Monthly Archives: January 2013

What’s good yo????

It has been a while I have logged in here. E ma binu (I am sorry). Trying to sort myself out as per job ish and all. Plus I also want my 100th post to coincide with this blog’s 2nd anniversary and as I am 2 posts shy of that, I gas watch how often I log in. Started “work” at an interior design company some 3 minutes from home on Monday. Well more like having a “somewhere to go to pending when you get a job” place. Grateful for elder sisters and brothers you can count on. The owner (I would call her and her husband my egbons) just called me up one morning to ask if I didn’t mind doing an internship till I get a job. Could I refuse? No. And am loving every bit.

Which brings me to the main reason for this post. Every wondered why recruiters/interviewers get upset and all during interviews? Well I had first hand experience yesterday. We are recruiting for a client service officer. Four ladies showed up yesterday for their interviews. Lady 1 cannot express herself, kept looking down. She was born in 1991. Lady 2, came in, was asked questions and she started laughing. Like seriously? We had to ask her to stop laughing. Then she started smiling. Ok, you say you have worked as a secretary and receptionist. How would the skills you got apply in this case. Madam is still smiling. Ok let us help her a bit. As a secretary, you interacted with people yeah? With the people skills you got, how would it help in this case? She still couldn’t answer. For like 10 minutes. Do you know what we do here? No answer. We had to ask her to leave. She was born in 1977. Lady 3 came in, immediately asked what the company was about, locations and some quick questions before her interview began. Fair enough. And lady 4? Forgot her CV at home. By then, I was definitely done. I mentioned the years of birth of the first 2 ladies yeah. Got me thinking. Is it safe to say that education in Nigeria started going down since the late 1970s?

Today, I was on the other side of the divide. I went for a test. It was a very laughable but serious experience. 3 out of 7 of us could construct sentences properly. In fact one of the others asked me “can you cut your eraser for me?” I had a blank stare at first. The last time I heard someone put cut and eraser especially with that accent was 10 years ago. You know those GCE exams where we were thrown to some village to write your papers surrounded by Ibadan gehs? Or when the same lady said (after 50 minutes) “I don’t know the time has gone”.

I am sorry but I had this disgusted look when I saw the people I was writing the test with. I felt bad though. That was all shades of wrong but I couldn’t help it. If you are applying for a post as an analyst and you can’t speak properly…. I shouldn’t have I know. After all the test was more of GMAT and you don’t need to speak Queen’s English to answer the Mathematics, Data Sufficiency and Logical reasoning bits. And I wonder at times what people read when they get mails. A mail is sent out to you asking you to bring your WAEC certificate right? You claim you don’t have a WAEC certificate so you bring your NECO certificate. However, the mail specified WAEC and you didn’t bother contacting the person who sent you the mail informing him/her that you had no WAEC certificate? Do we bother paying attention to things? Even the little things? Plus I don’t believe the “I don’t have a WAEC certificate story”. I believe if you did Secondary School in Nigeria, it is compulsory you write WAEC right? So how come you don’t have a WAEC certificate? Maybe it is just me sha.

In other news, I am no longer engaged neither am I married yet. Go figure. Not kissing, not telling. Case closed. Lips sealed. Loools. Don’t ask, won’t say.

I wonder why guys think once they see a female she has no idea how to operate a system nonetheless any other gadget. I was at the office yesterday and I ask the guy with the only system with internet connectivity if I could use the PC. Dude decides to take me through how to send a mail. Yes you heard me. A MAIL. How to use webmail o. I was almost going to tell him “dude, aint nobody got time for that. I used webmail for 3 freaking years and would bloody teach you how to use a PC cause you don’t”. Today nko, I wanted to turn off the central speaker and all and he starts telling me “this is how you turn off an ipod”. Emi? Proud owner of an ipod, iphone and ipad. Ish… Yes I got Apple bragging rights. Next is a mac book. Am badt like that.

Stumbled on these pictures on instagram.

photo (2) photo

Uhmmm if the colour pictures is true (which is though), I should have come as a guy. I no sabi all the tangerine and royal purple and all those colours you women say. Green is green. Blue is blue. I remember buying a shoe online. The colour? Petrol blue. Got me interested and decided to buy. When the shoe came, it was every shade of dark green. Nothing blue in it at all. *smh*. Or buying similar shades of shoes from three different stores. It was called stone in Dorothy Perkins, nude in Next and some other funny name in Newlook.

