Category Archives: Random

Musings and lessons learnt?

So here I am, putting down things that occurred to me during the week (some I already knew but they never hit me the way they did during the course of the week).

1. It matters what people say about you when you are gone. This Baroness Thatcher issue again. My knowledge of her for long was just that I knew she was once Prime Minister, the first female and yada yana. Well, asides the fact that I grew up being called Thatcher or Iron Lady. I just wonder, if she wasn’t firm/strict/unshaken (put your preferred English), would people talk about her the way they do? We are usually told, it doesn’t matter what people say/think about you. I think it does. That said, be rest assured, you cannot satisfy everybody. And not all people would say nice/good/positive (again if this doesn’t do you, put what your prefer) things about you. Above all, what matters is what heaven says about you.

2. I had a conversation with a friend some months back about singlehood (is there a word like that? Ok I have added it to the dictionary) and I asked if it ever occurred to her maybe she wasn’t meant to get married. As I expected, she got all so Christianise with the God forbid, Olorun maje, not my portion ish. Not like I blame her though. I completely forgot that conversation. Till worshipandswag’s post on destined to be single. And I just smiled. I am of the opinion that not everybody would get married (same way not everybody would have children). I believe the African culture places so much “importance” (note the quotes, marriage is important but not overtly important, at least not the way most people take it like their lives depend on it and if they don’t get married, their world aint ok) on marriage. Unnecessary importance and as such for a lot of people (especially women) it is inconceivable to think they would NEVER get married. A lot of us cannot just fathom it. Don’t get me wrong, it is completely and absolutely legitimate for any man or woman to desire to get married. Even God realised that man shouldn’t be alone and decided to give him a help, meet for him. I still believe though that contrary to what a lot of people believe, not everybody was created to get married.

3. A few of us were discussing before our church’s single fellowship yesterday (and somehow everybody else was what we term a matured single, asides me and the single fellowship leader who is very married) and this woman (the leader) was gisting us about when she had her marriage counselling. She said their counsellor told her that for a lot of people (once again, women especially), we go into marriages with a preconceived idea of what we want our marriages to be like (not that it is bad, but we all know the danger of unmet expectations right? I don’t need to dwell on that). She said we build towers, block on block, brick on brick and then make the man the roof. And then the shaking starts. He rocks it once, small cracks appear, we patch it. He rocks it the second time (now the cracks widen). We patch and glue and do all sorts. And then one day, the whole tower comes crumbling down, with the weight of the man (the roof) on the woman (or man, depends on who built the tower). Whatever happens after then, na only God fit save the pesin. Lesson is make God the roof. Your husband/wife would disappoint. There would be rocking but with Him at the top, all is well. The person you are most sensitive to is the easiest to disappoint you.

4. Never cease to appreciate your friends and family. I felt for so long I have stopped appreciating and thanking family members and friends. Like I always felt I needed to have a reason to say thank you to them. Well, I do know now, I don’t need a reason. For just putting up with me alone, it is enough to be thankful for. iJoke. I am the nicest person to be around. In my head. You don’t need a reason to appreciate people. So a VERY BIG THANK YOU to everybody who reads this blog, to friends, to family, to friends who are more than friends, to friends who have become family, to everybody. Thank you. E se pupo. And no, I am not dying.

5. I had a hair mishap this night. I was told mixing egg with some many tinz helps hair growth, strengthens your hair and all. And as I am on a hair growth journey, I decided to try it out. Got out of the bathroom to discover my hair was “glued” together. This wasn’t a “it is tangled” level. It was like someone poured glue on my head. After 30 seconds of freaking out (and having my sisters laugh their lives out), I rushed back in and started washing the life out of it. Well, lost quite a lot of hair sadly but not that bad. Lesson: when you wanna try such stunts, go to a salon and get someone to make the mix for you, that way, you have someone to sue if anything goes wrong. iKid. The main lesson is, it worked for Mimi no mean say e go work for Deronk. Ik does it that way no mean say the day Kc do am, e no go get K-leg. That said, I am scared I would wake up later in the day with no hair on my head. And no, I won’t upload pictures of me bald (if that ever happens). I love the egg mix smell though. Just doubt I am gonna try it again.

In other more interesting news, we have a gown. Lols. One of my “brides” has picked her gown. Really excited. Can’t put up pictures yet. You shall see it in a few months. However, how do I get bride B to get more serious about this planning.

In other other news, I see some people owe us some posts. If you owe us (blogsville, a few posts, raise your hands). Ok I see a couple of hands. One male, one female. Did I mention names? Be guided o.

In unrelated news (well, indulge me, no be news), you can never tell a person’s true character until you work (or walk) with them.

Happy Sunday people.

Note to a stranger

Note 1

Dear stranger in teal trousers, it was nice of you to pay for my meal the other day. Such generosity is rare these days. I loved the way you rocked the teal trousers. I could borrow some tips from you. However, kindly keep it down when you are on the phone. We really don’t care how much millions you are willing or not willing to pay for a service. Also it is pretty rude to snatch another’s cash in the name of trying to catch one’s attention. Try “hello” and take it up from there next time. Thirdly, thou shalt not stare. That said, hoping to run into you sometimes soon.

