Monthly Archives: June 2012

Wrote this on a friend’s blog… Hope I tried?

theheavenlypress

About 0.004 days ago; 4 years in your world (remember a 1000 earth years is like a day in the heavenly realms), a joke circulated round the internet and came to mails near you. The joke goes thus:

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. During the experience, she sees God and asks for more time on earth (like Hezekiah did) and God adds 30 years. Upon her recovery, she decides to stay back in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation and tummy tuck. She even changed her hair colour. She figured since she had another 30 years to live, she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last surgery and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to…

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Rules of engagement

Oh no, not the sitcom. I had no idea what the title could or should be.

Ok, so I was heading back home this afternoon and see this guy who suddenly opens his arms for a hug and I stopped him and said I wasn’t going to hug home. Get back to home and see pings from him. Telling me how naive and proud I am; as rigid as the British he said. Asking me where they carried me from. And he can’t believe I bounced his hug. My reply, you better believe it and explained I didn’t feel we were friends enough to get to the seeing each other and hugging each other level. And then I tried lecturing him (maybe that was my mistake) on how to talk and engage with people.

Rewind. We have lived in the same house for over 9 months, we see each other and I think the max we ever said to each other was Hi. Till last week. So we talked a bit last week and exchanged pins (something I usually don’t do but I felt there was no harm in making friends).

After telling him to better believe I didn’t hug him, he replied “Don’t read meaning into ‘d hug'”. Ok, that ticked me off. I really don’t understand why every time things don’t go the way the guy wants it, he assumes the girl is reading meanings. I have seen it happen in different ways and forms. I met this guy at the bus stop once and he starts talking about how he just moved to town, he didn’t know anybody and all. And I stand there just hoping the bus comes asap. Then he asked for my number and I politely told him I don’t give people my number. What didn’t I hear. Stop reading meanings into it o. I just wanted to be friends. I ended up asking him if he preferred I was rude, or gave him a wrong number or even gave him the right number and didn’t pick his calls. Who I give my number to is my choice. Do you just give every black person you meet on the road your number because you just want to be friends?

Or in this hugging case, do you hug every Tom, Dick and Harry you see on the road? I asked him if he went about hugging people he barely knew, people he knew nothing about, their cultures and religious beliefs (yes, I could be a member of MFM or Deeper Life for all he knew). That was when the “where did they carry you from” question came and sincerely, I practically went mad. I asked if he spoke to people like that and I started getting replies such as “something your naive mind…”, “yet you are as rigid as the british. In short your action reminds me of the queen of england.. Funily she even hugged Mitchel self…” and telling me “I hug pple bcos it endears me to them n bcos I was bought up with a lot of love_ n to show it to people” (his words and spellings not mine).

Sincerely I have no idea why I even replied him in the first instance (I guess his silly reply annoyed me and I felt he needed some lessons) but it really did get me thinking what exactly has he and even myself learnt (asides school ish) in the months we have been here. Lets forget the Brits are usually individualistic and would mostly not hug people amongst other things, even if he was in the US or say France, would he also go about hugging everybody because he was brought up to show love to people? Would he be at a gathering or at work and start hugging people? Once he got rebuffed, would he just open his mouth and talk? I would have thought that by now, if nothing else, he would have learnt that cultures, views and perspectives differ. And as such be a little cautious or careful when dealing with people. Like I told him, if there is one thing he should take from the conversation, it is that people differ. As long as you don’t know someone well enough to know what they think or view or what they are like, a little caution should be applied. Not everything is acceptable to everybody or all cultures.

Was I wrong to decide not to hug? In relationships especially at the beginnings, are there rules  to follow or not to follow?

By the way, he did say if he saw me next time, he ordinarily won’t greet me but he won’t do that because he isn’t like that.

Update: he pings to ask me if I am angry…. I really can’t laugh.

The Change we desire

This post was inspired by Justjoxy. We had this “discussion” on twitter and I ended up sending this mail to her. Some parts of the mail has been edited.

When I started this blog it was to talk about issues in Nigeria especially and in the world. Political issues to be precise. Somewhere along the line, the way things were going and all made me stop blogging on issues. I couldn’t really take it any longer and decided, rather than get worked up and get my blood pressure high, I better not think or write about political issues. And just write about life and other things.

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I completely agree with you. We are the leaders. They came out from amongst us. And that is what scares me.

Like I said, my generation isn’t any different from these leaders we have so how that change is gonna happen, I don’t know.

A generation focused on quick money? A generation that never had it easy so all they think of is NOW? A generation that watched those before them ruin the country? They really don’t care about others, all most of us think about is ourselves. A generation that never knew how good things can be and should be? Who never have seen anything work?

A generation quick to point fingers at the others but never thinking what they can do?

My fiance got into an argument with a friend of his during the subsidy issue. What was the problem? The guy kept blaming the government and he (my fiance) was trying to make him realize that yes, the government is bad and we need a change but change starts from us. If the leaders say die (as the revolution proponents are suggesting), there is no proof that those coming behind (my generation) would be any better.