Anything till further notice in this post is my alter ego talking. Being single is wack ba? Ehn if you know who you want to be with, go and be with him/her na. Is it that hard? If you are a guy and and you like a babe, ask the geh na? Hian. Stop whining. Be a man. And if you are the babe, ask him out. Kapish. Ok. alter ego has logged out.

Finally. Whew you say ba? Na you sabi. Those who know me, know I love parties. Or better still, I love organizing parties. Especially weddings and all the parties before weddings. So you find me tweeting and liking anything that has to do weddings. My alter ego also plans weddings. Well, of all the pre wedding ish, I love bridal showers most and I have helped organize a couple and would def be organizing more. I really believe every woman deserves to have a lovely bridal shower. Like seriously beautiful shower. Like Ike (showerella) would say, “life is too short for boring parties”. So hopefully, my next post would be an article on showerella. Do yourself (and me) a favour and visit http://www.showerella.com, follow showerella on twitter, be friends on facebook (abi na like?), find her on pinterest and promote my sister’s business. By the way, my alter ego also has a bridal shower company where we stock party favours and help you organize your party. So bridesmaids, friends, maids of honour, sisters, sisters-in-law (you all know yourselves jo), contact my alter ego.

Ok final final, last one, please na. Last one. I have found someone with a “worse” surname. Worse in quotes o. I have a last name which is very feminine. So when people ask my name, I get questions like “which one is the name, which one is the surname”? Or they just shorten my surname assuming that is my first name. Well I met a Damola Detola (I sincerely hope she doesn’t see this because me I would deny). Figure out which is the first name and which is the last.

Sidenote: make una help me beg SingleNigerianMan to be my bff jare. He said he can’t be my bff. He doesn’t do fine gehs. Please help me tell him I AM NOT FINE na.

Tada

Let us pray

Almighty Father we are eternally grateful for your grace and faithfulness. For your loving kindness and tender mercies that are new every morning. We thank you for you are our God and there is none other. Indescribable God accept our thanks and praises.

We pray for your mercies this and everyday.

We pray for your guidance this and everyday.

We pray for our nation Nigeria. We lift up our Jerusalem and pray for her peace. Forgive us our sins in this nation. From the East to the West to the North to the South, dear Lord, let your peace reign. We pray for our leaders. Dear Lord, from the President even to the very least public civil servant, you who holds the hands of kings and princes in your hands, turn their hearts towards you. Give us leaders who fear and love you. Have mercy on each and everyone of us. Help us the followers to search our hearts. We get the kind of leaders we deserve. Help that there be a change in our hearts. Help that we wait not for the government to change but to realize that the change begins with us. Help that in our own little ways, we do the right things. Help us to vote the right people into power. Stem the tide of insecurity and corruption in our land and let there be a cleansing from top to bottom and bottom up. Help us to live peacefully with each other.

We pray for the church. We pray for forgiveness. Father forgive us our sins and heal your church. Let your fire as in the days of old burn afresh and anew within the church. Let our church leaders do your will. Let your love be spread abroad afresh within the church. Let there be a revival in the church. Give a change of heart to each one and help us to love each other as Christ loves the church. We pray that our old men (and women) would dream dreams and our young men (women) would see visions. Help us to stop playing church. To stop being religious.

We pray for those looking up to you for children. Father grant them their heart desires. It is your will that none be without child. Cause them to be fruitful and glorify your name in their lives.

We pray for those seeking fruitfulness in other areas of their lives. Cause them to multiply and do so abundantly.

For job seekers, we pray your grant them jobs. For those in jobs they don’t like, give them the courage and boldness to seek and get the jobs they want. For those who should be in businesses and not seek 9-5 employment, Father push them. Take the fear that keeps people bound to jobs they shouldn’t be in away.

For the widows and widowers, comfort them. Strengthen them. For the fatherless and motherless, be a father and mother to them.

For those of us who know you, help us to stand firm and not depart from the way. For those who don’t, draw them close with your saving arms, wrap your arms around them and do not let them go. Help that those of us who know you would do all we need do to bring them to you.

