Tag Archives: People


Okay, I know Easter is over right… Well, not exactly.. Got two blogs; 3 poems actually for you all to read.. Yeah, my elder sister’s and my younger sister’s.. 3 poems. If by Rudyard Kipling and the other two actually written by Debuki…  Am so proud of her… This is True Love by Debuki reproduced after approval was gotten… And here is the link to the last poem.


Have you ever felt such true love-
like the peace of a dove from up above
or the gentleness of a twilight
that ushers a restful night;
Could it be the happiness of a rising sun
that brings forth a new morn
or does it feel like the savour
of living everyday in the favour
of my dear Saviour
But yes it is
this is what I see…
Only HIM and me
 together we’ll be
a good company.

Easter shouldn’t be just four days of our lives every year. Should be everyday.

Good thing is I learnt to give credit to whom it is due… This entry is a must read… You can imagine if it happen really

Elections and Us

I am glad that finally after so much money and time has been wasted, INEC was finally able to conduct somewhat “credible elections” on Saturday. Somewhat credible elections in that some RECs are definitely still compromised and there is little or nothing Jega or anybody else can do about that now. It is good to note that things could get better with time and we can sincerely believe that future elections in this country can actually be free and fair.

That said, the events of the last 2 weeks keep throwing up some questions that so far haven’t been answered. I understand this election process to be that you go for accreditation between 8am and 12noon. Voting starts by 12.30pm. If you are not on the line as at when a count is taken, you are not allowed to vote. This is to curb rigging, which is good. It is sad to note that in some parts of Lagos state and even in Oyo state, the INEC officials didn’t get to the polling units until about 11am. An hour before accreditation was meant to be over. They said logistics. Were the elections not postponed the week before because of this same logistics issue? Didn’t INEC promise to address the logistics issue? Why after a week of supposed planning do we still have the same problem? To make matters worse, the INEC guys stopped accreditation after sometime effectively disenfranchising some people. I hope and pray this issue would be sorted out before Saturday.

Also the issue of Security. From bomb blasts to Corpers getting beaten to ballot snatching. Am sure parents at the moment are begging their children currently serving not to allow themselves be used for the remaining elections.Is it a sin to serve again? INEC said they were providing security. What went wrong? This shedding of innocent blood must stop. I know INEC can’t be blamed totally for security lapses and at present in this country it can’t be completely ruled out but the rate at which we are going, it is only God that can help us. It must be looked into. And all the people arrested for snatching election materials, rigging and all, I hope and pray the cases wouldn’t die “a natural death”. People like the Senator from Bayelsa. Or Kema Chikwe who stormed the INEC office in Imo state with thugs. Pray, what is she teaching her son?

I am so amazed by the broadcasts I got yesterday. Asking that we vote for Jonathan because he has delivered on his promise to conduct free and fair elections. Hmmm. Last week, newspapers, TVs adverts and broadcasts were sent out when Jega postponed the elections asking us not to “join” Jega and GEJ together. That wetin concern GEJ with Jega. Now, peoples argument then was that since GEJ appointed Jega, he should also take part of the blame for the shift in elections. His spokesman, campaign people came out to ask us separate them. Presidency and INEC are not the same. INEC is an independent body and yada yada. Suddenly, after the elections were held and to a large extent is credible, you want us to “join” both of them and make them 1? When did INEC and GEJ suddenly become the same thing?

The media and INEC’s results. We finish voting, the INEC guys count “in our very before”. We know who won in our centre. Check other centres and collate for your ward/constituency e.t.c. All INEC has to do is announce formally who we already know won ba? The same blackberry carrying, twitter and facebook generation youths that have been looked at with disdain and told we are a minority  so we should sit down and stop shouting were able to broadcast or tweet the results in their wards, Nairaland was agog with results from their wards. Hours later, INEC comes out to declare another person. How did that happen? Where did the votes suddenly disappear into? Cases like Benue (David Mark), Anambra Central (Ngige and Akunyuli), Kwara (Saraki) and Oyo North (Okediran and Agboola). Oyo North is even very funny. A place where elections were still held in some wards till midnight, when some other states had declared the winners? A place ACN was winning as at Saturday night and by Sunday afternoon, PDP is declared winner. Newspapers (e.g Punch) and TV stations (NTA and STV) “carry” ACN as winner. Pray I ask, did the media get their results from somewhere else? At least we know they don’t have the right to declare a winner so what exactly is INEC’s game?

