Monthly Archives: December 2012

Married the new single

Loool. I see some people are laughing. Tis hard staying away from this blog biko. Are you happy now? Lol.

Back to topic.

Quick question. When did it become a trend for women (most especially) to start tripping for married men? It goes both ways but it is more of a female thingy. You see that man with a ring and that is the one you decide to crush on. Sometimes even plot to become madam. When we stopped looking at single men (and women) and decide it is those ones with the ring gan gan we prefer? I have heard a lotta reasons from the “he is married means he is responsible and would take care of me” to the “I didn’t know he was married”. I think it is the latter group I should address first.

I am one of those who looks at a man’s left hand unconsciously (it has become a habit sha) but within few minutes of meeting him. And I get very amazed and most times pissed when I see a supposedly married man without his ring on. I am a firm believer in what the ring symbolizes and except the ring was stolen (and even if it was, what happened to getting another and asking your Priest, Pastor, Bishop, Reverend, Vicar, Imam to bless it?) I don’t see why a man/woman shouldn’t wear it. I just believe some men (and women) set out to deceive others. True confession. I have scoped one too many guys only to discover they are married (things you are allowed to do when you are single; abi na? Before a le boo puts a ring on it). I remember going to see someone recently and looking at his hands am like uhmmmm at 40+, you aint married? Only to see some photo frames from the corner of my eyes, I turn to look and see him and his family. At that point I knew he couldn’t be less than 50 (he sure looks like he is in his mid 40s though) and I almost asked him why he wasn’t wearing a ring. I dunno if it is only me it has happened to but a couple of times, you see the hawt guy and suddenly some woman (at times pg or even with kids) comes from nowhere to make you know say this one is taken. Trust me, I can relate. I don’t want no woman scoping my man either. I can “tika bo e loju”. I fit put “sorry he is taken for him forehead”. Lol. I no fit o. But when the man no gree wear him ring nko? *sigh*. I have heard the it is not necessary to wear the ring especially once it is agreed on by the couple. For me o, it is utter BS. Please wear your ring. You wear am sef, people dey trip. If you now no wear am nko? You are causing a lot of heartbreak with the ring on, you have all now decided we no dey wear am. Mtschewwww. Lol. Am taking it P.

Now back to the ones who see that that man or woman is married o, and na him/her they want. I have no words for such people. I just pray that when they get married too, na their own man/woman someone else too would want. Abi? Fair enough innit? Like I tell people who clearly see someone is in a relationship/engaged or even married yet shamelessly chase after them, as you have done to another man’s/woman’s so would it be done to you. For the “shebi they are just in a relationship/engaged” people, when you get engaged too, someone else would say such to your man/woman. Shikena.

To wrap up my somewhat pointless post, asked a friend some questions some 3/4 years ago and thought to ask a bigger audience, especially the married ones. Funny thing is when I asked her these questions, I wasn’t even in a relationship not to talk of getting married but I feel though the questions apply to normal everyday man-woman romantic relationships, married people would relate better. Quick background to why I asked the questions then. There was this guy I really did like and he liked me gan (too much sef). And everybody thought these ones are so perfect and yada yada. Woke up one day and I suddenly didn’t have no feelings whatsoever for him. As in. I just didn’t like him no more and I was mega scared. I freaked out cuz it did occur to me that day that I could have been married and can one day wake up and not love my husband anymore. It was a moku mogbe modaran moment. I told him straight I didn’t see him in that light anymore but then thought if we were married, how would I have handled it?

1. How do you handle the days when you wake up and kinda like freak out. Like ask yourself “what have I gotten into”? Am I sure I married the right person? Like when you just feel you don’t love the man/woman you married no longer. The OMG, I want out moments.

2. You are married to this amazing man/woman. Months/years after, you meet this super, mega amazing man/woman. Do you start to think maybe you settled? Maybe if you had waited a bit, you would have married this super amazing man/woman? How do people handle it?

3. How do you “close” your eyes to all the men/women you meet after marriage? Especially for the women. How do you close your eyes and heart to that guy who does what le boo does (or used to do) and more? Answers please and please I know praying is key. Asides prayers nko?

Couple of weddings today. End of the year weddings. Sadly, can’t attend any as popman has decided we spend the weekend in a place I haven’t been in 19+ years. I don’t even know how I should feel. Wishing them all the best as they start their journey together.

Second Best

Don’t get excited please. Am not back. Not yet.

This is just something I wanted to blog about a while back but never got round to.

Ok where do I start?