We pray for the newly-weds, lead them in this journey they have began. For all married couples that you strengthen their union. May the oil of their love never run dry. May the wine of their relationship never go sour. Renew their love for each other everyday. We come against every wandering eye. We come against little foxes that destroy the vine. May they never break the hedge. We pray our families won’t fall victim to the devil’s war against marriages.

We pray for those who desire to be married. Answer them at your own time.

We pray for our men. That they may find good wives and obtain favour from the Lord. We pray for our women that in being found, their husbands would find favour.

We pray for our children. They would be for signs and wonders.

Above all we pray that we fulfil your purpose and forever live to praise your name.

We ask this and everyday.

RE: Positioning yourself and Is honesty really the best policy?

I need to revisit my last post on positioning. One thing I didn’t mention is my life mostly revolves around 3 places depending on what stage I am in. Younger years; school-church-home. Post school days: work-home-church. Jobless days: home-church. Constants: home and church. Ok yes I do go out. Weddings (like once in 2 at times 3 years), birthday parties (every other year). Anyways, you get the gist. So when worshipandswag mentioned her friend meeting her husband in a pharmacy I kinda cringed. All the guys I have ever dated I met either in school (twice) or church (once).

If you can decipher from a lot of my posts, I detest don’t like meeting random people say on the road, at a party and then they start forming familiarity after. For example, all those “excuse me” people on the road or those in the bank who see you and “decide” to talk? It gets to me big time. And most of those that commented asked me to keep an open mind. *sigh*. In keeping an open mind, I joined a school network Circle as requested by a friend. After like 4 days of getting people I don’t know send me messages, I am seriously considering leaving. What’s the point of joining you ask? I dunno. Even on facebook, I don’t add people I don’t know and once in a while I trim my “friends”. I have a long way to go right?  You see my dilemma? How do I keep an open mind?

Worshipandswag also said “I love your honesty in your posts“. That scared me. I am dealing with a situation in which I think my honesty/frankness is part of the reasons I got into “trouble”. I have at different points in life gotten into trouble because I said my mind. Now am not the kind of person to keep things to myself (except things that shouldn’t be said or at least not by me and things have been asked specifically not to say and all), but if I feel strongly about something or I think I need to say it, I say it. Now back to the situation I mentioned. I was gisting with a family friend T one night about the ish and he went “it is your honesty that got you into trouble”. I went quiet. He then went on to mention instances I should either have kept quiet or just said I have heard or just agreed. Ok, I agree maybe some of the times, I shouldn’t have said anything or be a little diplomatic (of which I consider myself diplomatic because if I tell a lot of people what comes to mind immediately they do something I wouldn’t have friends. So I either wait a bit before telling them and then construct and reconstruct how I would tell them in my head before opening my mouth). But then again, what do I know? That’s my own side. Someone else might/would think differently.

Keeping quiet or just saying I have heard or agree to do something is where I had an issue. If I kept quiet it would mean consent. It would mean not being true to myself. It would mean I had objections (which may or may not be necessary) yet I didn’t say. I feel by raising my objections (which most times won’t even change anything), I at least get it off my head that I might have been able to do something and instead kept quiet. At least by saying what I feel, I am able to hear your own side and what you think. Abi? By saying “mogbo”; I have heard (especially with older people), it would mean consent too. Yoruba people have a funny way of twisting I have heard to I have heard and I agree. For instance one of the issues was a project I didn’t have money for at that time. And I told the person “I am sorry, I don’t have the money for it now”. At least in my head it made sense I told the person from the onset “I didn’t have the money, if you find someone who does, please use the person or if you can give me a while to see if I can raise the needed funds but I would rather you find someone else than posting you”. Well that didn’t go down well with the other parties. T too felt I should have said mogbo. Then I asked if I said mogbo and then gone ahead to look for the money. Maybe, maybe not. I am a very logical person. I figured if I said mogbo then and still couldn’t raise the money, what would I do? Won’t it have been better I told you the truth from the onset that keeping you on cruise?

He said “you know in relationships like this, you need to be a bit careful. You don’t just say everything you are told or think. Because by the time you are able to explain your view, wa ti binu jina” (I really don’t know how to translate that to English). Like I said earlier, especially with people I am close to, I don’t know how not to tell what’s on my mind. If I don’t consider you a close friend/family member, trust me, I most likely would just keep quiet or say what I want to say and get out. But with people I am close to, keeping quiet is hard.

