Monthly Archives: May 2013

To ruin or not to?

Subtitle: to date that friend’s sibling or that sibling’s friend? I don’t even wanna enter dating a friend’s ex or an ex’s friend or dating a close friend.

You are wondering what is there to be ruined abi? FRIENDSHIP

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Case 1: that friend’s younger sister you like. Is it worth it to date the sister? Considering the probability that the relationship may not work out? Thereby losing both sisters/brother and sister.

Case 2: that your brother/sister’s friend you like. Is it worth your brother or sister losing that friend if your relationship doesn’t work out?

I think Case 2 is even easier. It is just one “friendship” that is ruined abi? Max max, your brother or sister and the friend would stop talking (at least for a while or maybe forever).

I don’t have stats to back this up so please don’t shoot me. Bet, over the years, I have come to see a lot of such relationships as in case 1 and 2 break down which in turn leads to broken down friendships between the initial friends. I usually tell people I can’t date a friend’s brother neither can I let a male friend date any of my sisters (and I hear things like na you wan date them?). Definitely not, but am I ready to lose that 1 friend because things didn’t work out between me and his/her brother or ready to lose that friend because things didn’t work out between him and my sister? It may or may not happen but forgive me, I am not a natural risk taker. I calculate and analyse a lot before taking any risk. And friendship means a lot to me, I need to be sure it isn’t just a crush or I am lusting after the person before taking that kain risk.

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Which reminds me, why do guys feel the need (more than females) to protect their sisters/cousins/close female friends? I grew up in a family of 4 girls. Fortunately or unfortunately, we had many older male family friends who felt it was their duty to keep guys off us. Oh I can say a lot of stories (I got to hear later) about how some guy got the boot even before asking any of us out. Even when such guys were their own friends. It was like we carried a “don’t talk to me” or “thou shalt not date this one” without even knowing. The funny one I got to know about a few years ago was this dude who was a cousin to a family friend. Said family friend is younger so he (big cousin) felt the need to protect us, and thus told everybody we were cousins (note he is cousin to family friend not us). Anyways, apparently by telling people we were cousins (I found out later about the cousin angle but didn’t know it was that “deep”), any guy in my set who has much as looked at me was in for it. They had to report to him before they could “talk” to me. He became my “caretaker” and I no even sabi. Whatever his reasons were I don’t know bet it is still funny more than 10 years after that I might have lost “potential suitors” (yes ke) because of my “cousin”. Hehehe.

Enough ramblings for a day. That’s what you get when you make me to werk on a day people are snoozing and a day after that holy rain.

Who would fix our society, who set the rules?

Today, one of the few days I get to listen in on a radio programme for long, I hear a 17 year old SS1 boy connived with his friend to kidnap his cousin. Why? Because his uncle (his cousin’s father) “refused” to pay his school fees. So a lot of people called in with their “versions” of what might have gone wrong. Some even asked why his uncle would refuse to pay his fees, I won’t even give a reply to those people. All it just boils down to (to me sha) is we live in a broken society. A society where there are no values whatsoever. Parents refuse to teach their children. 1st point of call. Teachers refuse to teach the children (in some cases) the right thing. 2nd point of call. A lot of churches (and mosques) refuse to teach children the right thing. 3rd point of call.

2 things have broken down in Nigeria. The other can be fixed (if our leaders set their hearts to it); infrastructure. Second, which seems near impossible to fix is our value system. Children grow up these days not know what values their families have. What guides the actions or inactions of the family. What is important to the family. How would a 17 year old (I really don’t know what he is still doing in SS1 but let’s just assume he didn’t start school early) decide to kidnap someone? And he felt it was the proper thing to do. What happened to getting a job? And nobody should play the child abuse card with me. He is 17. If he could think of kidnapping, then he is no longer a child. I mean I started working every holiday I had from 17. We can blame it on what they (the children) see on TV and what have you. But seriously parents, uncles, aunties, etal, we got a lot of work to do. We need to seriously start instilling values and other important things into younger ones. Before it breaks completely. We all have the responsibility to fix this ish.

