Identity Crisis?

Is being supposedly masculine wrong?

Let me explain. I was at house fellowship yesterday and at some point, the discussion deviated to what a man wants in a woman (maybe not deviated as the topic was The Christian Home). You get my drift sha. Anywayz, the leader gave an example of a cousin of his who was godly and good looking and all but yet un married. After about 5 years and the less good looking, not well to do female cousins were getting married left, right and centre, he decided to investigate. And the male cousins tell him “na man” i.e the cousin behaves like a man, so when a guy comes, he takes off. So he sits her down and they discuss and all. He said no man wants another man in the house. And he said in our world today, we have a problem of identity crisis. He then likened it (and the other men, all married) to being driven/ambitious. And that 80% of men don’t like ambitious women.

And I asked these questions there that I would ask here. Is it wrong for me to change my tyres or wash my car or change the bulb at home myself? And how does my doing such make me driven? Let me break it down. Is my deciding to do the manly things making me a man? I mean, I want a guy that can cook and help with the household ish, if I marry a man who does, does that make him a woman? Would that mean there are 2 women in the house because he decides to help with things going down in the house? Trust, when I asked the questions, the women all went “ehen if my tyre should go flat, I would pick a cab and head home” and I smiled.

I grew up having to swing between turning on the gen or washing my car and cooking for the house. So for me I believe it just comes naturally. If I am stuck with nobody to do the manly things or they refuse to, I no sabi beg anybody, I am off doing them. I remember once the drivers wouldn’t wash my car and we had no cook, so I get back from work at night, bring out all the cooking things needed and let those that need to thaw, thaw, change to something comfortable, go wash my car. When am done, a quick shower and I go to cook. Then my youth Pastor calls me once and unfortunately my phone was in my room, I was downstairs washing. I returned his call and when he asked what I was doing (he needed us to go see someone) and I told him I was washing my car, he started preaching o. Telling me it wasn’t my duty to wash a car I drive.

My point is, if I can do something even if it is what a man can do, does that make me any less a woman and more of a man? I am not saying if there is a man in the house, I would go about changing light bulbs. Trust me, I would find a recliner or bed and take a sweet nap. But even if there is a man, a willing man at that, I don’t think/believe there is anything wrong in taking that responsibility. If you leave your husband to do all the male things, what if he takes ill and can’t do them or even worse, he dies? If you leave your wife to do all the wifely and motherly things, what if same happens? I believe both male and female, we should be able to do both. Maybe not perfectly but at least do something. And not wait till your wife comes home before dinner is ready or till your husband comes home before the gen comes on.

Same with watching football. I love to watch and I hear people tell me it isn’t lady-like to do that. And I just smile. What do men want exactly?

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8 thoughts on “Identity Crisis?

  1. Men want different things. Purely subjective. I’m ok with a lady that washes her car. Would like her to leave the light bulbs for me though. Hey!!! We can be together

  2. I find it hard to believe there are men that feel threatened because a woman is self sufficient…and don’t like ambitious women, It is up to everyone, both male and female, to develop themselves to the best of their God-given abilities. To answer your question, it doesn’t make you more manly because you can change car tires or a light bulb, same way it doesn’t make Gordon Ramsey or Heston Blumenthal more womanly because they are super chefs. There’s nothing wrong in being as self sufficient as possible, that way, both partners complement each other perfectly….I could go on, but I’ll stop here.

  3. I grew up in a home full of ladies. Four ladies to One gentle man. Dude left country at a young age.. All ladies learnt to do the manly duties. We come out on environmental days to cut grass, clear the drains alongside our neighbors.
    We put on the generator and change bulbs, wash mom’s car everyday she gets back from work, change flat tyres and name whatever you can imagine.
    Pls tell me what my husband wants to help me with? He should be glad i can do all these.
    If he is out of town, would he prefer me to go call Mr. Neighbor (who would probably harass me) to come change a common bulb.
    No shakara here o! I am all grown up(not really). I do little or nothing of all those now cos of work schedile and househelp around cos of mom. However, with a guy, i cant be all feminine.
    I want it both ways. He should also be able to help out with the home chores as well. We can maintain a balance without any of us feeling intimidated.
    Kapish.

    1. O se o. The only man in my house was my father. And he worked in a bank. Go figure. We had to do our things ourselves. If a man now “holds” that against me, he is on a long tin. He can take a long walk to Antarctica.

      Why must or should I wait for a neighbour to do something I can do because it isn’t feminine? Make I no watch football because I be woman. Funny thing is I can switch easy. Get my nails done, make-up and all and still join the boys to watch a game or wash my car.

      If you no like am, take a walk. Far from me.

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