Later that night, I recounted the same situation to an uncle and he said “I would have thought your honesty would score you brownie points”. *sigh*. One person thinks I am too frank, the other thinks it shouldn’t have been a problem. He did agree with T though in saying I should have been a bit careful and not just say everything (at least not verbatim).

I know with my posts, I just write as it comes to mind; not holding back though some events and ish I do distort. Most times sha, they are real events straight from my head to my laptop. Got me thinking, how can I be diplomatic? How can I not say what is on my mind? I have had to delete posts because I was dayum frank and some people felt I shouldn’t have written verbatim. Well if I didn’t write the way I did, I won’t have been able to communicate what I wanted to so I deleted them.

I am however beginning to think maybe being honest doesn’t necessary pay. Hear me out. I still think it would be hard for me not to say the truth/what I feel. After all I come from a family of people who speak their mind. If you like go and die (not literal o). But if speaking my mind, saying what I consider the truth, at least at that point is going to keep getting me into trouble, I would do fine not talking right? Just going with the flow and letting everybody do as they please right? Funny thing is some of the people I have entered yawa with on this saying my mind ish happen to be people who hate being lied to. They also believe in saying their minds. I just can’t reconcile it.

So if I move away from being honest, I hope I won’t offend people? This may be my last honest post. Who knows?

Positioning yourself

First things first, I would like to say a big thank you to Phumie for her comment. You really really really really made my day. Been awwww-ing and smiling since I got the mail. I am glad I inspire someone.

“You have done well in the last 2 years. I have been following your write ups for a couple of months and it has been an inspiration to me as a blogger myself. Keep up the good work.”

Yes I like to blow my own trumpet like that. I hope I haven’t embarrassed her sha.

Secondly, I did gbagaun in my last post and more than 50 views after, nobody noticed. Just made me remember how imperfect we all are no matter how hard we try to make things perfect. I usually read any post at least twice after posting and edit and edit and edit and…. You get my point. Yet I didn’t see the mistake till my elder sister mentioned it this morning. *sigh*.

Third abi na thirdly (before I shell again), I have decided what the competition would be. So I don’t leave anybody out. My big sis made me realize that I had no incentive(s) for the person whose idea I decide to go with. So as not to disqualify anybody, all you need do is comment on this post and subsequent posts till Thursday, January 31st 11.59pm. I would compile the list of all those who dropped by and made comments and pick a winner. So keep the comments coming.

Back to the post. This is a not serious serious post. The good book says “he that finds a wife…” right? And as women we have been told and lectured and… that it is the man that does the searching right? All we need do is wait. He would come. Ok so people have “preached” that while “waiting”, position yourself abi? I have aunties who all they preach is  “you these girls, go out, ehn”.  My question is “how do you position yourself”? Was gisting with BFF1 yesterday and we got into the we are getting old, we must get married discussion (well that’s what happens when you have two bored, one jobless and the other on leave with the house to ourselves) and we started “bemoaning” our fate. Both of us are perpetual “stay at homes”. We detest  don’t like going out. Oh ABC is having a party, everybody else goes, we stay back. Oh there is this shopping party at XYZ, errr we find an excuse. Well in the last few weeks we on our own decided to go to a couple of places and trust me, we were bored within a couple of hours. Such days usually ended with us stopping at O1 to buy sharwama or Dominos for pizza. Then we head home and have “fun”. Boring right. Ok so we asked ourselves that question a lot of women ask at some point in life. How would you get found staying at home? How do you position yourself to be found?

In other news, I have decided to fill my time (well between applying and preparing for tests and interviews) with learning make-up (shaping eyebrows at the moment; one step at a time) and tying gele. Youtube has been my teacher (why is this gehl behaving like an akuse right?). I need help though with gele gele. I find it easy tying the aso oke (the thick and thin ones; singele), ankara BUT still can’t figure out (with the zillion videos I have watched) how to do the gele. After like an hour I just give up. Is there a simpler method?

 

NB: Please include your full name (s) if possible.

2 years on, 100th post

Hello everyone.

Finally found gifts to give out for a competition I have no idea what it should be; what question or questions to ask or what to ask people to do to win the prizes I have.