I think parents should also stop shielding these children from the realities of life. Life isn’t breakfast in bed, ice cream and pizza for lunch, and what have you for dinner. Except your father is Dangote or Adenuga or Otudeko, life would freaking not be easy. Let children learn to be as independent as possible. I mean how would I have an over 20 years old child come and report people to me and I decide to find out what the problem is (when no be say dem dey bully the child). If I allow that, then I should be prepared to hear how the spouse said something every day. How one colleague gave him/her bad eye at work. How one woman insulted her at the supermarket. How one driver splashed water on him/her one rainy day. Please I have my husband to take care of. Make every child face their own families. Let them face the harsh realities of life and become better people. By all means if you can afford all the good things, give your children. But let them know it would not always be like that. Withdraw from giving when necessary.

I had a roommate who spent 8 years for a 4 year course not because of carry over but because she had to pay her way through school. Her irresponsible father (story for another day) stopped paying her fees in her 3rd year. She faced life squarely and came out tops. Forget that she graduated with me (4 years her junior). I am sure she won’t spoil her children. It is amazing when I see parents who didn’t have it so easy decide since they didn’t their children must not suffer same fate. Who said by showing them life isn’t easy, they are suffering the same fate?

Moving on, who sets the rules? Who decides the standard? Who determines who should be called aje butter and aje pako? Who set/ sets stereotypes? I see this babe with well manicured nails and a car and I just assume she can’t do anything, or she has had it so easy, she won’t understand. Or that dude and just assume butter can’t melt in his mouth. I am rambling I know. So I would stop here.

I wish every time some bad thing happens, people stop playing the race/tribe/religion/nationality card. And just take the culprit as he/she is. A person who isn’t insane (that insanity ish doesn’t werk for me, mo sorry) who premeditates (sat down, thought about it) and decided to do something barbaric and inhuman.

In more interesting news, baby sis is a graduate. Yayyy. 4 outta 4 done….

Identity Crisis?

Is being supposedly masculine wrong?

Let me explain. I was at house fellowship yesterday and at some point, the discussion deviated to what a man wants in a woman (maybe not deviated as the topic was The Christian Home). You get my drift sha. Anywayz, the leader gave an example of a cousin of his who was godly and good looking and all but yet un married. After about 5 years and the less good looking, not well to do female cousins were getting married left, right and centre, he decided to investigate. And the male cousins tell him “na man” i.e the cousin behaves like a man, so when a guy comes, he takes off. So he sits her down and they discuss and all. He said no man wants another man in the house. And he said in our world today, we have a problem of identity crisis. He then likened it (and the other men, all married) to being driven/ambitious. And that 80% of men don’t like ambitious women.

And I asked these questions there that I would ask here. Is it wrong for me to change my tyres or wash my car or change the bulb at home myself? And how does my doing such make me driven? Let me break it down. Is my deciding to do the manly things making me a man? I mean, I want a guy that can cook and help with the household ish, if I marry a man who does, does that make him a woman? Would that mean there are 2 women in the house because he decides to help with things going down in the house? Trust, when I asked the questions, the women all went “ehen if my tyre should go flat, I would pick a cab and head home” and I smiled.

I grew up having to swing between turning on the gen or washing my car and cooking for the house. So for me I believe it just comes naturally. If I am stuck with nobody to do the manly things or they refuse to, I no sabi beg anybody, I am off doing them. I remember once the drivers wouldn’t wash my car and we had no cook, so I get back from work at night, bring out all the cooking things needed and let those that need to thaw, thaw, change to something comfortable, go wash my car. When am done, a quick shower and I go to cook. Then my youth Pastor calls me once and unfortunately my phone was in my room, I was downstairs washing. I returned his call and when he asked what I was doing (he needed us to go see someone) and I told him I was washing my car, he started preaching o. Telling me it wasn’t my duty to wash a car I drive.

