that growing up, I guess because of the kind of mother I have, marriage has always been something she doesn’t joke with. She is so into praying for your marriage years before it ever happens. And one thing she once told me was “there is a battle against Christian marriages”. And in those days, divorce rate wasn’t this high. Divorce was mostly “a thing of the world”. You never hear Christians divorce.
These days however, when you hear of divorce it is mostly within the Church. What went wrong? I think we allowed the devil a lot of space. While we slept and became complacent about marriage, he was busy working and putting finishing touches to destroying marriages and not even allowing marriages that would cause him issues take place. I notice that a lot of people don’t even pray as singles about their marriages. Trust me, I know at times it doesn’t make sense. There are days I don’t even pray about mine or just say some half-hearted prayer and move on. I think it is just a sad reality of the times we live in. We have gotten so relaxed with everything, not just our marital lives and have given the devil a chance. Churches have become something else. There is really no focus any longer in most churches.
Back to the book I am reading (as I am currently not yet done). Some of the things that struck me I list below. Some are things we already know. Some might be new to people.
1. Asides our salvation and Christian life, who we marry is the next most important decision we make. It can make or mar us.
2. God doesn’t want any Christian to marry an unbeliever. See Abraham where Abraham made his servant swear. Genesis 25:1-14.
3. Any parent worth their salt would show interest in their children’s journey to marriage. See same passage above i.e. Abraham.
4. Prayer plays a crucial role when it comes to the issue of a successful marriage. One thing my mum always says is “marriage requires a lot of prayers”. Yorubas would say marriage is oja okunkun (night market). You don’t know what you have bought until you enter. I don’t subscribe to that though.
5. The greatest foundation you can establish for your marriage is the foundation of prayer.
6. God may decide to give you a test before He leads you to your appointed partner e.g. Rebecca. She didn’t even know she was being tested.
7. Prepare yourself as you pray for a suitable partner.
8. There are battles to fight for everyone planning to get married.
9. God instituted marriage and He has a reason for doing so (maybe this should have been the first point sef).
I however find it depressing that most times when books talk about marriages and “preparation for marriage”, they seem to focus on the woman. How to be submissive. How to be humble. How to, how to, how to. Even in books they start off talking about both end up focusing on the woman. *sigh*. Are we saying men don’t need to be spoken to? I hope I don’t fall into the same category with the musing below (maybe I got them because am female).
Woman: womb-man. Because of God’s plan for redemption (He knew man would fall), He had to create a womb-man through whom Christ would come into the world. Man (male specie) wasn’t created with a womb and as such couldn’t get impregnated by the Holy Spirit (got this while reading the book. Funny I have heard a lot of talk on the womb-man, just never struck me this way).
Purpose before marriage: a woman is called to be first a wife then a mother. You had a life before entering into a relationship, don’t lose it. If you don’t know your purpose before you enter a relationship, you would not only get bored, your expectation would be cut short. You are called to be a wife first then a mother. Balance your roles. Don’t neglect your husband because of your children. Know your purpose in life before marriage. After marriage and kids, WHAT NEXT? Knowing your purpose helps you fill the void. Being a sister, child, mother, wife is part of your purpose. It isn’t your purpose. Find your purpose, use your skills, talents, gifts. Do what you love doing and love what you do (this I wrote down around May/June).
Finally, found a very lovely blog I would love to share.
*music*…. Presenting coralandcarameldrapings.
Happy birthday Angelsbeauty. 2* years o easy mehn….
Side note: I do understand where matured singles come from when they talk about wanting children especially as it seems they are getting older and the probability of them getting married is almost zero. It is understandable. I also believe that especially in Christendom, there really isn’t a support system for matured singles. With pressure from family members and friends (who mean well but the way they go about it at times leaves much to be desired), I think the church should do more to keep such people from straying. And in our own little way, let’s support them. Not putting unnecessary pressure on such people. They already have a lot on their minds. We shouldn’t add to that.
Side side note: Nearing 5,000 hits. What do I do? Thinking of doing a give-away but have no idea what the competition should be. Any thoughts?