Monthly Archives: October 2012

Change of name

This is a kinda funny but serious post.

I was on facebook some minutes ago looking for someone (know the first name but not the last name). So had to go through a mutual friend’s friends list till I found the person. When I saw the surname I laughed.

Let me backtrack. This mutual friend is engaged to the acquittance and I just thought to check what her married name would be and couldn’t help but think “so you would leave this fine name and settle for this?” “How do these two names go? (her first name and what her married name would be)” My brain was trying to put both names together and it just didn’t gel.

I laughed, then become somewhat horrified and then thought “what is in a name sef?” Why do some people place an emphasis on the kind of family (name) they marry into? I had a discussion with a friend some weeks back and we got into the married name issue when she asked what YB’s surname was. And she goes “fair enough (in fact she said something like “not bad”) but why would you leave A (the first letter of my surname) and go to O”? Aint there better surnames, she asked. “For me (that my friend speaking), I won’t leave S and take up a K or L or even A surname, that is too far plus it has to be a better surname. I would settle for an O after all my mum left R for S. Or max, I use a compound name”. I fear I fell into that school of thought this night. Just because two names didn’t seem to gel in my head, I was already thinking “dang it, aint there better surnames?” Why would you leave this surname for this kain surname”?

I know women who didn’t change their surnames when they got married, perhaps because their maiden names sound tusher or some add both maiden and husband’s surname. I had been in a discussion with friends at another time and this issue came up. One of the ladies comes from a popular Lagos and partly Ogun family and has one of those “big” names and when she said the name of one of the guys on her case who she seemed to like, almost everybody else got on her case. “Ha, don’t tell me you want to leave that fine surname for this one”. “You better add both names and put your maiden name first”. “Do you know the kind of doors your surname (her current surname) would still open for you years to come?” “You better find a surname better than yours”. Someone actually said that a woman should aspire to marry into a family with a better surname. And that day I felt, “when did we women become so superficial? Couldn’t help but think, what if my mum continued using her father’s surname (which is way tusher; if am allowed to use that word, than my dad’s) or she used a compound name, how would I have felt? When those thoughts came to my head this night I was horrified. When did I become shallow? Attaching importance to an insignificant issue. When did marrying an Ade become bad because his surname isn’t Aderemi or Lawanson or Adenuga or Dangote. Where did this idea of better surnames or tusher surnames come from? Now am not advocating marrying someone whose surname is Esupofo or any of that sort (names you need to pray about) but because my surname is say Akinade, must I be looking for an Adenuga or Bucknor such that when people hear Aderonke Adenuga or Aderonke Bucknor, they know I have “arrived” or “stepped up” as against Aderonke Abayomi or Aderonke Shola? These names might not emphasis the point I am trying to make but I can’t use some specific surnames.

Ball is in your court ladies. Why do some people attach so much importance to their husbands last names to the extent they either don’t change or use compound names? What is in a name sef? Must a woman’s first name and her married name gel? Is it just younger women who think that way? The 20-30 year olds “my husband’s name must be tusher/better?” When people hear both names, wan ma gba (them go take)

The lone tear

The washed up body of a couple of days old baby by the Lekki Phase 1 bridge. Dumped into the waters by his mother. The currents swept him our way though we could do nothing about him. My wife and I shed a lone tear heading back home. Silently wailing within. 17 years we have been married. With no child to call ours.

 

The call from my elder sister. Our mother had just passed away. At 52, she was barely beginning to enjoy the fruits of her labour. The crowds in the house. All around me. Asking me to take heart. Se bi okunrin (act like a man) they said. Be strong. You know you can’t afford to cry even if your sisters do. Men don’t cry. The first and only son of our mother. I entered my room that night and shed a lone tear. Silently weeping.

 

9 months and all I wanted was to hold my baby in my arms. I never got to. She was a still birth. I willed the tears to pour. Nothing except a lone tear.

 

10 of them. Taking turns. I prayed for tears. For the ground to open up and swallow me. With my mouth gagged, I couldn’t scream. All I could do was shed a lone tear.

 

As Supo dragged his boxes out of the house. 25 years of marriage and I suddenly wasn’t good enough for him. He found a younger girl who could satisfy him. As I wondered what to tell our 3 wonderful children. The lone tear.

 

Facing execution for a murder I didn’t commit. All my appeals falling on deaf ears. Appeal upon appeal. Courts today and tomorrow. Pleading my innocence. A lone tear.

 

Love is…….

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
It does not envy.
It does not boast.
It is not proud.
It is not rude.
It is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

GOD is LOVE.
So

God is patient.
God is kind.
God does not envy.
God does not boast (even when He has the right too).
God is not proud.
God is not rude.
God is not self-seeking.
God is not easily angered.
God keeps no record of wrongs.
God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.
GOD never FAILS.

I am created in the image of God and above all, aim to be more like God.
Therefore

Deronk is patient.
Deronk is kind.
Deronk does not envy.
Deronk does not boast.
Deronk is not proud.
Deronk is not rude.
Deronk is not self-seeking.
Deronk is not easily angered.
Deronk keeps no record of wrongs.
Deronk does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Deronk always protects, always hopes, always perseveres.
Deronk never fails.

So help me God.

N.B: I must confess as I wrote this I was on a call with the customer service department of a bank and I got very angry, had to terminate the call before the anger reached another level. I have/had the right to be angry. At the same time, I shouldn’t get angry easily. *sigh*. Tough one ehn? Work in progress. God helping me.

Above all, the fear of the Lord is to HATE evil not STOP doing evil.