Ok, it is past 4 and I am still not able to sleep. *sigh*. I got a major long day *deep sigh*. Well, decided to blog again.
From my previous post and some older posts, you might have noticed that I have had quite some encounters with married men. Interesting creatures. You might have also inferred that I detest, no, I hate when married people, husband and wife cheat. Whether it is a one night ish, short term or long term. Yes, I hate it.
Funny, this hatred has been since I was a child. For reasons I don’t even know till date, I had just never liked it. Never had such issues in both my immediate and extended family but somehow I hated the idea that someone took a vow before God and man and broke the vow. I understand that in every relationship even as boyfriend, girlfriend, temptations arise but I believe the moment you make up your mind, you want to be with someone, you learn to close your eyes to everybody else and ask for grace. After all, His grace is sufficient.
Therefore, when the first married man tried rubbish, yes, it is iranu with me almost a decade ago, he heard it. That didn’t stop them, and it also didn’t stop me. I think it even made me hate it more and for a while I hated the idea of marriage. I think I even did say at some point I was never going to get married. Why get married if one person won’t keep his/her side of the “deal” (for want of a better word). Then in uni, I met two different ladies whose had cheating fathers. Both had different approaches to how they handled the issue (they were coincidentally, the first children). For one, since her father felt it was okay for him to cheat, at some point even with someone she called her best friend, she felt she was justified sleeping with other peoples fathers too. She saw nothing wrong with it for a very long time. And it destroyed to a very large extent her family and other families. On the other hand, the other lady did confess she had opportunities to do same and at times almost did, but when she thought about the effect her own father’s had on them, she couldn’t bring herself to do same to another unsuspecting family. I really did admire her courage and the fact that she did accept that while hers might have been ruined, she wasn’t going to ruin another’s. Brings me to the issue of soul ties and family. I believe no child should be brought into this world and experience such. No child should at any point go through what both girls went through. I believe no man or woman should live in fear of contacting some disease from a philandering spouse. No spouse should live in fear of having sex with a partner that through his/her isekuse is soul tied to many other men or women (1 Corinthians 6:16). As husband and wife through sexual relations, you are already soul tied to each other and that is the way God wanted it to be. To now add another person or more people to the equation is………… Your soul gets fragmented and can be destructive. Little wonder why it is hard for some people to leave/free their past sexual partners. I don’t think it is fair on the other spouse.
Homophobia. I am proudly homophobic. I don’t hate them, I don’t just understand and I would never understand how someone would say God created him/her to like someone of the same sex. My Bible tells me God created Adam. Looked at other creatures and didn’t find a suitable helper for man. Cause man to sleep and created woman and brought her to man to be his help meet. I haven’t seen anywhere God brought another man to man, or He created woman and brought another woman. So someone telling me he/she woke up and suddenly discovered he/she liked the same sex, or isn’t sure which one he/she prefers, or found out from childhood that “I preferred my sex”. Ta. Olorun maje. Just typing it irritates me sef. I used to be really disgusted but now I just look at them and seriously pity them.
I read somewhere yesterday about a generation that have no idea what letter writing is and don’t keep diaries and I remembered my love affair with diaries till my mum saw one. The horror. JSS 1 na, all that was in the dairy was a list of my crushes especially the current crush; a family friend’s cousin (whew) a couple of years my senior. What else? Excerpts from the only “book” I ever wrote and the fact that I had given myself Elizabeth and Jessica as names * embarrassed* and many many things I can either not remember or type here. Anywayz, got back from school that day and mumsie asks to talk to me. I enter her room. Lo and behold, she brings out my diary. I wanted to die. After all her talk and in her mind advice, I collect the thing, get kerosene and matches and burnt the life out of it. I remember that day like yesterday. I learnt to keep my thoughts to myself. Store them in different compartments in my head. Didn’t keep a diary again till about 2009 when I found myself writing about some guy (let’s call him D) I had met the year before who I pretty much liked and he liked me but after about 5 months, I “suddenly” didn’t have that kind of feeling for him any longer. Let me point out o, we didn’t date. Everybody else was horrified except a friend of his who figured we were too good to be true and felt one of us would wake up soon. Back to the diary, all I did was write about him, what I felt went wrong, things I prayed about and answers I got and all. I diligently posted “entries” everyday and had that book with me to avoid it falling into the wrong hands. Somehow I was still scared mumsie might see it someday. Abi, what would you think when your mum finds a book you hid very well in between clothes? Even my sisters never found it. What was she looking for that day sef?
D’s issue brings me my musing on promises. Have you ever made a promise you fulfilled even without remembering you made the promise in the first instance? Let me explain. I read He-motion by T.D Jakes sometime sin 2005 or 2006 and I think I was even thinking (not sure I even said it out loud) that I was only going to buy it for 2 men in my life; my father and whoever I got married to. Got popsie’s copy and forgot about it. When D and I became friends, and I thought it might go further, 3 times, emeta, I went to Laterna to buy this book. They either just sold the last copy or it was out of stock and they weren’t sure when they would have it again. Even after we just decided to remain friends, I thought to get it for him as a birthday gift but couldn’t (remember, I didn’t even remember the “promise” I made). Then YB’s birthday last year, I had gone on their site, decided what books to get him and went to the store. I wasn’t going to pay them the extra for delivering to me office since my office was some 10 minutes away. I get there, pick the books I had in mind and was heading to the counter when I saw He-motions staring at me. The last copy they had. I picked it and dropped one of the other books, paid and left. I remembered the “promise” I made February this year. About 6 years after and almost a year after I bought the book. How that happened till date, I don’t know.
I really need to force myself to sleep now. 5:20am.