Quick question. How would your spouse feel days/weeks/years after marriage that “you kinda settled for them”?

Which kain question be this ba? Let me explain. Maybe that shouldn’t be the question sef.

I have seen and heard and it has happened to me well well situations whereby some dude is asking you out and four/five/six months after, he is (getting) married. Happens shey? No biggy ba? Especially if you weren’t into him abi? Ok, what of you guys are so in to each other. You were sure something was going to happen. Maybe you guys were even dating? Worse, you guys were engaged, both families have met, wedding date maybe even set. Issues crop up, he breaks up and you hear in less than six months, he is married.

Scenario 1 has happened to me a lot of times and I just never attached anything to it after all I never liked any of them so if they found someone to marry why not. Just started wondering lately how the wife would feel if she got to know that if the other chic had said yes, he would have married chic A not her. Scenario 2 happened to someone I know, this time around it was the guy at the receiving end. Scenario 3 happened recently to someone else and frankly, on the babe’s behalf one could kill the guy. Good thing and something to be thankful for, she didn’t marry a jerk (because that is surely what the guy is).

Not saying when you get a No from a guy/babe or you break up, you shouldn’t move on with life BUT how do people “move on” that fast in less than 6 months to the extent that they are getting married already? It could only mean the spouse was on stand by, plan B. If A doesn’t work, B would work. How then do you think that man or woman would feel knowing he/she was plan B? Funny thought that just came to mind “maybe Plan B was actually God’s plan for you”. Yet still, couldn’t you have waited a bit? A year maybe before getting married? To be sure it isn’t a rebound kind of thing? Know each other better?

I don’t even want to get into how plan A would feel especially if there was already something between both parties. I am barely out of you life and you are married?

Once again, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A BLESSED 2013. See you in 2013.

N.B: Fikitee, this post was actually for you cuz you won’t be seeing me any time soon.

I wanna thank you

Where do I start from? I know the year aint ended yet but ya all would know why am doing this in a bit.

Just to say a big thank you to those who made 2012 a great year for me, especially fellow bloggers; single nigerian man, just joxy and angelsbeauty. Tis been a bittersweet year and I can’t just wait for it to be over.

Finally graduated on Tuesday. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Lols.

Back to the purpose of this post. I have decided to take a break from blogging. I dunno how long it would be. Hopefully not long. But you won’t be seeing me here for a while.

Just to say a BIG thank you to those who made my year. The hugs and calls especially when I needed them most. The support and encouragement. The food (I see you). For everybody who touched my life this year. Thank you so much and God bless you.

Have a wonderful and merry Christmas and a happy new year in advance.

Gracias.

Remember, life aint always perfect but love is forever.

Revenge

Not sure a lot of people watch the series Revenge. Season one was pretty complicated and one I did enjoy but it aint got nothing on season two which is just nine episodes along. *sigh*. This winter finale is killing and I can’t wait till 2013. However, that isn’t the reason for this post.

Re.venge [ri-venj]

verb (used with object)

1. to exact punishment or rxipation for a wrong on behalf of, especially in a resentful or vindictive spirit.

2. to take vengeance for; inflict punishment for; avenge.

– verb (used without object)

3. to take revenge.

-noun

4. the act of revenging; retaliation for injures or wrongs; vengeance.

5. something done in vengeance.

6. the desire to revenge; vindictiveness.

7. an opportunity to retaliate or gain satisfaction.

Ok, enough of English lessons. The aim of this somewhat pointless post is “what is the purpose of revenge”. To what end do we seek to avenge a wrong done to us or someone close to us. After we have revenged, what satisfaction do we derive.  The story is based on a young girl whose father was accused of a crime he didn’t commit and was killed. Her childhood was destroyed. Her life, her family was destroyed. She ended up in Juve and at the moment is ready to destroy everybody who was involved in her father’s death.

She has a right to be angry right? A right to want to avenge her father’s death. She never had the kind of childhood a lot of us had and should rightly so avenge yeah? But to what end? When she is done destroying the lives of these other people, what next? It is a good story line, pretty complicated at sometimes and really a good watch but I find myself asking almost after every episode, “where does this end”?

In the course of this revenge, she has lost a very good male friend (Jack) to faux Amanda. I remember in one episode in season 1, Nolan asked her to give up on her plans and enjoy her life. Sail away with Jack he advised. But I guess the quest to bring these people down has so consumed her, she can’t and won’t listen to sound advice. We see faux Amanda tell her again in Sunday’s episode that she can live her life. I just want to ask, what is the “reward” gained for revenge. She is young, has many years to live, yet she decides to spend her youthful years avenging the wrong done to her father.