It is very clear INEC still has a lot of work to do to make these elections really credible and the earlier they get their acts together, the better. Missing names on the accreditation sheet should be sorted out asap. If the officials need re-training please do. There were cases of officials singing discordant tunes and confusing the voters.

For us the electorate, let’s not be deterred by what happened last week. For those who couldn’t vote, please go out a little earlier than you did the last time and get accredited on time. Go with food if you so wish and enough water (the sun wasn’t smiling @ all last week and I gotta add, your umbrella- not a  PDP fan but seriously that sun wasn’t smiling) and be ready to protect your vote. If you are going back home after accreditation, please ensure you are back at the polling centre by 12 so you can be counted. We should ensure we conduct ourselves in an orderly manner (and help out if need be). At my polling centre in Lekki, we had other voters who helped in getting people arranged, organizing everybody and all before voting. You can be sure elections went on smoothly without rancour there. I was surprised to hear that in the same Lekki, there was so much confusion in some centres. These tush people just couldn’t organize themselves. You can be sure voting started late in those places.

May God help us as we vote in the coming elections. Please ensure you vote. And protect your vote.

Saw these on Bellanaija and thought to share.

By the way, I heard Bode George couldn’t vote because he couldn’t participate in the registration (he was in jail at that time). Just wondering, I know prisoners forfeit their rights and all when in prison/jail but should that include voting? Lawyers in the house please help.


NB: This is not a book bashing session.

Each and everyone of us was created with a purpose. God made us all for a reason. This fact I know most people know. Another fact is most people don’t know their purpose.

What I don’t understand is why we all turn to book to tell us how to find our purpose in life. “10 ways to discover your purpose in life”, “The Purpose Driven Life”, “Helping you find your purpose” and a very ridiculous one “How to find your purpose in 20 minutes”. You read stuff like:

  1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type
  2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
  3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
  4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

Eureka. You have found your purpose.

Am not saying we shouldn’t read books, but when you turn to a book written by an imperfect human being like you on how to find something God has given you.. And I have read some of such books. It is the fact that we are so quick to turn to books and other human beings that baffles me. He who promised to answer us when we ask. Am sure He would answer speedily when we ask Him.. Yes, God does give inspiration to some writers and they write books on such topics but what is better than asking God himself? It doesn’t help matters that some of these writers are as clueless as you are about what their purpose is.

Finding your purpose on earth is the principal thing so one isn’t a weist (waste). Quite a number of people must have heard Chi-gurl’s “song”, Don’t be a weist… Funny as the song might be, if you listen carefully to what she sang, there is something to learn.

And there is only one person to ask what that purpose is; GOD.

So get on your knees and ask and set forth in achieving that purpose.

Goodbye yesterday

We gotta leave the past behind
There is nothing more to say
So goodbye to yesterday”

Have you ever held on to some event, circumstance, thought, happening, suitation, something in your past? You just can’t shake it off. You just can’t let it go. You just live in it. It has eaten so deep into you, you just can’t “live” without it. You think and dream of it every time.

I had a conversation with a friend sometimes last year and I kept talking about things that had happened way back; because of “those things” I couldn’t do this and that. Therefore, “I couldn’t move on with my life”… cuz that what it practically means.

It is a lot easier for most of us to live in our past. Some single or series of events happened in the past and so we are scared of the future. We have built up the wall of Jericho, nobody can get in. We are scared of what “might happen”, if we let go of our past. Key word is might as you never can prove that the incident, event etal would occur again. That “fear” permeates every fibre of our being, we have come to accept it as ours. It has become RIGHT.

Agreed. Events, suitations, circumstances would happen; people would come into our lives and hurt us; things would happen to make or break us. But we must learn to let go of the past. FREE THE PAST. Learn the lessons and MOVE ON. Stop dwelling on the past. Let go and Let God. Close that chapter and open a new one. You got so much ahead of you. Don’t let the past keep you down. Have a closure.

Goodbye yesterday, good morning today.

Like T.Y Bello sang, “Goodbye yesterday, tomorrow is now for the taking. The FUTURE is HERE”.


N.B: Was originally going to write on the elections so would sign out with a mail sent by a friend.

Heaven or Hell? 2011 Elections

While walking down the
street one day a Corrupt
Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in,
it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these
parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator..
“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups.
What we’ll do is
have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where
to spend eternity.”

“Really?, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven, says the Senator.
“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he
goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a
green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends
and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to
greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of
golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a
good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it
is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the
elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter
is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven..”

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls
moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good
time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose
your eternity.”