Note 2

Dear tall guy, I was wondering if we had met before when you greeted me as I walked out of the supermarket last week. Strange yeah as I don’t recall ever meeting you. But I smiled and replied. And I was hoping and seriously praying it would stop there. That you won’t behave the way I imagined you would. Alas, I was wrong. Weren’t you taught not to talk to strangers? Did you expect me to wait and talk to you in a near empty car-park?

Note 3

Aunty (as we have to call you), it was nice meeting a new aunty after 2x years. Seems till I die I would always meet some relation or the other. However you still remain a stranger as I cannot even recall your name or face or the connection. Don’t you think though it is improper to talk “bad” about someone on his wedding day? You decided to give me the history of a cousin (I knew not until that day). How much of a bad child he is and how but for my father you wouldn’t have come for the wedding. I would rather you didn’t because you have succeeded in distorting my opinion. For all I know, he might not even be what you said he is but I can’t see him now and view him favourably. On his wedding day for that matter. Kindly keep your opinions to yourself and let me form mine about people.

In other news, am I the only one who thinks people are just getting worked up over this Margaret Thatcher’s issue. Can we just respect the dead and move on? All these “Ding Dong the Witch is dead” and the likes are they necessary? No matter how bad a person was, they got relations who are mourning, can we just let them grieve?

In other other news, a friend said during the week that guys are monitoring spirits. Na only guys dey stalk?

And Happy Belated Birthday to Angelsbeauty… Many more blogging years.

Happy Sunday people and have a blessed week.

Weddings, wickedness and other things

Ok, this post has no head or tail, so ya all should bear with me. And my editors (you know yourselves), feel free to buzz ehn..

Tis wedding season. Yayyest…. I dunno what people mean by wedding season but I am assuming it is the period between March and December as there aint that much weddings in January and February (I think I prefer to wed either in January, April, September or December though; why, I dunno). So the wedding I have been raving about is a week away and am freaking excited. I dunno o. No bi me ku dey wed. I guess maybe because she is the first amongst my friends from Uni getting married. At least we finally have someone to bell the cat.. I dey wait all my childhood friends. Taking their sweet time yeah? I guess the fact that I get to see people I haven’t seen in almost 5 years also adds to the excitement. I know tis gonna be a very busy and stressful day. Engagement, church and reception all on the same day. I hate being stressed yet I am so looking forward to it. Plus I get to launch my fascinator… Waiting patiently for tomorrow (when I get to pick up my fascinator or facilitator as a dear friend called it; I am sowie, I just had to put that up)… Would put up pictures sha…

And like everybody was waiting for L to lead, got a wedding 2 weeks after that (my cousin), another in May and then a break till August… I mustu buy aso-ebi utunu (not like I like them or would do aso-ebi for mine). I am just all so excited yo!!! The sad part though is the when would you marry?, what happened? questions. *sigh*. I was at L’s bridal shower yesterday (twas very lovely, thanks for asking; lol). The highlight? The screaming. Wow, we have all grown. Low point. The what happened questions. Fortunately, nobody asked me anything till it was over. Tried not to feel too sad sha considering what date it was. Well till I got back home and laid on my bed. *sigh*. Moving on.

Why do we delight in being mean to others? To make life hard especially for the less privileged? We have this lovely lady who cleans the office. Mid-March, she is yet to be paid for February. Meanwhile, the company has been paid since 26th February. We later find out that the money was given to her supervisor and she “decided” to keep it with her. Why? Why?? Why??? To think this lady earns less than 20k. Wickedness. Be nice people. BE NICE.

In other news, I made ugwu today. It has been over 5 months I cooked. I miss living alone yo!!!! I miss having someone to cook for. I hope to continue sha… BBC recipes has become my favourite site now. Wish I found egusi and panla to use. Well, next time. By the way, this is strike 2. You know yourself. Food war. Game on!!!!!

Lagos-20130318-03561 Lagos-20130318-03563

Waiting patiently for my hair ish. You know yourself o. Come and enjoy this heat with us. Am I the only one who finds myself drinking as much as 4 bottles of water in a day? For someone who usually never finished even 1 bottle? This weather is killing me. I gas return to my town. Manchester. I am Mancunian you know? *tongue out*. Heat wave wey no get part 2.

Oh and I have finally passed the “I can’t leave my hair undone for more than a week stage”. I never *tears* thought I would *tears* survive *tears* but here I am, *tears* 3 weeks after *tears* and the saloon no longer appeals to me *big smile* … I hope my weaves won’t waste sha. Should make my wigs this weekend. I pray baby sis doesn’t see this. She thinks I am falling her hand and that I am not “positioning” myself. What does she know?

We live in a very small world. The rate at which I meet someone who knows someone I know these days is getting out of hand biko. I fear I might have been rude to one of my boo’s relatives in the past and it would haunt me. Biko, I apologize to those I have been nasty to in the past o. Took only a picture of L and her boo for me to find out a few other friends knew our in-law.

