Monthly Archives: March 2011

Purpose

NB: This is not a book bashing session.

Each and everyone of us was created with a purpose. God made us all for a reason. This fact I know most people know. Another fact is most people don’t know their purpose.

What I don’t understand is why we all turn to book to tell us how to find our purpose in life. “10 ways to discover your purpose in life”, “The Purpose Driven Life”, “Helping you find your purpose” and a very ridiculous one “How to find your purpose in 20 minutes”. You read stuff like:

  1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type
  2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
  3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
  4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

Eureka. You have found your purpose.

Am not saying we shouldn’t read books, but when you turn to a book written by an imperfect human being like you on how to find something God has given you.. And I have read some of such books. It is the fact that we are so quick to turn to books and other human beings that baffles me. He who promised to answer us when we ask. Am sure He would answer speedily when we ask Him.. Yes, God does give inspiration to some writers and they write books on such topics but what is better than asking God himself? It doesn’t help matters that some of these writers are as clueless as you are about what their purpose is.

Finding your purpose on earth is the principal thing so one isn’t a weist (waste). Quite a number of people must have heard Chi-gurl’s “song”, Don’t be a weist… Funny as the song might be, if you listen carefully to what she sang, there is something to learn.

And there is only one person to ask what that purpose is; GOD.

So get on your knees and ask and set forth in achieving that purpose.


Goodbye yesterday

We gotta leave the past behind
There is nothing more to say
So goodbye to yesterday”

Have you ever held on to some event, circumstance, thought, happening, suitation, something in your past? You just can’t shake it off. You just can’t let it go. You just live in it. It has eaten so deep into you, you just can’t “live” without it. You think and dream of it every time.

I had a conversation with a friend sometimes last year and I kept talking about things that had happened way back; because of “those things” I couldn’t do this and that. Therefore, “I couldn’t move on with my life”… cuz that what it practically means.

It is a lot easier for most of us to live in our past. Some single or series of events happened in the past and so we are scared of the future. We have built up the wall of Jericho, nobody can get in. We are scared of what “might happen”, if we let go of our past. Key word is might as you never can prove that the incident, event etal would occur again. That “fear” permeates every fibre of our being, we have come to accept it as ours. It has become RIGHT.

Agreed. Events, suitations, circumstances would happen; people would come into our lives and hurt us; things would happen to make or break us. But we must learn to let go of the past. FREE THE PAST. Learn the lessons and MOVE ON. Stop dwelling on the past. Let go and Let God. Close that chapter and open a new one. You got so much ahead of you. Don’t let the past keep you down. Have a closure.

Goodbye yesterday, good morning today.

Like T.Y Bello sang, “Goodbye yesterday, tomorrow is now for the taking. The FUTURE is HERE”.

 

N.B: Was originally going to write on the elections so would sign out with a mail sent by a friend.

Heaven or Hell? 2011 Elections

While walking down the
street one day a Corrupt
Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the
entrance.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in,
it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these
parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator..
“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups.
What we’ll do is
have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where
to spend eternity.”

“Really?, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven, says the Senator.
“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he
goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a
green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends
and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to
greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of
golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a
good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it
is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the
elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter
is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven..”

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls
moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good
time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose
your eternity.”

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

“I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil smiles at him and says,

“Yesterday WE were campaigning.  Today, YOU have  voted..”

Vote wisely in 2011Elections


Random

Wanted to write about the Presidential debate issue for a while now, but I gave up doing that after watching the charade called an interview yesterday. To make matters worse, I stumble on one article and a friend sent the link to another article this morning and am thinking seriously???? One article is so not objective and the other is so downright condescending… Had another word in mind for that article but I think condescending, would be much better. Am still pretty peeved…

Anyways, I decided to instead but up some funny dps I saw during the week.

Finally


Deception

The Spirit of the New Age was the sermon my dear Pastor preached during Digging Deep on Tuesday. He broke it into parts and so part one which he talked about that day was on DECEPTION. I had to buy the CD immediately after Church cuz it was something I needed to hear. It was deep.

It is a serious issue o… It got me really really thinking. He started by using TRUTH to explain what deception was as we all know, truth is the opposite of deception. What really struck me most in all he said that day was the issue of relativity. In the bid to appear funky, tolerant of others, logical, not to be seen as strong-willed, we have allowed relativity to come into our speech and actions.

We begin to classify everything based on the circumstances, the situation . You hear people say things like “if you look at it from this angle”, “it is right in this context”, “let’s think about it in a ‘logical’ way and you would find out he/she is right”. I am pretty sad, because I believe I have fallen into that trap a couple of times. So as not to rock the boat or to be tolerant, I begin to rationalize the truth “I know what my Bible says about an issue but”… Keyword is BUT. I think when the word but gets introduced into the truth… well… we pretty much are telling a lie and deceiving ourselves and others.