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

“I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil smiles at him and says,

“Yesterday WE were campaigning.  Today, YOU have  voted..”

Vote wisely in 2011Elections


The Spirit of the New Age was the sermon my dear Pastor preached during Digging Deep on Tuesday. He broke it into parts and so part one which he talked about that day was on DECEPTION. I had to buy the CD immediately after Church cuz it was something I needed to hear. It was deep.

It is a serious issue o… It got me really really thinking. He started by using TRUTH to explain what deception was as we all know, truth is the opposite of deception. What really struck me most in all he said that day was the issue of relativity. In the bid to appear funky, tolerant of others, logical, not to be seen as strong-willed, we have allowed relativity to come into our speech and actions.

We begin to classify everything based on the circumstances, the situation . You hear people say things like “if you look at it from this angle”, “it is right in this context”, “let’s think about it in a ‘logical’ way and you would find out he/she is right”. I am pretty sad, because I believe I have fallen into that trap a couple of times. So as not to rock the boat or to be tolerant, I begin to rationalize the truth “I know what my Bible says about an issue but”… Keyword is BUT. I think when the word but gets introduced into the truth… well… we pretty much are telling a lie and deceiving ourselves and others.

It’s sad that as Christians we can’t stand up for what we know is true and right as other religions do. And we are “the Way, the Truth and the Life”, “the One True God”. We can’t face our friends, colleagues, relatives and let them know what we stand for? So as not/to get on the wrong side of the other person? So as not to lose their friendships?

Even within the Church, we have allowed relativity to creep in. The Bible doesn’t support divorce. I hear some Pastors allow their members to get a divorce “depending on the situation”. Makes me wonder. The only reason why divorce is allowed in the Bible is on grounds of infidelity and even at that, if you are getting a divorce based on that you have raised a standard by which you would be judged. So am thinking on what other grounds, what other situations do these Pastors allow their members to divorce? Like one of our A/P said, when you get married, you throw the key away, that door is never to be opened. And like PB said (as I like to call him), if you are leaving your marriage cause of maybe he/she beats you, are you saying you can’t take the matter to God? The one with whom nothing is IMPOSSIBLE? Are you saying the man or woman can’t change?

Another deception that I can’t shake off (which I heard for the first that day) was the issue of sex before marriage. Funny how people use the Bible to suit their motive. The same A/P says she saw this Spirit filled, tongue talking young woman who was pg and asked how she got herself into that situation. The chic tells her that in their church they are allowed to get pg as long as they are going to get married. And then quotes 1 Corinthians 7: 36 ; KJV- “But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry”. “But if a man thinks he ought to marry his fiance because he has trouble controlling his passions and time is passing, it is all right; it is not a sin. Let them marry.” – NLT.

I first heard this passage when my pastor back in school, spoke to us about why he decided to marry early even without having much to take care of himself and his wife.  A point PB even mentioned this fact when this matter came up. The Bible is saying if you can’t hold yourself, it is better to get married than to burn. How that translated (in that church) to as long as you know you are getting married, you can start sleeping with each other beats me… It says let them marry not let them have sex. Or one I heard that a church says it’s members don’t have to pay tithes because God allowed tithe paying for the Levites, widows and the poor to have something to eat and it is an Old Testament Law; Christ came to abolish the law so that law doesn’t stand. And as there are no more “Levites” in the New Testament, it isn’t necessary. For the widows and the poor, you can give them whatever you can afford, plus the church has set up foundations to take care of such people. And am thinking really? Seriously?

I believe in this age, we Christians should know our Bible very very well. In fact, hug our Bibles because… hmmmmm…. people are being deceived o… and not on a small scale…  the devil isn’t taking it small at all; ko mu ni kekere. Or is it the issue of homosexuality we should talk on? Story for another day. I hear Christians say because this person is gay doesn’t make him a lesser person and story story. You hear things like “that is how God created them”. Nibo? Where? My Bible says God created them, male and female He did create not male and male or female and female; not Adam and Steve or Eve and Evelyn. “They are just being in tune with their sexuality” True their sexuality doesn’t make them lesser people but like my people would say, nkan ti o da, o da; what isn’t right isn’t right. #nuffsaid. Abortion…. you hear “if someone was raped and got pg should she keep the baby”? The situation issue again. I say yes. I agree, counsellors and people talking aint in the situation with you but I believe if you are a coG, all things (good or bad) would work together for your good. He makes all things beautiful in His time. My Bible gave strict instructions not to kill.