Like I said, this post no get head or tail. Still have a lot more I wanna post about but I should end here. When would all these bombings stop though?

Oya, over to my editors….

Quick one, Adele or Emeli Sande? Who do you prefer?

Showerella and four other things

Whew, 99th post… Drums rolling…..

I promised to do something on showerella. Hopefully this would be one of many ish on young entrepreneurs.

Showerella was born out of a passion to entertain. It was founded by Ike (my girlfriend since 1987, I shall famz) a graduate of Chemistry from University of Sheffield. Showerella is the place where you find exquisite products to create a pre-wedding party to last a life time. You can read more about the story behind showerella on the blog. Starting with perfumes, Showerella has grown to include other products to make a bride-to-be’s day memorable. With the help of her sister and a childhood friend, they have been able to create Scentelier, a ready to go activity box set. The Scentelier perfume making party box set contains all you need to host a stylish perfume party for 10, 15 or 25 guests. It is now available online and would soon hit stores in the UK and US. More activity box sets are in production and would also be hitting stores soon.

You can visit the website showerella, follow on twitter (@showerella), like on facebook and join on pinterest. I have seen and I know how much work is being put into this business and I can assure you it would be worth it. So MOHs, sisters and sisters-in-law to be, bridesmaids, even mothers/mothers-in-law to be, there you go. Treat that friend, sister, daughter to a fabulous bridal shower.

Life is too short for boring parties.

Four other things

Sea/ship themed bridal showers

Not ended on bridal showers. No, just not yet. Saw some pictures of a sea themed bridal shower over the weekend. Lawd, it was gorg. Ladies dressed as sailors. Got me seriously thinking. I want a beach themed bridal shower. Enough of in the house, at a restaurant, bar ish ish bridal showers. Let the bikins out.

Reading

It is amazing that I have a 9-6 job and I still find time to read. While I was home with nothing to do, I found it hard reading the Point Man. I get a “job” and I find time to read a chapter every other day. Updating in a few minutes.

Hustle 

I was about entering into my car yesterday when some dude greets me. I look at him from the side of my eye, answer BUT spent a few seconds sizing him and his car (unfortunately, the part of the car I saw made it look a late 1990s, early 2000s car). And the kind of thoughts that entered my head ehn, I am ashamed. Right after, I heard clearly in my mind, “don’t knock another man’s hustle. Do you know how much he saved to buy the car? Because “wan gbe moto si e nidi” (dem dash you car for house), you are disrespecting others”. I wanted to cry. Just entered the car jeje and drove off. Only to see it was a 2008-10 thereabout Avalon  (I saw the car from my side na). I spent the journey home thinking about how easy it is for one to knock another man’s hustle especially when you have had things easy. The “curse” of having a car to drive. Now am beginning to look at people based on the car they drive (I seriously still feel bad about what happened and the kind of silly thoughts). I was seriously reprimanded in my spirit. It was a “na because you get moto you dey look down on another, moto wey no be your own” kinda ish. Funny I have never thought or looked down on another based on the car he/she drives. Where that silly thought came from yesterday I dunno.

All bark no bite

I can no longer bite. You may not understand. I am one of those who when things aint going their way, I could easily lose it. Throw tantrums, sulk, I am just a drama queen. Selfish I know. Working on it biko. I do all I can to get things done my way. When something bad/wrong happens, I can also quickly lose it. I kinda bully people. However, in the last 2-3 months I have been somehow subdued. Like things happen I could easily go over the edge and I am just calm. Seriously calm. Like a friend said recently about an issue, “I am surprised at your response. The person I know would have…..”. My iPhone fell into water at the salon while getting my nails done. Old me would have flipped. I actually just picked the phone, tried draining the water and dropped it in my bag. Everybody kept saying aunty sorry and me I was just smiling. I just had this “what can I do” feeling, it has happened, it has happened, you can’t change it ish. Got home and told my elder sister what happened and she was like “and you didn’t do anything?” I replied “kini mo fe shey?” She was shocked.

Things happen and I just let it go… I am beginning to think they all think there is something wrong with me at home. I was talking to mumsie the other day and she said my sisters reported me to her. And then she goes on asking if am sure all is well. I would have raked for my sisters that day (normally) but somehow I just let it slide. *sigh*. Am I sure all is well?

Side note: Maxwell is coming to town and I can’t go. For a zillion reasons. Maxwell isn’t the kind of person you go see with someone of the same sex. Neither should you go with someone who isn’t your significant other. I am seriously sad just thinking about it alone. Forgot to mention that the 2nd anniversary competition is now closed. The winner would be announced on Sunday 10th. Gift is a 50 quid pound Asos voucher. So all those who commented before 31st, keep praying. Won’t pick the winner till Sunday. Funny how my blog’s anniversary falls on one of my le boos birthdays. Popman too is celebrating his birthday on the 7th. Excited much.

