Daily Archives: March 12, 2012

Full time house-wife

This post is a result of an “argument” in class and on twitter. A friend tweeted “I’m a full time house wife” like WTH? At what age? Mschew. And I replied through another friend’s account asking what was wrong with that. The result is a very long attack and counter attack on the issue. I have argued on this case (from the against angle) a zillion times. Ok, I exaggerate. But many times.

Truth be told, months back I looked at such people with disdain and couldn’t believe especially for the educated ones why any woman would go to school and then end up staying at home. At least, start a business. But after hearing a married woman with a business talk and seeing an aunt upclose, I can’t fault them.

I have heard arguments for and against and am still not convinced that those who decide to stay at home are any less than those who do a 9-5 job or should be looked down on. Taking care of the house and children is equally as much work as those who dress up every morning and go to work. Part of what the woman said was she saw her children and children of friends who decided not to work and she could spot the difference in both set of children. This def wasn’t failure on her part but according to her the difference was very clear. Same with my aunt’s children. Asides that, if the husband is the “before the children wake up am out of the house and back after they sleep kind of person” and he decides to ask his wife to stay home, I can’t fault such people.

For those who use the “I went to school, my father paid so much” argument, what if the man pays back all your father spent on you with interest plus a “monthly salary” after all part of your reasons for working is to make money? For some people, their children is their priority and they would do anything to ensure they are close to their¬†family and are around for them everytime. Doesn’t make them less than those who decide to “work”. We just somehow in our minds classify somethings as work and some others are not work.

An idle mind argument too for me doesn’t hold water. I worked in a place for 3 years and I can say that for almost a year before I left, I practically didn’t do anything. In people’s minds I was “working” but I wasn’t. I was idle on all sides. God knows how many times I compared myself to those who stayed at home and how many times I considered just leaving the job and not doing anything. Took a while and God’s grace for me to snap out of it. And that’s from a very restless person. I ask what’s the difference between me then and say if I was married and I wasn’t “working” (work as people define it). Because I wore suit and left the house everyday, I wasn’t idle ba? Or the person who has a shop in Tejousho but spends the whole day gossiping? She is “working” because she has a business ba? What do we define as idle?

That said, I don’t think I can do it BUT I def don’t consider those who decide to stay at home and not do any form of business any less than I am. She stays at home, spends her time reading, writing books, doing what she loves is better than “going to work” and doing what she hates. Or working and the home is upside down. They have their reasons for doing that and they shouldn’t be condemned. Even if the person has a Masters degree and is 24 years or she is 40 years. Every family has their own percularities. Yes, I can argue about the financial consequences (especially) BUT everybody has a right to make whatever choice they decide to make.

Still waiting for an argument against stay-home mums that can make me change my mind because truth be told, a lot of us looking and talking about this aint even married. So we don’t even know what it is like when people decide to become full-time house wives. I know some people have just made up their minds from the very beginning never to work. Yeah, there are some like that since they were teens who have decided working isn’t for me. I want to stay at home. Some out of laziness. Some it could be cause of their experiences or upbringing. For whatever reason they decide. It is their choice.