May God help us.

A/P: Assistant Pastor

pg: pregnant

coG: child of God

Just pondering



First topic I thought to write about when I started blogging. Just never got round to writing on it. I was discussing recently with a family friend and another friend (different occasions) and this same issue came up. I boned again. Yesterday a friend shared a link on Facebook, Chinamanda Adichie: The Danger of a Single Story. Guess that was a “confirmation”. Lol. Long and short of the video is what sterotyping has done to us. I must say I love the fact that she didn’t use the word Sterotype; guess that’s the difference between writers and the rest of us. They can think up more attractive words and phrases.

We all have our single story. Many of them infact. Stories, experiences, e.t.c that have shaped the way we think and act about issues, people, our reaction to suitations and circumstances. Stories our mothers told us. Yes, 90% of the time, they do the story telling. Fathers too tell theirs but mothers have the medal when it comes to telling stories. And some how, these stories have come to shape our thoughts, action and reactions to people most especially.

Take for example; tribalism in Nigeria. I can write a book on stories my mum told me and stories I have heard about other tribes in Nigeria. God help the Igbos. From the way they treat their wives especially when the husband dies to the Alaba market issues and more recently kidnapping, a book can be written. Forgetting the fact that even amongst us Yorubas, there are a number of “tribes” who treat the wives worse upon the death of the husband. Forgetting that there are families and villages in Igboland who treat the wives well. Forgetting that Yorubas also “work” at Alaba market. Forgetting that even here in Lagos, babies are being kidnapped. Story for another day.

Anywayz I must confess that I broke the chains of tribalism a long time ago much to the chagrin of my mum and especially my aunty. Doesn’t help that my mum said 2… yes 2 of her friends told her they dreamt that they saw me wearing the “george”; the wrapper… So they concluded I was going to marry an Ibo man. Mumsie calls me and warns me not to think of it. Wahala.. I have a lot of Ibo friends. Infact my best friend is Ibo… I would def wear a george when she is getting married (I have a thousand times pictured myself wearing the george). Guess they never thought of that. Think I made matters worse, cause anytime this issue comes up; I tell her I aint even looking for an Ibo man, Itsekiri, Kalabari or Uroboho would do.

Or when I told her I wanted to serve in Calabar. The first question she asked was “is he from there? Is that where he stays?” *smh*. Or the days my aunty decides to ask who I am chatting with or who I was talking to on the phone, unfortunately for her, it is always a non-Yoruba person. Next thing I hear is “if you insist on going this way, me I wouldn’t come for your wedding”. Hmmmm. Truth be told, stories about other tribes (especially Ibos) make me scared, but I haven’t seen anything different amongst my people. So why bother?

Like I said, these stories and experiences (some of which most of us never even experienced ourselves; it is what people tell us we believe especially if the person talking is older) go along way in shaping us. Another single story. I grew up being told never to accept anything from a guy. Shoot me. Yes. Sad but that’s what I was told. Not my mum this time though. Cousins, uncles, family friends. I heard enough of “you see what happened to so and so chic (and def you would know the chic), it was because she collected this and this from a guy. When he came back to ask her she had to pay him back somehow”. So my watchword became “Never collect something you are sure if the person comes back to ask you, you wouldn’t be able to pay back especially if it is a guy”. More like never let a guy pay for anything. The statement isn’t entirely false in itself but in that context, I backed away from gifts of whatever sorts from even close male friends who would never ask me to do something I wouldn’t do. I made up my mind not to be in a suitation where someone would ask me to repay or give back something he gave me. Till the day I asked a friend for money. I was on my way to his place to pick up something, apparently no fuel in the car and the driver didn’t say anything.

Since I wasn’t stopping to buy anything, I didn’t take my purse or my bag. So am stuck mid-way. I call him, tell him what the issue was. He meets me where the car stopped…. with fuel in a jerry can (he didn’t give me the money). I gauged how much fuel it was and when I got back home, picked up my purse and went back to his place…. To give him the money. He was so upset, didn’t collect the money. I got back and called another friend and told her what happened and guess what. She tongue-lashed me. Seriously. That incident got me thinking. I had actually let my guard down and had once allowed a guy to pay for some stuff for me (okay, yes he was asking me out). 2 days later, a friend of his mentioned that afterall, he bought so and so for you. Trust me, I immediately matched up to the guy and gave him the exact amount he spent. Now, I still think that single story shaped the fact that even till now, though I now recieve gifts from guys and allow them to pay, a part of me still wants to pay for my stuff myself when am out with a guy… I think it shaped the fact that I think guys should let chics also pay when they go out, buy things with their own money for both of them…