What’s good yo????

It has been a while I have logged in here. E ma binu (I am sorry). Trying to sort myself out as per job ish and all. Plus I also want my 100th post to coincide with this blog’s 2nd anniversary and as I am 2 posts shy of that, I gas watch how often I log in. Started “work” at an interior design company some 3 minutes from home on Monday. Well more like having a “somewhere to go to pending when you get a job” place. Grateful for elder sisters and brothers you can count on. The owner (I would call her and her husband my egbons) just called me up one morning to ask if I didn’t mind doing an internship till I get a job. Could I refuse? No. And am loving every bit.

Which brings me to the main reason for this post. Every wondered why recruiters/interviewers get upset and all during interviews? Well I had first hand experience yesterday. We are recruiting for a client service officer. Four ladies showed up yesterday for their interviews. Lady 1 cannot express herself, kept looking down. She was born in 1991. Lady 2, came in, was asked questions and she started laughing. Like seriously? We had to ask her to stop laughing. Then she started smiling. Ok, you say you have worked as a secretary and receptionist. How would the skills you got apply in this case. Madam is still smiling. Ok let us help her a bit. As a secretary, you interacted with people yeah? With the people skills you got, how would it help in this case? She still couldn’t answer. For like 10 minutes. Do you know what we do here? No answer. We had to ask her to leave. She was born in 1977. Lady 3 came in, immediately asked what the company was about, locations and some quick questions before her interview began. Fair enough. And lady 4? Forgot her CV at home. By then, I was definitely done. I mentioned the years of birth of the first 2 ladies yeah. Got me thinking. Is it safe to say that education in Nigeria started going down since the late 1970s?

Today, I was on the other side of the divide. I went for a test. It was a very laughable but serious experience. 3 out of 7 of us could construct sentences properly. In fact one of the others asked me “can you cut your eraser for me?” I had a blank stare at first. The last time I heard someone put cut and eraser especially with that accent was 10 years ago. You know those GCE exams where we were thrown to some village to write your papers surrounded by Ibadan gehs? Or when the same lady said (after 50 minutes) “I don’t know the time has gone”.

I am sorry but I had this disgusted look when I saw the people I was writing the test with. I felt bad though. That was all shades of wrong but I couldn’t help it. If you are applying for a post as an analyst and you can’t speak properly…. I shouldn’t have I know. After all the test was more of GMAT and you don’t need to speak Queen’s English to answer the Mathematics, Data Sufficiency and Logical reasoning bits. And I wonder at times what people read when they get mails. A mail is sent out to you asking you to bring your WAEC certificate right? You claim you don’t have a WAEC certificate so you bring your NECO certificate. However, the mail specified WAEC and you didn’t bother contacting the person who sent you the mail informing him/her that you had no WAEC certificate? Do we bother paying attention to things? Even the little things? Plus I don’t believe the “I don’t have a WAEC certificate story”. I believe if you did Secondary School in Nigeria, it is compulsory you write WAEC right? So how come you don’t have a WAEC certificate? Maybe it is just me sha.

In other news, I am no longer engaged neither am I married yet. Go figure. Not kissing, not telling. Case closed. Lips sealed. Loools. Don’t ask, won’t say.

I wonder why guys think once they see a female she has no idea how to operate a system nonetheless any other gadget. I was at the office yesterday and I ask the guy with the only system with internet connectivity if I could use the PC. Dude decides to take me through how to send a mail. Yes you heard me. A MAIL. How to use webmail o. I was almost going to tell him “dude, aint nobody got time for that. I used webmail for 3 freaking years and would bloody teach you how to use a PC cause you don’t”. Today nko, I wanted to turn off the central speaker and all and he starts telling me “this is how you turn off an ipod”. Emi? Proud owner of an ipod, iphone and ipad. Ish… Yes I got Apple bragging rights. Next is a mac book. Am badt like that.

Stumbled on these pictures on instagram.

photo (2) photo

Uhmmm if the colour pictures is true (which is though), I should have come as a guy. I no sabi all the tangerine and royal purple and all those colours you women say. Green is green. Blue is blue. I remember buying a shoe online. The colour? Petrol blue. Got me interested and decided to buy. When the shoe came, it was every shade of dark green. Nothing blue in it at all. *smh*. Or buying similar shades of shoes from three different stores. It was called stone in Dorothy Perkins, nude in Next and some other funny name in Newlook.

Anything till further notice in this post is my alter ego talking. Being single is wack ba? Ehn if you know who you want to be with, go and be with him/her na. Is it that hard? If you are a guy and and you like a babe, ask the geh na? Hian. Stop whining. Be a man. And if you are the babe, ask him out. Kapish. Ok. alter ego has logged out.

