Can a guy and a chic just be close/best friends (especially for so long) without either party suddenly discover they like the other? Can’t two people just be friends? I stumbled on Brown Sugar yesterday night and couldn’t help but wonder if it is possible both sexes are just friends… Even if just one percent of the time? Hollywood has made that near impossible. They even make it worse (I think) because most times in movies, one incident happens and they discover “Oh, we like each other”. Take Brown Sugar. Or Made of Honour. Or Just got with it. Movies aplenty. They have sex, or near sex incidences or he/she has a girlfriend or boyfriend, one of them wants to get married. Suddenly it “dawns” on one party that they actually like the other and decides to make a move and the other also discovers “Shoot it, I also do like you”. Except maybe Perfect Combination, I am not sure I have watched a movie where they find out that it is a no-no (in which they already had sex).
I have heard people say that they didn’t know they liked the other until much later, but I discovered most of the times that it isn’t until one starts dating another person they know they wanted something more than friendship. Like when the person wants to move on with his/her life you decide to be the clog in the wheel? Isn’t that selfish? Seems like because he/she has found someone, you are scared of sharing? You are jealous? That’s one group.
Another group is those who start having feelings for the other, don’t say anything (or some say and the other party says they don’t have same feelings) but party A (who has feelings) assumes they have something going on. Take for example a story I heard sometimes back. This guy and this babe have been friends for so long. The babe likes him, the guy has never said anything about liking her not to talk of dating her. But she assumed they were “dating”. He isn’t saying anything, so she seeks help and was told to be freak with him about her feelings and ask him directly to define their relationship. She says they meet up and she does as told. He replied that he never saw her as anything more than just his friend; in fact more like his sister. She says she couldn’t wait for the “date” to be over. Now she is married with children. You can imagine if she kept dulling herself and the guy comes one day and says he is getting married. She would think he led her on meanwhile na she assume; abi? When the guy no talk say he wan date you and you dey assume. Or one that happened to me. A very close friend, in fact my first male friend. Some years back say 3/4 years, he tells me he liked me. Didn’t say anything about dating or nofin. Me ma, I told him I didn’t have such feelings and we continued our friendship thinking all was well. Or so I thought. Some weeks back he buzzes me and says should he move on as regards what we discussed (4 years ago) or should we continue. I was taken aback because I thought I made it clear then that there was no such feeling. Suffice to say, we practically aint talking anymore. Funny because am still on talking terms even with guys who asked me out and I said no.
Makes me think, what is more important to the “aggrieved party”; the feelings (yes, I know you are hurt) or the friendship? I think with time, that hurt would go (could be long) but why lose a friend cause of that? Yes, you might give each other space to deal with the issue but outright not talking to each other? Seriously?
Really, this is the reality on ground. Compared to what Hollywood makes us believe, more often than not, it doesn’t always end up with 2 people who have been friends for long getting married to each other. Most times, with the sex, near-sex experiences and all, they start acting akward towards each other, sometimes completely destroying the friendship. How they move on from that point is what matters. Why lose a friend because your feeling wasn’t reciprocated?
Still I ask, is it possible for two people to be just friends?