I quite identify which Chinamanda’s first single story. The first “story” I tried to write was titled “The millionaire’s daughter” with a character named Jessica. Am so sure there is a book with that title but like she said because of the kind of books I read, I believed every book must have a foreign name; foreign characters. Infact, I had a pen name which definately wasn’t Nigerian… what we call here Christian names (see justification), because I didn’t believe anybody would want to read a book that had a Nigerian as author. I believed we were made to read Chinua Achebe and Cyprian Ekwensi because we were in Nigeria. Their books def didn’t sell outside that why we read them here.

Or my cousin’s roommates single story about Nigeria or better still, Africa (as quite a number of Americans see Africa as a country) as a place where people live on trees, stay in front of the President’s house every Wednesday to browse, wearing next to nothing. I also have a single story of Americans. Illiterates, who don’t know what is happening outside their state not to mention their country. Especially the whites. Who believe nothing good can come out of anything black. But have met a couple of them and am amazed how they think. Sterotype.

We all have our single stories. What we have to remember is that while the events, circumstances, suitations, stories, experiences that shape our single stories “might” be true, it can’t 100% true. There would be those that defy such sterotypes. We need to view each person as different; as an individual and not categorise. Because I saw someone who didn’t drive well and was female. Two friends had the same experience so I conclude that ALL FEMALE DRIVERS CAN’T DRIVE; they shouldn’t be allowed to drive (Arshavin beware). Sorry had to use that example. For all you know, it could be a man behind the wheels. Or because I was jilted by a guy means all guys are the same. Once again I use WE, cause I am also guilty.

May God help us.

Just pondering.

Of Issue Based Campaigns and Nigeria

More than a week after my last post. Sorry. I’ve been busy doing a lotta things. Am back for good tho.

Is it just me or other people think our politicians are not telling us what they wanna do? And elections are less than 2 months away?

I tweeted about this issue some months back… When GEJ and Atiku were busy fighting themselves on TV, in newspapers and every possible media. All they could tell us on why we should vote for them is why we shouldn’t vote for the other person. Electronic Media was filled with all sorts. From Nollywood and Musicians endorsements of GEJ to Atiku fighting back with newspaper adverts that said things like Elections are not won by singing, I began to wonder if they were both serious. Asides telling us their life history, “I wore no shoes to school”, “I never thought I would be here today”, “I rose through the ranks”, yada yada… none of them came out to say specifically what they plan to do… Power, Education, Corruption, Health.. Nothing.

The fact that you didn’t wear shoes to school, does that mean you would provide shoes for every Nigerian? You rose through the ranks, equates you would ensure every Nigerian rises through the ranks??? Obviously not. Makes me wonder if these people think we are daft or something.

Now, GEJ is PDP’s candidate, Ribadu is for ACN, Buhari, CPC, Shekarau, ANPP and so on. Still no concrete plans on what they are going to do if elected. My grouse is specifically with GEJ as he is the only one who has really started his campaigns, though the others do “meet” leaders from other parts of the country, speak to reporters and all. When a Presidential candidate who is currently in power says to his people- the Niger Delta that “I would not do anything about the issues you are encountering until I am re-elected. Then I would sit with your governors and put plans in place to solve the problems the people of Niger-Delta are encountering”. I felt like hitting my head on the wall (I am not a violent person and def would not hit my head on the wall, FEAR NOT), but REALLY? Like SERIOUSLY?????????????? And you want my vote? And that of my family??? What stops you from putting measures in place to solve the problems we are facing? From sitting with the governors now? Why wait till after your election? What if you don’t get elected?

People seem to forget that they would be judged for their actions…… an in-actions. Even if you don’t get elected, providence would judge you for starting the process. Leave it to your successor to continue or not to… He or she would also be judged. Oh, I get it… May be he was scared his opponents would tap into his ideas to form theirs…. Hmmmm.. Still not an excuse… To think he said that to HIS OWN PEOPLE. Sad.

The others too are not spared. They haven’t come out to say precisely how they hope to solve our problems. Telling me you know unemployment is an issue and I shouldn’t worry, you would solve it doesn’t and wouldn’t work. What are your plans to solve it? Tell me precisely what you would do. Maybe then I would start taking you serious. Education is an issue and so you create 9 more Universities. Have you finished catering for the 27 you already have? You can imagine Sheakarau putting up adverts on his achievements as governor. Says he built low-cost houses, sank bore holes… Pluezzzzeeee. So I should vote for you based on that?