It’s sad that as Christians we can’t stand up for what we know is true and right as other religions do. And we are “the Way, the Truth and the Life”, “the One True God”. We can’t face our friends, colleagues, relatives and let them know what we stand for? So as not/to get on the wrong side of the other person? So as not to lose their friendships?

Even within the Church, we have allowed relativity to creep in. The Bible doesn’t support divorce. I hear some Pastors allow their members to get a divorce “depending on the situation”. Makes me wonder. The only reason why divorce is allowed in the Bible is on grounds of infidelity and even at that, if you are getting a divorce based on that you have raised a standard by which you would be judged. So am thinking on what other grounds, what other situations do these Pastors allow their members to divorce? Like one of our A/P said, when you get married, you throw the key away, that door is never to be opened. And like PB said (as I like to call him), if you are leaving your marriage cause of maybe he/she beats you, are you saying you can’t take the matter to God? The one with whom nothing is IMPOSSIBLE? Are you saying the man or woman can’t change?

Another deception that I can’t shake off (which I heard for the first that day) was the issue of sex before marriage. Funny how people use the Bible to suit their motive. The same A/P says she saw this Spirit filled, tongue talking young woman who was pg and asked how she got herself into that situation. The chic tells her that in their church they are allowed to get pg as long as they are going to get married. And then quotes 1 Corinthians 7: 36 ; KJV- “But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry”. “But if a man thinks he ought to marry his fiance because he has trouble controlling his passions and time is passing, it is all right; it is not a sin. Let them marry.” – NLT.

I first heard this passage when my pastor back in school, spoke to us about why he decided to marry early even without having much to take care of himself and his wife.  A point PB even mentioned this fact when this matter came up. The Bible is saying if you can’t hold yourself, it is better to get married than to burn. How that translated (in that church) to as long as you know you are getting married, you can start sleeping with each other beats me… It says let them marry not let them have sex. Or one I heard that a church says it’s members don’t have to pay tithes because God allowed tithe paying for the Levites, widows and the poor to have something to eat and it is an Old Testament Law; Christ came to abolish the law so that law doesn’t stand. And as there are no more “Levites” in the New Testament, it isn’t necessary. For the widows and the poor, you can give them whatever you can afford, plus the church has set up foundations to take care of such people. And am thinking really? Seriously?

I believe in this age, we Christians should know our Bible very very well. In fact, hug our Bibles because… hmmmmm…. people are being deceived o… and not on a small scale…  the devil isn’t taking it small at all; ko mu ni kekere. Or is it the issue of homosexuality we should talk on? Story for another day. I hear Christians say because this person is gay doesn’t make him a lesser person and story story. You hear things like “that is how God created them”. Nibo? Where? My Bible says God created them, male and female He did create not male and male or female and female; not Adam and Steve or Eve and Evelyn. “They are just being in tune with their sexuality” True their sexuality doesn’t make them lesser people but like my people would say, nkan ti o da, o da; what isn’t right isn’t right. #nuffsaid. Abortion…. you hear “if someone was raped and got pg should she keep the baby”? The situation issue again. I say yes. I agree, counsellors and people talking aint in the situation with you but I believe if you are a coG, all things (good or bad) would work together for your good. He makes all things beautiful in His time. My Bible gave strict instructions not to kill.

May God help us.

A/P: Assistant Pastor

pg: pregnant

coG: child of God

Just pondering

Sterotype

Sterotyping.

First topic I thought to write about when I started blogging. Just never got round to writing on it. I was discussing recently with a family friend and another friend (different occasions) and this same issue came up. I boned again. Yesterday a friend shared a link on Facebook, Chinamanda Adichie: The Danger of a Single Story. Guess that was a “confirmation”. Lol. Long and short of the video is what sterotyping has done to us. I must say I love the fact that she didn’t use the word Sterotype; guess that’s the difference between writers and the rest of us. They can think up more attractive words and phrases.

We all have our single story. Many of them infact. Stories, experiences, e.t.c that have shaped the way we think and act about issues, people, our reaction to suitations and circumstances. Stories our mothers told us. Yes, 90% of the time, they do the story telling. Fathers too tell theirs but mothers have the medal when it comes to telling stories. And some how, these stories have come to shape our thoughts, action and reactions to people most especially.