Finally. Whew you say ba? Na you sabi. Those who know me, know I love parties. Or better still, I love organizing parties. Especially weddings and all the parties before weddings. So you find me tweeting and liking anything that has to do weddings. My alter ego also plans weddings. Well, of all the pre wedding ish, I love bridal showers most and I have helped organize a couple and would def be organizing more. I really believe every woman deserves to have a lovely bridal shower. Like seriously beautiful shower. Like Ike (showerella) would say, “life is too short for boring parties”. So hopefully, my next post would be an article on showerella. Do yourself (and me) a favour and visit http://www.showerella.com, follow showerella on twitter, be friends on facebook (abi na like?), find her on pinterest and promote my sister’s business. By the way, my alter ego also has a bridal shower company where we stock party favours and help you organize your party. So bridesmaids, friends, maids of honour, sisters, sisters-in-law (you all know yourselves jo), contact my alter ego.

Ok final final, last one, please na. Last one. I have found someone with a “worse” surname. Worse in quotes o. I have a last name which is very feminine. So when people ask my name, I get questions like “which one is the name, which one is the surname”? Or they just shorten my surname assuming that is my first name. Well I met a Damola Detola (I sincerely hope she doesn’t see this because me I would deny). Figure out which is the first name and which is the last.

Sidenote: make una help me beg SingleNigerianMan to be my bff jare. He said he can’t be my bff. He doesn’t do fine gehs. Please help me tell him I AM NOT FINE na.

Tada

RE: Positioning yourself and Is honesty really the best policy?

I need to revisit my last post on positioning. One thing I didn’t mention is my life mostly revolves around 3 places depending on what stage I am in. Younger years; school-church-home. Post school days: work-home-church. Jobless days: home-church. Constants: home and church. Ok yes I do go out. Weddings (like once in 2 at times 3 years), birthday parties (every other year). Anyways, you get the gist. So when worshipandswag mentioned her friend meeting her husband in a pharmacy I kinda cringed. All the guys I have ever dated I met either in school (twice) or church (once).

If you can decipher from a lot of my posts, I detest don’t like meeting random people say on the road, at a party and then they start forming familiarity after. For example, all those “excuse me” people on the road or those in the bank who see you and “decide” to talk? It gets to me big time. And most of those that commented asked me to keep an open mind. *sigh*. In keeping an open mind, I joined a school network Circle as requested by a friend. After like 4 days of getting people I don’t know send me messages, I am seriously considering leaving. What’s the point of joining you ask? I dunno. Even on facebook, I don’t add people I don’t know and once in a while I trim my “friends”. I have a long way to go right?  You see my dilemma? How do I keep an open mind?

Worshipandswag also said “I love your honesty in your posts“. That scared me. I am dealing with a situation in which I think my honesty/frankness is part of the reasons I got into “trouble”. I have at different points in life gotten into trouble because I said my mind. Now am not the kind of person to keep things to myself (except things that shouldn’t be said or at least not by me and things have been asked specifically not to say and all), but if I feel strongly about something or I think I need to say it, I say it. Now back to the situation I mentioned. I was gisting with a family friend T one night about the ish and he went “it is your honesty that got you into trouble”. I went quiet. He then went on to mention instances I should either have kept quiet or just said I have heard or just agreed. Ok, I agree maybe some of the times, I shouldn’t have said anything or be a little diplomatic (of which I consider myself diplomatic because if I tell a lot of people what comes to mind immediately they do something I wouldn’t have friends. So I either wait a bit before telling them and then construct and reconstruct how I would tell them in my head before opening my mouth). But then again, what do I know? That’s my own side. Someone else might/would think differently.

Keeping quiet or just saying I have heard or agree to do something is where I had an issue. If I kept quiet it would mean consent. It would mean not being true to myself. It would mean I had objections (which may or may not be necessary) yet I didn’t say. I feel by raising my objections (which most times won’t even change anything), I at least get it off my head that I might have been able to do something and instead kept quiet. At least by saying what I feel, I am able to hear your own side and what you think. Abi? By saying “mogbo”; I have heard (especially with older people), it would mean consent too. Yoruba people have a funny way of twisting I have heard to I have heard and I agree. For instance one of the issues was a project I didn’t have money for at that time. And I told the person “I am sorry, I don’t have the money for it now”. At least in my head it made sense I told the person from the onset “I didn’t have the money, if you find someone who does, please use the person or if you can give me a while to see if I can raise the needed funds but I would rather you find someone else than posting you”. Well that didn’t go down well with the other parties. T too felt I should have said mogbo. Then I asked if I said mogbo and then gone ahead to look for the money. Maybe, maybe not. I am a very logical person. I figured if I said mogbo then and still couldn’t raise the money, what would I do? Won’t it have been better I told you the truth from the onset that keeping you on cruise?

He said “you know in relationships like this, you need to be a bit careful. You don’t just say everything you are told or think. Because by the time you are able to explain your view, wa ti binu jina” (I really don’t know how to translate that to English). Like I said earlier, especially with people I am close to, I don’t know how not to tell what’s on my mind. If I don’t consider you a close friend/family member, trust me, I most likely would just keep quiet or say what I want to say and get out. But with people I am close to, keeping quiet is hard.

