To tell or not to tell


A friend said that to me for the first time in my life in SS2. Yes, there was a second time…. And a 3rd time. In the same SS2. What was with me and that class sef??? *smh*. That word is so Military-ish and scary, I shivered when I* called me that. Conjures up images of dictators or other top Military guys shouting traitor and pointing at hapless subordinates as other people look and guards/soldiers take them out for execution. I* called me that twice. T the first was the next to call me that.

What led to me being called a traitor ba? You see, A* was dating I*. I* is my friend since forever. A*, I met through her. When they started dating, I wasn’t informed o. But at the end, I became a traitor. Sometime 2nd term, SS2, I noticed A* was acting funny and concluded the end was near for that relationship. I am not an oracle or expert on relationships but I tend to know when something isn’t going right or wouldn’t be right in a relationship. L* and I were discussing one day and I made the mistake of mentioning it to her. L* is also quite close to A*. Some how, L* tells A* and A* puts off breaking the relationship…. by 2 weeks. When he finally does, trust I* is so distraught and not talking to anybody.

L*, I*, A* and myself attend the same lesson. I went to stores (that what we called where we bought things from in School then o), and left me bag in class. I met L* and I* on my way back to class to pick up my bag (it was time for lessons to start). A* was right behind…. Carrying my school bag…. Wahala.. I asked him for my bag and he replies “after coming all the way with it, you don’t expect me to give you and then go get MY bag”. So I respected myself and picked up his bag. It was on our way home I* called me a traitor for the first time.

Second time was because I refused to tell. She found out later that I knew (how I knew I don’t know o, as A* didn’t tell me specifically he was going to break up with her) A* was going to opt-out of the relationship. E gba ni e laja (please help me/save me o- I hope that’s the meaning?) Was I meant to tell her? At work one day an issue came up and people figured that since I knew the MD, I should tell.  Made me start to wonder…. especially in cases of a relationship, should a friend talk??? Or as in the case of my office, should I walk up to the MD and tell????

I have heard arguments for both sides. Some say yes, you should be able to tell your friend no matter worth. I agree. The max that would happen is the friend wouldn’t talk to you again. Abi? But when the whole matter comes out, your friend would either wish he/she listened and might even come back to thank you/ask for forgiveness and help or just ignore and move on with life. That way, you know you tried your best even if you lose a friend. Valid point. What are you friends for if you can’t tell each other the truth even when it hurts.

Another school of thought says you shouldn’t o… Like it is an abomination. Kon se gbogbo nkan ti oju ba ri ni enu nso (It isn’t everything the eyes see the mouth says- we could include “ears hear”). Once again I hope am right with the spelling and interpretation. You can’t tell everything to your friend o. Do you want your friendship to end? Especially in the case of relationships, you hear “because of a man now, you don’t want XYZ to talk to you again”?

Or another group, “experience is the best teacher”. Let him/her learn from it o jare….Yes it would hurt but they would never make that mistake again. Hmmmmm…. Is that what friendship is all about. I was once in this school of thought. Let everybody learn from their mistakes. Then I moved to it isn’t everything you see or hear (true o), you tell people. Now there are days I think “should I or should I not tell”? I hear a lot of “it depends on your relationship with the person”. If you are sure he/she can take the truth, go ahead and tell. Else it is in your best interest not to. I tend to wanna agree with this but then I get bothered at times when I see a friend heading the wrong way or someone I could have told something (even if the person wouldn’t listen) end up doing the wrong thing. I then remember the Bible passage that talks aboutyou knowing the right thing to do and you refuse to do it. It is a sin”. I wonder how many of such instances would want to stand against me on judgment day and I consciously try to make an effort to tell. I still get scared sometimes and I don’t tell.. But God helping me, I would tell as much as I can….

Btw, still undecided about talking to my MD. Made up my mind not to… but……

Just pondering.

2 thoughts on “To tell or not to tell

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