Married the new single

Loool. I see some people are laughing. Tis hard staying away from this blog biko. Are you happy now? Lol.

Back to topic.

Quick question. When did it become a trend for women (most especially) to start tripping for married men? It goes both ways but it is more of a female thingy. You see that man with a ring and that is the one you decide to crush on. Sometimes even plot to become madam. When we stopped looking at single men (and women) and decide it is those ones with the ring gan gan we prefer? I have heard a lotta reasons from the “he is married means he is responsible and would take care of me” to the “I didn’t know he was married”. I think it is the latter group I should address first.

I am one of those who looks at a man’s left hand unconsciously (it has become a habit sha) but within few minutes of meeting him. And I get very amazed and most times pissed when I see a supposedly married man without his ring on. I am a firm believer in what the ring symbolizes and except the ring was stolen (and even if it was, what happened to getting another and asking your Priest, Pastor, Bishop, Reverend, Vicar, Imam to bless it?) I don’t see why a man/woman shouldn’t wear it. I just believe some men (and women) set out to deceive others. True confession. I have scoped one too many guys only to discover they are married (things you are allowed to do when you are single; abi na? Before a le boo puts a ring on it). I remember going to see someone recently and looking at his hands am like uhmmmm at 40+, you aint married? Only to see some photo frames from the corner of my eyes, I turn to look and see him and his family. At that point I knew he couldn’t be less than 50 (he sure looks like he is in his mid 40s though) and I almost asked him why he wasn’t wearing a ring. I dunno if it is only me it has happened to but a couple of times, you see the hawt guy and suddenly some woman (at times pg or even with kids) comes from nowhere to make you know say this one is taken. Trust me, I can relate. I don’t want no woman scoping my man either. I can “tika bo e loju”. I fit put “sorry he is taken for him forehead”. Lol. I no fit o. But when the man no gree wear him ring nko? *sigh*. I have heard the it is not necessary to wear the ring especially once it is agreed on by the couple. For me o, it is utter BS. Please wear your ring. You wear am sef, people dey trip. If you now no wear am nko? You are causing a lot of heartbreak with the ring on, you have all now decided we no dey wear am. Mtschewwww. Lol. Am taking it P.

Now back to the ones who see that that man or woman is married o, and na him/her they want. I have no words for such people. I just pray that when they get married too, na their own man/woman someone else too would want. Abi? Fair enough innit? Like I tell people who clearly see someone is in a relationship/engaged or even married yet shamelessly chase after them, as you have done to another man’s/woman’s so would it be done to you. For the “shebi they are just in a relationship/engaged” people, when you get engaged too, someone else would say such to your man/woman. Shikena.

To wrap up my somewhat pointless post, asked a friend some questions some 3/4 years ago and thought to ask a bigger audience, especially the married ones. Funny thing is when I asked her these questions, I wasn’t even in a relationship not to talk of getting married but I feel though the questions apply to normal everyday man-woman romantic relationships, married people would relate better. Quick background to why I asked the questions then. There was this guy I really did like and he liked me gan (too much sef). And everybody thought these ones are so perfect and yada yada. Woke up one day and I suddenly didn’t have no feelings whatsoever for him. As in. I just didn’t like him no more and I was mega scared. I freaked out cuz it did occur to me that day that I could have been married and can one day wake up and not love my husband anymore. It was a moku mogbe modaran moment. I told him straight I didn’t see him in that light anymore but then thought if we were married, how would I have handled it?

1. How do you handle the days when you wake up and kinda like freak out. Like ask yourself “what have I gotten into”? Am I sure I married the right person? Like when you just feel you don’t love the man/woman you married no longer. The OMG, I want out moments.

2. You are married to this amazing man/woman. Months/years after, you meet this super, mega amazing man/woman. Do you start to think maybe you settled? Maybe if you had waited a bit, you would have married this super amazing man/woman? How do people handle it?

3. How do you “close” your eyes to all the men/women you meet after marriage? Especially for the women. How do you close your eyes and heart to that guy who does what le boo does (or used to do) and more? Answers please and please I know praying is key. Asides prayers nko?