Later that night, I recounted the same situation to an uncle and he said “I would have thought your honesty would score you brownie points”. *sigh*. One person thinks I am too frank, the other thinks it shouldn’t have been a problem. He did agree with T though in saying I should have been a bit careful and not just say everything (at least not verbatim).

I know with my posts, I just write as it comes to mind; not holding back though some events and ish I do distort. Most times sha, they are real events straight from my head to my laptop. Got me thinking, how can I be diplomatic? How can I not say what is on my mind? I have had to delete posts because I was dayum frank and some people felt I shouldn’t have written verbatim. Well if I didn’t write the way I did, I won’t have been able to communicate what I wanted to so I deleted them.

I am however beginning to think maybe being honest doesn’t necessary pay. Hear me out. I still think it would be hard for me not to say the truth/what I feel. After all I come from a family of people who speak their mind. If you like go and die (not literal o). But if speaking my mind, saying what I consider the truth, at least at that point is going to keep getting me into trouble, I would do fine not talking right? Just going with the flow and letting everybody do as they please right? Funny thing is some of the people I have entered yawa with on this saying my mind ish happen to be people who hate being lied to. They also believe in saying their minds. I just can’t reconcile it.

So if I move away from being honest, I hope I won’t offend people? This may be my last honest post. Who knows?

All you women, there is a school you all attend…..

A friend’s friend made this statement a couple of weeks back that got me thinking. Met him at L’s office and we got talking. Somehow we ended up talking about his family and he started talking about how he doesn’t take his wife out on dates any more. I was appalled at first then he explained. He said whenever they go out, she always picks the most expensive food on the menu (even when he has informed her before hand say he no get moni) and would end up not finishing it or making statement like “it was just there”, “I didn’t enjoy it”. Trust, after it happened a number of times, he stopped taking her out except on her birthday. And he would have ordered the meal before they get there. That got me thinking. What is it about us females that when we are in a relationship or married, we believe all our bukata (needs) must be met by the man? We believe it is our duty to spend all the man’s money. After all it is his money abi na our money. But most of us would rather keep ours.

I remember listening in on radio some years ago. A kiss and make up program and this dude calls in to ask them to beg his wife. What was his offence? He usually fuels his wife’s car. She comes that morning to ask for money to get fuel and he asked her to use her money. And the woman vex. I wondered why she felt she had a right to the man’s money. Common sense told me immediately (though the man said he was joking when he said she should use her money) that the man must have had a reason to ask her to use her money. The reason whether he was joking or he seriously didn’t have money she never bothered to find out. She got angry and left the house immediately. I just smiled to myself that day and thought “she is even lucky she has someone to ask”. Some women don’t have husbands to ask of. She is lucky she even had someone who fuelled her car. A lot of women don’t dare even ask for owo obe from their husbands. I recounted that incident and that is what led to L’s friend making the comment about women going to a particular school where they teach us how to suck men dry. All we do is ask and ask and want to spend and spend and spend the man’s money. While “saving” (for want of a better word) ours. His money is OUR money, my money is MY money. I can spend his but he can’t spend mine.

Earlier today, I was also chatting with a friend and he sent me some message I guess a female friend sent to him. Paraphrased, the lady said it is the duty of the man to support the family (very right) BUT it isn’t compulsory for her to help him support the home. She said his money should be used to determine the standing of the family and not hers. My reply to him was I agree to an extent with her statements. It is a man’s sole responsibility to provide for his home. Even the Bible tells us a man who can’t do that is worse than an infidel. HOWEVER, the woman is the helper. It is compulsory for her to do her part in supporting the man every way she can none the least, financially. While in the olden days, it might have been easier for the man to be the sole provider, the way things are right now, the man cannot and shouldn’t be left alone to take care of all the responsibilities. You should be able to cover each other. If he doesn’t have and you do, there is nothing stopping you from taking up that responsibility even if it means you collect the money later (directly or indirectly). Regarding whether his money should be used to determine the standing of the family, I also agree. I did suggest though that rather than it being his money (which for most women is our money), a joint account would be a good idea. That way it is a clear cut case of our money determining the standing of the family. I believe in marriage, there shouldn’t be his money, her money. It should be our money.

I do realize that while it is easy to type our money, actually doing it might be hard. That is why I am a believer in having one or two joint accounts. Both parties put in a certain amount each month depending on their pay and payment of bills, vacation and other bukata can be paid for from there. That frees up the rest of each person’s income for personal things. I know a number of men who say they can never give their wives their debit or credit card. If she lays her hands on it, it would come back empty. Haba. Kilode? And these wives are equally employed and well paid o.

Later this evening, went on instagram and saw someone put up a picture (see below).

photo

I have come to realize that for a lot of females in relationships, we have turned the guy into our money market fund (except this time, we don’t wanna pay back what we have collected and def not with interest). I need, I want, Can I have. Most times asking for things we can’t even afford ourselves and maybe even know the guy can’t afford at that moment. Even if he can afford everything sef, haba, cool down na. I grew up never accepting something from a guy I can’t give back  or afford if things go the other way. In fact I remember keeping a gift for over a year once because it was pretty expensive and I didn’t want a situation where we stopped talking and things hit the roof and I start hearing stories. What I can’t afford or give, I don’t accept. Frankly, he is your husband, he is your boyfriend, he is your fiance not your BANK. Seriously, let’s pity these men and not allow them label all of us. Little wonder why a lot of men believe all women are materialistic and can be bought. Just drop money, buy gifts, o pari. She would trip. Whatever happened to self worth and respect?