Anyways, I got the gifts…………….. Like I said in my last post, it is only open to those in Nigeria and UK. Preferably Nigeria (you know now, but something could always be done if there is a winner in the UK. Apologies to US readers, my legs never long reach USA).

Anyways (again?), I need help determining what the competition should entail. Sadly, whoever I go with his/her idea(s) isn’t eligible to participate. So please keep your ideas coming. Hopefully, I get the competition started before next weekend. Which would give 3 weeks to this blog’s 2nd anniversary.

A big thank you to all my readers and those who take time out to comment. And for those who just read, thank you too. Woulda posted the gift(s) but figured I wait till the competition starts.

Gracias.

Side note: If I go with your idea, whilst it means disqualification (in that sense), I would find a gift for you. Thanks.

Daddy can I please come back home?

You might remember these words/song from the movie “Preacher’s Kid”. Reminds one of the prodigal son yeah? Woke up this morning and thought of how many times I have strayed. Gone off to do my own thing. Decided not to care how my actions and inactions might hurt or offend those who love me and those I love. How many times I have done things I shouldn’t have. How many times I have left His presence in anger because I wasn’t getting what I wanted (and it goes both ways, both with God and my earthly parents). How many times I have hurt those around me.

And all I want to shout and plead for is mercy. I just want to come back home.

I’m so far away from home
I don’t know how I ended up here all alone
Seems, Like just yesterday
Everything was alright
How did I get here tonight
I was raised better than this
Daddy you don’t know how much I miss
All the lesson life taught you
You tried to tell me so I wouldn’t have to go through


I cry myself to sleep
(cry myself to sleep)
Try to find some peace
(try to find some peace)
Your little girl just have one question for you tonight
Daddy can I please come back home?
Hold me close don’t never let me go
I wanna say I’m sorry daddy every time I let you down
Can I come home tonight tell me everything will be alright


What am I going to do?
If I cant come home to you
Am I still Daddy’s little girl?
In this big bad world
I’m calling out to you know
Please help me someway, somehow


I was raised better than this
Daddy you don’t know how much miss
all the lessons life taught you
You tried to tell me so I wouldn’t have to go through


I cry myself to sleep
(cry myself to sleep)
Try to find some peace
(try to find some peace)
Your little girl have just one question for you tonight
Daddy can I please come back home?
hold me close don’t never let me go
I wanna say I’m sorry daddy every time I let you down
Can I come home tonight, Tell me everything will be alright


I’m tired of getting Independence
I’m tried of all the dogs pretending
Like I’m someone I’m not
When I’m so dog on lost
I wanna be free from these chains
A bird once small be free of pain
I’m calling out to you
Please hear me someway, somehow

Back home
Hold me close don’t never let me go
I wanna say I’m sorry daddy every time I let you down
Can I come home tonight tell me everything will be alright

Daddy can I come home tonight tell everything will be alright

Daddy can I come, Home

I just want to remain Daddy’s girl.

Another song that captures my mood this morning is Coming back home

Took some time to come around

Realize how I let you down

Been to late for sorry now

My pride got in the way

Yes it did
I thought I had it all figured out

I needed time away to work it out

And now that I’ve learned what it’s all about

And all I need is you in my life
So I’m coming back home

Home, where love is waiting for me

Been gone much too long

This is where I want to be

So I’m coming home, coming home

‘Cause home is where I belong
Somehow I lost my way

Mistakes I made I have to pay

It hurts to know still today

That I wasted so much time
And after all is said and done

There’s more to life than having fun

Ain’t no doubt, you’re the one

And all I need is you in my life
So I’m coming back home

Home, where love is waiting for me

Been gone much too long

This is where I want to be

So I’m coming home, coming home

‘Cause home is where I belong
Just to be in your arms

Is like heaven to me

Your love, your love is all that I need
So I’m coming back home

And I hope you forgive all my wrong

So I’m coming home, coming home

‘Cause home is where I belong
So I’m coming back home

Home, where love is waiting for me

Been gone much too long

This is where I want to be

So I’m coming home, coming home

‘Cause home is where I belong

Side note: I am about 7 posts away from a hundred posts and this blog would be 2 years in February. Watch out for a give away. Would be open though to only those in Nigeria and UK. Time to start shopping for a gift.

Have a great day.

Tada

Mr&Mrs

So I finally watch the movie today. Good story/plot, lessons to be learnt but also some very bad acting and unrealistic scenes/incidents.

