Full time house-wife

This post is a result of an “argument” in class and on twitter. A friend tweeted “I’m a full time house wife” like WTH? At what age? Mschew. And I replied through another friend’s account asking what was wrong with that. The result is a very long attack and counter attack on the issue. I have argued on this case (from the against angle) a zillion times. Ok, I exaggerate. But many times.

Truth be told, months back I looked at such people with disdain and couldn’t believe especially for the educated ones why any woman would go to school and then end up staying at home. At least, start a business. But after hearing a married woman with a business talk and seeing an aunt upclose, I can’t fault them.

I have heard arguments for and against and am still not convinced that those who decide to stay at home are any less than those who do a 9-5 job or should be looked down on. Taking care of the house and children is equally as much work as those who dress up every morning and go to work. Part of what the woman said was she saw her children and children of friends who decided not to work and she could spot the difference in both set of children. This def wasn’t failure on her part but according to her the difference was very clear. Same with my aunt’s children. Asides that, if the husband is the “before the children wake up am out of the house and back after they sleep kind of person” and he decides to ask his wife to stay home, I can’t fault such people.

For those who use the “I went to school, my father paid so much” argument, what if the man pays back all your father spent on you with interest plus a “monthly salary” after all part of your reasons for working is to make money? For some people, their children is their priority and they would do anything to ensure they are close to their family and are around for them everytime. Doesn’t make them less than those who decide to “work”. We just somehow in our minds classify somethings as work and some others are not work.

An idle mind argument too for me doesn’t hold water. I worked in a place for 3 years and I can say that for almost a year before I left, I practically didn’t do anything. In people’s minds I was “working” but I wasn’t. I was idle on all sides. God knows how many times I compared myself to those who stayed at home and how many times I considered just leaving the job and not doing anything. Took a while and God’s grace for me to snap out of it. And that’s from a very restless person. I ask what’s the difference between me then and say if I was married and I wasn’t “working” (work as people define it). Because I wore suit and left the house everyday, I wasn’t idle ba? Or the person who has a shop in Tejousho but spends the whole day gossiping? She is “working” because she has a business ba? What do we define as idle?

That said, I don’t think I can do it BUT I def don’t consider those who decide to stay at home and not do any form of business any less than I am. She stays at home, spends her time reading, writing books, doing what she loves is better than “going to work” and doing what she hates. Or working and the home is upside down. They have their reasons for doing that and they shouldn’t be condemned. Even if the person has a Masters degree and is 24 years or she is 40 years. Every family has their own percularities. Yes, I can argue about the financial consequences (especially) BUT everybody has a right to make whatever choice they decide to make.

Still waiting for an argument against stay-home mums that can make me change my mind because truth be told, a lot of us looking and talking about this aint even married. So we don’t even know what it is like when people decide to become full-time house wives. I know some people have just made up their minds from the very beginning never to work. Yeah, there are some like that since they were teens who have decided working isn’t for me. I want to stay at home. Some out of laziness. Some it could be cause of their experiences or upbringing. For whatever reason they decide. It is their choice.

18 thoughts on “Full time house-wife

  1. “…..a married woman with a business ” that Keyword with a business doesn’t make her an “educated FULL housewife”….. A full house wife is idle and what is said of ann idle mind…..? That is when she begins to look for what is not missing, unhealthy gossips etc…..

    1. I don’t agree that an educated full housewife is idle. Do you know what she uses her time for? If you don’t you can’t say she is idle.

  2. Well, my mum is educated and she was a full time house wife…she raised the best kids and I’m mighty proud of her.

    Btw, taking care of all of us was a full time job for her…as a matter of fact, she was so busy she didn’t have time to compare herself with working moms!

    1. Thank you. My point exactly. What do we define as work? Going to an office everyday? Paid employment? I think our definition of work is skewed. My aunt has 4 children she doesn’t have time to even go sit down with someone to gossip. Compared to the business woman who spends her whole day gossiping with other women.

  3. Being a housewife is a full-time job, but people look down on it because of the world we live in today. The ideal for an educated woman, at least, is to be a working woman. But, the considerations for a woman after graduation from university AND marriage are different from the things men take into account. Plans change, that’s for sure, but ultimately, it comes down to doing what you find fulfilling regardless of what label is attached to it. If two parents are working full-time and the childrens’ development is suffering, the woman is automatically blamed and looked to for the “sacrifice” to make things right. Unfortunately.

    1. My sentiments exactly. IT all boils down to what we define as WORK.

      The child is good, he/she is the father’s child. The child is bad, he/she becomes the mother’s.

      Thanks for dropping by

  4. ~*sigh*

    honestly… i struggle with this a little bit

    I used to think being a housewife was a waste of an education but now I know a lot better, but still I dont know if I can be a housewife.

    I think it depends on the individual, I dont believe there is a right or wrong way.

    The thing is children are of utmost importance I agree.. but.. if being a housewife would make a woman bored and unhappy but she is doing it because she thinks that is what good mothers do or because she feels guilty or her husband makes her, i dont think that would achieve the same result as someone whoe genuinely wanted to be a house wife.

    I must say that these days, most corporations offer flexi working hours. You get to keep your job and also spend time with your kids. Luckily my office does it and that is what i intend to do with my kids, maybe work 3 days a week and spend 4 days with them or something. I will figure it out closer to the time.

    Long story short – whatever works for people. In as much as you put your kids first, dont put your mental health last – do what will make you the most effective for your kids.

    Also – finances are something to consider. If the husband earns enough to keep the family comfortable then no wahala but if he needs you to work then some compromise might be necessary.. etc etc

    1. I did too but have come to realize that for each person, it is different and anybody should be judged based on that.

      I can’t do it sha.

      1. I am a man but I have taken care kids, tiring it might be, boring it most certainly isn’t. Whoever says a housewife raising kids is idle needs to have his/her head checked… Note I said house wife with kids…
        Because if I had Halle Berry as my house wife, without kids I do know the kind of work she will be doing… Did I say too much? 😀
        At the end of the day, it is what your children and husband think of you that matters, not what the world thinks.. Unless you breast feed and sleep with the world. United Nations of HouseKeeping’s Secretary General.

  5. Where are they? My mum finished with a first class in Chemical Engineering from UniLag and ended up shunning job offers from oil companies to raise her kids. She did a splendid job too. Now if that isn’t education I do not know what education is

  6. There are 2 sides to every coin (okay most coins), some people prefer one side to the other. Some men married their wives for everything including the fact she was a go getter, had dreams of being a career woman and was on her way to being the best in all she could be – however, others couldn’t care. We also have guys that would want their wives to bee housewives.

    Depends on the category the dude or the wife falls into. I don’t think there is a straight cut right or wrong. Depends on what works for the couple – in which case – to be discussed before you say “I do”. What both parties feel about the woman becoming a housewife at some point.

  7. Yeah, preference defers. It all boils down to the couple and how they plan to go about it. I agree that such matters should be discussed before they say I do because like you said, if one of the reasons he married the woman was because she is a go getter, career woman and she suddenly decides to be a housewife, there might be serious issues in the marriage. One of the man’s “expectations” is not being met and could even lead to the marriage break up if not handled well.

    Thanks for stopping by

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