Back to L’s friend. After I had tried defending my people, he ends with “let’s see what happens when you get married”. Now am scared. Is there a school I am not aware of, that once I get married, I start exhibiting characters associated with those who attended this school?

Remembering………

Like I stated in my previous post, 2013 is a year of “remembrance”, both grandparents on my dad’s side died 20 and 10 years ago….. As I remember them (as we do every year), I am grateful to God for what their children (my dad and his brothers) have become. For us the grand children and great grand children. December also makes it 10 years my eldest female cousin got married. Sadly my grandpa couldn’t wait for his 1st grand-daughter to get married before passing on.

I remember my grandma today and always. Though I was mega young when she died. I remember her as that small yet strong woman who raised four sons. Who loved her daughters-in-law as her own. Between her and my maternal grandma, they loved us (my sisters and I) making their hair. My grandma loved to write. Who won’t? When her husband was a writer himself. My fondest and maybe scariest memory is when some days before she died, she asked her neighbour to get people to come clean the house and surroundings because in her words the neighbour “ma gba alejo” (she told her neighbour to expect guests soon) and she needed the whole place intact. She died days after. Ajoke, we miss you.

My grandpa. I had an extra 10 years with him. Mega tall (at least to me then, compared to my grandma and yes, he was about 6 feet). Fondest and best memories are when we went home to see him every year. He always made jotters for us and we had to write out the towns and villages and landmarks we passed through before getting home. He would go through it and ask us questions. When we are leaving he would give us more jotters and ask us to write. Funny again the day before he died, he completed his autobiography. When they broke into his house the following day, the book he wrote everything was wide open, his glasses on the book and his pen. I remember how he used to wait for us under a tree in front of his house when we went to see him every December. We were looking forward to him celebrating his 89th and planning a big 90th for him the following year. He would have been a hundred years in 2014. Adebiyi, we love you so much.

October makes it 10 years I also heard about ovarian and uterine cancer for the first time. Also makes it 10 years I lost a friend (because I lost her before she finally died June the year after). She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer August 2003 thereabout. We took ill about the same time, missed a number of 3rd term exams in SS2. Unfortunately while I was able to get back to school after having a surgery to remove my lump, hers was much serious. She never fully recovered till she passed on some days before her 17th birthday in 2004. I am convinced Adeola knew she was going to die. She said before she died “If I make it till my 17th birthday, I would live”. On the day she died, she went for a routine check-up with her dad. She was actually feeling better. Asked the nurses to tell her dad to excuse them, called the nurses together and asked them to sing and pray. She passed on while that was going on. Found one of the pictures we took during our valedictory service in Primary 6 (we have similar names and her surname always came before mine. We were in the same class all through primary and secondary school). Adeola, I wish I got to know you much better than I did. I wish you didn’t have to die when you did.

10 years also I had my first surgery. 10 years since I got really close to my mum. The news of finding a lump in my breast was enough to make us start talking to each other. Like she says if the lump was cancerous and was advanced and I died, she would have killed me again for not telling her on time because we weren’t on talking terms. If we started the day talking and smiling with each other, we ended it fighting. If we started the day fighting, we ended it talking. To think I am every bit her look alike. You would think we were fighting over a man if you ever saw us fight. Lmao. Grateful to God for my twinie.

On a more cheerful note, my parents would be married 30 years in July. I am grateful to God for giving me such wonderful parents. We have all had our tough times, times we coulda boxed each other (lol). All in all, I am forever grateful. And praying to God for many more years. To see all of us married and to see your grandchildren. I couldn’t have asked for better parents and I would choose you guys (my father would kill me if he sees “you guys”) all over again.

Have  a wonderful year people.

2013

Make way, make way…………………………..

Happy new year loves, faithful readers and fellow bloggers. Sounds like I am debating ba?

So it is 2013 already. Time flies. 2013!!!!!

Loads of “celebration” this year. It would be 20 years my paternal grandma died in May, 10 years my paternal grandpa died in August and 30 years my parents have been married in July. My baby sis would be done with school in April by God’s grace. I should go on ba?

Grateful for the year 2012. Through the ups and downs, joy and sorrow, tears and happiness, God’s mercy kept me. And I am forever grateful. Had fun the last couple of days of the year. Travelled to my paternal grandma’s home town 19+ years after. It was nice going back there sha. Last time I went, I was barely 5+. And it wasn’t pleasant memories as we went for her burial. I remember running into popsie’s house the night before the burial, tripped, my mouth landed on the pavement and the teeth wey fall off that day ehnnnnnn. Also went to my paternal grandpa’s home town (my home town shey), 9+ years after. Last time I went there too, I wasn’t too happy. It was his burial. Ok wetin annoy me abi? The man “chose” to die on my best friend’s birthday and the burial took place on another close friend’s birthday. Twas fun driving through towns in Osun State (sorry State of Osun as our governor has decided to rename it).