Where do I begin? I don’t even know how to do this review. I aint a movie critic peoples.

Some things I learnt:

1. You shouldn’t manage your marriage or relationship. If it aint working, see someone, talk to someone but above all remember divorce is the last last last last last last last last (ok you get, I don’t support divorce) option. Summary is though I don’t support managing a relationship especially if you aint married yet, if you can work on it please do. I believe every relationship needs to be worked on and CAN be worked on. Love takes working on and nurturing. You feed it. I don’t think love just dies but I believe it can “die” if it is starved.

2. Remember your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend is not a toy. They are human beings also. The shit (pardon my french) you can’t take, don’t dish out.

3. Please peoples, house helps are humans too o. Let’s learn to treat them right.

4. I tweeted something yesterday “Love all, trust none”.  Linda who felt her husband is her boy toy and can be treated anyhow forgot say the man get needs. I laughed when she said she knew his schedule, he won’t have the time to cheat because it was so obvious the man was cheating. I remember my mum telling a story of an uncle of hers who died and at his burial a woman came with children. His legal wife almost died. She said her husband couldn’t cheat on her because they were everywhere together. They went to work together, came back home together and all. When she made that statement I just thought “do you know what he uses his time at work for?” How do I explain the trust none part now? Believe in people but also prepare for the worst. If that’s possible.

4. Don’t take people for granted. Let’s learn to appreciate each other. There is/was nothing wrong with Susan being a house wife and taking care of her home. Shit hit the roof (once again pardon my french) when she wasn’t appreciated. If Ken cared to allow her time off say cooking or cleaning or cared to be polite and appreciative, helping out, am sure things won’t have gone the way it did.

5. Please please please, tis 2013. We should stop being myopic. Her father is a wash man (dry cleaner) and so flipping WHAT?

Bad acting

1. The father’s part was pretty unrealistic biko and his acting was poor. Same with the counsellor’s husband and Linda’s husband.

2. Monica too was really poor and what accent is that?

I posed a question on twitter. Can you fight for your man? Yes I can but def not the way Nse did it. It can very well backfire. Let me split the question. In a regular relationship (is there anything like irregular relationship?), can you fight for your man (or woman)? Or at the first sign of issues, you take a walk? I dunno but am not sure I would stress myself and fight especially not the way portrayed in the movie. If we were married. I would do my fighting on my knees. You really can’t change anybody; male or female, husband or wife, brother or sister (which was what she was doing). Rebranding a man? Changing a woman? Please….. All the same, when love is involved, we tend to do things we usually won’t think or swear we can never do. So I really can’t blame her. I could very well react the way she did. Who knows?

I am glad Susan decided to be her own woman. Girl power right? And am glad Ken realized his love for Susan was deeper than he thought or cared to think.

This is one of the few Nollywood movies I have enjoyed though not sure I would spend my money watching any Nollywood movie in the cinema. Letters to a Stranger was also one good movie.

Side note: Still don’t get Barbara’s part abi na anger. Is it because Susan was from a poor background or she wanted her son married to someone else? I also still don’t get why even at the end, Ken never really stood up to his mum. He is a grown man for goodness sake. And please married folks, I don’t get the part about cleaning a man’s mess. Please can anyone explain?

Life is not always perfect but love is forever. Feed, work on and nurture your love.

All you women, there is a school you all attend…..

A friend’s friend made this statement a couple of weeks back that got me thinking. Met him at L’s office and we got talking. Somehow we ended up talking about his family and he started talking about how he doesn’t take his wife out on dates any more. I was appalled at first then he explained. He said whenever they go out, she always picks the most expensive food on the menu (even when he has informed her before hand say he no get moni) and would end up not finishing it or making statement like “it was just there”, “I didn’t enjoy it”. Trust, after it happened a number of times, he stopped taking her out except on her birthday. And he would have ordered the meal before they get there. That got me thinking. What is it about us females that when we are in a relationship or married, we believe all our bukata (needs) must be met by the man? We believe it is our duty to spend all the man’s money. After all it is his money abi na our money. But most of us would rather keep ours.