Couple of weddings today. End of the year weddings. Sadly, can’t attend any as popman has decided we spend the weekend in a place I haven’t been in 19+ years. I don’t even know how I should feel. Wishing them all the best as they start their journey together.

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16 thoughts on “Married the new single

  1. Lol I cannot decide whether to laugh or scream “chei!” But I can tell you this one because it happened to me. I have a friend who scoped me for over a year, telling me he likes me. I almost fell for that, only to realize that he has a wife in Ghana and a daughter. He had no ring, no pictures, lived a bachelor-esque life…and stuff. This fakery is both ways with gender o. Don’t let their persistence fool you! Lol πŸ˜€

    1. Lol. I can write a book on such men. There was one who got married September and was asking me out January the year after. Fortunately I wasn’t even a bit interested. Found out days later he got married only some months back and his wife was even pg and that I knew his siter-in-law.

      Or the one who was on my case during my internship at a bank. For like 2 months. The day God would say I must know the truth, I enter the lunch room with a colleague (this dude was in another department) and my oga K goes “P, how madam and my girl”. I bust out laughing. Couldn’t hold myself. You won’t believe P still came back to start telling me stories about how he didn’t love his wife, how she got pg and because both parents are Catholics, they had to get married. I then asked him, when you were sleeping with her, it never occurred to you she could get pg? To show that some people are just plain idiots, I then told him not to be fooled o, even if he was single, I didn’t like him and I wasn’t even old enough to get married (I was just 18+ then). What would be his reply? It doesn’t matter. Were. I asked if his 18 year old sister came to tell him she was getting married, what would be his response. He said God forbid, he won’t allow. I knew it was hopeless even talking to the idiot.

      Both men, I never saw with their rings”

      1. Hahahahaha picture you laughing when your boss dropped the bombshell about P and his madam! Really, some guys are just stupid. And then there are the “my lovely sister” types who scope you and do you but maintain that you’re like a sister. Mehn, girls get wahala. Lol πŸ˜€

  2. Single chicks going for married men is not a new trend at all esp for girls who are not looking for commitment but want a responsible guy. Shit happens.

    This whole thing with married men lying to girls that they are single is still very rampant esp when they live in different cities or countries.. It once happened to a friend of mine and she almost lost her mind when she found out he was married. Truth is that signs are always there though.

    Happy 2013 to you.

  3. I could say a lot here, but then I will say 3 and rest…
    1. I heard a pastor say a long time ago that the married men are more attractive to single ladies. Reason being that they are more refined (due to all the work their wives have put in them). They seem to be more reasonable, more patient, blah blah blah. This was back in the day, don’t know about now.
    2. I don’t know why so much stock is placed on the ring and the church wedding these days, but then back in the day, the only thing needed to get married was the consent of the girl’s father(representative) and his blessing. The ring signifies a lot but it does not mean all and all. Men who wear rings still cheat and there are men who are not married that are celibate, there are also men who don’t wear rings that do not cheat. Which brings me to 3.
    3. I am not married, I sincerely hope that changes soon (because I need that daughter badly), however I do believe that the term happy marriage is a myth that should be squashed as soon as possible. There is no place mentioning happy marriage anywhere in my bible. I do believe the more appropriate term would be a working marriage. There will be times when you want to murder your spouse for foolishness and there will be times when all will be rosy. As for what keeps the couple going, there is a lot said about love and friendship, I rarely hear anything about duty.

    Husband love your wives as Christ loves the Church and yada yada yada… That is a duty.
    Respect and honour for husbands, that is a duty.

    If we can do our 9 to 5 everyday for the rewards of a salary at the end of the month, how much more to our spouses.

    But then maybe that’s my problem, I take ‘duties’ too seriously.
    Sorry for the long comment πŸ™‚
    Happy New year

    1. The attraction to married men is here to stay. Just seems like it has risen. There was a time a single lady dare not voice out she likes a married man. Now, people don’t care.

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