I don’t know o but I think these people think we are either not smart… or they think this election would be like the others… They forget or maybe they don’t know that Nigerian Youths have passed that stage… Even if things don’t become the what they should be… we are starting something and when we are done, they would wonder what hit them…..

Btw, what happened to Presidential debates??? Woulda thought we would have had 1 or 2 by now… *smh* 2 months to election.

Just pondering.

To tell or not to tell


A friend said that to me for the first time in my life in SS2. Yes, there was a second time…. And a 3rd time. In the same SS2. What was with me and that class sef??? *smh*. That word is so Military-ish and scary, I shivered when I* called me that. Conjures up images of dictators or other top Military guys shouting traitor and pointing at hapless subordinates as other people look and guards/soldiers take them out for execution. I* called me that twice. T the first was the next to call me that.

What led to me being called a traitor ba? You see, A* was dating I*. I* is my friend since forever. A*, I met through her. When they started dating, I wasn’t informed o. But at the end, I became a traitor. Sometime 2nd term, SS2, I noticed A* was acting funny and concluded the end was near for that relationship. I am not an oracle or expert on relationships but I tend to know when something isn’t going right or wouldn’t be right in a relationship. L* and I were discussing one day and I made the mistake of mentioning it to her. L* is also quite close to A*. Some how, L* tells A* and A* puts off breaking the relationship…. by 2 weeks. When he finally does, trust I* is so distraught and not talking to anybody.

L*, I*, A* and myself attend the same lesson. I went to stores (that what we called where we bought things from in School then o), and left me bag in class. I met L* and I* on my way back to class to pick up my bag (it was time for lessons to start). A* was right behind…. Carrying my school bag…. Wahala.. I asked him for my bag and he replies “after coming all the way with it, you don’t expect me to give you and then go get MY bag”. So I respected myself and picked up his bag. It was on our way home I* called me a traitor for the first time.

Second time was because I refused to tell. She found out later that I knew (how I knew I don’t know o, as A* didn’t tell me specifically he was going to break up with her) A* was going to opt-out of the relationship. E gba ni e laja (please help me/save me o- I hope that’s the meaning?) Was I meant to tell her? At work one day an issue came up and people figured that since I knew the MD, I should tell.  Made me start to wonder…. especially in cases of a relationship, should a friend talk??? Or as in the case of my office, should I walk up to the MD and tell????

I have heard arguments for both sides. Some say yes, you should be able to tell your friend no matter worth. I agree. The max that would happen is the friend wouldn’t talk to you again. Abi? But when the whole matter comes out, your friend would either wish he/she listened and might even come back to thank you/ask for forgiveness and help or just ignore and move on with life. That way, you know you tried your best even if you lose a friend. Valid point. What are you friends for if you can’t tell each other the truth even when it hurts.

Another school of thought says you shouldn’t o… Like it is an abomination. Kon se gbogbo nkan ti oju ba ri ni enu nso (It isn’t everything the eyes see the mouth says- we could include “ears hear”). Once again I hope am right with the spelling and interpretation. You can’t tell everything to your friend o. Do you want your friendship to end? Especially in the case of relationships, you hear “because of a man now, you don’t want XYZ to talk to you again”?

Or another group, “experience is the best teacher”. Let him/her learn from it o jare….Yes it would hurt but they would never make that mistake again. Hmmmmm…. Is that what friendship is all about. I was once in this school of thought. Let everybody learn from their mistakes. Then I moved to it isn’t everything you see or hear (true o), you tell people. Now there are days I think “should I or should I not tell”? I hear a lot of “it depends on your relationship with the person”. If you are sure he/she can take the truth, go ahead and tell. Else it is in your best interest not to. I tend to wanna agree with this but then I get bothered at times when I see a friend heading the wrong way or someone I could have told something (even if the person wouldn’t listen) end up doing the wrong thing. I then remember the Bible passage that talks aboutyou knowing the right thing to do and you refuse to do it. It is a sin”. I wonder how many of such instances would want to stand against me on judgment day and I consciously try to make an effort to tell. I still get scared sometimes and I don’t tell.. But God helping me, I would tell as much as I can….

Btw, still undecided about talking to my MD. Made up my mind not to… but……

Just pondering.