I remember listening in on radio some years ago. A kiss and make up program and this dude calls in to ask them to beg his wife. What was his offence? He usually fuels his wife’s car. She comes that morning to ask for money to get fuel and he asked her to use her money. And the woman vex. I wondered why she felt she had a right to the man’s money. Common sense told me immediately (though the man said he was joking when he said she should use her money) that the man must have had a reason to ask her to use her money. The reason whether he was joking or he seriously didn’t have money she never bothered to find out. She got angry and left the house immediately. I just smiled to myself that day and thought “she is even lucky she has someone to ask”. Some women don’t have husbands to ask of. She is lucky she even had someone who fuelled her car. A lot of women don’t dare even ask for owo obe from their husbands. I recounted that incident and that is what led to L’s friend making the comment about women going to a particular school where they teach us how to suck men dry. All we do is ask and ask and want to spend and spend and spend the man’s money. While “saving” (for want of a better word) ours. His money is OUR money, my money is MY money. I can spend his but he can’t spend mine.

Earlier today, I was also chatting with a friend and he sent me some message I guess a female friend sent to him. Paraphrased, the lady said it is the duty of the man to support the family (very right) BUT it isn’t compulsory for her to help him support the home. She said his money should be used to determine the standing of the family and not hers. My reply to him was I agree to an extent with her statements. It is a man’s sole responsibility to provide for his home. Even the Bible tells us a man who can’t do that is worse than an infidel. HOWEVER, the woman is the helper. It is compulsory for her to do her part in supporting the man every way she can none the least, financially. While in the olden days, it might have been easier for the man to be the sole provider, the way things are right now, the man cannot and shouldn’t be left alone to take care of all the responsibilities. You should be able to cover each other. If he doesn’t have and you do, there is nothing stopping you from taking up that responsibility even if it means you collect the money later (directly or indirectly). Regarding whether his money should be used to determine the standing of the family, I also agree. I did suggest though that rather than it being his money (which for most women is our money), a joint account would be a good idea. That way it is a clear cut case of our money determining the standing of the family. I believe in marriage, there shouldn’t be his money, her money. It should be our money.

I do realize that while it is easy to type our money, actually doing it might be hard. That is why I am a believer in having one or two joint accounts. Both parties put in a certain amount each month depending on their pay and payment of bills, vacation and other bukata can be paid for from there. That frees up the rest of each person’s income for personal things. I know a number of men who say they can never give their wives their debit or credit card. If she lays her hands on it, it would come back empty. Haba. Kilode? And these wives are equally employed and well paid o.

Later this evening, went on instagram and saw someone put up a picture (see below).

photo

I have come to realize that for a lot of females in relationships, we have turned the guy into our money market fund (except this time, we don’t wanna pay back what we have collected and def not with interest). I need, I want, Can I have. Most times asking for things we can’t even afford ourselves and maybe even know the guy can’t afford at that moment. Even if he can afford everything sef, haba, cool down na. I grew up never accepting something from a guy I can’t give back  or afford if things go the other way. In fact I remember keeping a gift for over a year once because it was pretty expensive and I didn’t want a situation where we stopped talking and things hit the roof and I start hearing stories. What I can’t afford or give, I don’t accept. Frankly, he is your husband, he is your boyfriend, he is your fiance not your BANK. Seriously, let’s pity these men and not allow them label all of us. Little wonder why a lot of men believe all women are materialistic and can be bought. Just drop money, buy gifts, o pari. She would trip. Whatever happened to self worth and respect?

Back to L’s friend. After I had tried defending my people, he ends with “let’s see what happens when you get married”. Now am scared. Is there a school I am not aware of, that once I get married, I start exhibiting characters associated with those who attended this school?

Remembering………

Like I stated in my previous post, 2013 is a year of “remembrance”, both grandparents on my dad’s side died 20 and 10 years ago….. As I remember them (as we do every year), I am grateful to God for what their children (my dad and his brothers) have become. For us the grand children and great grand children. December also makes it 10 years my eldest female cousin got married. Sadly my grandpa couldn’t wait for his 1st grand-daughter to get married before passing on.

I remember my grandma today and always. Though I was mega young when she died. I remember her as that small yet strong woman who raised four sons. Who loved her daughters-in-law as her own. Between her and my maternal grandma, they loved us (my sisters and I) making their hair. My grandma loved to write. Who won’t? When her husband was a writer himself. My fondest and maybe scariest memory is when some days before she died, she asked her neighbour to get people to come clean the house and surroundings because in her words the neighbour “ma gba alejo” (she told her neighbour to expect guests soon) and she needed the whole place intact. She died days after. Ajoke, we miss you.