My point is, if I can do something even if it is what a man can do, does that make me any less a woman and more of a man? I am not saying if there is a man in the house, I would go about changing light bulbs. Trust me, I would find a recliner or bed and take a sweet nap. But even if there is a man, a willing man at that, I don’t think/believe there is anything wrong in taking that responsibility. If you leave your husband to do all the male things, what if he takes ill and can’t do them or even worse, he dies? If you leave your wife to do all the wifely and motherly things, what if same happens? I believe both male and female, we should be able to do both. Maybe not perfectly but at least do something. And not wait till your wife comes home before dinner is ready or till your husband comes home before the gen comes on.

Same with watching football. I love to watch and I hear people tell me it isn’t lady-like to do that. And I just smile. What do men want exactly?

Weddings and other tinz

So I was yet again at another wedding yesterday; seems like that’s all I do now right? No worry, going on a break till August. Anyways, for the first time, I actually enjoyed a wedding sermon. Not the long, winding give all the talk they had given during counselling sermons. Oh yes, I have been to a wedding where the Pastor spent 3 hours preaching. Or the headless, tailless sermons. Short and straight. Similar content, just shorter and more interesting. Lesson 1. Keep it short. Those who listen would remember. I for one didn’t take notes but I can remember most of the sermon, a day after, after all the food and dancing.

He spoke about choices and how before exchanging vows, they were in a relationship (I thought the traditional wedding is the real wedding?) Anyways, but once the vow was exchanged, they were now in a covenant with God at the centre and thus have introduced “something” into their bloodline. How a lot of people exchange marital vows week in, week out and months after, end it, “shit” gets real and they blame the devil. No be him o. Na both of you.

Oh and he spoke about 3 things a man wants; sex (which is a taboo in church), food and a wife that doesn’t nag. I wonder though why Pastors find it hard talking about sex in church. Seriously, I think they need to start doing that. Ha! Yes. He said wives should show their husbands they are gifted whilst having sex. He said no matter how tired a man is, if his wife comes out of the bathroom naked, something must happen. True or false? Food; he spoke about how the groom was forbidden from henceforth to be eating indomie. I laughed. Na all bachelors dey chop noodles? I know quite a few guys were dey chop proper food everyday and na dem cook am. Nagging only makes a man hard/harder. Women, listen. Sorry, na the part concern me I highlight.

Anywayz, a lot of the usual stuff was also said, parents should leave the children alone and all. I shalt go into that.

Moving on, I finally caught the akwa oche bug and I think I rocked it sha. Almost didn’t wear it. With the comments I read on bellanaija Thursday night? Fear caught me. I had 2 options, a gown and a lace top + akwa oche. Bet well, I did wear it, and am glad I did. Too much similar looking gowns yo! Which reminds me, when we were younger, there was a stigma attached to wearing akwa oche. No one wanted to be caught in it. Now na fad ba? Fashion and its cycles.

Lesson 2: keep your wedding simple. I am too simple ba? Too much crowd and too many VIPs can keep people from enjoying themselves. Or find someone who can help with the protocol people. The couple had someone who could help but I imagine if they didn’t have someone. I won’t even “enter” into the whose wedding is it anyway debate; parents or the children. Just reach a compromise of it gets that bad. I guess I am just lucky I have a father who I can tell we just want 300 guests and he would agree. And just let you run your show.

Shonda Rhimes is looking for trouble o. If you know her, warn her. Dazall.

In other news, people didn’t take me serious when I said I had a hair mishap. Not even my sisters. Till one of them saw my new “length” yesterday. Well, 7 months of “natural” hair ended today. Relaxed the shege today. And I wanna cry. My hair mishap was worse than I thought. Till December or next year.

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New length

In other other news, it is Global Outreach Day next Saturday. Preach Christ to someone.

Have a great week people.