Take for example; tribalism in Nigeria. I can write a book on stories my mum told me and stories I have heard about other tribes in Nigeria. God help the Igbos. From the way they treat their wives especially when the husband dies to the Alaba market issues and more recently kidnapping, a book can be written. Forgetting the fact that even amongst us Yorubas, there are a number of “tribes” who treat the wives worse upon the death of the husband. Forgetting that there are families and villages in Igboland who treat the wives well. Forgetting that Yorubas also “work” at Alaba market. Forgetting that even here in Lagos, babies are being kidnapped. Story for another day.

Anywayz I must confess that I broke the chains of tribalism a long time ago much to the chagrin of my mum and especially my aunty. Doesn’t help that my mum said 2… yes 2 of her friends told her they dreamt that they saw me wearing the “george”; the wrapper… So they concluded I was going to marry an Ibo man. Mumsie calls me and warns me not to think of it. Wahala.. I have a lot of Ibo friends. Infact my best friend is Ibo… I would def wear a george when she is getting married (I have a thousand times pictured myself wearing the george). Guess they never thought of that. Think I made matters worse, cause anytime this issue comes up; I tell her I aint even looking for an Ibo man, Itsekiri, Kalabari or Uroboho would do.

Or when I told her I wanted to serve in Calabar. The first question she asked was “is he from there? Is that where he stays?” *smh*. Or the days my aunty decides to ask who I am chatting with or who I was talking to on the phone, unfortunately for her, it is always a non-Yoruba person. Next thing I hear is “if you insist on going this way, me I wouldn’t come for your wedding”. Hmmmm. Truth be told, stories about other tribes (especially Ibos) make me scared, but I haven’t seen anything different amongst my people. So why bother?

Like I said, these stories and experiences (some of which most of us never even experienced ourselves; it is what people tell us we believe especially if the person talking is older) go along way in shaping us. Another single story. I grew up being told never to accept anything from a guy. Shoot me. Yes. Sad but that’s what I was told. Not my mum this time though. Cousins, uncles, family friends. I heard enough of “you see what happened to so and so chic (and def you would know the chic), it was because she collected this and this from a guy. When he came back to ask her she had to pay him back somehow”. So my watchword became “Never collect something you are sure if the person comes back to ask you, you wouldn’t be able to pay back especially if it is a guy”. More like never let a guy pay for anything. The statement isn’t entirely false in itself but in that context, I backed away from gifts of whatever sorts from even close male friends who would never ask me to do something I wouldn’t do. I made up my mind not to be in a suitation where someone would ask me to repay or give back something he gave me. Till the day I asked a friend for money. I was on my way to his place to pick up something, apparently no fuel in the car and the driver didn’t say anything.

Since I wasn’t stopping to buy anything, I didn’t take my purse or my bag. So am stuck mid-way. I call him, tell him what the issue was. He meets me where the car stopped…. with fuel in a jerry can (he didn’t give me the money). I gauged how much fuel it was and when I got back home, picked up my purse and went back to his place…. To give him the money. He was so upset, didn’t collect the money. I got back and called another friend and told her what happened and guess what. She tongue-lashed me. Seriously. That incident got me thinking. I had actually let my guard down and had once allowed a guy to pay for some stuff for me (okay, yes he was asking me out). 2 days later, a friend of his mentioned that afterall, he bought so and so for you. Trust me, I immediately matched up to the guy and gave him the exact amount he spent. Now, I still think that single story shaped the fact that even till now, though I now recieve gifts from guys and allow them to pay, a part of me still wants to pay for my stuff myself when am out with a guy… I think it shaped the fact that I think guys should let chics also pay when they go out, buy things with their own money for both of them…

I quite identify which Chinamanda’s first single story. The first “story” I tried to write was titled “The millionaire’s daughter” with a character named Jessica. Am so sure there is a book with that title but like she said because of the kind of books I read, I believed every book must have a foreign name; foreign characters. Infact, I had a pen name which definately wasn’t Nigerian… what we call here Christian names (see justification), because I didn’t believe anybody would want to read a book that had a Nigerian as author. I believed we were made to read Chinua Achebe and Cyprian Ekwensi because we were in Nigeria. Their books def didn’t sell outside that why we read them here.

Or my cousin’s roommates single story about Nigeria or better still, Africa (as quite a number of Americans see Africa as a country) as a place where people live on trees, stay in front of the President’s house every Wednesday to browse, wearing next to nothing. I also have a single story of Americans. Illiterates, who don’t know what is happening outside their state not to mention their country. Especially the whites. Who believe nothing good can come out of anything black. But have met a couple of them and am amazed how they think. Sterotype.