Another revenge story unfolding is the Ryan brothers who want to avenge their father’s death. Since the person they assumed killed their father is dead, the want to take it out on his sons and grandson. A new baby is born into this web who knows nothing about what his grandfather presumably did but is in as much danger as his father and his uncle. All because some people want to avenge their father’s death.

Once again, I ask, to what end? What is the reward for avenging a wrong done? What do you gain? I know it isn’t easy to let go of hurt, but is it really worth it? If we all go about revenging, who would be left on earth biko? Or if God decides to “revenge”?

Side note:

Romans 12:17-21

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honourable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Matthew 5:38-39

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

1 Thessalonians 5:15

See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.

What shall we call this?

Sorry. Was trying to translate Yoruba to English and the title is what I could come up with that made sense in my head. The Yoruba is something like “Ki la ti ma so oro e yi se or bawo la ti ma soro yi si” or something of that sort. My Yoruba isn’t smooth. Never mind that I had a B3 in Yoruba. My parents believe WAEC dashed me the result.

Anyways, back to the post.

An aunty-in-law is in town. As per no job, she decided I was going to be her driver for the day. Can’t complain. At least I have somewhere to go and someone to gist with. Anywayz, we were gisting and she suddenly goes quiet and looked mad. She got a message. Calls my uncle and the gbeborun in me was straining to hear the conversation then my mum called (just spoilt all my gbeborun runz). Call ends and she is still looking mad. And am like “whaow, whatever this is, I don’t envy the person”. Then she starts to spill.

Her cousin Z lives in the UK with her husband and 2 kids. Z’s mum (her aunty) is in town. Z’s mum had for some days been calling my uncle’s line but since it was not a stored number he didn’t pick. Finally felt led to pick the call about 3 days ago and discovered it was Z’s mum (she isn’t educated). Mama what is the matter? Then she starts her story. Z isn’t feeding her. She has been eating apple she saw in the kitchen for some days. Z always abuses her. Z refused to help her turn on the heater in her room. Z threatened to throw her out in the cold. And on and on and on.

I opened my mouth and couldn’t shut it for a while. Who does that to her mum? Then my aunty goes on to tell me stories about how this woman slaved for her children, 5 of them when their father left. Even when Z and her husband were out of job and money was tight, the woman sent money to them, over a million naira (for someone who has a small shop, I can imagine how long she had to save to make that money), has for the past few years been paying for Z and her family’s trips to Nigeria and all and all. Whether the woman even did that or not isn’t the issue. Seriously, who treats their parents like that?

We tried to think of all sorts of reasons why Z is behaving this way. Ranging from maybe the woman said something and Z got angry to what Yoruba’s call asasi (spell abi na curse). Then my AIL said over the years, Z’s husband always complained about how Z treated his mum and they always thought the husband just wanted to be funny (cuz my AIL said the man too get skon skon). To the extent that Z’s MIL one day abused and cursed her. The MIL is dead now and is going to be buried next week. We then concluded it had to be adi (Yoruba people please help me interpret what that is. Biko).

Makes we wonder why people start acting funny to their parents as they grow older. I get that as our parents get older, they start to do things that might irritate us and get on our nerves. Their body parts aint functioning as it used to. BUT still, is that enough reason to treat them anyhow?

I have seen it over and over again. People maltreating their sick parents. In fact in most cases, the parent dies within 2 years of the illness. And I wonder if the children had been a little bit caring, would the parent have died? Well my AIL was still seething as at when I dropped her at home and was about calling Z to give her a piece of her mind. The gbeborun in me is waiting for tomorrow to know how that went.

Side note: There was something else I wanted to blog about but can’t remember. *sigh*. Old age yeah. Anywayz, tis December. Christmas is coming. All I want for Christmas is…………………………………………………..

Ok, yeah I remember now. Just wanted to share something my Pastor preached about some weeks back. Just part of the message. He was talking about Samson and got to the issue of people drinking wine and other alcoholic drinks and the whole “the Bible doesn’t say we shouldn’t drink/ should Christians drink issue”. He said something that stayed with me that day. The Spirit and spirit can’t stay together. He then asked “have you ever noticed that those God has special work for in the Bible, He specifically asked them to stay off wine?” E.g. Samson, Samuel, John the Baptist. The instruction was direct. Stay off wine.

Wishing you all a great month of signs and wonders. Have a blessed December and we shall all make it to 2013.