Solemn Night

So I missed GEJ’s speech abi na address declaring the state of emergency in 3 states… Oh well, these days, I keep off TV, newspapers (prints and online). The only reason I would be caught watching something is when it is time to watch Scandal.. Too much bad news. Anyways I hope it aint just all talk. If it wasn’t in a language them Boko boiz understand, ko make sense mehn.

So I was “reflecting” on this and stumbled on some Simon Kolawole articles. I used to love reading them but like I said, I can count how many times I have read a newspaper this year. That bad. And I saw this quote by Martin Niemoller. I have heard/read about it in the past. Somehow struck a cord tonight.

There are like a zillion (ok, I lie), quite a number of versions online (I guess, everybody decided to edit to suit their purposes, even saw one by hackers *sigh*) but I believe this is the original.

Als die Nazis die Kommunisten holten,
habe ich geschwiegen;
ich war ja kein Kommunist.

Als sie die Sozialdemokraten einsperrten,
habe ich geschwiegen;
ich war ja kein Sozialdemokrat.

Als sie die Gewerkschafter holten,
habe ich nicht protestiert;
ich war ja kein Gewerkschafter.

Als sie die Juden holten,
habe ich geschwiegen;
ich war ja kein Jude.

Als sie mich holten,
gab es keinen mehr, der protestierte.

Unfortunately, I don’t speak nor understand German. And I suck at all languages including Yoruba, so I would give you one of the numerous translation I saw online.

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn’t a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

The gist is, STAND UP FOR SOMETHING! SPEAK OUT !!! Not speak as per talk, but do something before it is too late. God help us and make we help ourselves too.

A poem that seems to speak to me a lot these days also I would share

IF by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and bot be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
 If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
 If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
 And treat those two impostors just the same;
 If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
 Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
 Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
 And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings 
 And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
 And lose, and start again at your beginnings
 And never breathe a word about your loss;
 If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
 To serve your turn long after they are gone,
 And so hold on when there is nothing in you
 Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
 ' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
 if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
 If all men count with you, but none too much;
 If you can fill the unforgiving minute
 With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
 Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
 And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Somehow, tonight is just a solemn night for moi.

Btw, I dunno what to think of Apple opening up its platform to RIM or is it the other way round (whatever)… BBM on iPhone I can’t just comprehend. Makes it an even more “quiet” night…

So logging out with these

I realize the Stevie Wonder song can be controversial, so I end (finally) with

Musiq Soulchild and DJ Xclusive!!! Hmmmm

Good night good people.

Tada

My first Igbo wedding

By first I mean a full Igbo wedding. Husband, Igbo. Wife, Igbo. Before today’s it was either bride or groom.

And oh boy, it was dry, then funny, the downright absurd, funny again… Boring at some point… All in all, I would say it was an interesting wedding.

It is a first on another level. Also my first mogbo mobranch wedding. No IV. I no even sabi who the couple be. Didn’t know their names till I picked C (who I tagged along with).

Where do I begin the story? I have a few Igbo friends. Catholics for that matter. So I shoulda been able to relate with this wedding right? Nope. With the Ibo language flying over my head, left, right and centre. People, please, recognise that not all your guests would understand your language. I get that once such events occur, you enter into that mood, where you are just cruising. Bet, biko, remember people like us.

First though, I take back my “I must marry an Igbo man”. Whow, they don’t just cut it.. They are the razzest of men I have seen. Hia!!!!!! WHAT???? Sticking to my Yoruba brothers. Somebody say Amen. iKid. Not Igbo though. Na. Mba.

Secondly, the MC. I can go on and on… Telling someone to come and see your privates? Seriously? Or the dry jokes? Or his reaction to being sprayed N50 notes?

Or dear Jennifer. Who kept staying in our line of vision. Like you couldn’t have attended that wedding without “seeing” and noticing her. Once the MC said anything about a single lady, dear young lady was up and heading for the front.