A little sleep, a little slumber

I love sleep. My mum says I can sleep on water. She says I can sleep all through the day but am very alert at night… *shrugs*. Is that a problem? Got an uncle who she says we have the same sleeping habit and he is the MD of some company now *wink wink*. Maybe I should continue my sleeping… so I can become MD…. Loool.

Anyways, my sleeping habit isn’t the subject. Stumbled on an acquaintance’s BBM status recently. Can’t remember exactly how it was worded but paraphrased is similar to the Bible passage in Proverbs 24:33-34; A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest  and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man. It was just worded in a tusher way.. Gosh… Not saying the Bible isn’t tush o… Couldn’t help commenting on the status and that got me thinking and remembering when I took the NIM exams… the lectures on Management Principles, Styles, Theories, the Abraham Maslow, Hawthorne, Henri Fayol, Herzberg, the free sociey (Laissez-faire)… Oh boy, see me giving some Management ish….

One thing that struck me and still does is Theory X and Theory Y by Douglas McGregor.

Theory X assumes people have an inherent dislike for work and will avoid it whenever possible. People must be coerced, controlled, directed, or threatened with punishment in order to get them to achieve the organizational objectives. People prefer to be directed, do not want responsibility, and have little or no ambition. People seek security above all else.

Theory Y assumes work is as natural as play and rest. People will exercise self-direction if they are committed to the objectives (they are NOT lazy). Commitment to objectives is a function of the rewards associated with their achievement. People learn to accept and seek responsibility. Creativity, ingenuity, and imagination are widely distributed among the population. People are capable of using these abilities to solve an organizational problem. People have potential.

Ok.. Too much English ba? For a blog… Not going into the nitty gritty o. It is Theory X that has me thinking; People are generally lazy.. Abi? Is that not the long and short of the whole story? People don’t like work so they are lazy. If A=B and B=C, then A=C ba? Maybe not quite in this case. What I am trying to infer is sleep is generally associated with laziness. So for those of us that love like sleep we are lazy??? Arghhhh. Not sure

I don’t know if it is an African problem or it is general but is it only me that thinks Theory X is true about 90% of the time? Especially as regards Africans? I see a lot of young men and women all around me who don’t want to work. They would rather stay back at home and money “miraculously” gets to their hands than to get up in the morning and work. Not saying there are not days when you just want to lay on your bed for 10 hours and sleep; when you finally wake up, you wanna watch TV or movies… That’s a once in a while ish.

No, I am talking about people who don’t want to do anything with their hands and still expect to be “rich”; to have money. Or the ones who say they are working (work here is they stay in car parks, say they are guarding your car and expect you to give them N200 when you are driving out). And don’t try justifying their “work”. Or the ones who just come to work, days on end, doing nothing, waiting for salary at the end of the month and they are not bothered; makes me think if they are okay; you aint adding to yourself and you are fine that way??? I am positive these are the kind of people the Bible refers to when it says a little sleep a little slumber…

Yes, literally sleeping all day not doing anything is part of it oh… Now before you refer to my earlier statement, yes growing up, I did enjoy sleeping during the day especially weekends and do all my assignments at night… I still do… Can feel very sleepy before a vigil but sure wouldn’t sleep. Wait till I get home and am out for the whole day… *grin*. But with classes and now work, my body has learnt to re-adjust. Work during the day and sleep at night. Though I still remain alert very early in the morning, by afternoon my mind blanks out itself. Makes me try to get as much as possible done in the morning.  I can’t imagine you sleeping all day 7 days a week, 365 days a year and expect to make it in life… How na?

Just thinking is it innate in man most especially Africans to be lazy? To like “sleep”? Is McGregor’s Theory X true in most cases or Theory Y? Are we really not intelligent, gullible, resistant to change, have no ambition and self centered (like a version of Theory X puts it)?

Btw, me I like sleep and I like work… Just wondering, do they gel? Sleep and Work? Can someone like both?

Just pondering

Valentine’s Day

I HATE Vals day. Okay, may be Hate is too strong a word but I really don’t like Vals day…

Shoot me…

For me, it is just another day but the hype all around it, you would think it is Christmas or Easter.

My “beefs” for Vals day are legion….

Don’t worry, e ma no ga (don’t be in a hurry),  you would find out soon.