We all have our single stories. What we have to remember is that while the events, circumstances, suitations, stories, experiences that shape our single stories “might” be true, it can’t 100% true. There would be those that defy such sterotypes. We need to view each person as different; as an individual and not categorise. Because I saw someone who didn’t drive well and was female. Two friends had the same experience so I conclude that ALL FEMALE DRIVERS CAN’T DRIVE; they shouldn’t be allowed to drive (Arshavin beware). Sorry had to use that example. For all you know, it could be a man behind the wheels. Or because I was jilted by a guy means all guys are the same. Once again I use WE, cause I am also guilty.

May God help us.

Just pondering.

Judge Not

A colleague sent this to me recently and thought to share it.



Dear loved one,

Whenever we try to change others around, we tend to run into bigger problems than we can imagine from the onset. We generally seek to change people through acts of manipulations, criticisms, orders, threats, or rewards when they take on strange behaviours. This week conduct this test in a safe environment by intentionally telling someone: what they are doing is wrong and there is no hope for them to change in anyway. They will suddenly become quiet, resent you, gossip about you, or purposefully do what you said not to do. So we always seek to try to change people, but rarely succeed. We expect people to suddenly change while we remain unchanged. People develop rigid perspectives on money, family, work, emotions, and their relationships and create severe friction that can destroy a relationship. Can you identify with these thoughts: “If my co-worker stopped…then I’d be able to…?” “If my son stopped…then I could…” “My partner should…then I’d feel…” I’ll give you an if-statement to remember: if you don’t change, you have no right to expect people to change.

We love to judge others and our judgments can be criticism, labelling, diagnosing, and praising. We criticize (You are no good at helping me), label (“You are stupid), diagnose (Stop being rude because you didn’t get what you wanted), and praise (You are the sweetest person for doing that even when it’s obvious that the person didn’t measured up). Each judgment has its own problems but we must learn not to judge others so that we won’t be judged. Remember with the same cynicism we take in judging others, we will be judged because of the law of sowing and reaping. We should all learn to treat people with hope, love and faith to see the desired change over time. Love is patient, kind, not puffed up, does not behave rudely, thinks no evil and believes the best of everyone.

Makes me wonder what it is with us humans and trying to change the other person. We seem so set in our ways when  we feel someone is wrong or needs to change.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying if you think or discover a bad behaviour in another person you shouldn’t talk. It is the way we go about it that makes me wonder. I used WE cause I am also guilty. We always think we need to be blunt/straight/factual/unwavering/strict when telling the other person they are wrong or need to change. Yes. Once in a while it is needed. But most times, when we are talking to the other person, we are not exactly being straight or factual. We are not exactly trying to talk to the person to “change”. We just want to force the other person to be like ourselves; to change to suit what we think or feel is right. We always tend to want the other person to be like us; so if I think this person isn’t like me (guess it is an unconscious thing though), I begin to tell the person he or she has some characters that aint good (might be true and might not be true that the person has some bad characters) .

And then when we even really are sure this person needs to change something, we just open our mouths and talk. I think first before we talk to others, we need to check ourselves. Am I also guilty of what am accusing the other person of? If not, are there other things I also need to work on myself? Am I talking cause I really feel the person needs to change or just so I make the person feel bad? How am I going to say it such that the person actually gets the message and isn’t thinking something else? (Sure there would be times the other person would no matter how hard you try think otherwise, but you have done your part).

Let’s learn to talk to each other in love. Let’s learn to respect others (especially their feelings). No two people are the same. What you tell one person and they change might be what the other person might take as something else. Like I love to tell people, if you think am wrong or there is something I need to change, please talk. I might and might not change. It might be your “speech” that would change things and it might not be (cause some other people might also have been on my case long before you on the same issue but maybe the way they went about it put me off) . But please and please don’t come at me like you are perfect and am the one who needs to change everything about me. Don’t come at me like am the bad person and you are the good person; I am the devil and you are an angel. We all need to CHANGE. If someone’s character or behaviour makes you begin to see the “bad” in you, I guess you need to change those things.

Let’s live and let live. Let’s LOVE each other and STOP judging the other person.

He or she who is without sin let him/she cast the FIRST stone.

Just pondering

Sleep-induced writing/inspiration, Debate and Patriotism

Ever felt like writing or knowing you should write something and you just can’t??? Ok. Well, I have had a writer’s block (if am allowed to used that word) for a while now. I have things I wanna write about, but can’t just put them together and at times I blank out.. *smh*. Like Wordsymthe said “You would love to have some sitzfleisch”, I just have to write..

So yesterday I was about sleeping, and knowing I had some documents to put together I prayed… Yes. I prayed for inspiration. Some 15 seconds prayer and pronto, how to start the documents came to my head. I hope to finish one of them today. Then I started to think (me I think a lot), how it happens that I have an assignment, an essay to write, a document to prepare e.t.c. and I can’t just figure out a way to start then I sleep and I actually dream of what to write.