Oh and naming your child Ancestor? I thought I heard lots of “uncommon” names, but this one though, I no sabi the English to use. A friend once said Igbo bear ridiculous names and I begged to differ. I am beginning to agree. Anywayz, I wasn’t the only one who thought he should hook up with Jennifer already. They look good together. Hehehe.

I have always heard of women that drink. Well I experienced it first hand today. Oh or those on our table who ate all the small chops in like how many seconds? Them bring small chops come, put it in front of C and I. We were facing the high table yeah, next thing, I look from the side of the eye and the plate was gone. All we saw was the empty plate, in front of one of the others on the table. You mo fit wait make dem carry your plate of small chops come? Yes, am still angry cuz I love small chops.

Or the lady who shouts from her seat, asking the groom not to embarrass himself cuz “you sabi say u no fit dance”. Chei. Mbakwa.

Or guys dressed in Ben 10 and Mickey mouse costumes coming in?

I think the part I couldn’t figure out what the problem was, was when the parents came in. Bride’s parents come in without much dancing (whose fault?). Groom’s mum comes in, and her friends join her to dance. Well, bride’s mum then sends someone to tell the MC she wants to come in again. Whew….

I thought breaking kola nut was done at Igbo engagements, not weddings? Any Igbos in the house who can explain? My Igbo friends don’t know o. They are not “sure”.

All in all, I love the fact that it was a very small wedding. No crowds. Not sure we were up to 200 guests. Very private wedding. Plus I got to see an old friend. Been a while.

I guess now I am prepared for when Ify and C and other Igbo friends get married. Bet I take God beg una, marry Yoruba men…

And this is the summary of my eventful gate crashed first mogbo moya, Igbo wedding.

Disclaimer: this is by no means intended to insult any tribe or people. Nor to make fun of anybody. Like, I said earlier, I also have my fair share of Igbo friends. It is just my musings on an Igbo wedding I attended.

Tada

Rant 201?

I believe all Nigerians should be subjected to psychiatric evaluation monthly. A lot are mad people, they just haven’t hit the streets yet. Either that, or we are born idiots.

How do you explain driving a bus whose fuel filter is dangling and hitting the ground? When common sense tells us that if that thingy should split, there is trouble.

Or not fixing your tyres properly and it comes off with the rim?

Or the dude who decides to “sleep” and chooses the back of a moving bus, is unstrapped and just enjoying his “sleep” forgetting that with the kain traffic we were in, if he rolled out of the bus, the next car/bus/trailer/tanker would have crushed him before realising someone fell out of the bus.

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Or those who see a burning truck, didn’t bother calling Emergency Services nor try to get the driver out. Yet stood to take pictures. Or the even sillier ones. Those who decided to “save” the bags of rice in the truck. Reminds me of the frequent pipeline explosions we had at some point.

Or the Policewoman who “decides” to “hang” on a bus because the driver “refused” to pay her N700. Driver tok decides to be “smart” and starts driving haphazardly. In the process, Policewoman gets flung, right into the path of the same bus and as driver no fit stop, crushes her to death.

When would we stop putting ourselves (and others) in harm’s way ON PURPOSE? Preventable accidents and deaths. And when such happen, some people would be quick to blame one witch or wizard or one family member that didn’t want the fellow to succeed.

Oh, another group I don’t know what to label them. You come to camp, pray and bind all enemies. Then once the programme is over, you lay your mats/clothes/whatever on path ways. Knowing that a zillion people are trying to leave camp at the same time. Then once you get hit or stepped in, you resort to curses and asking if said people were blind. What were you doing “sleeping” on road pesin suppose walk on?

That said, I must say with the kain chaos on that Lagos-Ibadan expressway especially after any HGS, it takes special skills, extra grace and patience. My God, the air, land, noise pollution? Now I remember one of the reasons I haven’t been to Redemption Camp in more than 6 years. The waka alone….

I need some serious scrubbing and a full body massage yo!!!

Off to bed (yes, I just got back home and I need my sleep) before gatecrashing a wedding later in the day (don’t judge me).