My grandpa. I had an extra 10 years with him. Mega tall (at least to me then, compared to my grandma and yes, he was about 6 feet). Fondest and best memories are when we went home to see him every year. He always made jotters for us and we had to write out the towns and villages and landmarks we passed through before getting home. He would go through it and ask us questions. When we are leaving he would give us more jotters and ask us to write. Funny again the day before he died, he completed his autobiography. When they broke into his house the following day, the book he wrote everything was wide open, his glasses on the book and his pen. I remember how he used to wait for us under a tree in front of his house when we went to see him every December. We were looking forward to him celebrating his 89th and planning a big 90th for him the following year. He would have been a hundred years in 2014. Adebiyi, we love you so much.

October makes it 10 years I also heard about ovarian and uterine cancer for the first time. Also makes it 10 years I lost a friend (because I lost her before she finally died June the year after). She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer August 2003 thereabout. We took ill about the same time, missed a number of 3rd term exams in SS2. Unfortunately while I was able to get back to school after having a surgery to remove my lump, hers was much serious. She never fully recovered till she passed on some days before her 17th birthday in 2004. I am convinced Adeola knew she was going to die. She said before she died “If I make it till my 17th birthday, I would live”. On the day she died, she went for a routine check-up with her dad. She was actually feeling better. Asked the nurses to tell her dad to excuse them, called the nurses together and asked them to sing and pray. She passed on while that was going on. Found one of the pictures we took during our valedictory service in Primary 6 (we have similar names and her surname always came before mine. We were in the same class all through primary and secondary school). Adeola, I wish I got to know you much better than I did. I wish you didn’t have to die when you did.

10 years also I had my first surgery. 10 years since I got really close to my mum. The news of finding a lump in my breast was enough to make us start talking to each other. Like she says if the lump was cancerous and was advanced and I died, she would have killed me again for not telling her on time because we weren’t on talking terms. If we started the day talking and smiling with each other, we ended it fighting. If we started the day fighting, we ended it talking. To think I am every bit her look alike. You would think we were fighting over a man if you ever saw us fight. Lmao. Grateful to God for my twinie.

On a more cheerful note, my parents would be married 30 years in July. I am grateful to God for giving me such wonderful parents. We have all had our tough times, times we coulda boxed each other (lol). All in all, I am forever grateful. And praying to God for many more years. To see all of us married and to see your grandchildren. I couldn’t have asked for better parents and I would choose you guys (my father would kill me if he sees “you guys”) all over again.

Have  a wonderful year people.

2013

Make way, make way…………………………..

Happy new year loves, faithful readers and fellow bloggers. Sounds like I am debating ba?

So it is 2013 already. Time flies. 2013!!!!!

Loads of “celebration” this year. It would be 20 years my paternal grandma died in May, 10 years my paternal grandpa died in August and 30 years my parents have been married in July. My baby sis would be done with school in April by God’s grace. I should go on ba?

Grateful for the year 2012. Through the ups and downs, joy and sorrow, tears and happiness, God’s mercy kept me. And I am forever grateful. Had fun the last couple of days of the year. Travelled to my paternal grandma’s home town 19+ years after. It was nice going back there sha. Last time I went, I was barely 5+. And it wasn’t pleasant memories as we went for her burial. I remember running into popsie’s house the night before the burial, tripped, my mouth landed on the pavement and the teeth wey fall off that day ehnnnnnn. Also went to my paternal grandpa’s home town (my home town shey), 9+ years after. Last time I went there too, I wasn’t too happy. It was his burial. Ok wetin annoy me abi? The man “chose” to die on my best friend’s birthday and the burial took place on another close friend’s birthday. Twas fun driving through towns in Osun State (sorry State of Osun as our governor has decided to rename it).

For 2013. Though I started it in the hospital taking care of my cousin. Grateful she is much better. Thankful for what 2013 has in store for me and my family.

May God continue to bless and keep us all this year.

Side note: Every January, people say prayers like “this year would be your/our year”. They make that prayer every year. I don’t get that prayer though. Can someone explain what it means?

Do have a blessed and favoured 2013.

Tada.