Seriously. I have actually dreamt a whole essay.. Not once. TWICE. Let me give an example. In SS2, we had this assignment and had to submit about 2 weeks later. Can’t exactly remember the topic. It was either to write an essay on “A stitch in time” or “All that glitters”. Small me thought and thought for over a week. Nothing came out.

Ok, maybe I wanted something dramatic. You know for someone who grew up reading books; from Nancy Drew to Enid Blyton, Shakespeare, Goosebumps, M&Bs, Harlequin Romance, James Hadley Chase, John Grisham, Jeffrey Archer, Harry Potter e.t.c, I needed something that when people read, they wanna read again. But, I just couldn’t. First week went by. Second week. Then came Friday night. Popsie’s cousin was getting married and our house was full. Infact, so full, my sisters and I were bounced from our rooms. I think I ended up in the sitting room or popsie’s study. Now for those who know me, I always sleep with books and pens all around me. My bag sef sleeps on my bed, because I could wake up anytime and want to write. So, here am I on a bed on the floor and I dream up a whole essay. I remember it was a story about a male doctor; yes I was so in love with doctors then. Shoot me. Usual characters on those topics were female and always ended with “then she realized that all that glitters isn’t gold” or “she knew then that a stitch in time saves nine”. I have even read stories that spoke about how the chic didn’t fix a button or a tear early and later discovered that if she had done that, the tear wouldn’t be as bad and the cloth would have still been wearable. Phew. So uncreative.

Anywayz, I woke up right after and as usual had my pen and one of all those long 80 leaves book beside me. So I wrote my essay, read through and wrote the final copy. Monday morning, I had an essay to submit. And I had one of the best scores I would have in an essay. The second time too, my score was one of the best. I had the highest or the second highest score. Makes me wonder, is there anything about sleeping that inspires people.

Seriously, there are times when am about to sleep or even asleep and the kind of stories and things I put together in my head, I just can’t write them the same way when I wake up; as in when day  breaks. So most times, it means my sleep is cut short by some few minutes or hours so I can write. Ok, like I had this post written out in my head before I slept but can’t just write it out the same way this morning. *smh*

Ok. Done with that. Did anybody watch the Lagos State Governorship debate yesterday? Is it just me, or other people also think Dosunmu isn’t intelligent? No carriage, no charisma. Doesn’t sound intelligent. His answers were zero. Take for example the question on Federal presence in Lagos especially as regards fixing roads etal and he gives an answer I interpreted as if both State and Federal governments are from the same party, it’s easier to make the Federal government do their job.. Seruzly??? Like Mr. Obama saying because Arizona has a Republican Governor, there is a limit to what the state can benefit from the Federal Government. The State Governor being your party member or not; is that enough reason not to do your work in that State. Oh, I get. With both from the same party, he can always get the Federal government to answer faster ba? CRAP. Serious CRAP.

Plus Fashola just washed them in public. He might not be the best candidate Lagos can produce but of the lot HE IS THE BEST. Yes. I SAID IT. Like he said, they all stood there condemning what he has done but none; not ONE of them gave a solution. So what are we talking about? And what is that J.K Randle doing contesting? Granpa like him. And him vexing? Some people think Fashola should apologize for the statement he made; “The problem with these people is not their age but the age of their ideas”. Me, I don’t think so. That finishing was badt. Reminds me of Mortal Kombat. He was just stating a FACT. Like the saying goes Otito ko ro (The truth is bitter). If you can’t stand someone younger telling you the truth, well… STAY AT HOME. The man just showed them what it means to be educated. No, LEARNED. There is something about lawyers… Quick question though, maybe I missed the subtle “insults” Fashola dished out (as am so not into subtlety; I seem to be missing “hints” these days). Asides that statement he made, was there any other insult?

Moving on. What is it with the older generation and their not being able to sing the National Anthem (even if it is the first stanza) or recite the Pledge. And they dare accuse our generation of having an identity crisis? Say we are not patriotic? The wife of Nigeria’s Ambassador to France is nominated to be part of the envoy to some country or something funny and is invited by Senate to show face. She was asked to sing the National Anthem and recite the Pledge. Not once. THREE TIMES; E me ta. and she couldn’t.  The same National Anthem… One we used to sing everyday in Primary and Secondary School? So what would she tell her children if the Senate finally doesn’t confirm her (like they should except we know that some money might have changed hands)? What does she teach her children about Nigeria? It is a shame seriously.

Anywayz, it’s a new month. One I pray would be much greater and better than the last 2.

Just pondering.