We are basically focused on making it now. Everything must happen in an instant. The SUDDENLY generation. So most of us would get in to such positions and even do worse.

Quick examples. I worked at a Nigerian owned firm before coming here. Fortunately for me, I did an internship at a bank while in school. Now the bank isn’t a perfect organization but at that place I learnt how things should work. That company is run like a proper company. Going in after school to where I worked, I was shocked. They way people there work. No structure. Everybody working on making it quickly. I was talking to the former Chief Accountant who was in her late 30s and she said something that shocked me. She said  “I am not ready to leave this position in the next 10 years”. And I thought to myself, do you have an idea where your mates would be in the next 10 years? How much they would have achieved? Of course, she was sitting on top of money and was chopping it well so leaving wasn’t on her mind. To God be the glory some months after, she was removed and moved to a Business Unit where she now has to make money.  She hasn’t till date been able to do anything tangible.

I entered as a graduate trainee. I saw colleagues who when they talk, you start to question your sanity. They have no regard for processes, for doing things right. “Common” sending a mail ahead of time to inform people on things, was hard for a lot of them to do. They way they reasoned on some issues, you would be scared. And I kept wondering, these same people would want to contest and be in government.

And if I spoke, I heard things like you are from a privileged family, you don’t know how it is. You are exposed so you don’t know how it feels.

I went to school with children whose parents were in government. I saw how they behaved. One of the elections, while at school, we weren’t allowed to vote but INEC had votes from my school. How did that happen? When children of those in government see how their parents behaved, how do we expect them behave?  What have they learnt from their parents? How do we expect them to do things differently if they get into power or even in their offices? So how do we expect the change to come?

I talk to a lot of people in my generation and seriously I don’t see anything different. Truly, there are a lot of us who desire change howbeit our ways of thinking about the change is different. For a lot of young people, yes they want change BUT they are not looking at change starting from us. Our leaders have failed us and like Yorubas would say u can’t break dried fish. So why not start with ourselves? No. Most of us are looking at the leaders as those who should change. We would rather something happens and gets all of them killed. If they all die, would things change? I doubt it.

I see adverts like an Airtel ad which say “Millionaire at 29, 5 years late” and nobody, NOBODY asked that the ad be taken off air. I asked what message they were trying to pass on. We shout yahoo yahoo and all d scams and all yet we are encouraging people to be millionaires at 29. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t a bad thing to be a millionaire at 29 but if you are saying someone who is a millionaire at that age is 5 years late? Making millions at 24 is the new thing. I get you can look at the ad from the angle of the Mark Zuckerberg and the Sillicon Valley gurus who made it big in their late teens and early 20s but considering the Nigerian mentality, little wonder why people would steal the country blind so as to be rich early. To think that this ad was put together by young people.

Until people get it in their mindsets that the change begins from US, and work to ensure that those who are going to ruin the country blind don’t get into power, the cycle is just gonna continue. Am scared for my children.

I read an article on BellaNaija recently and I just laughed.
Parenting in Nigeria is for lack of a better word crap.
You need to enter places like galleria and shoprite and see 12-16 years old on brazillian or peruvian weaves with Blackberries and Iphones, designer bags, at times at late hours of the day.
I remember a day my fiance and I went for lunch at shoprite and we just looked around and saw these definitely less than 15 year old girls and he goes “when I have my daughter she is definitely going to be home schooled. She isn’t going to see this kind of girls around and learn from them”. And we laughed about it but really it was disgusting.
What kind of adults would they be?

It looks very bleak on a serious note. I can go on and on. God help us. We need to start mixing prayers with actions.

Until we realize that the change starts from us; from even as little as when you drive and not leaving one end of the road to another end without using your pointers.

 The CHANGE STARTS FROM US.

God help us

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I do sincerely hope the Government would actually probe this crash and all those found culpable would be brought to book. Above all, I hope steps would be taking to avert such. Declaring 10 days or 3 days of mourning isn’t going to change anything. How do we ensure this doesn’t happen again? Truly, accidents and crashes would always happen. Even with new aircrafts. But when accidents that can be avoided do happen, it says a lot about our regulatory agencies. Social media has been awash with all sorts of posts on the age of most aircrafts in Nigeria. I hope the FG looks into it. And start putting the right people in the right positions. Seriously, we need to let go of this federal character/quota ish (I think that is what it is called) and put the right people in the right positions no matter where they are from.

Also, I hope this Dana Air official who says the aircraft was faulty is ready to come out of hiding (and stop hiding behind being anonymous) and face her bosses if a probe panel is constituted with FACTS.

The Scream

Sola, get water for your father to wash his hands, my mum shouts. I don’t blame her. She had just finished making pounded yam, efo and stew out of the 5k my mechanic father gave her on Saturday. Sundays were the only days we had very good food to eat. We leave church and come home to make pounded yam. Never did a Sunday go by without pounded yam. Though at times, it could be just pounded yam and stew. But today, it was with efo. My mother managed to get a bargain from the women who sold fish, shrimps, beef and shaki. We haven’t had such a meal in a long time. Business wasn’t moving for papa.