For 2013. Though I started it in the hospital taking care of my cousin. Grateful she is much better. Thankful for what 2013 has in store for me and my family.

May God continue to bless and keep us all this year.

Side note: Every January, people say prayers like “this year would be your/our year”. They make that prayer every year. I don’t get that prayer though. Can someone explain what it means?

Do have a blessed and favoured 2013.

Tada.

Married the new single

Loool. I see some people are laughing. Tis hard staying away from this blog biko. Are you happy now? Lol.

Back to topic.

Quick question. When did it become a trend for women (most especially) to start tripping for married men? It goes both ways but it is more of a female thingy. You see that man with a ring and that is the one you decide to crush on. Sometimes even plot to become madam. When we stopped looking at single men (and women) and decide it is those ones with the ring gan gan we prefer? I have heard a lotta reasons from the “he is married means he is responsible and would take care of me” to the “I didn’t know he was married”. I think it is the latter group I should address first.

I am one of those who looks at a man’s left hand unconsciously (it has become a habit sha) but within few minutes of meeting him. And I get very amazed and most times pissed when I see a supposedly married man without his ring on. I am a firm believer in what the ring symbolizes and except the ring was stolen (and even if it was, what happened to getting another and asking your Priest, Pastor, Bishop, Reverend, Vicar, Imam to bless it?) I don’t see why a man/woman shouldn’t wear it. I just believe some men (and women) set out to deceive others. True confession. I have scoped one too many guys only to discover they are married (things you are allowed to do when you are single; abi na? Before a le boo puts a ring on it). I remember going to see someone recently and looking at his hands am like uhmmmm at 40+, you aint married? Only to see some photo frames from the corner of my eyes, I turn to look and see him and his family. At that point I knew he couldn’t be less than 50 (he sure looks like he is in his mid 40s though) and I almost asked him why he wasn’t wearing a ring. I dunno if it is only me it has happened to but a couple of times, you see the hawt guy and suddenly some woman (at times pg or even with kids) comes from nowhere to make you know say this one is taken. Trust me, I can relate. I don’t want no woman scoping my man either. I can “tika bo e loju”. I fit put “sorry he is taken for him forehead”. Lol. I no fit o. But when the man no gree wear him ring nko? *sigh*. I have heard the it is not necessary to wear the ring especially once it is agreed on by the couple. For me o, it is utter BS. Please wear your ring. You wear am sef, people dey trip. If you now no wear am nko? You are causing a lot of heartbreak with the ring on, you have all now decided we no dey wear am. Mtschewwww. Lol. Am taking it P.

Now back to the ones who see that that man or woman is married o, and na him/her they want. I have no words for such people. I just pray that when they get married too, na their own man/woman someone else too would want. Abi? Fair enough innit? Like I tell people who clearly see someone is in a relationship/engaged or even married yet shamelessly chase after them, as you have done to another man’s/woman’s so would it be done to you. For the “shebi they are just in a relationship/engaged” people, when you get engaged too, someone else would say such to your man/woman. Shikena.

To wrap up my somewhat pointless post, asked a friend some questions some 3/4 years ago and thought to ask a bigger audience, especially the married ones. Funny thing is when I asked her these questions, I wasn’t even in a relationship not to talk of getting married but I feel though the questions apply to normal everyday man-woman romantic relationships, married people would relate better. Quick background to why I asked the questions then. There was this guy I really did like and he liked me gan (too much sef). And everybody thought these ones are so perfect and yada yada. Woke up one day and I suddenly didn’t have no feelings whatsoever for him. As in. I just didn’t like him no more and I was mega scared. I freaked out cuz it did occur to me that day that I could have been married and can one day wake up and not love my husband anymore. It was a moku mogbe modaran moment. I told him straight I didn’t see him in that light anymore but then thought if we were married, how would I have handled it?

1. How do you handle the days when you wake up and kinda like freak out. Like ask yourself “what have I gotten into”? Am I sure I married the right person? Like when you just feel you don’t love the man/woman you married no longer. The OMG, I want out moments.

2. You are married to this amazing man/woman. Months/years after, you meet this super, mega amazing man/woman. Do you start to think maybe you settled? Maybe if you had waited a bit, you would have married this super amazing man/woman? How do people handle it?

3. How do you “close” your eyes to all the men/women you meet after marriage? Especially for the women. How do you close your eyes and heart to that guy who does what le boo does (or used to do) and more? Answers please and please I know praying is key. Asides prayers nko?

Couple of weddings today. End of the year weddings. Sadly, can’t attend any as popman has decided we spend the weekend in a place I haven’t been in 19+ years. I don’t even know how I should feel. Wishing them all the best as they start their journey together.