It started almost 12 years ago… yes that long… I was in JSS2… think it started before then sef….. I have had a lot of toasters… am proud of myself… shoot me… and more than half of them figured that if they VALed me… I had no right to say NO to them… you can imagine…. Valing me gave them a bragging right and immediately made them my boyfriend… see wahala.. Quickly and even till now, I advise guys not to Val me… because you would still get NO as an answer and I would gladly receive the gifts…

Same JSS2, some friend of mine (who apparently liked me) calls me after school on Feb 14. School don close o. I was just waiting for mumsie or the driver to show up so I can go home. And that much I told him. If mumsie or the driver shows up, I would leave. While waiting, the driver shows up and I go home. Abi? Years later, we got round to talking; SS3, I didn’t want to carry Secondary School beef into Uni (he stopped talking to me after that) and I asked why he stopped talking and he told me what happened. He had bought all the gifts his money could buy (maybe saved sef or borrowed), asked me to wait, comes back with his friends and the gifts and I had disappeared. In anger they go back to his class and MURDERED the cake… thrashed the gifts and his friends stopped talking to me. To them, I was a wicked person… Wahala…. But I told him I would leave na? Abi? Plus everybody else gave gifts since, na after school he remembered? (I guess the gifts came late, but what stopped him from telling me he was going to get the gifts?? Maybe he wanted to surprise me… Sorry, I spoilt his surprise.

Fast forward to SS2/SS3. These 2 friends of mine were dating. G and T. G doesn’t have money and Vals day is approaching. T is expecting Vals gifts.. G doesn’t tell T he doesn’t have money and he def wouldn’t borrow to satisfy a girl (thank you brother); man after my heart. Val’s day comes and no gift. T is upset. G’s male friends are upset. You can at least have borrowed money from us to Val her they said. I felt like stoning them… Why should a guy borrow to satisfy a chic? Kilode? (Why?). Here I was very happy and sad tho that G wasn’t brave enough to tell T he didn’t have money. Guys if you tell you chic you don’t have money and she is angry, my dear free her. Then G makes the biggest mistake a guy makes. He comes towards d end of the day (twas a Saturday in my SS3 and we had lessons so school was practically full) with Lollipop… yes you read right… Lollipop in the shape of a rose… *hitting my head on the wall*. What???? At that point, I lost hope…. Don’t get me wrong, I am a firm believer in the thoughts behind the gift (take my ex who was out of the country last Vals but went the extra mile to get me gifts and sent them down through a friend; boy I wasn’t expecting nada so I was pretty much very impressed and giddy with excitement) and not just how much the gift costs… and am sure at that moment G felt T was upset and needed to do something to save the day… but lollipop??? Funny his very good friend (another friend of mine D) who was dating another girl friend of mine T (the second) told her upfront he didn’t have money… It was left to T (the second) to decide… funny, she Valed him instead… Now that’s a girl after my heart. This issue would be discussed soon. Is it egosim on the part of guys or they just think all females are materialistic?

Another reason is I hate when something, someone or anything is hyped. Here in Nigeria, I don’t know about other countries (as I have never been out of Nigeria on Vals day), you would think it is Christmas… Left to Nigerians Vals day should be a public holiday (makes matters worse, there is a public holiday tomorrow). I started getting messages about Vals day as far back as January 5th and am thinking, didn’t we just end a round of spending??? As with everything hyped around me, I lose interest immediately. That’s why I have not seen movies like Avatar till now… and why I saw movies such as Sherlock Holmes immediately they came out. Guess Valentine’s day is the only hyped movie I have ever seen (because a friend proposed to his gf then on that day and asked that we all go see the movie together).

Also, why must it be one day out of 365 days, people “decide to show love”? Why can’t you buy flowers, perfumes, take him/her to that restaurant or visit the spa on any other day. Don’t get me wrong, I know people do these and more on other days but for must people, IT IS ON VALS DAY, they remember to “show love”. What happens on the remaining 364 days???

Broadcasts….. curse of having a BB… Like I don’t know what February 14 is??? I have made up my mind to delete the next person that sends me a broadcast on BB… I am that upset.

Finally, TRAFFIC…. Omo mehn, you should be in Lagos on Vals day. The last 3 years have made me detest it even more… Lagos on a normal day is crazy… Rain or sun, on Vals day, roads would be blocked. 2 years ago (thank God I was home), heard it was mahd traffic…. Last year, coming back from church on a Sunday, took me almost 3 hours to get home… something that would take max, 20 minutes from V/I to Lekki… *smh*. Today, am planning to leave work as early as possible to beat traffic…

To the romantics who are so into Vals day, not my plan to ruin your day, so do have fun ehn… and don’t do what I wouldn’t do (if you aint married)

And wanna wish my dear cousin Ifeoluwa (all these Valentine babies) a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY… Love you so much. xoxo

Just pondering