I was so looking forward to the meal. Just get my father the water, and I would settle down to my own meal.

That was the last thing I thought, before I saw the plane crash into our house.

 

IK: Oh babe, I am on my way to your house; came that ping to my phone this afternoon.

Me: *replying* Expecting you. What do you want for lunch?

IK: Make me jollof rice. You know I don’t ask for much. And put some Star into the fridge.

Me: Light no dey o. And I no sabi on gen.

IK: Nne, when I come.

And so I set about making jollof rice. I had a small quantity of tomato puree left and so had to add more pepper to give it colour. I had barely finished cooking when IK presses the bell.

Whew I thought. Just in time.

I rush to the door to open and with IK came the fire.

 

It is Evangelism Sunday in church. We had been walking round trying to talk to people. Nobody seemed to care.

Tolu and I then decided to knock on doors and talk to people in their homes. If people on the streets won’t listen, those in their homes should. So we start knocking on doors.

Some answered nicely and told us they were Christians. Some were very rude and chased us away.

Tolu was getting tired and asked that we return to church. She couldn’t take it anymore. I convinced her to let’s try one more house then we return.

We climbed up to this house and knock. A young girl of about 10 comes to open the door and as we stepped in, we heard the scream.

 

My uncle and his wife just got in from the village. Mama sent me to go get some cold drinks because as usual, we hadn’t had light in weeks.

I left mama, papa, Nneka, Kelechi, Isi, Nnamdi, uncle and aunty in the house and head out.

I got the drinks at the beer palour down the road.

I start heading home.

Then I spot Amaka from a distance. You see, I have a crush on Amaka and have for long been trying to get her attention. She just wouldn’t talk to me. With cold drinks in hand, I felt like a big boy. I hear Amaka can drink and likes guys that drink. Though I don’t drink, I was going to try it today just so she likes me. I was ready to face mama’s beatings when she discovers her drinks were less.

So I open up a bottle with my teeth. She is getting closer. As I take a gulp, I scream.

 

Sad day yesterday and everybody seems focused on those in the plane. Nobody seems to remember those who were in their houses on a Sunday afternoon going about their normal duties and their lives are forever changed. Some families might have been wiped out. Some people might have escaped and didn’t die with their families because they were out of the house at that time.

I don’t pray for the dead. I can only pray for their families. Both for the families of those on the plane and those on the ground. May God comfort them and above all forgive our sins in Nigeria and heal our land. Too much blood.

Errrrr….. No title jo

Ok, *blows dust*. Hehehe. *looks around* No dust. Guess I haven’t been gone long.

Oh well. First things first. Single Nigerian Man tagged me in a post a couple of weeks back (11 things)… or maybe a week back sef… So, time to answer his questions.

  1. Who started this thing biko? I got no idea…
  2. What drives/motivates/pushes you in life? Quite a lot of things. Depends on different areas. The fact that I wanna be better than my parents and my egbons. The fact that I wanna be wealthy. Oh yes, I want to have money. I see a lot of hardship and poverty around, I wanna do something and I believe I can do something with my time and money. The fact that am scared of messing up, though I have messed up at different times and I know I would still mess up. The fact that I know I can be a better person. Me thinks they are all related.
  3. If you could pick one place on earth to be at the moment you answer this question, who/where will it be? Monaco
  4. What is your favourite blog, top blog online (Don’t lie, God is watching you)? Wow, can I have favourites? Ok me am doing favourites. In no particular order, JustJoxy, Myne Whitman, The Wordsmythe, Anglesbeauty, Adara’s and SNM
  5. If God were to close his eyes for 10 hours and grant you a hall pass, what would you do with it? Omo, firstly some people won’t live past the 10 hours. Their lives end before the 10 hours is up. Secondly, there are others I can’t type here. Thirdly, I would change as many lives as I can.
  6. What makes you happy? (If you tell me God, I will swear for you. I said what, not who)? What? Okay let’s see…. Love.
  7. Do you have a daughter? If yes, how old? No.
  8. Would you let your daughter marry my son? Ha! That’s for YB to decide… Loools. Really, not my choice. If they meet and decide to marry, I no fit stop them.
  9. What is the one thing you wish for more than anything else? *still thinking*
  10. At a scale of Hulk to worker ant, what do you do when you are angry? I dunno o… Can be really angry though I tend to calm down quite fast. Not physical either…. Decide where I fit on the scale.
  11. What is your favourite animal? I don’t like animals.

Whew. Took like forever to answer the questions.
Happy new month. This year is moving so fast am “struggling” to catch up… June already???????????????????????????????????????????????
That done. Finished exams on Tuesday and for now as so very bored. Nothing doing…. Week has just been one kind. Got these drops in my eyes on Wednesday which like completely blinded me… As in everything was blurred. Couldn’t see nada…. And def couldn’t use my laptop or phone or anything. And anybody that knows me and my laptop…… It was so freaking frustrating…. To conclude the whole eye ish, I have four eyes now. I am so *******. Like seriously…. I so detest glasses….. Trying to get used to using them… After how much I paid, I just have to love them.
Arghhhhhhhh. Am so out.