Was wondering why the title seemed familiar…. then it hit me… And don’t ask me what it is….
Well, we had this conversation a while back at work (covers face); while we were meant to be working shey? on Naija guys and their toasting skills especially the random guy whose duty is to stop you on the road and chat. General consensus (from the ladies) was it is just so wrong for a guy to stop a chic on the road and start chatting. For whatever reason, it is a NO-NO. Don’t ever try it. Never mind the many guys who were trying to justify the silly action.
Stumbled on a blog and just couldn’t stop laughing cause the babe’s categorization of “toasters” is just so ON POINT. Trust me, have seen enough of the Pedestrian toaster (the ones who stop any girl on the road, whether na witch o, ogbanje, snake, human being, na so so “excuse me, you look familiar”; “hello baby”- I resemble pikin?; “Princess”; “Beautiful”; “Angel”; like duh, that’s so disgusting and annoying; it is bad enough you approached me, you then start yarning dust or those who are driving by and decide to stop. Do I look like a hooker? a boy toy?; don’t give me the way you dress story cause personally have worn a turtle neck long gown and these agbayas stopped one evening asking me where I was going. I know you guys watch a lot of Africa Magic but not every girl walking down the street needs your help) and the On-the-job toaster (bankers o. You enter a bank and they start toasting. I learnt not to foju sile (literal translation, no leave eye for ground; one of those Yoruba words that translating them is pretty hard) for such people. Waiting to see the Accidental toaster (God help you o if you accidentally run into me and my groceries spill o), The one who has read the encyclopaedia of pick up lines and The pathetic gadget show-off.
Thought to share a note I wrote in 2007 of a Pedestrian toaster (twas titled 9ja guys just got bolder). Pardon my shorthand. Was so upset that day I had to vent my anger on something as fast as I could. Seems things haven’t changed since then.
Yes. Dey even have d guts 2 accuse us of knowin dem wen dey ve neva seen us b4. let me gist u y i said 9ja boys just got bolder. na so so i dey waka 1 afternoon o. pidgin english aint ma type. let moi stick 2 d 1 i know. ok lets see. 1 lovely afternoon i decide 2 go 2 barcellos @ d galleria 2 get sumthin 4 ma rumblin stomach wen sum1 calls me “excuse me, sum1 is callin u”. ok, i turn thinkin it is sum1 4rm ma office. only 4 d guy 2 point 2 sum1 @ d silverbird car park. i think 2 ma self “do i know dis person”. ok o. i moved closer, the fence as a barrier btwn us. then i hear “don’t u know me”. i say 2 ma self “sure hell i do”. i asked him “have i ever met u”. he replys “am engr. kunle from globacom”. i say 2 ma self “like am supposed 2 start jumpin cuz u work in glo wen u aint even paddy adenuga”. he replies “dont pretend like u dont know me”. am like “i have neva met u”. and he goes gagga and is like “stop pretendin like u dont know me”. 2 avoid creatin a scene, i told him 2 take chill pills and am like ” i hope dis is not a case of mistaken identity” (see me thinking na sane person). he is like “no. i know u. it is you. not sum1 else”. am like ok then, let me play along. so i reply “do u know my name, where did we meet”. he replies ” i dont know ur name” and avoids answering d question bout where we met. i ova luk it cuz i know he is a joker. and he goes “am serious. it is u i know”. i say 2 ma self “wat kinda clown is dis, dis hot afternoon?”. he tries 2 say sum thingys but i aint concentrating no longer. i tried 2 act distracted and he says ” ok then. since u want 2 kip pretending. anyway, lets catch up on old times. can u wait. i want 2 lock up ma car. i wld meet u inside d galleria”. trust me, i walked straight in2 galleria. i rili dont know if he rili thot i wld wait 4 him 2 walk wif me in2 d galleria. but if he thot so, then he must b a big fool. anywayz guysssssssssssssssss. i dont know wat kinda idiot u think we gals r. u know d old song used 2 b “i knew u 4rm sumwhere/ ur face looks kinda familar/ have we met b4”- fave guys chat up lines. now it is “u know me”. no longer “i know u”. guyyyyyyyyyyyyyysssssssssssss. grow up. do u think we r toys or kids dat u can play wit their intelligence. know sum gals r dat daft 2 fall 4 such. but dey no dey luk face. i resemble mugu?????????? anyway sha big up 2 d dumb 9ja guys who ve refused 2 grow up. we ladies need and desire 2 b treated wit respect. u guys shld grow up. wise up alrite. gals need mature guys not sum1 who cant approach a gal wit courage and confidence but has 2 use stupid lines like “i know u”. abeg. spare moi.well i gotta sign out.
Someone did ask if guys (pedestrian toasters) don’t approach chics on the road, where else do they meet people?
Tada
hitnrunmullings 